buffalosoldier
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You are both so right. It does bother me yes, but the thing is i never think about until someone else brings it up, then i get upset. I suppose that means deep down it really bothers me and other people just bring it out in me. Dismember are you sure your not my bf in disguise??? you sound like him and say the same things! I love him to bits and i really want it to be forever, but he is such a tough cookie. Ive had the same conversation with him sooooo many times that he just either switches off or it turns into something heated. Ive run out of ideas of how to make it sound different! What you said does sound good avman but i just get the feeling he would argue his way around that some how. I cant help feeling that the whole thing is hopeless sometimes. Maybe i should just let him be 'who he is' but i cant stand the thought of people thinking my bf is weird or im weird for thinking so much of him. I get very angry when people say things about him for him not joining in with things, maybe im touchy about the subject hey! I mean maybe its coz i always go to my bf whenever i have a falling out with a member of my family or friends, i mean me and my family dont have the closest of relationships in my eyes, so i can kind of see his point- why should he be close to my family when im not that close to them?? My mum would get really upset if she knew i thought that because i think she kind of likes to dodge the issue that we arent the waltons most of the time.
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he just says he ''doesnt do the family thing'' and he has no desire to be around people that he has nothing in common with. (Which i find hard to believe coz he hasnt given them the chance!) I said to him that i go to family things with him and dont mind seeing his friends with him so why cant he do the same for me, you know, give and take. His answer is ''i dont make you go and i wouldnt make you do something you really didnt want to do''. Fair enough, but fact is i would do anything for him, even if it did make me uncomfortable. But the thing is i cant say im really really bothered about it, im bothered because i know deep down its not really fair and my family have a right to know who ive been spending my life with for the last 4 years. I mean, my parents would be able to spot him in a line up, its that bad! Lol. I mean when we've argued about this before he's given in and said alright il go..but then i dont want that either particularly because i know that il only get hell before and after the event. Dont get me wrong, he's fine when he actually does show himself, he talks and is normal which is why it makes it harder for me and indeed my family and friends to understand. I find myself in terars alot over this coz i just dont know where to go with this](*,) . I have my family and friends on one arm and him on the other pulling me from side to side and neither seems to see where i, the person in the middle of all of this is coming from.
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only my family and friends. He has loads of friends and doesnt mind going out with his family, thats why its so confusing...
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sorry guys didnt mean to put that angry face! i thought it was a smiley! anyway any help or advice would be greatly appreciated
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Come on guys please! i need your help!
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Hi, I dont know if anyone will be able to give me the answers i am looking for but i feel like i have no where else to turn now, as i really have exausted talking to my family and friends about this. - a lot of them dont understand. Anyway... Ok my bf has a huge problem in socialising with my family and friends. I dont mean he just dislikes it, i mean he will sometimes point blank refuse to do things with them. I guess im writing this because it came up in conversation with my mum last night about how she hardly knows my bf of almost 4 years. My family keep on bringing it up with me, the fact that he never comes to my house or shows his face at any family events etc. I know theyre point and i know its kind of strange.But i also cant help feeling that im not that bothered by it (ok a little bit) but only because it seems to be getting to them. I just dont know what to do about it because if i bring it up with my bf we just end up arguing and i feel like if something isnt really super important to me, should i really let my family and friends get me down about this? Or should i just put it down to the fact that my bf is not a very sociable person and live with it? But like my mum said last night, what happens if and when you ever get married-is he gonna not want anyone there then aswell?? I dont know what to do, if anyone has any thoughts however small or large, please reply and please be honest. Thanks
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I also wanted to say that i think its all a lot more simple than people make out. Fact is, we need to argue and WILL argue with people that we love. And in the heat of the moment you are not likely to think about what you are saying and how you are saying it, especially if you are angry. But as i said, dont worry honestly.
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Things probably will be better now, your right about that. Sometimes it takes something like that for us to start appreciating each other again, and the scare of it all makes us work harder to avoid the situation occurring again. I go through the same thing with my bf at least once a month so do not fear! Try to forget it and learn from it. Glad i could reassure you
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Hey! I would forget all about it, its over and done with now, it may have been scary if you dont normally have fights but believe me, this sort of thing and worse goes on in a lot of relationships. In my opinion you dont need to worry, i think its healthy for couples to air their differences once in a while. - But maybe you and your bf need to discuss things earlier on so that they dont come to such a head like it did this time? We all say things in the heat of the moment, but as long as you talked it through i dont think this should cause any real concern. We're only human and sometimes we say things with the direct intention of hurting the other, only to regret it later. Also maybe try not to drink if it makes you more argumentative perhaps? Thats my thoughts. Buffalosoldier
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Hey- i agree with what the last person said (sorry can remember your name ! ) about although tese girls are gorgeous he is with you, however i think you are right to be concerned..ive been in this position before and it can turn ugly if one person involved gets the wrong idea. I dont talk to any of my exes for the simple fact that i feel it is wrong to, they are not in my life anymore and were not that important to me otherwise id still be with them! But hey trust him until you have reason not to, i mean he might just be one of those really nice guys that everyone loves.. in which case your a lucky girl to be with him and im sure thats what ya love him for. Tell him your fears and let him reassure you but after that just trust him and see what happens, you nver know you could end up making some new friends! Hope this helped a little Buffalosoldier
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I know what you mean Brandell. The thing is, i think everyone has there own way of dealing with things- and i think the no contact rule is sort of a way of giving yourself a goal to work towards. That goal is not necessairly to get back with the person who has dumped you (although i understand and agree that this is what alot of people have in mind) but for them to think of the goal as healing.i think the no contact rule sort of shows some people that there is light at the end of the tunnel- maybe it should not so much be viewed as a process,rather just something you do because,well,its probably the best thing to do in most instances.Do you know what i mean? Yes,it gives some people hope that they may get their ex back (which isnt always the best thing mind you) but also that even if they dont then by the end of it they will have grown and changed so much so that they will have forgotten about their ex anyway. ''Out of sight,out of mind''. But on the whole, i do agree with most of what you say, and totally understand where you are coming from. People just have to deal with things the way they see fit at the time.There is only so much advice you can offer someone, because in the end they will folllow their own path anyway. But we all learn in the end dont we? and sometimes the best lessons learned in life are the ones that have caused us the most pain. Thats what i think anyway. Hope i helped, it will be interesting to see what others say. Buffalo
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds as if you are this guy's go-between and not alot else. I think he is just wanting to have his cake and eat it too. From what you have said, every time something goes wrong with this new lady of his, he comes back to you. And he does this because you are his comfort zone.- He is familiar with you, and knows in his heart that you will welcome him with open arms. That is not a bad thing in itself, but he is taking advantage of the fact that he knows you may well still be grieving over the break up by running back to you in your fragile state. I know this all sounds very harsh,i really dont mean to upset you or cause offence in any way, i am just going on what you have said, only you know the full story. I think you should leave this dude well alone, so he can figure things out for himself and so that he can realise that he should not use you as his back bone everytime he has an argument with missy.Do not be around for him,he will continue to use you, and even if he is not intentionally hurting you, the fact is he is looking out for himself-not for you. If he was he would deal with his problems himself and would let you heal and move on with your life. My advice would be to not answer his calls, not see him and not ring him. I wish you luck
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Hi there Mork, Yes it is normal for your ladies libido to be elevated during that time of the month. Im pretty sure that this is because there are lots more hormones around at this stage, oestrogen and testosterone that may make her want sex more. I know lots of people that still have sex around this time, and there is nothing specifcally wrong with it as such, but there will just be some mess to clear up unfortunately. But no, there is nothing wrong with having sex with your girlfriend at that time of the month. Some people are ok with it and others are grossed out, but whatever suits you is fine and perfectly normal. And in fact when a woman is on her period, this is in fact one of the times when it is least likely that she will become pregnant, seeing that her menstrual cycle is almost finished. I hope i helped!
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Kuhl is absolutely right and i could not have put it better myself. You need to give your ex time to miss you, it will be hard to have little or no contact, but if he is still seeing you then he does not have time to miss you.Do you know what i mean? I know from experiance that it is indoubtedly very difficult to tear yourself away from sleeping with your ex-someone that you love and cherish and want to be part of,its only natural to want them close to you.But you have to understand that he is getting the best of both worlds at the moment so i really believe that this time you are spending away will do you the world of good and will give him time to mull it over. He will miss you, of course he will. He may not show it and you may never know about it,but he will. You will be fine sweetheart, let us know what happens Take care
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Hello. It might be an idea to change your age on your profile aswell as it has come up as you being 34. anyway, why does his family not want to see you again? is it because of your age? dont they approve of your relationship? There is a big age difference between the two of you and others may see this man as taking advantage of a young woman.Personally, to an extend i dont think age matters as long as both people love each other.But there can be lots of complications in such a relationship and sometimes love isnt enough. How did the two of you meet? are you sure you are together for the right reasons? it must be hard without the families approval but it is your and his lives,not theres.