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Girlfriend not sexually attracted to me anymore.


halfie

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Dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now, at the start we were very intimate, sex about 5 times a week, possibly more.

 

For the last maybe year or so, I've noticed that she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore, she never initiates things, so the more she doesn't want to have the sex, the more I want to because I have needs like any other male.

 

I'm good looking and have recently toned up my body in an attempt to reignite that fire but it wont come.. Last night I finally got her to tell me the truth, and she told me she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore. She blames work and tiredness but I'm pretty sure there is more to it than that.

 

On the flip side, emotionally we are all good, we cuddle, we say we love each other and all that fuzzy crap but has me being too affectionate caused her to loose any sexual desire for me? I'm starting to believe that the nice guys always loose because it always seems like the self centered arrogant assholes always get girls.

 

 

 

If you're girlfriend isn't sexually attracted to you anymore, dose this mean she is sexually attracted to someone else? We're only young so I'm pretty sure she still has a libido but just no desire for me.

 

and

 

Have I permanently lost her sexual desire by becomming too nice and afectionate towards her? What should I do people? Please help, any comments will be deepy appreciated.

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there's a big myth about being 'nice'. The term "nice" is a often associated with a number of signs of weakness such as lack of boundaries, being walked over like a door mat, cannot stand up for your own right, keep peace when you really need to speak out ... etc. have you fallen to exhibit any of these behaviors?

 

Dying of sex in a relationship can be a potentially a very bad sign, unfortunately often by the time we see the tip of the ice-burg the cause of the problem have grown so large underneath the surface, we find ourselves on the brink of a fallen relationship. Do everything you can to 'communicate' with her and find out what it is in you that she finds off putting and hopefully she can open up. (if medical/physical reasons are ruled out, you may also talk to her about the possibility to see a relationship counsellor".

 

We often change in a relationship - sometimes a needy, clingy side of us surface without even us aware of it, we can grow co-dependent, we can be poor listeners... the possibility are endless, and i surely cannot tell exactly what causes her to lose interest. Best place/person to find from is your partner. Provided she's willing to be honest with you and she even know her self, then work on yourself relentlessly to fix (if the cause was because you exhibited undesirable bad habit)...

 

Good luck

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I agree a lot with Happy. There can be a long of changes in a relationship and the sex can simply be a symptom of something larger and not necessarily related to attraction.

 

I definitely think you need to start communicating with her. You need to talk to her about it and figure out whats going on. Has the relationship gotten stale? What do you do for excitement? Do you still 'date'? Anyways, definitely try and talk to her about your concerns, try not to be accusatory and dont get defensive, just listen and offer your opinions.

 

And as happy said, good luck.

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First, please hug yourself. You are a compassionate person.

 

I bolded the words in your story. Easier for me to read quicker.

 

Pull back, spend less time with her.

 

She is making excuses. --> To me that means she has been checking out other guys. My girlfriends act like this when they've been longer relationships. I'm not generalizing all girls are like this.

 

If she asks about hanging out or whatever, tell her you got things to do. MAKE SURE YOU DO HAVE THINGS TO DO that you always wanted to do before her. So she doesn't say you lied etc etc.

 

That should keep her on her toes. If she doesn't contact you for a while, make sure you got calendar pack with social events.

 

Then she will contact you and ask you why you are acting like this, keep your sadness and anger under control by telling her this "I don't appreciate you disrespecting me as if I'm not human. If you do not want me anymore, then be the one to end our relationship. If you decide to go that route, do not contact me."

 

That should keep her on her toes.

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I see where you're coming from and no, if she angers me or tries to wlak on top of me, I'll deffinetly put her in her place. On the surface, generally I'm a calm and quiet type of guy and this has been my change, before I was outgoing, loud, rebelious and had the bad boy image but I've matured and realized that by being so called 'strong' is idiodic. I've certainly changed but at the end of the day it's still me, if she fell in love with who I was before.. I don't have much hope do I?

 

Communicating with her is difficult, I'm a straight up and down type of guy, if you want the truth, I'll give it to you but on the other hand, getting the truth out of her requires for me to be aggresive and hostile, it requires me to verbally bring her down to pulp(in which I sometimes enjoy) giving her no space to lie and then, eventually and if I'm lucky, I'll get the truth.

 

I thought she would respect my ability to love her deeply but being mr nice guy doesn't seem to be worth it anymore..

 

 

 

Great advice, I'll certainly do this tonight. I've always had a gut feeling that she had intrest in other guys but finding out is merely impossible because she lies so much. anyway I'll cancel our plans for tonight and see how we go, I'll try get some mroe information out of her if we do end up seeing each other but wish me luck.

 

Thank you for all of you're replies.

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Communicating with her is difficult, I'm a straight up and down type of guy, if you want the truth, I'll give it to you but on the other hand, getting the truth out of her requires for me to be aggresive and hostile, it requires me to verbally bring her down to pulp(in which I sometimes enjoy) giving her no space to lie and then, eventually and if I'm lucky, I'll get the truth.

 

this is your problem right here. With my ex, I lost interest in sex because I felt belittled, and not respected. It was hard for me to sleep with someone who took pleasure in hurting me. In fact, my ex even told his mother and others things that I said in confidence to him because he knew it would hurt me/get a reaction from me to sort of test if I would break and tell him the truth (i WAS telling him the absolute truth but either he didn't want to believe it or was taking pleasure in cruelty). Maybe she doesn't tell you things because it could blow up in her face, or she can't open up to someone who treats her this way and makes her feel bad and might even scare her sometimes

 

btw, she may tell you that she was lying just to get you to stop and lay off her, even if she is telling you the honest truth just to make it stop.

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Ok , I see where this is going and please let me clear things up. Generally, to be honest I am a quite and sensible type of guy. I don't like being aggresive, but I'm forced to be. I only SOMETIMES enjoy putting her in her place because I know I've just broken down a lie or some sort of selfish act my girlfriend has tired to pull

 

I'm REQUIRED, please note. I'm required to be aggresive and hostile simply because if I'm not, I don't get the truth, more so, I don't get the respect of someone who deserved to know the truth.

 

If I don't verbally put her in her place, I don't get the truth. I'm walked over on top of you see. I generally DON'T like being aggresive, its just against my nature and also mentally and psychically draining sometimes.

(also, please don't take ''psychically drianing'' out of context. For eg, when you have you're heart broken, sometimes you can psychically feel the pain eventhough it's a mental/emotional thing.

Also, I don't even sink to the level of irrational swear words and insults, I simply agressively remind her of her nature to lie, how bad she is to me sometimes, how selfish it is to rid me of the truth so she can have her emotional clairty.

 

It becomes ever more so clear to me that everytime I tell her, ''I'll accept the truth and be calm about it'' the only reason that she'll still lie to is going to be soely for her own beneficial gain.

 

For example, shes the type to lie in order to save her own butt, if you know what I mean.. She'll forget about what I deserve to know just because she's scared about how she will feel once I react to the truth even after I've told her I'll take it camely like always. That's selfish I think but anyway, please don't get the wrong idea about me.

 

I'm just someone who loves his girlfriend too much and just simply want's to know whats going on and who's abusing my level of appreciation, love and good will.

 

Anyone have any suggestions in order to get the truth about loyalty? Like if I wanted my girlfriend to admit that she cheated on me, is there a way you can mentally curb you're way to it? Like to make her actually want to tell me and get it off her chest.. Thanks again for all you're replies, much appreciated

 

PS : If it helps anyone to understand this more, she's an aires and I'm a scorpio.

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I can see that The_Seeker is trying his best to help here, and he's advise makes sense, however i would disagree in this situation.

 

The assumption said was "she's making excuses = she has interest in other guys", while it may be true she lost interest in OP and may have new interests, but we can't assume this is the case, even other girls behaved like this.

 

It's a good advice to work on yourself and be more independent, to build a life outside of the relationship you have. There's no need to play games => "keeping her on her toes". If you truly love someone, and wanting to build a lasting relationship, playing games won't get you there. Suspending communication will only exacerbate the problem and creating a larger gap in between the distance that's already between you.

 

It can be very risky also to issue ultimatums or threats (pushing her to end relationship), this can come accross as passive-aggressive. If partner were communicating to me in this style, i would be totally turned off.

 

abitbroken had shared from a female point of view, that any hostility, aggression or manipulative behavior can be very off putting.

 

 

 

It appears that you have matured. I think you may have developed a common misconception of Strong => bed boy type, Nice => weak door mat. The sign of 'loud, rebellious, bad boy image' you talked about are signs of immaturity and weakness. Being calm and being in good self-control are signs of a stronger and maturer person, you can be "nice", civil, respectful to others at the same time, and should not be mistaken to 'weakness'. Now that you are a Nicer person, perhaps a better person, stronger, I think it is a good thing, not something you should hide or reverse. There's no need to put on a bad-boy facet to attract your partner.

 

Yes you're right, she might have fell in love with that 'bad-boy' image of you, and now that you are more mature and stronger in your character, if she doesn't love the new you, it's only natural that you may depart. Would you want to put up a 'bad-boy' image all your life just to keep her around? You need to be just you, and find a partner who can appreciate that. Of course this is all based on the assumption of you believing she fell in love with a 'bad-boy' type of you.

 

One thing you mentioned, that you are still you. Yes that's true, your arms and legs and appearances are the same. But you are not the same you from last minute to the next minute. We are undergoing constant change. You are a different person to that 'you' of yesterday, or two years ago or 5 years ago. Please remember this is just a given of life, you change, and your partner changes too. Her attraction to you changes from time to time, she as a person also change. We can hope but can't expect that all change will be aligned, and all change will occur at the same pace. That's why communicating with her is so important. In a relationship we communicate with our partners so that we always shorten that gap between us and our partner. We can never be one, so it is a constant work to make sure we keep the gap small.

 

 

 

If she's lies and is dishonest in character, you better off with a healthier partner, then having to use various 'aggressions' to force things out of her. Verbally bring someone down tarnish the intimacy of a loving relationship, if love is what you are truly hoping for, and if you truly love someone, how do you think bring someone down, treading on their esteem would help? I see this as controlling and manipulation.

 

Women (and often men) wants emotional intimacy, to feel safe and secure before they feel sexual with their partners, if you take the emotional intimacy away, and make her feel unsafe, how can she open up to you, let alone enjoy sex with you?

 

Do you always want to be someone you are not ('bad-boy' image) and keep play games, try to control and have a partner you have to manipulate into sex with you?

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You have proven that you WILL NOT be calm. You have to show her with actions, because how is she to believe you. That would take time to prove yourself. My ex would say stuff like that, and then he would still flip out, or if not then, he would later. No one is FORCED to be aggressive except in situations where someone is trying to rescue someone from a burning car or someone who is twice your weight lands on you. You do NOT love this girlfriend "too much" because you do not respect her. It seems that you feel that she owes you or that you need to be her judge and jury. You are so set on getitng what you deserve, what about what she deserves, not just in the relationship, but just as a human being? You are NOT showing her good will. at all. I can't imagine what she is "lying" about that is so bad that it deserves this sort of thing? Unless i misread it and you told us what she is lying about, I can't imagine that it is about a secret life she is carrying out and am lead to believe its trivial.

 

Calling someone on the carpet once in awhile is one thing but finding PLEASURE in causing someone pain and hammering someone emotionally until they cry uncle is abusive, though you think that she is someone who doesn't realize how good she has it with your "good will".

 

If my boyfriend came at me so aggressively every time, I wouldn't want to tell him anything either. And in fact, that is how my ex was also and maybe that is why I am calling you out on this because I know what it is like to be terrorized like that with no let up. It really didn't matter if I was actually telling the truth or not. he was just enjoying it sometimes.

 

Why, if you don't have any respect for her - you dont trust her to do the right thing and you don't really care for her feelings - why are you with her?

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Hi Halfie, yes i can see that you have intense feelings for your girlfriend, and coming to this board to seek help. I hope things will work out. I'm alerted to see many signs from your words that i think may help you to see more clarity.

 

....I know I've just broken down a lie or some sort of selfish act my girlfriend has tired to pull

....If I don't verbally put her in her place, I don't get the truth. I'm walked over on top of you see.

....I simply agressively remind her of her nature to lie, how bad she is to me sometimes, how selfish it is to rid me of the truth so she can have her emotional clairty.

....For example, shes the type to lie in order to save her own butt, if you know what I mean.. She'll forget about what I deserve to know just because she's scared about how she will feel once I react to the truth even after I've told her I'll take it camely like always.

....It becomes ever more so clear to me that everytime I tell her, ''I'll accept the truth and be calm about it'' the only reason that she'll still lie to is going to be soely for her own beneficial gain.

 

You have repeated mentioned that she'll lie, she lied... Not knowing you or her, but how much of this "she lies" is your assumption, is she a liar or does she lies to you only? does she lie about everything? or only on certain things? Is there a reason she lies (assuming she is lying)? it sounds like she's lying because she doesn't know how to cope with your anger if she had told you things straight.

 

I don't know either you or her, but it definitely sound unhealthy to get caught up in this pattern. If she's not a born liar, and if she lies particularly more with you, then there must be a reason behind her lies. People often lie because they choose to avoid 'consequence' they think they will get if they were being honest. They feel unsafe to be honest. If you are the source of their unsafe feeling, it could be your reaction, your anger, or something that you have demonstrated that made them believe they are not okay to come out with the truth.

 

It is selfish to lie, and I wouldn't make excuses for people lying, but if they are lying to 'protect' themselves from abuse or verbal attack, it is understandable why they make such choice (right or wrong).

 

....Anyone have any suggestions in order to get the truth about loyalty? Like if I wanted my girlfriend to admit that she cheated on me, is there a way you can mentally curb you're way to it? Like to make her actually want to tell me and get it off her chest..

 

It also seems that there's a big trust issue here. you don't trust her. Are you assuming that she cheated on you, or she has done that in the past? or do you know that she has? If this is your assumption, it is very unfair to accuse her of cheating, but also it will fan your rage and anger towards her shutting down on you.

 

How would you feel if someone is strategising on how to "mentally curb" you into admitting something they think you have done wrong? You say you love this woman, yet you treat her with total lack of respect, and how can you demand any respect and honesty in return?

 

... I'm REQUIRED, please note. I'm required to be aggresive and hostile simply because if I'm not, I don't get the truth, more so, I don't get the respect of someone who deserved to know the truth.

 

Finally, please do a reality check here. Who "requires" you to be aggressive? you are not forced to be this way, situation is difficult to deal with, but how you act is TOTALLY out of YOUR CHOICE. You choose to be aggressive because you believe this is the most effective way to deal with the problem at hands. Don't put on a 'victim hat' that you are 'required' to act this way.

 

You are an adult who is responsible to act in accordance to your own free will. To take control of your anger and aggression is tough, requires maturity and strength, yes you can cop out and take the easy route to be aggressive, manipulate and try to control, but let me assure you this is far from loving and doesn't do you any good if you wish to build a true love relationship.

 

Please also realise that you CANNOT change someone, if they don't wish to change, you can change yourself or you can walk away. By the time you truly changed yourself to be the solid mature and strong person that can deal with issues with no aggression, and you can respond to situations with clear and level head without reacting to your emotion, you may find your girlfriend will miraculously open up to you...

 

Sorry to come accross harsh, I sense you are in pain and truly hope you can find yourself in a better situation soon...

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Well my attempt to suspend communication is with intent to receive communication because I'm not getting it at all and I've tired everything else and it won't work.

 

Well the only thing I use against my girlfriend is the truth.. about herself. If I'm not hostile and aggressive, am I just ment to get lied to and walked over? What else do I do?? Even after I've finally got for her to tell me the truth, she becomes caring and nice, its like she understands how and why she made me do it.

 

Please don't get the wrong idea, I ALWAYS ask her, calmy and nice first, ALWAYS. It just gets to that stage because she denies everything instantly, changes the subject and dose anything to avoid the acknowledgement of what I'm trying to say. Usually, she'll guilt trip me, start pointing out my wrongs, makes me feel like a bad boyfriend. I know this is just a cover up as she tires to change the spot light onto me when all I want is for her to tell me the truth about things you know.

 

And no, I'm not going to live a lie, become someone I'm not so a girl will love me, I only toned up my body abit in a bid to reignite the sexual desire. Apart from that, I'm happy with who I am now and I see where real strength comes from, it comes from the courage to feel weak, because that's where true srength lies and begins.

 

She is the flirtaious type so predicting that she's probabbly seeing other guys is plausiable on my side. Also there has been quite a history of flirty type of behaviour from my girlfriends side in the past..

 

Well, I see love as blind, and I still love my girlfriend and she still loves me. But giving up our relationship because of a few compability issues seems to be bending loyalty to me. I mean I've found love, so has she, so if we were to find someone else who is simply more compatiable seems selfish to me.

 

It seems to me that once using the words aggressive and hostile, it's subconsciously implicated to everyone that I'm the bad guy and what not.. I blame the media(incl. The NEWS) for this influence. I'm not the bad guy here, I'm constantly bending over backwards for this girl when we aren't fighting, while she worries about chocolate and expensive clothing and bottom line, I really don't want to see her cry or hurt, i just want to know what's going on instead of living in a fantasy world where everything is magically ok and if not magically ok anyway without discussing issues.

 

 

 

 

If I didin't respect her, I wouldn't be with her. I've acknowledged her inperfections and still love her just as much. I'm still with her because I am loyal and I still love her.

 

Well I think before we start or she starts worrying about how she will feel by me reacting to the truth, don't you think that I actually deserve to know firstly? I hardly get what I want or deserve anymore because the focus is on her all the time, how she will feel, how to cater for her her, her her. I'm trying my best to give her what she needs but I don't get anything in return. Instead, when I ask a pretty simple question, I'm told how bad of a boyfriend I am..

 

But lastly, what am I ment to do.. If I'm not aggressive, I'm walked over on top of and lied to.

If I am aggressive, I'll get the truth SOMETIMES, then after, run to my girlfriend because she's just realised how bad of a girlfriend she is sometimes and guess whos there? lending a shoulder to cry on.

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Hi Halfie,

 

I understand you may feel being judged as a bad guy. I'm not here to judge you or your girlfriend. All of my comments are based on my observation of what you have said. There is no bad/good in a relationship, it's not one truth, and singular right or wrong.

 

You and I and five other friends show up at a party each with our camera to make some recording, and later when we view our footage of what we filmed, i bet these will be different for everyone, yet which footage is the right version which is the wrong? We all think, feel and act based on what we see, same as yourself and your girl friend. I believe there's no absolute right or wrong, just difficult views

 

I'm sure there're valid reasons for you to feel the way you do and believe the way you believe, it's neither right or wrong with your action. But our action will lead to certain result, if by acting with aggression lead to breaking of intimacy - which doesn't help to build a love relationship, I would reconsider my action - even if you believe it is 'right'.

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I see where you're coming from, and well its like this, if she's lied before about something seirous with the same degreee of denial, its possible it'll happen again. She lies about seirous things, like things between us. I know if I push enough, I get the truth and the times when I don't, it's ethier that I've usually given up because its so tiring trying to communcate with her or that she is genuienly telling the truth, which is rare because after 3 years, you start to pick up on things.

 

 

 

Yes, I understand the reasons behind why she lies, but she digs her own hole you see. She's on one occasion, told me the truth straight up and I was calm about it, I wanted to sort things out. Usually, she'll deny it, change the subject and critize me, so after being told the truth, sometimes I get angry, mroe than I would've, the anger comes from the struggle she put me through in order to receive a truthful answer.

 

But really, I believe I have a right to get angry when my girlfriend lies to me about somethings, its just not right. So by worrying about how she will feel after she eventually, sometimes tells me the truth is like denying myself of what I deserve. Don't you think?

 

 

 

 

Yes indeed there is and well to really think about it, I wouldn't feel that great at all!! but a little happy that if they tried the stratergy on me, I'd be telling them the complete truth. It's the reasons behind WHY, they are doing it that matters in this case.

 

Why are they doing it? Because they are worried that their spouce is cheating.

Why are they worried about their cheating spouce? Because he/she loves her/him.

 

 

 

 

Well to be blunt, yes. It is somewhat intentional, but what do I do? I understand what you're saying, I agreee with most of it, but I feel that you should be obliged to provide a solution too Like I said, I'm always calm with her, I ask things nicely but the ONLY time when I get what I want to and deserve to know is through aggression. I don't want to be a doormat and i don't want to be a hostile boyfriend ethier. I don't want to change her, like I said her imperfections aren't too much of an issue for me, its when she makes me pay for her imperfections I think somethings are wrong.

 

 

It's ok, I understand!

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Hi HappyHealing, yep it's ok I understand and well I really don't want you to receive any bad vibes like I'm trying to criminate you or anything like that as it's just hard to express how and what we truly mean over the internet, just know that I'm very open to all you're ideas and comments.

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But really, I believe I have a right to get angry when my girlfriend lies to me about somethings, its just not right.

 

You have every right to be angry Halfie, in fact i would be probably be furious to find my girlfriend lied to me. It is one thing to feel anger as your emotion, it is totally another thing on "How you react to your anger". Let's say if someone stole your wallet, you get angry, you have every right and quite normal to feel anger in that situation. But if you react on that anger, went out and resolve your anger through aggression - eg. you killed the thief with a gun or a knife, then clearly the way you resolved your anger lead to consequence that's unacceptable and will put you in a terrible position.

 

It's ok to feel what you feel - frustration, anger, love, jealousy, betrayed, etc... but how you choose to act or react to these feelings is totally under your control.

 

A more mature way to handle dishonesty I believe is simply "NOT Tolerate IT, At all".

 

But the way to communicate your principle is not through your anger and aggression. You can calmly one day explain to her that you find it difficult to build trust in your relationship with her if find her lying to you. And you have decided to Not put up with dishonest behavior at all. You will walk away from a partner who refused to be honest even if you love them to pieces. Because your love for them means you are not shelter them under any circumstances from situations that compromise their integrity, and dishonesty is one of those things undermines the integrity of a relationship, destroys trust, you will leave if there're further occurrence of lies.

 

If you are truly a strong man of your words, you would uphold your value and principle, setting clear boundaries, and be in control of your own emotions, regardless of how tough situation gets. it means:

 

* You DO NOT react on your emotions, and let anger take over

* You DO NOT talk to your partner disrespectfully

* You Trust and entrust her that she is loyal to the relationship and is honest until proven guilty

* You DO communicate with her you wish to work on the trust issues & all of the above resolutions

* You DO communicate with her your boundaries (NOT threats) for not tolerating dishonesty

* You DO communicate with her that you are resolved to rebuild the trust between you and will walk away if you are being lied to

* You DO all of the above with love and kindness

 

Then

* You DO work on yourself to resolve your emotions of anger, guilt, resentment, insecurity, fear and any negative emotion you feel (work hard...)

* You DO stick to your word if there was a lie and do walk away if she continues to lie to you about things.

 

You walking away is an act of loving not giving up. You are shelter your loved ones from growth if you keep letting her 'lie'. (assuming she is lying). You also remember that

* You DO NOT and You are not a "lie detector"

* You DO NOT interrogate her, examine her words, accuse her, making assumptions, 'mentally curb', manipulate or play game with her. NEVER.

 

 

You asked for 'solution', here is a version but remember relationship matters can be complex, no blue prints or instruction manual can guarantee of any outcome. Please act with love and respect, you want to be a strong mature person with a boundary, then do not react to your anger with aggression and do not tolerate lies.

 

Good luck

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;] I'm a girl. I just hang out with guys more often.

 

Anyway, I think she's just bored out of her mind. Sometimes you gotta make assumptions. You can't always be 100% sure of the situation. Also, if he went up told her blah blah blah she's going to be either

 

A) Pissed off

B) Hate him even more

C) Lack of control himself

D) Lie to him because she dislike confrontations

 

Which leads to her seeing him that he is under her control. In other words, she wants something fun, exciting, and mystery to it.

 

I know people say they don't like to play games with other people.

 

Sadly, some people do like games.

 

Sure, women and men want emotional support, but that's all lie in the end. Think about it, if there is emotional support, do you think there would be a high rate of breakups and divorces?

 

People get bored when their partner don't make it fun, take it too seriously, too available, and start growing resentment.

 

To the OP, if she complains 24/7 (you know the type of girl I'm talking about) leave her. Seriously, no point of trying to make it work.

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Hello,

 

To the OP, I completely and totally understand your situation seeing as I have been and kind of still in the same situation. The biggest issue is what everyone is telling you on this post is 100% true. Take it from me, you are indeed too aggressive, communication is the key, and she is most likely bored with you or the relationship.

 

I know with my girlfriend of 2 years it was/is a combination of all of those things and more. Plus she came from a broken/abusive home where she never witnessed first hand what love and affection looked like. She has the same fairy tale book fantasy of love and happiness as any other woman dreams of, but is constantly conflicted by the only thing has ever know(cheating, lying, abuse, failed relationships, etc.) I on the other had came from a the "perfect home" according to her. So some of her bad habits are just that...BAD HABITS! I, however, have to make the choice of what is acceptable for me and what is not.

 

I tell this because I want you to understand that maybe it could be more to her than what she is currently showing you. Like I said above every single post I read here is completely valid and true. The thing about relationships is that the problems we often experience are more deeply rooted than we think and requires a ton of patience.

 

My biggest concern for you as a fellow male is to control your anger. YOU as a person are not forced to do anything. I completely understand why you feel she forces you to get this way even though it is completely out of your character. I said the same thing about my girlfriend and myself. It started off with agrressive words and behavior and before I knew it we had gotten physical. She nor I never actually hit each other, but choking, pushing, wrestling to get out of the door b/c one of us wanted to leave and the other did not. This all escalated very quickly and I found myself in a counseling session trying to figure out why at the age of 22 I had gotten so angry so fast seeing as I am not that person and have never been around that type of domestic violence in my life. My girlfriend on the other had felt completely normal and somewhat comforting b/c that is what she is accustomed to from childhood and actual true love/affection made her afraid/uncomfortable.

 

So my advice from all of this is to first sit down with you girlfriend and acknowledge the problem you two have with communication. Then find if either of you have a past or history that could possibly be the root of your actions in the relationship. Next, find a professional counselor/therapist, and go talk to them to release any insecurities, concerns, or problems you have individually and as a couple. Maybe even set up separate sessions for the both of you and sessions as a couple. I promise this will help the two of you more than you can imagine. It's much better that posting threads for others opinions and assumptions of you as a person and you relationship with you girlfriend.

 

I can tell you really love her and want the relationship to work out between the two of you or else you would not be taking out the time to get on here and search for answers. As far as the "nice guys finish last" thing, lol I completely agree. But I have realized that it's often because most women (some men too) are intrigued by the mystery and suspense. I mean that's why our society enjoys movies, reality tv, roller coaster rides, sports, etc...it's a bit of a rush! Sadly it's only human nature so no matte what woman (or man) your in a relationship with will required some form of excitement/entertainment from you and vice versa. Even though I hate to admit it, it is a necessary evil.

 

I really hope this helps seeing as I would have killed to know now what I didn't know then. Good Luck!!

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LOL Where were you before I had this situation in July?! It could saved me a lot of trouble. Haha!

 

It is evil. But if you think about it, it's the only way to live.

 

Evil = Live

 

Read it backward. Haha!

 

LOL...well around July I was taking a couple summer classes to finally graduate and get the heck out of college before I decide to make it a career. Plus I was just experiencing the whole girlfriend being bored cause there wasn't enough excitement for her at the time thing sooo.....I guess we were having somewhat of the same experience around that time.

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LOL...well around July I was taking a couple summer classes to finally graduate and get the heck out of college before I decide to make it a career. Plus I was just experiencing the whole girlfriend being bored cause there wasn't enough excitement for her at the time thing sooo.....I guess we were having somewhat of the same experience around that time.

 

Aren't you a schoolaholic? I can't wait to get out of college. I feel I could of taught myself better and grab amount of information by myself.

 

I was a doormat or always the nice girl with a pretty face to him which ended up with the "I don't feel the same way the way you with me." [rolls eyes] We're both college age. So he should play the field for a while until he realize I was the best girl he have ever had.

 

In that case, I'll let you know when my ex contacts me, so you can have a preplan what to say to your ex. LOL

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OMG this sounds like my wife. When we first started dating we had sex every time we saw each other. And we were so close I could talk to her about anything, I really felt I had met my soul mate. About 6 months before our wedding we started having problems with sex and communication and I almost postponed our wedding. But, I thought things would get back to the way they were.

 

Now 2 years of marriage I feel like sex is a chore for her, I don’t feel that I am attractive to her, but she won’t admit it. She never comes on to me sexually and avoids me anytime we are alone, which is not very much since she has 3 children. By saying avoids me I mean sits at the computer and plays games, tells me she is sick, has a headache, female problems, or makes sure I can’t get close enough to initiate anything. It’s gotten so bad I am a nervous wreck before I even approach her about it and most of the time just do without so I don’t feel like I violated her.

 

She can’t even talk to me about sex or the problems we have with it. We almost separated last March over this but, she decided we should start a schedule of 2 nights a week. It feels like scheduled love and I feel like it is a chore to her, so I end up feeling like crap about myself.

 

To make things worse she told me it just happened with her and her ex, and it was no big deal. Not sure she knows what kind of blow that is to a guy. So I am in love with a girl that didn’t have problems sexually with her ex but, does with me. I feel like if my wife doesn’t want me who does. To make it a little worse I posted on this site tonight where I saw that she talked to her EX 68 times last month on cell phone that I am paying for. And when I try to explain how it makes me feel about her and her ex not having problems with sex she tells me keep him out of the conversation.

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when ive acted like your gf its because i wasnt getting what i needed emotional. not cuddles but feelings of this guy cares for me , i felt unloved and that he was inconsiderate so i really dont know why your girl would be acting like this because apparently emotionally things are fine. Is she on birth control? it can really screw hormones up.

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