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Talus

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About Talus

  • Birthday 04/06/1990

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  1. Close to 3 months Just wanna say keep it up everyone. This is my first love I'm currently moving on from. I can't describe the pain I used to be in. The amount of tears I cried over that girl. Things get better. Things pick up. Life still rolls on. Overall I feel pretty great. I can really feel myself moving on and letting go. I still think about her everyday and occasionally dream about her. But it's different now, it doesn't crush me and I pretty much feel indifferent. I don't want her. I more or less just miss having someone, a girl I'm so close and comfortable with, but not her... I'm getting over her. And as it's happening I'm feeling this massive weight being lifted off. It's a good feeling and it's something you all have to look forward to!!!
  2. DAY 70ish I feel great. I have no idea how many days it's been tbh but it's been bit over 2 months. Every day you don't hear from them, contact them, see them etc. is a step forward. And even if you don't notice it, subconsciously, it's another day where you realise you're still breathing and getting by without them. You may feel crap and like you are not coping. But you are. Even if you lay in bed crying all day, you're still alive. Your body still functions. Your heart still beats. Life still goes on.
  3. October 11th... 2 days away now. It'll be a year since that crazy night that we met and i drunkenly asked you to be my girlfriend. After a couple hours knowing you. It was like out of a movie or something. But it was so right. That night my whole life changed. I met a girl that was more incredible than I thought existed... That was you. I know you'll be thinking of me that day... I'll be thinking of you too. Your birthday's also coming up. October 31st... I haven't decided if I will msg you, or leave you a small gift in the letterbox. I want to. What's stopping me is the thought of you replying to my msg, or sending me one that says anything other than thanks. We both know why we broke up... Why we had to. Neither of us wanted it. I know you're hurting, I am too. I love you. I want to be with you... Still. Only been about 2 months so I guess that's not too long yet. Until the feelings go away I just can't see you, or talk to you, or even hear about you. It's best for you too. Maybe one day we'll come together again, I'm sure we'll definitely catch up in the least. Maybe not. Maybe I'll never see you again and in a year or twos time if you txt me or call me I still won't reply. I know none of your ex's have done this. None have gone to the extremes of wiping you out of their life. For that you might hate me. You might be mad, sad, hurt... I don't want you to be. But I can't control that. I just hope you really understand why and don't resent me. Bottom line is I hope you are happy and hope you get what you want from life. Whether we ever talk again or not. There's always gonna be a big part of my heart with your name scribbled all over it.
  4. So I msged her drunk... as i am now. I deleted her number so this wouldn't happen. I feel so crap. I was doing great then all of a sudden, BAM! She pops into my mind and I've been crying for the last hour. I hate this, I miss her so much. * * * * life. It shouldn't be this hard.
  5. You really think the love of your life would cheat on you? Not having a go at you, but if that's the case then you are really lowering your standards. The love of your life will have the same respect for you that you had for her. She wouldn't cheat. Just some food for thought... It's early days mate, hang in there.
  6. I know how you feel on that one... The big nights(weekends and Wednesday nights here) are the hardest, if I'm not out doing something myself I'll beat myself up all night and feel so sick at the thought of her being with another guy. Due to the way my relationship ended I know that's not what she wants to do. It'll happen though, I know it will. I'll probably do the same eventually, but I just know for a long time there's only one girl I want, and until that goes away, I won't be with another in any way. Still, you always second guess it and wonder if that's what they're thinking too... Just hang in there, some nights are very rough and the more you think about it, the sicker you make yourself.
  7. day 2 since the last contact. That was a little chat over facebook and both agreed we need to delete each other as it's way too hard seeing everything. It was a mutual break up as we are 19 and she wants to travel and everything for herself, always has, and I'm not going to stop her. I don't know what I want to do but I think it's important to take this time whilst young to really challenge myself and see the world. Deeply in love with each other so this is hard on both of us. We didn't want it... there was no other way though. This whole NC thing is different for me than most people I think. I'm doing it for the sole reason I want to heal. I don't want to contact her, we've said all that needs to be said and we both miss each other like crazy. The situation is unavoidable and the breakup had to happen. So for me there is no desire to contact her at all, NC is not a challenge of that. It is a challenge in the way that I miss her and having her in my life. It's a challenge to find what makes me happy and to move on. There's no bitterness or misunderstanding, no dumpee or dumper mentality going on and no games. It's straight up a * * * * situation we couldn't avoid and we both have to deal with it. We agreed that this may not be it, and we are both very open to a future together... but for the next few years we have to do what we want before we can actually really know who we want to be with or what type of person. So young and so much growing to do, it just wouldn't work to do it together and we couldn't do all that we wanted. For instance I couldn't go work in Canada for a yr like I'm planning, she couldn't go work in America and all that as we both know a long distance thing is definitely going to fail. So why make it harder than it should be? It'd only lead to resentment later on between us, and then there's no chance of a future together. It sucks though. It hurts. I know I will contact her again, on her birthday in a couple of months. But I will be doing so because I love and care about this girl, not because I want anything to start up again, or would be expecting a reply or anything. This is all about moving on... I guess it's gonna be harder to do due to the nature of the break up... I'm determined though. This has torn my life apart for a while now and I really want to get on with life and experience all it has to offer from this point on. She's always gonna have a special place in my heart, and whether that will lead to a future relationship in a few years time or just a friendship... I guess we'll both be happy and things would have worked out for the best.
  8. End of day 3 From the first night we met and drunkenly started going out ha, we hadn't gone a full day I think, without contacting each other. Be it a msg, chat on MSN, simple facebook msg, phone call etc. So now it's been 3. No idea what's happening in her life, how she's feeling, what she's thinking etc. etc. It sucks. But I know it is helping and I'm really starting to get my thoughts around this all. I've actually accepted it all now. I've gone through a lot of reasons in my head as to why things went the way they did. And I think overall the big failure was timing. She's been in love before, I haven't. All these emotions were new to me and actually turned me into someone else. Not drastically, but a lot of what makes me, me, was gone, and a bunch of new issues were popping up all over the place. There was a lot going on in our lives as well that really made things worse and yea. She also took me for granted towards the end and got really just frustrated in general. She's 18 and I'm 19. So anyways, I really think the main issue here was timing, and from that stemmed all these other problems. I think both of us were not ready, though I think I was "blinded" by love on this one, for this kind of a relationship, for different reasons. Now don't get me wrong, this is the most amazing girl I have ever met and one I could definitely see myself with in the future, and one I would definitely like to share a future with. And she has said that about me too... even after breaking up she always maintained that this may not be it and if things worked out then she could definitely see herself with me in the future. So now with all that in my mind I have fully accepted this. I've accepted that this is the way things are and that if we are going to be together again, it's gonna have to be possibly 2 years down the track, or whenever we are both ready. There is a VERY good chance we won't be, and that this is it. But with the way things were, the connection we have, the immediate comfort around each other, the way we just click, I think there is also a decent chance that if we met up wayyyyy down the track things could definitely work out and we could have another shot. Depending on where we both are in our lives that is, but still, I won't rule it out. I have no hope though. This is it, whether it be forever or whatever. I accept it and I'm stoked I got to have the best 6 months of my life with such an amazing and gorgeous girl and have some of the funniest experiences I think I'll ever have. If things work out in the future then sweeeet. But for now and a very long time I gotta grow, experience life, travel, meet people, improve the areas I want to and need to and just enjoy life without too much stresses. I still think about her almost every couple of minutes, still miss her so much it hurts, still wonder what she's up to and how her family is, how work is and what she's thinking, still look at photos and old msgs/notes and still sleep with her photo beside my bed. She's gorgeous, I'm proud to say she was my girlfriend and proud to know her better than anyone and to be able to say I love her. So yea. 3rd day. And it's been a good one.
  9. Night of day 2... Ouch. It always hurts so much at night. She's all I can think of. Just want to drive to her place, like 2 mins from mine, and just run up to her room and give her a massive hug. I'm glad she's out of my life though... I'd still be crying if she wasn't and deep down I know the only reason I still even wanted to attempt friendship before this was so I could still see her and I could still have a little hope and I was in denial of the situation. Well not glad... not really the right sort of wording. I hate that she's out of my life... so much. Hate that it had to be this way. But if she's ever going to be in my life again however it be then it has to be this way. Today was good though. I've really thought about travelling and stuff and started feeling OK about things... it's just night time that's the absolute killer and when everything comes flooding back. Just feel so alone. I know I'm not, but feels like there's a part of me that's so empty and the only way to fill it is to see or hear from her. I know it's only day 2 though, so just gotta keep push on.
  10. link removed - that's where I found mine. It's all based on words though so try to think of the symbolism in your dream. Like mine, pliers, I thought that'd be stupid and it'd mean something to do with being a handyman or something but the actuall meaning was crazy. Also thing's that maybe aren't so noticeable like the slow motion bit in mine which probably wouldn't stand out as much. I'm still REALLY skeptical, just was shocked at what my dream actually turned out to "mean". Pretty funny though.
  11. Start day 2 of NC. It's been close to 3 weeks since we broke up. Feeling the effects of all this as I'm now so run down I'm getting sick. Thing is I never get sick, the last time was probably 5 months ago and she made me sick lol. Time before that would've been over a year or 2. Sleeping's an issue atm. Gotten into a real bad routine. Also my eating hasn't been very good, I'm studying to be a personal trainer so my eating is normally VERY good. Haven't yet made it back to the gym, was meant to be going this morning and getting back into everything, but now I'm getting sick lol. Sooooo there goes that idea. Also dreams about her haven't stopped. Every single night for the last 2 weeks 5 days I've dreamt about her, except literally only 1 or 2 nights. Dreams usually that she breaks up with me, we're still together or one of us is trying to get back together. Meh. Ever since we broke up my moods have been so up and down and the downs are usually triggered by some sort of memory. Atm, I'm having an up and not thinking about things too much and just feeling good. I've set a goal of saving around $15,000 by the end of the year/start of next year so I can go on a 45 day contiki tour all around Europe and the Greek Isles with a mate and big bunch of randoms. Also 'cus I love snowboarding, looking to save up for 2 weeks or so snowboarding in Canada or Austria. So I'm starting to look forward to the future, rather than see it all as doom and gloom without the ex. Also the Pizza place I work will be opening for lunches as of next Monday so will hopefully getting roughly twice the amount of work and just looking forward to getting more money.
  12. Hey hesnotworthit I just read your post and got interested in this looking up of a dream meaning. I never even thought to do that. But seeing as yours was actually accurate I thought I'd do the same out of curiosity. Today is the first official day of NC after meeting with her last night. Anyways I dreamt last night that we were together and it was like this big social event thing, anyways we were always kissing and stuff and then going off with our friends and meeting up again. Anyways I went off and started kicking the footy with some mates then tried to find her but couldn't. I don't know why but I knew something was wrong. I went around the back of a building and went up to a door and I heard screams. I opened the door and for some reason went slowly around the corner(I knew I should've burst open, but felt almost like in slow motion) and this big guy came at me with a pair of pliers in his hand. I grabbed them and the dream ended. Anyways I knew she was in there and this guy was torturing her with a pair of pliers. Awesome dream, but HORRIBLE ending, which pretty much makes it a nightmare. Anyways looking up some stuff now on dream moods and thinking of the symbolism. Checked out pliers: To see a pair of pliers in your dream, suggests that you need to draw out all the details of a situation before you make a decision about it. Alternatively, you may need to rid yourself of something from your life. and pull it out of the way. Checked out torture: To dream that you are torturing others or see others being tortured, suggests that you are punishing yourself for your own negative or bad habits. You are projecting yourself onto the person or animal being tortured. Consider the symbolism of who is being tortured. Checked out kidnap: To dream that someone has been kidnapped, indicates that you are not letting aspects and characteristics of that person be expressed within you. You are trying to contain and/or suppress those qualities of the kidnapped person. Checked out slow: To dream that you are moving in slow motion, signifies that you are presently going through a hard time and experiencing some great stress in your waking life. You may be feeling powerless in a situation Checked out door: To dream that you are entering through a door, signifies new opportunities that will be presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another.�In particular, a door that opens to the outside, signifies your need to be more accessible to others, whereas a door that opens into the inside, denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery. Sooooo yea... interesting stuff!!!
  13. OFFICIAL DAY 1. This is it. From now until whenever later in life. She is out of my life and I am out of hers. I know she's hurting, I am hurting. Most pain I've ever felt that she is now just a memory. I have hope, but I'm being realistic and any chance of a reconciliation would be a VERY long way down the track, possibly years. We both have to move on and experience life I guess. This was her decision and I respect the way she feels, she respects the fact that we both have to be out of each others lives to heal and we agreed that I will never contact her. She knows I still want to be with her, so if she ever changes her mind, she will have to be the one to make contact. I love her, miss her, all the little things, even just looking at her facebook which i've now deleted. She is an amazing person, just things didn't feel right for her. There is nothing I can do, or she can do. Only time will tell I guess.
  14. Just want to say I wish I'd found this site possibly a little too late. This post, however old it is, is seriously some of the best advice I think could ever be given. It's been 2 weeks now since I had my heart broken and I let myself be so weak by love. I cried every single day for the last 2 weeks and as I said, was so weak and pathetic. She never pushed me away and actually did the opposite and we ended up acting exactly like we did when we were first together. 2 days later(yesterday) I did the letter thing this very post tells you not to do. I told her how much I loved her, how much she means to me and that what we shared was special. I have never once asked her back, we've both agreed that things would be way different for the better if we did get back and she hasn't ruled anything out. But I made it very clear that it's what I wanted if it would also make her happy. I brought up memories and everything and finally explained in it that being friends is impossible. I love her, respect her space and she isn't going to get it with me hanging around wanting her back. In hindsight probably a bad idea... should've just simply said no to friends and left it at that. But ah well... I got a lot off my chest and told it to her straight. I just want to say though that this advice is spot on. Everyone is different but you need to respect your partners wishes. As I said I wish I found this site and this thread 2 weeks ago, but I'm hoping 2 weeks of confusion between the both of us hasn't stuffed up anything of a possible future.
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