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Men... Prolonged eye contact without saying anything... for sure attraction?


JenniferG

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This man has been my neighbor for about 3 months. Ive only talked to him a few times. He is super shy about approaching me or saying hi but once I initiate it he is quite friendly. The few times we have hung out (went on walks together with our dogs) he seems to really like me and even said some things that would lead me to believe he was interested in more than just friends.

 

Anyways, whenever I first approach him he either breaks out into a big smile or we lock eyes for the longest time without anyone saying anything before one of us finally breaks the ice. Well yesterday I saw him and said hi and he just stared into my eyes and I stared into his before he finally asked me if I wanted to go walking with him. I mean this eye contact is intense and without a doubt definatly long. He is like a deer in headlight and I probably am too. Is he attracted?

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Yes I went walking with him! I really like him. He makes some flirty sugestions, says sweet things to me and makes this eye contact with me but he's never officially asked me out. We just bump into each other outside and walk our dogs. He did say though that we should meet up more. whatever that means.

 

But would a man make eye contact like that if he was not attracted? and what is he thinking with that kind of intense stare?

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Yes of course. I even sugested a place we could go. He didnt give me an answer but seemed interested. Im just confused because 75% of the time when I see him if I dont initiate something he seems like he doesnt notice me. but when I do initiate something we really click. And we are late 20's! I didnt know men could be so shy at this age. I thought it was a teen thing to act like that.

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Once I break the ice we really click. Its weird because its like we've known each other for years. We never had a formal getting to know you stage. You know when you ask things like... soooo where do you work, how old are you, what are your interest ect ect... We just kind of met and we just talk about the most random things like we already know each other. I hope thats a good sign. I think it is. I know I sound like Ive never dated but I just got out of a 9 year relationship and I forgot how everything works!

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I tried to walk really close to him and our arms were touching. I smile at him a lot and I plan to make more eye contact with him. I am the one who most of the time is approaching him. He has to know I am interested! As far as making a physical move he is going to have to do that. I feel strange as a woman to make the first physical move I dont want to look like Im throwing myself on him. Its just a man thing for him to make the first physical move. It just seems right.

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I would advise the OP not to adopt sexist thinking like this. Most women who do end up lonely.

 

I wouldn't call that sexist thinking DN; it's just a personal observation that I do genuinely believe in after seeing the way my male friends behave and finding out the things that were really going through the heads of guys I was seeing that I had no idea about.

I just think it's more realistic to treat men just like the boys we all knew who got older and who have just as much depth of feeling and capacity for fear, pain and worry as women are allowed to express than to buy into all the "manly" nonsense.

For example I was seeing a guy for a little while who always turned up on time for dates after confirming etc. but I just got the feeling that he wasn't particularly interested in me as he never tried to show any affection, give me so much as a kiss on the cheek when he'd drop me off, or even look at me properly as I was getting out of the car. To be honest I thought him a little cold and decided that I wouldn't continue seeing him; until he came back from the bathroom in his house where we were sharing a bottle of wine, walked straight over to where I was sitting, kissed me and then blurted out "Oh thank God; I've been trying to do that since the second time I met you" He'd obviously been completely freaking out about that even though it was completely obvious that I wanted him to. If the roles were reversed and I had been given such clear signals then I would have gone straight for it.

I thought it was kinda sad that I hadn't realised what was going on or I could have done something about it sooner. I'm kinda glad I've learned this as I kinda got the impression the other night that a guy I'm weak for was feeling the same way as he did; so now I can help him along

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I don't see how it is "objectionable" to refuse to buy into a load of what I quite frankly see as sexist nonsense that all men are big and strong and manly just as all women are self obsessed harpies who can't drive.

I have read countless threads here from men freaking out about all the same stuff as women are and I know for a fact that most of the stuff that we are both bewildered by is the same stuff that has me beat since I was fifteen years old. I have not changed much since then in a lot of respects, I may be more confident and I may have more life skills but I guarantee you that I still feel the same as that girl and will still feel the same person when I'm eighty as I do now.

I was not suggesting that my gender should treat yours like infants; I was merely commenting that in my personal life it has been beneficial to me to drop a lot of my outmoded thinking about what men are and how they should behave. And it was out of respect and because of a better understanding of the men in my life that I began doing it.

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