To be 2nd place... feeling 'not good enough.' Unrequited love.

[Nomadic Intent]

I'm sure many here have felt the pain of unrequited love. It has too many ways of paralyzing us, making us vulnerable until eventually it tears our hearts out.

 

3 years ago, during my healing over an unfaithful ex, i promised myself i would never ever let myself feel 'not good enough again'. During the 3 years i have done well - accomplished dreams and met some great people - all on my own.

 

Long story short is that i met a girl during her most vulnerable time - post breakup - she was the dumpee. Problem was i was smitten as soon as i laid eyes on her. Red flags were that i was the rebound guy as she made all the moves, asking me out etc.

 

But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.

 

She then tells me she's not ready for a relationship as she was still healing. She wants to be single for a while. She then left town to return to her hometown a good 15 hours drive north. Meanwhile i had to return to my hometown, 8 hours drive south.

 

It's been 2 months now and we've communicated very little. But i find today she's been seeing somebody, a guy from her hometown. Now, after 3 years of working on myself, i feel like the guy my ex-fiance had walked away from, the guy who 'was not good enough'.

 

The cliche is that time will heal this wound - but i don't know if i can recover from 'not feeling good enough' anymore. Will it ever come back?

[pat7x]

I totally get what it is that you're saying! I'm going pretty much through the same thing right now. I guess the answer is yes someday we will! When? When we will find someone who believe we are the best person on earth for them... until then, I guess we will have to live with the doubt and heal... Eve when I doubt, I know in my heart that i'm good enough for someone, and I'm sure you do too, just gotta find her

 

Anyways, Good Luck, and have faith, it will get better!

[andreacroyston]

I've always been 2nd best.. Sometimes not even 2nd. More like 20th.. Really sucks but maybe one day I'll be good enough to be someones first choice!!

[Nomadic Intent]

Thanks for the thoughts.

 

If its not too painful to post, i'd like to hear your stories on unrequited love or being in that dreaded 2nd place.

[Brigadoon]

But for the first time since the messy breakup 3 years ago, i let someone in emotionally, i let her in.

 

Just because you let the wrong one in doesn't mean that you shouldn't be giving yourself kudos for opening up.

Getting your heart mashed is a horrible experience but that bolded part just shows how far you've come and one day you're barely even going to remember this girls name because you'll be with the right one - and won't you be glad you were brave enough to do it?

[dancingcolors]

YES! you are definitely good enough. and so am I. I am recovering from terrible unrequited love. it does make you feel like there is something wrong with you. that you aren't loveable. My ex, loved the one before me, and the one after me, but says he just couldn't love me.

 

Somedays I go round and round, why couldn't he love me. I know I am good enough.

 

My friend has a theory, that these people can't handle a truly great love, so they go on to a lesser love, that they can handle emotionally.