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My "boyfriend" threatens to kill himself when i try to dump him. I can't get out.


hatemyboyfriend

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I met my "boyfriend" online 3 years ago. we have since met a few times in person. I want to break up with him. I have wanted to numerous times. Everytime i try to he gets really really mad at me and mean and then he threatens to kill himself. But he says before he does that he is going to ruin my life and send everyone at my college naked pictures of me. I have to stay with him so i dont get humiliated. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my parents because they will flip out i met a guy online and then they will always be looking out for me because i got in such a mess. I just want out, i want to beable to end it myself. I should be able to since we are long distance but he manipulates the hell out of me. Help.

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hatemyboyfriend - welcome to ENA!

 

I hope you find some solid, usable advice here.

 

I'm going to start with..... Dump him anyway. Just do it. Don't be afraid of him or his threats.

 

Chances are he WON'T kill himself and he WON'T humiliate you. If he actually did make some weird, lame attempt at suicide, that is not your responsibility, it's his. It'll ALL be on him.

 

If he actually does send out naked pictures of you around a college campus, file charges. Go talk to the police in your area and see what charges to file. At LEAST file a reoprt of harassment. From that point on, if he keeps after you, file stalking charges.

 

I have a feeling, he'll get over it when he meets the next object of his psychotic obsessions

 

I say DO IT ANYWAY!

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Break up with him. He's not going to kill himself. He says that to control you and its working. So what if he sends pics of you out there. Are we not all made up the same way??? Get away from this creep. Your parents will be there for you no matter what mistakes you make. Thier number one job in your life is to love you no matter what. This creep is controlling and it will only get worse. Do it, leave him, what ever he does its his actions and not yours. Do whats right for you.

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I'm 19 and he is 24. I know i should tell my parents but im just soooo embarrassed by this entire situation. I can't believe that i can't just get out of it myself, it is so unfair. If i try to cut off contact with him he sends me text messages and costs me a ton of money. He acts so obsessed with me. Like his world will end if i leave. He acts like an * * * * * * * and then when i say i want to never talk to him again he tries to suck up to me and stuff.

 

And i can't just not care if he sends out those pictures of me. They would humiliate me and ruin my life.

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well - I understand the fear of humiliation but the anticipation is usually a lot worse than the reality.

 

BUT - if its hopeless, you can't tell your parents, you're too scared of the possibility of being seen naked, you can't block his texts or stand up to him - then there's no way out. I guess you're stuck there forever.

 

Sorry we couldn't help.

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Don't be embarrassed honey. We all make mistakes when choosing a significant other at some point in our lives. When I look back at the "mistakes" I've made.....well lets not go there.

Your family loves you, and they need to know that someone is hurting their daughter. He is making you miserable.

Get your cell phone number changed, they usually don't charge you for that. His world is not goin to end if you leave him. He's not going to kill himself.

Don't worry about what he wants, do what you want

 

 

 

I'm 19 and he is 24. I know i should tell my parents but im just soooo embarrassed by this entire situation. I can't believe that i can't just get out of it myself, it is so unfair. If i try to cut off contact with him he sends me text messages and costs me a ton of money. He acts so obsessed with me. Like his world will end if i leave. He acts like an * * * * * * * and then when i say i want to never talk to him again he tries to suck up to me and stuff.

 

And i can't just not care if he sends out those pictures of me. They would humiliate me and ruin my life.

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They would humiliate you in the short term but they would not ruin your life.

 

Ditch him. If he threatens suicide, say "go for it."

 

If he threatens to distribute the pictures, threaten him with legal action. You could cost him a lot of money or even his freedom.

 

If he doesn't leave you alone, get a restraining order. He is mentally abusive and is using fear to keep you with him in the most pathetic (in regards to him) of ways.

 

You can just get out of it, but you have to commit to the act, and it may not be entirely comfortable in the short term though infinitely better for you in the long.

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i do not know how to block the texts.

 

Anyway, I think I did it. I told him never to talk to me again, I blocked him, and I just wont answer my phone and will change my number if i can for free.

 

 

 

THERE YA GO!!!

 

Good for you.

 

 

Actions speak VOLUMES louder than words so stick to it.

 

We're all here for you while you fight thru this with him so feel free to post anytime!!

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He woan't kill himself. This is just a way to manipulate you.My bestfriends ex was manipulating her that way. He is still alive - but it took her year and a half to realize that he is not beeing serious about suicide. Finelly she told him - so what are you waiting, hurry up, you are going to miss your perfect chance to kill yourself while talking to me and she hung up on him.

 

And about the photos of you naked you play it cool. Say so what? I took probe pictures for the next edition of Playboy. The fact is he will change his treaths with some new ones when he finds out that these are not effective. He is just manipulating you.

 

I would took a little bit of embarrassment as an substitute for beeing free. You don't plan to be occupied with this psycho for the rest of your life.

So what, naked pictures! It woan't ruin your life, but he will.

 

Just stop answering his calls, block his number and be free. I bet he:

1. is going to stay alive and find some new victime

2. woan't sent your pictures

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Take your power back. Call his bluff.

 

I will say that the probabilities are greatly he will NOT kill himself, and while I know you have a moral guilt to "prevent" that, the fact is him threatening it to manipulate you only shows his disrespect for you, his abusive tendencies and is more about control. People whom actually commit suicide VERY rarely threaten people with it...because that is not what suicide is. It's pure purpose in this case is to eat at your own conscience as he KNOWS you are a good person...but not staying with him does not make you a bad person...remember that.

 

As for the pictures, yeah, that sucks, but again, take the power away from him...show him that firstly it is not a concern of yours, and two, if he does send them you will take legal action against him. But show him that it does not intimidate you...

 

AND...tell your parents. Sure, they may think it was silly and be very concerned, but I GUARANTEE they will want to protect you and help you through this.

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I was genuinely worried about the possibility of him harming himself when I ended my marriage. However, my counselor said that he has known numerous people who have received those threats, and has yet to actually heard of one carried out. It is just a threat used to manipulate and control you.

 

You could dump him and send a message to his family to watch over him because he had made those threats, maybe? "I can't be in the relationship any longer; it is not working out. However, X has told me that he would kill himself if I left. Please watch over him and make sure he is okay."

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My ex-bf threatened to commit suicide when I tried to break up with him in Feb 2004, so I stayed with him until June 2004, when I couldn't take it anymore. I decided that it wasn't fair for me to be unhappy in a relationship I knew was going nowhere.

 

So I tried to break up with him again, but he threatened to kill himself again!!! He even had the suicide note written out and put in a waterproof bag (he was going to jump off a bridge) ... I was distraught, and offered to talk him through it. I was as good a friend as I could be, given the circumstasnces. But it was still insistant, so I guarded the door for an entire week. Didn't sleep, didn't go to work, just sat there in fear that he would actually do it. The entire time, he kept playing his mind games ... and after a week, I said ENOUGH! It was ridiculous. I shouldn't have to suffer in the relationship anymore, or have to deal with this kind of emotional crap that I wasn't even responsible for.

 

So I told him that he was free to go. I did all that I could over the past week to try to talk him out of it, but nothing was working. I told him I tried my best, but I wasn't happy in the relationship, and if he chose to still go through with it, nobody (not even me) would be able to stop him. So I opened the door, and he walked out. I cried a lot. I didn't think I'd see him again. 20 minutes later, he walked back in. Jerk. I was so upset that I had wasted 5 months of my life being miserable just so he wouldn't jump off a bridge.

 

I broke up with him, he moved out immediately, and I haven't seen or talked to him since.

 

It isn't fair for your boyfriend to lay that kind of pressure and guilt on you. Break up with him, and be firm about it. He won't kill himself. He just wants to manipulate you, and make you feel guilty. But by doing that, he's not going to change your mind about how you feel about someone. He needs to grow up and learn that you can't manipulate and guilt someone into loving you.

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