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never cheated on bf of 6 years, now im having an affair


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story : my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years. we both love each other very much and have never cheated on each other before. we are super close and are best friends, and convinced we are gonna be together forever.

 

but about a month ago i started cheating. ive been having an affair with another guy that im falling for. he knows everything about my boyfriend and hes actually been hanging out with our friends with over a year now but just recently showed interest.

 

ive been staying with him every night for a little over a week now and we are developing strong feelings for each other. hes convinced im gonna leave my bf for him, and ive tried to but its so hard to officially end things between us.

 

ive tried telling my bf that i need a break and i do believe we'll be together forever, but that we should both be single one more time before we meet back up for good. he says he can tell ive been different and he knows i dont want to be with him anymore. he doesnt know theres someone else and i keep telling him i dont want to break up to be with other guys, just to be alone and have space (which he always gives me when i want) but the thought of not having him around scares me because we've been together for so long. i love him so much and there are things that i just cant compare to anyone else because, well its him and we've been building this for so long.

 

i have no idea why i started cheating. idk if i was bored or what. i know our relationship is already ruined because of my cheating so it's almost like i have to.

 

i have to choose between the two very soon, and i have no idea what im gonna do.

what if my affair is just fun because its new and exciting? what if i immediately regret breaking up with my bf and he moves on? all these what ifs are killing me and i really need some advice! any advice is appreciated.

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Stop being a coward and tell him the truth - let him make the decision for you........

 

You are only making this worse by lying to him and saying that you need to be alone for space when in reality, you were not likely going to feel this way if AP wasnt in the picture. He deserves to know that you are laying in some other mans arms every night. He also deserves someone who will respect the boundaries of a relationship.

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man this is real bad. i have a question for you. if you break up with him. and tell him you want to be single how do you think he is going to feel when he finds out about the other person?imean imagine this is you. how would you feel. put yourself in his shoes. and also if you wanted to be with some one else you should of never cheated. because if some one takes a cheater. its more likly that person will probably cheat. dont use the guy your with just leave. because your hurting him way more then you know.

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So you want to 'have a break' with this new guy without telling your boyfriend that you are cheating on him with the new guy so that if the new romance doesn't work out you can go back to your old boyfriend and he won't know?

 

Please, tell your boyfriend the truth so he can find someone who loves him and won't cheat on him. I am sure you and the new guy will do just fine even if you don't stay together.

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I too think your boyfriend deserves the truth. You can't be seriously thinking of telling him you want a break and then go behind his back with a new guy. That's so unfair. Break up with your boyfriend if you want to play the field.

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I think it's very selfish of you to be cheating on your boyfriend. The relationship needs to end and if you TRULY love someone you wouldn't have slept with this other guy."You believe you'll be together forever" is bullcrap and all your doing is dragging this out. To me the relationship you two have built is about to crumble. You need to be honest with him and tell the bitter truth.

 

I'm not here to judge you but what I think your doing is wrong. And going to the rebound guy will not help you in the long run with your mind set.

 

 

Holy cow this forum blew up!!

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i said any advice is appreciated, and it is. i need to hear this from an outside perspective because all of my friends have just been supportive to what they think i want to hear. obviously there are other factors that would take me months to type in this forum, but those are the main points. thanks everyone

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i have to choose between the two very soon, and i have no idea what im gonna do.

what if my affair is just fun because its new and exciting? what if i immediately regret breaking up with my bf and he moves on? all these what ifs are killing me and i really need some advice! any advice is appreciated.

 

You've already made your choice, it's no longer in your hands.

 

As they say, "be careful what you wish for."

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What kind of "friends" would condone this behavior?

 

Whether rightly or wrongly, friends/family tend to side with someone close to them even when the person is clearly in the wrong. Just the way things work.

 

To the OP--regardess of what happens you should seriously try to understand why this happened. If you don't you run the risk of it happening again in future relationships.

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We've seen a lot of people come in here saying their friend, sister whatever going down this path and saying they have tried to tell them they are wrong but they just won't listen. But, I agree many times loved ones just try to placate the cheater. I've never been one to do that if I know they are in the wrong. I try to be considerate in the way I told them but I would let them know I think they are wrong. My kids would tell anyone that if they are in the wrong I don't side with them.

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Another way to look at it is, if the tables were turned.

 

How would you feel if he told you he loved you, wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, but he has been cheating on you and that he just wants to be single one more time and have fun with this girl and then come back to you if he realizes it was a mistake?

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i know, it would kill me. i am probably just craving excitement and adventure that you dont get in a long term relationship. i have made up my mind to break up with him but its so hard for me to pull the trigger because he will be soooo hurt and i still care about him. but i guess i have chosen this. the other guy keeps telling me not to drag it out because that'll just be worse for him in the long run and i know hes right. im being so unfair to my boyfriend. i feel like a horrible person for doing this to someone who loves and cares about me and i wish i knew why i did it. do i regret it though? i dont know

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Well just because you're in a long term relationship, doesn't mean you can't have fun. It's just you have to work at it, both people do. You need to come up with the fun ideas and go out and do them. you just can't sit waiting for it to happen.

 

It's not easy, but you have to tell him the truth.

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and sometimes, i just want to forget everything and just stay with my boyfriend and be happy where i am. just tell the other person i cant do it anymore. my friend at work said that if we're meant to be, we will be together someday again, and its better to find out now that we arent meant to be together then after even longer when we really are tied up.

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Ugh...this is not going to end well for you. You are embroiled in the excitement of infatuation. This new guy does not respect relationship boundaries and is therefore likely to cheat on you. Not only that but he'll never fully trust you given that he already knows what you are capable of. And on top of everything, you've just lost your best friend.

 

Your boyfriend will eventuality find out, whether you tell him or not. And the pain that he's going to suffer will be devastating.

 

Unfortunately, the pain that you'll suffer will be worse.

 

This is why infidelity is the single most selfish and self destructive romantic blunder there is.

 

I pity everyone involved.

 

I'd come clean with your boyfriend, and then take some time off from.dating for some serious self reflection.

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if you don't want to be with your boyfriend, then don't be with him. but have the respect for him not to be doing this behind his back. he doesn't deserve that. and if you feel as though you want to "be with him forever" then make that commitment. that's what relationships are about.

 

it seems to me as though you have a case of "grass is greener" syndrome. TRUST ME, the grass is never greener. but you'll find that out for yourself. karma is a *itch

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So the man you are seeing seems pretty persistent you end it with you BF. For sake of argument, let's say you don't break it off with your BF and you chose to stay with him, with or without telling him you cheated. What reaction would you expect from the guy you're cheating with, and would he just leave the picture? It doesn't seem too long of an affair for him to be pushing this hard, not to mention even if you did break it off with your BF you are still stuck with knowing you are going right into the arms of another man, who by the sounds of it is not going to keep it a secret once you're broken up so that you don't hurt your BF more, something I think you probably are hoping that this stays hush for awhile if you broke up...meaning, not going public with it right away; so, you can't just tell your BF you're breaking it off to be single for awhile. I think you need to be looking at the 'other guy' too, and if he is someone who's going to make your life miserable/more difficult whether you break it off with your BF, or not. Also, if you were bored and started this affair, and although you may be falling for the new guy, it's apparent from what you've said that more than likely he has had feelings for you or wanted to pursue you way longer than before you took notice. Meaning, he's probably already more invested in this than you. Are you THAT ready to jump right into another serious relationship, given you had no "real or good reason" really to have cheated?

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and sometimes, i just want to forget everything and just stay with my boyfriend and be happy where i am. just tell the other person i cant do it anymore. my friend at work said that if we're meant to be, we will be together someday again, and its better to find out now that we arent meant to be together then after even longer when we really are tied up.

 

Too late for this. You are carrying on an affair with someone who knows your friends. Your boyfriend will find out.

Don't beat yourself up. You screwed up. It happens. Anyone is capable of having an affair. It doesn't make you a bad person. But continuing to carry it on behind your significant other's back will.

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