Jump to content

Why do I feel like my ex doesn't care about me anymore?


Recommended Posts

It hasn't even been two weeks since she broke it off. During that time we have still lived together which has made it harder for me. Luckily I am moving out this Friday. I have been trying to avoid her as much as I can considering we still live together, I think I've been pretty successful and we have only seen each other and spoken to each other a few times in the last week and a half. She claimed by ignoring her I was making things awkward, I told her this is what I needed to do in order to deal with this.

 

I also mentioned that once I moved out, I was going to need a lot of time and I told her I wasn't sure if we'd ever speak again. She said it was unfair for me to cut her out of my life since we were together 5 years. Another night she came to me and she was crying, saying she is sorry for ever hurting me and saying that she feels like a bad person. Maybe she was trying to get sympathy from me and ease her guilt, I don't know. She also told me she cares about very much and wants me to be happy. I tell her things will be better when I move out and I just need to be away from her.

 

Later that night she comes to me again complaining about her head hurting because she was in a minor fender bender earlier in the day. She always gets paranoid about injuries and she always would come to me about them and I would comfort her. Of course I wasn't going to tell her to go away, so I did comfort and tell her she was fine and looked up symptoms of head injuries on the internet. She asked me to keep my bedroom door open in case anything else happens to her. Then she proceeds to ask me all these questions about my new place that I am moving into. She asks if dogs are allowed, as we have a dog together. I say no, and she tells me "Well you can always come here to see the dog". I really do love our dog, but I know it is best for me once I move out to just be away from her, the house, and everything that reminds me of her.

 

Ever since then, I have been avoiding her and she hasn't really tried to talk to me. And this is what worries me. I got all excited for some reason when she came crying to me because It showed me that she still cared and that maybe she just needed time to sort out her feelings. But when a couple days go by and she doesn't try to speak to me, I feel like she no longer cares.

 

I am probably being very paranoid, considering its hasn't even been two weeks since the breakup and I haven't even moved out yet to start NC! I know I shouldn't be worried about what she is thinking, but I can't help it. Someone said on here in another thread, that your ex won't forget about you if you had a long and meaningful relationship. We had 5 years together, we shared so much, it was very meaningful and now I feel like she is forgetting all about me. Either that or she is just respecting my wishes of wanting space.

 

I know I am reading too much into this, I suppose I need to move out and give it more time, it is just hard when you still live together. I just wonder what will happen when I move out this Friday and initiate NC.

Link to comment

I remember you! Hahaha, anyways. This is a sad lesson to learn in life, but usually after a break up, people find it too hard to talk casually to an ex, especially during the first few days/weeks/months even. I think she is finally getting the point of you wanting to be alone and away from her, and is respecting your wishes.

 

I'm sure she still cares about you very much. But she might also want to heal herself emotionally as well.

 

I mean... isn't this what you want? Her to go away?

Link to comment

That's strange. Didn't you posted a thread a while back that you were a bit upset that your ex won't leave you alone?

 

Listen babe, I know it's hard. I'm going through it. Everyone goes through it. But remember, she does still care for you. She just knows that it's 100% over.

Link to comment
She just knows that it's 100% over

 

Of course, this is where I disagree. At this point, I still dream of reconciliation maybe somewhere down the road. I know I can't focus on that, but its hard right now. I know once I move out, things will get better and instead of thinking about that, I will think about myself and work on me.

Link to comment

She probably does still care for you, but she needs to heal too. Both of you need your space.

 

I'm going through the same thing. I know my ex still cares for me, despite the fact that he hasn't tried talking to me, nor have I tried talking to him. And it's because there are still feelings there, but he doesn't want to be with me. And I told him from the start that I didn't believe in trying a friendship with an ex, so it will be left at that.

 

You and your ex...maybe things could be different. Maybe you can be friends someday.

Link to comment
Of course, this is where I disagree. At this point, I still dream of reconciliation maybe somewhere down the road. I know I can't focus on that, but its hard right now. I know once I move out, things will get better and instead of thinking about that, I will think about myself and work on me.

 

I see now. Okay okay, lol, I was so confused there! You may want to seriously talk to her about this. And tell her what you've told me. Who knows, she might even want to someday be with you again as well!

Link to comment

First off, she isn't forgetting you and won't forget you for quite some time. So relax.

 

I think you're doing the right things with being civil but keeping your distance too. It’s hard not to while cohabitating. These little visits of hers are just that, sympathy. She wants to know that you still care about her, will be there when she wants, and this eases her guilt. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t pulled the “friend” card yet...? Probably tomorrow when you're moving out.

 

My advice is that once you move out maintain your position with no contact. Based upon the actions you’ve described she will test your resolve on this. Expect contacts from her for just about anything to make sure you’re still on her hook. If you don’t respond out comes the sympathy card once again. Oh yeah… you’ll hear stories of how she’s hurt… this or that happened… I’ll bet she even uses the dog as leverage. Then once she gets a rise out of you you’ll be shelved once more and left wondering where she went. That is until her emotions get to her once again and the feeling she’s lost your returns… “Time to poke the bear again.” Seriously, don’t fall for it. Be steadfast friend.

 

If you’re trying to get back together this will seriously make her question her decisions. Once she realizes you’re gone, you’re not there for her anymore she’s going to really think about what she has done and what she wants. She may come back, she may not.

Link to comment

Thanks. Yeah, almost 5 years together and In those 5 years I did so much for her. Every morning I took care of the dog and helped her get ready for work. It took her a lot longer than it takes me to get ready (usually the case for a guy).

 

When she had to do things after work, she knew I was always there to go home and take care of the dog. I fed that dog every morning, I walked the dog every morning. I would go get us breakfast every morning on the weekends. I would pick up dinner or make dinner for her. I even used to run to the store at 11 pm to get her things she needed. At one point, I was even ironing clothes for my ex!! I did anything to help her and be there for her. She had me wrapped around her finger and I think that was a huge problem.

 

Once I move out, she won't have that and I think it will be a rude awakening for her. She will have to adjust, and I just have a feeling she will try to contact me shortly after I move out. But like you said, I gotta stay strong and let her know that I am no longer going to be there for her like I once was.

Link to comment

I am actually worried about the dog. Since the breakup, I haven't been around the house as much. The ex has been trying to take care of the dog herself but I can see she hasn't been doing a great job. This morning there I found poop in the dining room and pee in the living room. I love that dog to death, he is like a son to me. Its just hard, I don't know what to do. Its not like having a human child, where NC isn't really an option. I know I can't let the dog prevent me from doing NC. I know she is capable of taking care of the dog, so maybe I should let her know to make sure she really takes care of him. And maybe I will sneak in the house when she is not there to check up on him, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea or not, especially after I move out. I just really wish I could take the dog with me, but my new place doesn't allow pets.

Link to comment

Yep. She needs to feel that loss.

 

There is no sure fire plan for getting your EX back but it's steps like these that put you in the best position for reconciliation.

 

Be conscience of games she may play with you as mentioned above, e.g. sympathy contacts or being "friends". Don’t go out of your way for her to do those special things anymore, in fact don't do them at all. You're a busy man now and have a new life, she dumped you and so she dumped those things as well. Let her initiate contact and your responses are sporadic and at your leisure not hers.

 

One last parting tidbit... stay away from text messages. They're too easy to read into and often leave a person to speculation. When you get that text from her don’t answer the question just respond with a simple, “Great. Let’s talk sometime.” The point is to get them calling. Stay upbeat, laugh, and SMILE damn it.

Link to comment

 

 

Sorry, I just got an image of my head of you sneaking in the house while she's at work, tying a bow on the dog to take a picture of it, and then forgetting to take the bow off before you leave. Wonder what she'd do if she came back and saw her dog with a bow on it?

 

Nah. Personally, I wouldn't do any of that. Don't be there for her. She can't have her cake and eat it too! I'm sure she'd be able to take care of the dog, but if you're that concerned, maybe you could call animal control to come pick it up...and then when they send it to the shelter, you could go adopt it out. Probably not the best solution, but it's an idea...

Link to comment

oh another heart breaking time once again, for a fact i know she havent forgot and this hurts her more than you can think, but what is so bad that you two have to break up for? And maybe she is just trying to ignore you , cause thats what you are doing to her, "p r i d e " come on think it over go talk to her to hear what she finally has to say, and i think she do care how can you get over someone so fast, same house, five years come on, talk to her i bet this is what she is longing for, she probably misses you to death.

Link to comment

She's the one that ended it though. The past four months were hell. I have other threads about it, but I will just sum it up. We were engaged for 6 months when I started to have these crazy feelings of cold feet. We had other problems that always kept repeating themselves and I just got nervous, thinking this was going to be the rest of my life. I told her about it, and I told her about all my feelings and how I was starting to feel suffocated and pressured. I still loved her and wanted to be with her, I was just being honest with how I felt.

 

I was also suffering from depression and I told her that which pushed her even further away to the point where she no longer wanted to marry me. We reconciled and started going to couples therapy and I thought things were on the right track but I guess it was too much for her and she called it off. Through therapy I had realized that my cold feet were just temporary and that she was the person I wanted to marry, but I guess it was too late.

 

This is why I am beating myself up every day. I feel like it is all my fault. But I know this is going to force me to work on myself. I lost myself in the relationship. I didn't have a life or happiness outside of her and that was unhealthy. I need to change that.

Link to comment

Once I move out, she won't have that and I think it will be a rude awakening for her. She will have to adjust, and I just have a feeling she will try to contact me shortly after I move out. But like you said, I gotta stay strong and let her know that I am no longer going to be there for her like I once was.

 

Listen to Badman. He is telling you how women like yours behave after you remove yourself from their life.

YOu need to prepare yourself for some manipulations by her which all about her need to feel that she still can control some part of your life and tug and pull you at will..

 

I love the one when she calls all crying and tells you how she has just re-read all your cards/letters/ emails and how "beautiful they are"...

Oh and don't forget that she will call and tell you that the dog has developed some mysterious illness which requires your immediate attention..yada blah !

 

Shyte - I could write a book about this stuff.

 

Sorry to hijack your pain dude, but I was just thinking how women are really funny when they do a breakup.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...