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How do i know if i am attractive?


snapok

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Hi people, i am 17 year old guy from Nevada. THis has been killing me for the last few years now. How do i know if i am attractive? When i look in the mirror i see a monster. Some people tell me that i am handsome, but i always think they say that because of the sympathy. I use to IM girls in my class to find out what they think of me and they said i am ugly. But then people always say that i am attractive. I dont even know which one to believe in. My self esteem is completely down and my looks do matter to me as you can see. When i go out somewhere people are always looking. I dont know what they are looking at and i feel very uncomfortable because i think they are looking at my uglyness. Please help me, if you can relate to this let me know what to do. I have a little acne problem, is that why people are looking? I just need your honest advices! Every time i take pictures i just look away because i hate my face. WHat should i do? Should i consider therapy. But first please tell me how do you know if you are attractive

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hey man i dunno what to tell you but keep your head up.. i don't find myself attractive but ppl say i am.. i have acne...goes away and comes back... i also have ecema so i have dry skin on my face and its red... i feel un attractive alot.. i know this is no advice someone might be able to help

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Honestly, it doesnt matter. Worrying what other people think only leads down a road of pleasing other people. While this isnt a bad thing, you shouldnt live your life just to please other people. Live it for you. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Thats something fun to say, but it really doesnt do very much for you. Dont stress your looks man, it doesnt matter. Whats important is the inside.

I used to care what people thought about me. I think im a generally attractive guy, and i used to try and flaunt that. Then i took a look at my life and how much time i spent ... trying to maintain that image. Its really not even worth it. People come and people go, just remember you are who you are, you cant change it, and physical attractiveness is only a shell of your inner beauty. If some people are shallow, thats their problem. They just miss out on all you have to offer. The girl you end up with, despite your looks, should love you for you, not for what you look like.

Looks are just a convenient diguise.

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Man! You are completely looking at it the wrong way. You are acting as though it matters what they think? I guess in some sense it may, but ultimately you need to know you are the best with what you have...that confidence you project will make you that way.

 

You read FAR too much into looks! Beauty in the eye of the beholder is a line women use all the time. It's true, but it implies much more then that! Sure if you look like Brad Pitt women are going to be all over you, that's just nature...but have you ever seen an average guy dating a hot women? YES! Example...Kid Rock and Pam Anderson!?!?!?

 

What makes a girl like Pam Anderson attracted to a guy like that? Well he "IS" a musician...but I think it's much more then that...he EXUDES confidence...he doesn't care what other ppl think because he knows he's hot...hell man...even Austin Powers gets women's attention!!!!!!!!

 

Men are far more object-oriented...if a girls hot, she's a go. But I've found that women tend to also take into consideration other things. Bottom line, you can't rely on what other people think of you as a basis for your own beliefs...! It's bad for you personally, and it will affect your relationship life because women can smell this from accross the room!

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I used to have that problem a couple of years ago, you see I hated my nose so much I thought (and still sometimes think) it has a weird shape even though no one close to me commented on it I thought everyone who looked at me when I was out thought I was ugly. I was even going to have surgery on it but decided not to because I got too stressed.

 

I have gone past that stage and I am on my way to having more confidence and not caring what people think about what I look like.

 

Also what you see in the mirror (even though personality does count equally in addition to looks) isn't what some girls (who are attracted to you) see. They probably think that you are the cutest guy they ever saw, you might be surprised when you meet the right girl.

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Yea everyone's got it right I reckon. Its more of what you think about yourself, I personally don't find myself too attractive but I'm ok with who I represent so no matter what, people can't get to me too much. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, as long as you're happy with your looks, then you'll have nothing to worry about.

 

A relationship cannot be based upon looks, coz looks can only take you so far, its the personality that remains the same throughout the years, remember that.

 

Happy Heb

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To be honest with you girls dont really matter to me because i am gay. I know i am straight acting, but i am not sure why it bothers me so much what girls think of me when i am not even interested in them. WHats wrong with me? I guess i have to get use to who i am. Sometimes its just too hard to face myself. I am so confused right now about so many things, and its like a maze. my looks do matter to me no matter what people say. And i realize that i shouldnt pay too much attention to my face and shouldnt care what others think but its just too hard not to. People's opinions do matter to me. Few years ago i was not as sensitive as i am now. I am not sure why. I guess all i can say is that i am very confused and i need a little help, i started to believe that if you respect yourself and think best tnings about yourself others will think the same way about you. But what to do when your selfesteem is ruined and you just cant love yourself? I dont love myself, i dont respect myself. I am probably wrong but its just too hard. Someone in my shoes would understand how i feel, but i dont expect you guys to feel me

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hey im sorry u have a low self esteem..u need to get out there and do something like take a sport or join some kind of club..be happy n people are usually attracted to ppl who love themselves ... im sure ull find that u are fine just the way u are and that u dont need to be obsessin on how u look..treat yourself good n im sure ppl will treat u well also..

 

sorry im not that much help..but this is the truth..a lot of ppl are liek this we all have falts on ourselves wether ppl can see it out not..we always can for some reason..God made all of us beautiful in his eyes..and thas what really counts..i had a boyfriend that i wasnt even attracted to but somethin bout him intrigued me..he had a red kinda face with weird teeth n just he whole facehad to GO>.but then i started seein him as very attractive..im still not over him..

 

its all about your additude...n how u feel about urself should be possitive.u know??...well i hope i helped ya out some..bye

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Ok I'm very familiar with this topic and I;m going to shoot it to you straight, not like most people in here.

 

So here goes.

 

If you get approached a lot by women (I mean not a lot but you get the idea), women tell you you look attractive, or women are always around you like going out of their way to be friendly, then you have it.

 

Be aware or the "Oh your not bad looking" comments from women if you think she doesn't mean it because chances are your right. It's like your parents telling you your handsome (they are supposed to say that and are just trying to give you confidence).

 

You will know weather or not they really mean it.

 

If women don't talk to you alot, and are not trying to get to know you, they look at you and then go on about their business, and other a lof stuff that means they are not intrested by your looks.

 

I hope I answered your question in a straight way.

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  • 1 year later...

hm, I feel you. I'm actually a very attractive person but I don't feel attractive. I hate it actually when people tell me I'm attractive its weird. I'm not attracted to what others think is attractive though either, so I am no expert on attraction...I am souly attracted to personalities and stuff from the inside of people.

 

Its not the same I know...but none of us are exactly the same...we can only imagine eachothers pain.

 

I had a gay friend and we grew up in Montana, the worst place for gays. He denied it his whole life until he moved away. I look back at when we where growing up and he was always so conscious of the way he looked. Now that he is not hiding it and we are older...he isn't the awkward nerd-hes actualy super fine!...seriously....and he has an awesome personality because he is himself...

 

May not help, but I just know that you are not alone in having feelings that suck or that are hard to deal with. We all have things that we wish where different about ourselves, but in the long run...when we are ourselves we are more inclined to find people who appreciate us for who we are.

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The saying is true that beauty is on the inside. Once you find the right person then they will love you for who you are not what you look like and that is the beauty of love, but you also have to be happy with yourself and if you not then do something about it.. So you say you dont like youf face b/c you have pimples. Have you tried to go to the DR. and get something for it. Or that pro active stuff my friend uses and it really worked for her. You prb. make your self feel worse then you really are. Pick your head up! who cares what others think as long as you are a good person then thats all that matters. Another thing you are only 17 this is your prime time to have pimples dont be surprised if it just start clearing up on it own....

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Haven't really read the other posts, just yours. Can I ask you a few questions?

 

Do you suffer Acne?

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Do you wash your hair daily?

 

They may seem weird questions but just humour me. I am going to be blunt and guess that you are not the sexiest guy in the world from what some people have said. But that doesn't have to be the end.. far from it.

 

Some of the most lusted after guys in the world are just straight up U-GA-LEE! but they have women hanging off them like some sort of woman hangy hanger machine.

 

I would advise getting a job as a paper boy or something to get a bit of cash, once you've done that try getting some products. If you have bad skin start drinking about 12 pints of water a day. Your spots may not go straight away but it will help. Then get some aftershave... but never wear too much.. just a hint.. girls will pick up the scent. Then try dressing in a way that YOU like.. not how everybody else dresses.

 

All of this and more will make you feel much more at ease with yourself and you will become a bit more confident. Stick with it and peoples opinions will become irrelevant.

 

Post a bit more about how you're feeling. It's a bit vague at the moment.

 

 

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We are all attractive in our own way. True attraction lies not on the outside, but within. It is why even the "hottest" of people can be considered unattractive, because of their attitude and personality. But when you have a good heart and are nice to people, that shines through and makes you more attractive, regardless of how you may appear on the outside. Beauty is not just skin deep. Beauty goes to our hearts and souls. Beauty is what we believe it to be. And if we believe we are beautiful, we are beautiful. If we believe we are, others will believe it to. When you meet the right person, they will find you attractive in every way.

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I think that there is some general standard of attractiveness, BUT I also think that beauty is very relative. For example, I find there are often 2 kinds of girls in their 20s that are considered 'good-looking/attractive': one is the really "cute" girl who looks young, innocent maybe, sorta button-nose, dimples, type of girl who just exemplifies the word "cute." This type of girl is my roommate, incidentally and whenever we go out to bars she gets hit on ALL the time, guys stare at her, she's just a walking cutie, lol. Then there is the more mature, "striking" kind of attractiveness, which I'd say is me... I'm tall (she's maybe 5'5", I'm 5'9" + heels when I go out), thin, dark European look... dark brown hair, green eyes, olive skin. When I go out NOT all guys will stare at me/find me attractive. Often the frat-boy type will not be attracted to me, but they'll be attracted to the cute, short blonde. The type of guys who ARE attracted to me tend to be older, taller, more mature. Usually grad students, because there's some intellectual chemistry there as well.

 

So I don't think there's "one" type of attractiveness. I honestly thought I was ugly at one time too, because I didn't have that 'cute girl' look, and in high school I wasn't considered cute 'cause I was overweight. It hit my confidence a lot... I thought I was actually ugly up until about a year ago... I had a lot of self-esteem problems. But when I walk into the grad student lounge at student, ALL the guys stare at me, try to flirt with me, and I can tell that older guys are usually attracted to me. I've also been told by people that I should model, and my parents are attractive & my cousin is a Gucci model so I don't have bad genes. But because of my low self-esteem I honestly thought I was ugly... some of it is just yourself.

 

The point of this is, some people will find you attractive, some won't. If a few girls tell you you're not attractive, don't take their opinion as god's word because there likely will be someone who will. If you want to change (i.e. if acne is really making you self-conscious) then DO something about it!! Don't let others' thoughts that you're 'ugly' lower your self-opinion bbecause only you can decide how you feel about yourself and how to change it.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Lily

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Also, sorta one way to find out if you're attractive... just works for me. But if you look at a girl you find attractive, and who others think is 'hot' and go "yeah, I'm good enough for her" then you're likely attractive. Because attractive people are usually attracted to attractive people... people are generally attracted to people of the same level of attractiveness. There have been psychological studies done on this, google it if you want, a study by UCLA that I read for one looked at this... HOWEVER, ONE IMPORTANT POINT: If you have low self-esteem this will impact your judgement. I was rated an 8 on Hotornot, and my boyfriend a 5. I dated him even though I didn't find him attractive. People thought I was crazy, but remember I thought i was butt ugly and didn't think I could do better.

 

But there are guys who are model good-looking (i.e. a 10/10 let's say) who have been attracted to me before, so I know I'm good-looking as well. But unattractive guys are also attracted to me... usually there's chemistry on a different level though. Sometimes I feel a bit sad when they think they'll just automatically get me when they're not good-looking.. then I think 'wow, am I really that ugly?' heh. But then (hopefully) your self-confidence & realism kicks in and you realize that your personality may also attract them and such, and NOT everything is about looks, lol... I mean there's multiple reasons why someone may think they have a chance with you, if it's a personality click then that's a good reason.

 

But generally, that was the standard I used as well... I've looked through magazines and saw guy models in advertisements and went 'yeah, I could totally go out with him' so I know I'm about the same level of attractiveness... if there's a fat/balding guy with pimples I will, on the other hand, NOT say 'yeah, sure I'll go out with him.' The standard of attractiveness changes.

 

hope that helps,

 

Lily

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Hey,

I kind of understand what you're going through. I was 17 once and also in high school. My folks use to tell me I'm ugly and my sisters are pretty. As years went by, I tried to do something for my self, I went to college finish a degree, got a job, good haircut and colour, tried to hang around with nice people that are caring and accepting and on and on. Sometimes it will take time to make you realize and accept who you are, when that time comes people will accept you more and your confidence will be stronger. As you go older you'll soon meet people that don't care about looks, but what's in your heart and your values. If you don't judge people on how they look, that's the first step that your problem is solve. Cheers.

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