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He's angry with me for something. How do i handle it?


miie

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Im not sure what the best way is to handle this. Either to back off and drop contact or something else.

 

My bf has been acting different for about the past 5 days. I saw him NYE and he fell asleep on my couch. We didn't do anything. I haven't seen him since. I have asked him numerous times to do stuff, places to see as we are both off on holidays from work, dinner, movies, going out etc. I either get ignored or a no. Something was clearly bothering him but it took him about 2 days to tell me. I dont know if i actually believe his answer.

 

He told me that he asked me twice to see me one day and i said no. Now, he asked me at 5pm to go out. I was busy. He could have asked earlier. I said we could do it the next day. He then asked to go to the movies. I said no, but mainly due to the fact it almost $20 bucks to go and few hours before i just asked him if he wanted to get dinner and he told me he couldn't afford it. How can he afford a movie if he cant afford a pizza?

 

Anyways, apparently that is why he is 'angry' with me - because i said no. I have barely had any replies to my texts. I have asked him to do stuff, either get a no or no reply. I asked him again today and he is apparently going out.

 

This has been going on for about 5 days. Im fed up with it!! Im asking for him to come with me to places etc, i guess trying to make him feel that he is wanted, but it is clearly not working.

 

What do i do. Do i just back off and not contact him and let him do it. I dont see how you can be this angry or annoyed with someone for so long over something like this. I get 'no' from him all the time. We have plans tomorrow and i have asked him if he still wants to go. If we dont, we loose a lot of money as its been booked.

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I think the issue has to run deeper than hes letting on. Because you turned him down oneday isnt reason to disappear and not make the most of free time to see eachother when your on holiday from work , something you can't get back.

 

I say back off and don't contact him unless he contact you. It takes two to make a relationship work and at the moment it seems your the only one putting any effort in.

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Guys get weird about being told "no". My brother's wife said "no" to romance one night because she had the flu. He never asked her again. For the next twenty years she had ask him for sex and he often told her "no". Do you want to live like this? She finally divorced him and I don't blame her one little bit.

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Guys get weird about being told "no". My brother's wife said "no" to romance one night because she had the flu. He never asked her again. For the next twenty years she had ask him for sex and he often told her "no". Do you want to live like this? She finally divorced him and I don't blame her one little bit.

 

No Way! Why do guys get weird about being told no?. I've said no in the past and he's acted like he has been rejected. Yet - he tells me no all the time. For a while i gave up asking coz i knew what the answer was going to be. He doesn't like it when i give him no notice on things, yet he constantly does that to me. If he asked me sooner, would have been no problem.

 

But i cant see him acting this way for 5 days, over the fact i said no. It has to be bigger than that. He also 'complained' that i was already going out when he tried to ask me if i wanted to do something. He never asked, he made a random comment and i said i was going for a walk. Apparently because i was already doing something or had plans, it pissed him off. Yet, i have to work around what he plans.

 

Im seeing him tomorrow and hope he is his normal self coz if he is like this in person, it will ruin the day

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Perhaps try to tell him how you feel. And how when he does a certain thing, it makes you feel a certain way. Be willing to hear the same from him.

 

Give and take. The Quality of conversation is very important in relationships. If he is unwilling to discuss anything, then back off and give him time to think about his issues and work through them himself alone. Push and pull. We all tend to move toward things that make us feel good and away from things that dont feel good.

 

Hope this helps

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It seems it was because i said no or that i was busy. He didn't really explain it...but some how it was half my fault.... even tho i dont know what was!

 

I didn't give him specific reasons, one i told him i had planned to do that tomorrow. If he asked earlier, it would have been fine. I get the feeling he expects me to drop everything to see him or just wait around for him to ask. He is busy quite a lot and i get 'no' and not always a reason either.

 

I saw him for most of today, and the start was a bit shaky, but it ended well. In future i will try to be clearer when i say no (why i am saying no) and be more clearer when i ask for something. Well i hope to be. It can be hard to remember that when you constantly get replies that are 3 words or less!!

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Yeah, it might help to be more specific when it comes to declining an offer from your partner. Try seeing it from their point of view. They want to spend time with you and instead, they get a cursory decline back. I think he's kind of sensitive, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a reason for why you decline. "Oh, no thanks, I'm doing that tomorrow" could have been "Oh, sorry babe, I'm doing that tomorrow, did you want to do something else instead?". I think he just wanted to do something with you and being turned down to spend time together might have hurt him. You should talk to him about being less sensitive though.

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Yeah, it might help to be more specific when it comes to declining an offer from your partner. Try seeing it from their point of view. They want to spend time with you and instead, they get a cursory decline back. I think he's kind of sensitive, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a reason for why you decline. "Oh, no thanks, I'm doing that tomorrow" could have been "Oh, sorry babe, I'm doing that tomorrow, did you want to do something else instead?". I think he just wanted to do something with you and being turned down to spend time together might have hurt him. You should talk to him about being less sensitive though.

 

Yeah i will try. I thought it pretty much did that already, but i guess not. Its funny, how he can decline my offer with just a 'no' and its all ok. I've asked him a lot of things and all i get is 'im busy' or 'sorry, can't' or no answer at all!

 

Im also not sure why he was hurt so much. He asked twice. Over these past 5 days, i probably asked him to do about 8 things, and i got turned down on all of them.

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Guys get weird about being told no because we take it as rejection. Once a man feels rejected he completely pulls back to protect himself. No, not all men, and yes its childish. But many of us expect our gfs to love us like our mothers did, unconditionally and without exception.

 

Guys get really weird about being told no in a sexual context because its taken as rejection. Refer to the aforementioned. When a man tries to initiate sex he's at his most vulnerable. Most women don't realize that.

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Guys get weird about being told no because we take it as rejection. Once a man feels rejected he completely pulls back to protect himself. No, not all men, and yes its childish. But many of us expect our gfs to love us like our mothers did, unconditionally and without exception.

 

Guys get really weird about being told no in a sexual context because its taken as rejection. Refer to the aforementioned. When a man tries to initiate sex he's at his most vulnerable. Most women don't realize that.

 

Ahh, i'll keep that in mind in future. I've never said no in a sexual context tho. This was for a general thing, nothing unusual and i couldn't but i gave him other alternatives or options. It wasn't a flat out no.

 

thanks!

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But many of us expect our gfs to love us like our mothers did, unconditionally and without exception.

Uh oh, I expect my gf to love me beyond my mother's love. Because lover's love should always be above mother's one.

 

geekgirl4

You should talk to him about being less sensitive though.
I wouldn't do this, because killing sensitiveness in him will result in him caring even less, and all the little things he might be doing or have potential to do will be gone, because sensitive part of himself is where they come from.
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Uh oh, I expect my gf to love me beyond my mother's love. Because lover's love should always be above mother's one.

 

geekgirl4 I wouldn't do this, because killing sensitiveness in him will result in him caring even less, and all the little things he might be doing or have potential to do will be gone, because sensitive part of himself is where they come from.

 

Well, its certainly a 'different' and hopefully more passionate love But don't expect unconditional love in a relationship, that's a maternal type of thing...you can get there after time and with deep connection and work, but it does require work. And you don't just do it once and then done...that's when you lose passion...when the guy stops 'dating'. Relationships have to be refreshed, and frankly they should be...they are about growth not maintenance.

 

As for how to handle it: Don't say 'I think you should be less sensitive', that's total rejection

 

Instead try: I love that you are so in tune with your emotions, but I really didn't mean it the way its coming accross.

 

Totally different approach. But you'll head toward the end result you want. Positive Reinforcement, not negative. Negative rarely if ever works, positive almost always does.

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I dunno... I think it depends on the guy. If I he knows you like him and have a reason, he shouldn't get upset like this. Am I right to assume you have not been dating that long? If it is still early in your dating, I'd consider moving on-- you are only asking to be miserable if he's going to be passive-aggressive over such a silly thing.

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I dunno... I think it depends on the guy. If I he knows you like him and have a reason, he shouldn't get upset like this. Am I right to assume you have not been dating that long? If it is still early in your dating, I'd consider moving on-- you are only asking to be miserable if he's going to be passive-aggressive over such a silly thing.

 

we've been together nearly 2 years.

 

I dont know why he got so upset over it - to not talk to me for 5 days. He complained i said no, yet during those 5 days i asked him a lot of things for us to do (we were on holidays) and he either ignored or said no to them.

 

He seems to be better now. If it happens again i wont let it go on for so long and talk to him straight away. He tells me it 'doesn't matter' - if it didn't, it shouldn't have lasted so long or been a big deal.

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He tells you it doesn't matter because he is covering up his hurt (however childish) and can't adequately express himself emotionally. That's when you get things like 'fine' or 'good' etc.. when inquiring about the status of things. His emotional development is on him to be honest. not much you can do about it.

 

This happens to a lot of guys...we experience hurt in a moment...then push it aside as its 'weak' or something...read: repressing. Then of course you'll get the lashing out at small, insiginificant things as a result of that. You have to deal with hurt, it can't be bottled up.

 

Arguments rarely have much to do with the argument. Or else its just a discussion, ya dig?

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