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nanana

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  1. I've been feeling great, and then I had this horrible nightmare last night with you in it. You were SO angry with me and I can't help but think you are in real life also. PLEASE tell me what I've done wrong I don't want to wonder forever. You've come back so many times before that I keep thinking this time will be the same!
  2. Started a new job in an absolute dream place today! You know me well enough to know where I mean. Can you believe it? Wish I could tell you about it. Sometimes I think we had a terrible relationship. Other times I hear about the situation with other people and think geez, we had NOTHING to worry about. Our arguments seem so petty. But you should of freaking called. I felt so used That hurt more than you dumping me. I just want to know if you ever loved me. I keep thinking how you're going to love every girl after me so much more. If you love me, you'll be back, and if you don't love me, then it's just as well you stay away. We always said it was bad timing and we're too young and that years from now things will work out. Let's see, shall we?
  3. If you didn't find me attractive, why string me along for 3 years? Why did you bother even beyond the first date? I don't understand. It hurt so bad when you said you didn't fancy me. I've woken up feeling ugly every day since and feel like I'll never get my confidence back. I know I'm not the prettiest girl ever, but that's 3 years wasted for me! Don't date someone you don't find attractive.
  4. Keep trying to move on, but nothing feels right with someone else we kiss the same. I've had a really bad day, and I wish I could curl in a ball next to you and just forget about it. I wish we were going for one of our nights out together, where we get all dressed up and wander from bar to bar, and kiss and cuddle, and just chat for hours. I miss you. My mum said today that she thinks I'll probably never hear from you again after this time. She's right as well... you care less now than ever before. You just got up and walked away Did I do something terrible? I'm racking my brains trying to figure out why you seem to hate me...
  5. P.S. Do you even realise how many hints you left me that part of the problem with me is that you don't fancy me or find me attractive? Have you any idea how much that has absolutely destroyed and continues to kill me more and more every day? You should NEVER bring looks or attraction into it, especially with someone you know has had real issues with it in the past. I hate myself so much because of you.
  6. I really wish you'd give me a quick phone call, just to say hey. Just so I know you don't hate me. But maybe you DO hate me. My mum and I aren't speaking at the moment. Her choice, not mine. We didn't have an argument or anything, she just kind of decided to cut everyone except my brother off. I never really told you much about this side of her, but she can turn a little spiteful and change her whole attitude out of nowhere. I'm kind of struggling with it because I'm feeling very lonely as it is. I've got into this bad habit when I wake up each morning of thinking of you waking up with your new girlfriend, the way we used to. I don't even know if you have a girlfriend... And then I keep replaying you saying you're not in love with me, and all this other stuff about how you don't want to see me again, and I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. You keep saying things are too bad between us now; you made it this way. You caused all the break-ups. You did all the ignoring. You threw all the resentment in there Each time you hurt me you expected me to just get up and carry on, and couldn't understand my insecurities. You said 'you should know by now that I care about you'. How should I know that? You disappeared on me for 4 months! You blanked me when I was in hospital. You blanked me when my dad had his heart attack. You've dumped me repeatedly. You kept sleeping with me and promising you'd call, only for me to hear nothing. Do you know how much pain I was in feeling scared that you were using me? So no wonder I was insecure and got upset with you. You caused all this We could have been happy.
  7. Thank you He's already made it clear he wants nothing more to do with me though. We had amazing moments and true love, but sadly they all got messed up with him going through a long period of not knowing what he wanted and repeatedly breaking up with me and changing his mind an hour later. But months later, going through that had made me so insecure and sure that he didn't truly love me, that we just had to break-up altogether. We could never go back now...
  8. I keep remembering that night you told me things that I know you've never told anybody. It was years ago when you let out all your childhood secrets, and you cried so hard, and I sat on your knee and hugged you and cried too. I know you put on a brave face, but every time I think of the pain you feel, I still cry for you. You never deserved to see it, I wish your life had always been full of happiness. You got so drunk that night, and we went out. I only went to the bathroom for a couple of minutes, and you were worrying about me because we were in a new country. You always worried about me and kept me safe. I remember I told you those things about my dad; your whole face changed, like it killed you. We cared about each other so much. I still do care about you that much. I cry over G for you because I can't stand you feeling sad. I was thinking about that video you took of us while we were on holiday and we were play fighting on the bed. I remember you told me you used to watch that over and over whenever you missed me. I hope you watch it now... I know why you had to break-up with me, but I wish you hadn't. I remember the last night we ever slept in your bed, both cry and holding each other. I was so angry yet so in love with you all at the same time. It took me hours to get to sleep that night but when I eventually did, I remember waking slightly to feel you reach out and hold my hand really tight. I just wish you hadn't let go. At least they've finally taken down the Christmas tree near my new office. It reminds me of our second ever date, where we arrived too late for the lighting, but we kissed next to it and passers-by told us what a cute couple we were! I miss all the days and nights we spent on a pull-out bed, eating food and playing games and watching movies. No make-up, no clothes; just us two completely comfortable and happy. Look at all our photos and listen to all our songs, and try and tell me that it wasn't good. I bet you can't, because all that good stuff will ALWAYS over-ride the silly bickering. At least for me. Time apart is making me see what's important, and I hope in years to come you remember all the wonderful memories, so we can figure this whole mess out. I'm growing up and becoming a better person, I promise... I will always love you. x
  9. I'm so sorry. I do know deep down that you really did love me. I've seen you cry over our old memories or cry because it didn't work out after all... I absolutely adore you. Always have and always will. And I DETEST myself for being so horrible. I wish I hadn't deleted all our photos - do you still have them? Do you ever look at them? We were such a lovely couple next to each other I wish I could see those pictures now and just remember it all. Things are getting harder, not easier, and it's times like now that I realise just how much I truly did love you. I screwed up, and I'm sorry... Please, please, please come back. I'm forgetting all the flaws and the bad things you've done in the past. I only remember the things I did wrong. I want a fresh start without all the past drama. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I don't see myself ever getting over you. Remember that text you sent me telling me that I'm your one? I feel that way about you. Please feel that way back. Can we just go back to my 20th birthday? Is it even possible I'll ever feel as happy or in love as I did on that night all those years ago? You kept telling every stranger we passed that it was my birthday. You said I was the most gorgeous girl you've ever kissed or ever will kiss. You made sure that everything was perfect for me. I'll never ever forget that... you're so amazing. I might as well finish with the way we always finished things... I will always love you. x
  10. I mean that I believe if two people truly are right for each other, then a reconciliation will happen. I know some might argue that if you're both right for each other, that you wouldn't split in the first place, but I don't believe love is as simple as that. I know a lot of couples that have got back together after years and seem pretty right for each other. Sometimes time or circumstances just aren't right. And sometimes people need to go off and grow to eventually come back. I don't think a break-up necessarily has to mean you aren't right for each other. It's like the quote in your signature about setting something free... I don't think people should be waiting for reconciliations though. As I said before, if it is right, it will happen. I personally think reconciliations are better years down the line...
  11. That was a really nice story TSandullo I agree - I don't read this thread so much for false hope, because obviously every situation is going to be different and just because one couple can reconcile doesn't mean it'll be the same for me and my ex. I just like some of the tales... there are some real life love stories out there that prove even when things get difficult, IF two people are right for each other then they'll overcome it.
  12. I know a guy who broke up with his first love in his early twenties. They were together a couple of years, but arguments kicked in. About 7 years later they met up and started dating again, got engaged last Christmas, and will be married in a few months! I know another couple that just recently got engaged, they broke up twice, one for about 2 months, the other time for 6 months. Another couple were together for 5 years but were arguing so much at the end. They didn't speak for 2 years, then the guy got in touch with the girl, and they've now been dating again for a year. My parents separated for about 18 months before getting back together... he left for another woman. My brother dumped a girl after 4 years together, claimed he wanted to be single, dated others girls, was really cold and nasty to his ex, while she was desperate to get him back, After about 18 months he realised what he'd done and how much he missed her. She wouldn't take him back by that point though... so not really a proper success story. I'm sure I've got loads of others... I've seen it happen a lot. In fact I've even had it happen to me, but when it happened to me, I never needed to come on here anymore because my pain was over, so I never posted my 'success story'. I think that's the problem, once you're back together, a lot of people don't go to enotalone again.
  13. It just dawned on me and I remembered, when you first dumped me I used to write really long angry hurt notes for you and then throw them away before sending. Obviously you never saw them but I had so much bottled up anger towards you that I felt the need to do it quite often. Where the hell did that anger go?! I feel none of it now. Just sadness that I'll never see you again and above all, that you seem to hate me. Your messages were rude and then you ignored me. I know I was pretty desperate there for a little while, but will you ever remember the good stuff? Is there anything I can do? I feel sad all the time that you hate me now. I honestly do. I want to know if you still love me, or if you still believe we are right for each other, but I guess not after how I acted. I'd do anything to take all those clingy messages back, but I didn't deserve the hostility I got from you. I think you expect me to apologise for saying you seemed emotionless, but I only spoke the truth. I can feel myself falling out of love with you finally. Where did all that love go? Please stop hating me. Or being indifferent to me. Please just love me like you used to.
  14. I really, really, really miss you. I know you probably don't care, but things are really bad for me right now. I could really do with a hug, or just a chat. You always knew how to make me laugh. You are all angry and cold with me. I keep thinking maybe it's because there are still feelings there, but realistically I know it has more to do with you wanting me to just go away. I think you really dislike me, and I can't blame you. I really dislike myself too! I've been a complete * * * * * . I see reminders of you EVERY day, and it hurts to realise what I've lost. I'm staying with my family at the moment, back in my old bedroom, and even that just makes me always think of you. So much happened in this room, both good and bad, but I miss all those nights we spent on the pull-out bed just watching movies, playing music to each other, eating a LOT of food despite being two of the skinniest people going. I know it all went horribly wrong at the end there, but you were SO perfect for me. It kills me that I'll never kiss you again, I'll never hear you say 'I love you' before I go to sleep, I'll never know if you miss me. That last night we spent together, you were insisting that we ARE right for each other, even though we're splitting up. But I've behaved in such a silly way since then, you probably don't even feel that's true anymore, do you? I so badly want to hear you do. I've got this little dream that maybe, after we've both matured, dated other people, lived life, we'll realise that nobody else is right. That despite all our differences and all the drama, we're finally ready to make it work. There's part of me that still believes that's what is meant to happen. You know I said I dated other boys in those 4 months we were apart? Well, I never told you this, but with each of those dates, I never once even kissed any of them. Each time I made an excuse to go home early, and then I'd go to bed crying my eyes out because being around another boy just made me miss you even more. I don't click with them like I clicked with you. I wanted to tell you that, but everyone insisted I had to play hard to get if I wanted you back. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not very good at hard to get when it comes to you! Haha. Comments about other boys were just petty attempts to make you jealous, so I could try and figure out how you felt about me... didn't work very well, did it? I'm still in love with you, and beating myself up every second of the day for ruining things, even though all my friends and family tell me that it was you that destroyed things. When we were seeing each other in summer, you were cruel to me whenever your friends were around. It hurt enough for me to actually need to block it out as much as possible. That's how badly I want to believe that you've always still loved me; I repress the moments that you proved you don't. But it just popped up... Our closeness really has been broken, hasn't it? You've done so many cold things to someone who adored you. We're total opposites. You forget the things you've done to hurt me, but remember the stupid things I've said. Whereas I constantly focus on the bad things I've said, and forget the things you've done to hurt me. In some ways I'd rather blame myself than face up to the fact that you probably didn't care about me. Even just thinking of those bad things now is making me feel all angry and incredibly hurt, not only that you did them, but that you'll forget them and never even feel guilty. So you go ahead and feel justified in treating me like crap, I'm glad I've always been nice. You're doing the right thing in leaving me alone; I WILL get over you.
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