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How do you get over your soul mate?


Dmd

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It's going on a month now since my girlfriend broke up with me. She was more than my girlfriend though, she was the person I considered to be the "one", my soul mate and the woman I not only talked about a future with, but pictured one with for the first time in my life.

 

She's currently dating another man, and I believe she's falling for him. How in the world did she get over me, when she claimed to have felt the same way about me, and how in the world do I get over her?

 

I can't think of another woman. I just think how I could of avoided the breakup, and what I could of done to change things for the better. I look back and see opportunities I could of seized and my heart is filled with regret for not doing so. I just hurt so bad, and regret so much...I don't know how she can't feel the same and how I can feel better.

 

I would love any advice, I'm rock bottom when it comes to my emotions here.

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Sorry for what you are going through man. Seriously, if she was the "one" like you mentioned you guys would be together right now!

 

What caused the break up? How long were you guys together for?

 

What's done is done and there isn't much you can do about it. Especially, now that she has a man and is possibly falling for him. You need to step away and take care of yourself first. Stop wondering what she might be up to. She has a new guy now..STAY AWAY! Strict NC for you pal! Good luck and keep your head up. Things will work out bud.

 

gee

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I don't think it is a good idea to run a whole bunch of "what ifs?" through your head. There is really no way to avoid the heartbreak you are feeling right now but just hold on to the the knowledge that you will start to feel better and you will eventually meet someone else (even though that seems a remote possibility now).

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Try to think about your ex and your relationship this way: "Being with my ex was only a preference. I did not and do not need to be with her. I only want to be."

 

I know many people believe very strongly in the concept of a "soul mate," and if that is truly your belief, then I say stand proud and strong in your defense of it. However, if you can determine that this soul mate idea is something emotionally driven, then detaching from that idea might be helpful. There are 6 billion people on the planet, and odds are, you could find yourself in a very happy relationship with any one of them.

 

Just try to relax, friend.

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It's very possible to have a deep, soulful connection with someone is who is not going to be your life partner. It hurts immensly to go through a break-up like that, especially when one person has moved in a timeframe that feels very pre-mature. We all wonder exactly what you are wondering....how could this person have loved me as much as I loved them if they've already moved on?? I don't have the answer, but can share in the hurt of that. Your life partner is still out there and you will have an even better soul connection with her....promise!!

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Hey...sorry you're feeling this way. Me and my ex didn't work out either, and we both thought we were each other's soul mates. I still strongly think that. Not sure if he does too- I don't speak to him anymore. He couldn't bare to keep in contact with me after the messy break up. I don't think he's seeing anyone yet, but I know that the day has to come some time.

So, its been nearly 5 months now since the break up. First month - devastation, disbelief, disoreintation, did some things that i shouldn't have when both our emotions were raw, so ended up hating each other at some point, second month, sort of a repeat phase of the first one, i was just rock bottom. There was no other way to describe it. I went insane. I am so glad I'm not at that place anymore- because at the time it really feels like there's no way out. I guess you're at that point at the moment? I really thought i had gone so low it might take forever to get back to normal- i couldn't even predict how long it would take going back to normal because i had lost concept of time. I couldn't imagine ever feeling normal. It makes me want to shudder when i think about how depressed I was. So many people used to say 'oh, it doesn't feel like it now, but they'll be someone else'. But It used to aggrivate me, I was just constantly like 'No, he's my soul mate, he knows that as well, we're meant to be together this shouldn't be happening'. I couldn't bare it, really. The light used to hit my eyes in the mornings and I'd wish it hadn't, if I'm being totally honest. So feeling that low, I'm so surprised and so glad to say that phase only last a couple of months. It's a gradual recovery. The main part of it does not entail your heart magically being clued together into perfect form, nor does it entail having your thoughts completely demolished, none of that is what recovers you. It's ACCEPTANCE. I couldn't/wouldn't believe it in my subconscious for so long. Finally you start to accept it. You had a life before this person you have a life after this person too. You can't do anything to change things, so why pain over it? Why ruin yourself over something that you can't change?

Directly in answer to your question 'how do you get over your soul mate...' that I can't quite tell you. Because whilst I'm in a stable, happy, regular state of mind now, I don't know if that entails being 'over' my ex ENTIRELY. Some say you have to find someone whom you loved as much as your ex in order to be 'entirely' over he or she. I still haven't met anyone who comes CLOSE to taking my ex's place, but i can thankfully say that I don't need to be with someone else in order to get over him to an adequate extent. I still think about him a lot, and if i were to see or speak to him my heart would pump insanely, but after a while it doesn't matter. You finally accept your fate and you're happy to bury your hopes and just hand your wishes to destiny, because eventually you'll get what's right for you, what's best for you and your life, even though it might not seem like it now. I think everything happens for a reason. And things aren't clear unless you can see the bigger picture- which none of us can ever see, because Time is linear. But it's also a healer. The only answer is patience....at that point, things which would now cause emotional outbursts, would after a while become old to your mind and heart and would simply just be acknowledged as a fact which wouldn't bother you much, rather than something you would break down over. Just don't have any fear, as human beings we have a natural fear of the unknown. This is part of the trauma. But don't associate anything that is going to happen with fear. Let go, it's not as scary as it seems.

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referring to your question as to why the ex has a new partner, after my break up

i was single for a week, and found someone who i now know not to be the right person, i did this to get over the hurt and paper over the cracks of my previous relationship,

 

yes my ex was a soul-mate and i hurt like you wouldnt believe. i am a complete fool,

my rebound isnt working and in 2 months of splitting with the ex, me and my rebound are in the stage of "ooer i dont want this" but neither of us have the kahoonas to let go.

 

so the impression of your ex falling for him could be a show " not all the actors are on the stage" a kind of subterfuge of the real feelings.

 

i hope this helps

 

jahur

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I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. Part of me is hopeful, these people seem to understand, they probably went through the same, things will be ok, it just takes time. The other part of me, no way, there is no one like her in the world, no one would love me the way she did and care for me the way she did, I will never find that again.

 

There is such a brutal battle going on inside my head, inside my heart. The pain is so intense it takes my breath away and physically pains me. My diet has changed, my ability to deal with stress and every day situations has changed.

 

I pleaded with her in the time between posting this and my reply now, pleaded and promised to do anything it took to change the things I did wrong. She told me straight out, no, there is no chance, no matter what I did, I was just not the one for her anymore. We decided it was healthier for me if we didn't speak on the phone anymore.

 

I just wish I could understand how there could be no chance if we loved each other the way we said we did. Maybe I do understand, just can't accept it. I don't know, I really don't know! If you look at my previous posts you can see more detail about the relationship I'm speaking of...it's up and down, finding articles that appeal to me here, writing a post, short period of feeling better, then back to pure heartache.

 

Thank you all so much for taking the time, it means more than you know! Strangers, willing to take time to help me out, that's amazing to me

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have you absolute proof that she is with someone else? how did you hurt her? yknow this little saying ive got " women are like tea bags, they dont know their own strength until they are in hot water" what im trying to say is that women can really switch your buttons if it means getting back at you.

 

jahur

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have you absolute proof that she is with someone else? how did you hurt her? yknow this little saying ive got " women are like tea bags, they dont know their own strength until they are in hot water" what im trying to say is that women can really switch your buttons if it means getting back at you.

 

jahur

 

She's told me that she is, and she's a very honest person, I still trust her more than anyone I know to this day.

 

She put it best as "we brought out something bad in one another". That's part of it, we bickered a lot about small things. Things I look back and realize I could of just let go, things that didn't need to be made an issue of. There were things that made me wonder during our relationship whether she loved me as much as I loved her. I knew she did, but I felt as though I could be open with her about my every thought, and would question her actions at times. This she told me is the main reason we could never be together again, that I made her feel at times as though she was not good enough or could not do anything right.

 

Let me say, I fully believe this is mostly my fault, that I am to blame for this relationship ending. I'm not trying to escape paying for my actions, just trying to figure out a way to function again, to understand how I still have these feelings and she doesn't, just trying to be myself again.

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ok check out my post read that and see the closeness we had

its like a bloody facsimilie of feelings we are both going through, dont make my mistake and rebound, its like booze a temporary fix.

 

go out, dont take life to literal, if you feel you want some type of revenge, then go for success, success is the best revenge! trust in that, and believe me when i say to you IT DOES GET BETTER its only a matter of time for you, trust me it is!

 

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!

 

FACT: IT TAKES 2, TO MAKE AND BREAK!!!!!

 

YOU ARE NOT FULLY TO BLAME, STOP THAT CRAP RIGHT NOW!!!

 

i have learned in the past 20 odd years of dating relationships,divorce, when over, its real easy to blame, feel sorry for yourself etc.

 

but the hardest part is feeling good about yourself, picking up your busted million piece jigsaw and painstakingly put those pieces togther again, guess what? its possible and it will feel good, stand back and look at the masterpiece you have just put together, she will see that and hate it! you see: revenge thru success!

 

just ensure you dont make that mistake again.!!!

 

ill tell you something, when my ex told me she was with someone after a WEEK and a bit of splitting up, it didnt half give me quick closure, i can tell ya! my hair stood on end, the shock kicked in and then the dreaded thoughts of them bang at it in bed, i soon smartened up, she did me the biggest favour! that will now blow up in her face as i will never ever go back to her, even if she came on all fours begging. i did find out from her reliable sister that it was a lie "not all the actors are on the stage" even so its thrown a big cloud of conjecture over the whole matter, and i will never ever go back, the magic has gone.

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I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. Part of me is hopeful, these people seem to understand, they probably went through the same, things will be ok, it just takes time. The other part of me, no way, there is no one like her in the world, no one would love me the way she did and care for me the way she did, I will never find that again.

 

However things turn out you will feel better, time does heal a wounded heart and you'll begin to enjoy life with out your ex. Whether you find love again is really up to you. If you truly believe that your ex was your soul mate and you feel most comfortable being alone apart from friends and family then that's ok, but if you can't see yourself staying true to her while she's moved on in life then you'll find someone who will make you even happier and you'll be amazed at how foolish you were to waste so much time on your ex. I know that you can't imagine that right now, but just think about it, which one are you going to choose.

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Mate,

 

I think sometimes its easier, or at least more stable, to just deal with the emotions as they come. If you feel sad, then cry. Sure, look at the things you did to contribute to this ending, but KNOW it wasn't all you.

 

Trying to understand why, and wondering how she can 'switch off' etc is pointless. It is natures way of dealing with it - getting your rational brain to find reasoning to help your emotional brain sort it out and stop the hurt.

 

But you can't. Just feel it, live it, and know that it will ease with time. As they say, 'the problem with time, is that it takes time'.

 

Hang in there matey.

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Thank you...I'm trying to hang in. I figured one last look before I'm off to bed. Thank you all for the suggestions and the support tonight. I really needed it! I just hope after reading all of your suggestions, that some of them actually sink in, rather than continuing to tell myself I'll never heal and there will never be anyone but her.

 

Good night, thanks again!

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I didn't cry today! Hooray! I'm still crushed, hurt..etc. But, at least I didn't cry today! That's not to say I won't be crying tonight, when it's dark and quiet, with my mind racing as I try to sleep but think of all the good in the past. Maybe the nights will get easier too.

 

My last contact with her was yesterday. I begged and pleaded with her that I would change anything I needed to change, move closer or in, do whatever I had to do to make things work again, just please, let's try! The answer was a flat out no, it will never work, the romantic relationship is over and will never be reignited.

 

I needed to make every attempt I possibly could, I believe this woman is my soul mate. I also needed her to give me a flat out no one last time for me to gain acceptance of the fact that there is no hope. We agreed that it was healthy to have no phone or text contact and we haven't from yesterday.

 

I feel better today because I'm not adjusting my schedule in hopes that she will call and say "it's all better now". Now I can go to sleep at night on time and not wait until I can't keep my eyes open in hope that she will call. I can be away from my cell phone and accomplish more tasks throughout the day because there is no call that I will miss changing everything back to the way it was.

 

I still hurt, I still regret, the pain is still there, every little bit...but today was better!

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i'm sorry to hear it didn't go to well with your ex, my thoughts are with you. but as you said you now feel a bit better knowing not to wait for her call and you can start looking after yourself. that's a wonderful achievement, one i hope to make someday soon. hang in there and well done.

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stop pleading with her, i know its hard very very hard, exercise some self control and have some dignity for yourself, you are only flattering her ego and making the split for her easy!, everytime you plead, i say it like this because i have been there 3 times, you would have thought i would have learned not to, i did in the end after a reality check!

 

cmon muster your inner strengths and delete her number/e-mail/ etc JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

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I haven't spoke to her in two days now because of a mutually agreed upon no contact. It's helping a lot and I feel much better! Still hurting, but hopeful and ready for the journey forward.

 

If I did make this easy for her by pleading and boosting her ego, then good. She's still a good person and I wish her no pain, I hope the break up was much easier for her than it was for me, because this is no fun! But, I understand what you're getting at. I needed that one last plead though, I'm not sure how to explain it, but it made me feel satisfied knowing I did everything I could possibly do to salvage this relationship. It almost gave me some "closure", if such a thing exists.

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