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longdist

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longdist last won the day on November 5 2010

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  • Birthday 01/01/1982

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  1. Sometimes I think this is all that it would take to make me feel better... knowing that my ex misses me. It's been 3+ months of NC for me. I don't think about my ex nearly as often, except when I'm by myself and begin to think about the first year we started dating. It was definitely the best period in my life. I wonder why I do this to myself. I wish I could focus on the last 2 years that we dated when things were no longer working. I'm feeling a little down today.
  2. Not worth contemplating. You can't control what your ex does, as I hope you have come to realize. You should just assume that she will remain with this guy and you should try to move on. It seems like once someone moves on, the ex starts knocking on the door again. It's really a win/win situation then. You have moved on, so have found happiness without your ex or your ex comes back, which is your goal considering you're on this board. Right now, it seems like you are still grabbing at straws. No one on this thread can tell you what the outcome of your situation will be. There is no point dwelling on it. Just try your best to move on (easier said than done).
  3. Like Rob said, most breakups that happen are complete surprises. Such was the case for me. I would not have been surprised 6 months earlier, b/c of some stuff that was going on. However, I had a conversation with my ex and things started to go great (in my mind). Then the breakup came, which seemed to totally come out of left field for me. One of my ex's friends was there to console her and they started dating within less than 2 months. I think it was a proximity thing (and feeling old) b/c the 2 definitely are not a match. Anyhow, that's where it stands now. It's been 5+ months since the breakup. I have given up on things, even though I feel like she will always be a part of me (long relationship). I try to tell myself that I wouldn't take her back, but the reality is that I probably would if given the opportunity. I did a lot to make her leave (long story).
  4. I'm feeling great after having almost essentially 2 months of NC, w/ 1 email at the half way poitn. My ex really doesn't cross my mind anymore. I also started coming to some realizations about her faults. I honestly feel and have felt fantastic and am becoming my old self. I believe I have completely come to terms with everything and even have some joy that the breakup happened b/c my ex and I couldn't continue on the path we were on. So, although some don't consider healing to be a success story when wanting to get back with their ex, they'll find out when they do heal that it is the true success. I actually think healing may be mandatory before you could even consider getting back together with an ex... at least that is my opinion now.
  5. I'm w/ you FriendnorFoe. I enjoy being by myself, whether that means hiking, guitar, or whatever. My best friends live far away, and I'm currently stuck with people that I very different from me (doing a PhD and stuck with PhD students). It's not really a problem b/c I like doign things by myself, but at the same time when I'm by myself, it gives me too much time to think about the past.
  6. BG, you probably feel this way, mostly b/c you just saw him. Remember what you were saying before the party? You claimed that you were happy and moving on. Also think about this. Are you mostly feeling this way just because the other girl is in the picture? I know for me, this is the worst part of my breakup: my ex having a new guy. It's hard b/c you feel like you are better than the person they are seeing and wonder why they don't date you again instead of dating someone else. Rejection is painful. Before I was dumped, I thought about breaking up with my ex (destroyed my relationship in the process), but then had a slight change of heart. Instead, I was dumped. It hurt a lot and I felt like I would love her forever, even though shortly before this, I was considering a breakup. Sure, I still think I love my ex, but I try to take console in the fact I was considering doing the same thing she is doing. The same goes for you. You broke things off with your ex. When he found someone else, it was like he broke up with you, and then you started to feel "love". Just give it some thought.
  7. I think we're on the same page. I think becoming your old self is also something you can do for you and for your possibilities of having a new relationsihp. I think this is healthy. Having a subconscious notion that you are doing it to get back with your ex may be alright if it helps you stay commited to the cause.
  8. I hear you FriendnorFoe When I go hiking, I think about my ex, b/c that was a special thing for us and how we first started dating. It is one of my favorite things to do and now I find that I tend to think about her when I do it. Near the end of our relationshsip that sort of stuff stopped happening. I lost my sense of adventure and sense of fun. I definitely wasn't the same person she started dating... but what's done is done. I'm on day late teens of NC after a month of it. I'm starting to find myself thinking about my ex as a complete stranger. My heart wants to stop thinking of her as a stranger, by my brain says "good it's about time." it's not that I don't get an occasional wave of pain, but for the most part I can control it pretty well now sense my ex does seem like a complete stranger. I think about the way she spoke to me on the phone after we broke up and the fact she started dating one of her friends within 2 months of the breakup. All of these things aren't the girl that I remember and it helps to come to these realizations. I don't think she has been the same person and I know I haven't been the same person. I'm working on getting myself back and wonder how/when I left. At the same time, I'm trying to mold my old self into a better person, and am trying to toss the man I've been for the past couple of years. Sorry... just a little rambling.
  9. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wish my ex gave me the I want to be your friend speech. It would show that she at least missed talking to me (which we did for an hour every day prior to this). I realize that she was probably just trying to respect me and didn't want to lead me on. It would have felt better to at least get a little emotion from her end, even though I don't want her to hurt. It just seems like I was easily callously thrown away after 4-1/2 years.
  10. Day 16 Feeling decent. Has anyone had an ex not try to contact them at all after a breakup? My ex broke up, wanting to take a break, to see if she loved me after 4-1/2 years. It was on good terms (I later changed that). Anyhow, we started out LC (once every 2 weeks maybe), w/ me always making contact, so then I gave up after I realized this. I guess I just would like her to express some kind of emotion over the breakup. Maybe she has, without me knowing. Has anyone had something similar happen? It seems like everyone has exes that try to be friends. I tried to be friends and my ex told me that she didn't think we could after all of our relationship history.
  11. Day 7 It's been awhile since the breakup and it is actually starting to feel that way. I feel like my ex is almost a stranger now, especially with our conversations since the breakup. I know it has only been day 7 since I last contacted my ex, but I'm really getting a different feeling now. It is almost as if I am okay with the fact that we probably won't get back together. I think has part to do with the fact that she is seeing someone else now, allowing me to lose hope. We'll see if this sticks... I know it hasn't before, but it is really feeling different now. I feel like she could even talk to me about this guy and I'd be fine and just happy that she's happy. It is almost like I have become numb to the pain, since I would still give the relationship another shot, if she wanted, but if she doesn't then I obviously shouldn't want to be with her either. I'm going to take the view that if it's meant to be, it might happen one day, if not, I'm sure I'll find someone else, not that they will ever replace my ex in my heart, they would just move her to the back.
  12. Anon21, I'm with you man. Usually when stuff hits the fan, it hits the fan. Barrel through it. You will come out a better person and your ex may even be impressed by your ability to overcome. Just look at the brightest side of things in your life. If you don't have friends, make friends. I had the same problem b/c I move all of the time and let myself become dependent on my relationship. A lot of guys don't have a lot of friends, we tend to be more independent. You're in college, which is better than a lot of people can say. Just focus on studying and making yourself better.
  13. Day 6. I keep dreaming about my ex almost every night and it has been 2-1/2 months since the breakup. At least in the new dreams, she is welcoming me back into her life, rather than the opposite. Overall, I've been feeling pretty good though, but I'm sure a wave of bad feelings will come soon enough. I can't help, but continue to think that my ex and I are meant to be together. I keep telling myself to give up though. She is dating a friend of 7 years (found that out after breaking NC of a month) and it is not my place to cause any interference, especially after being the poison in our relationship for the past couple of years.
  14. Nauum, I'll give you my personal view (could be wrong). I think it is good to lay the cards on the table before doing NC. Otherwise, you will constantly think about what you want to say while doing NC and your ex may indeed find it slightly spiteful if you do it the second you break up. Just make sure you are in the right state before contact and that you don't beg and that you keep your dignity. Day 5 after breaking a month of NC I've started to realize that I was the poison in the relationship and had been for a long time. All I can do is learn from this and change myself. I've been doing pretty well with this second round of NC after the initial day or two. I'm still not seeing other girls as possibilities. I've found that excercise (running) does help you feel better and gives you some time alone to think. I have also been considering charities as mentioned above. I feel like I need to regain the kharma after poisoning my relationship for so long.
  15. 2-1/2 months since the breakup and still feeling like crap. 1 month was NC, but I had to send her an email last week, when I felt healed and tell her about something I did last spring that caused the relationship to go in a downward spiral. I got a response, but in the response she said she considering a date with a long time friend and now I feel like all of my hope is lost. I responded telling her that I'm happy she is following her heart and wished her the best, but I feel like complete crap now. I can't compete against a long time friend, who lives close to her (I live accross the country). I've been having dreams all night about her and keep waking up, just like right after the initial breakup. It sucks to know I have to lose hope. I love her with all of my heart and always have and just can't stand that she is with this guy, even though deep inside I'm happy that she is happy. I was not a good boyfriend as our relationship neared an end and she deserved better. From now on, I'm just working on myself, but that isn't easy when you're feeling this depressed.
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