RobD70

Maybe her “happiness” was in her ex’s pants? That’s where I keep mine (my pants, not her ex’s) Yup. Karma is going to bite her on the ass big time for this lol. Awesome Well, looks like you got her off that pedestal. People think anger is unhealthy but screw them, I just want to punch them in the back of the head. This is a good motivator to be NC and stop trying to be the nice guy/friend backup she wants. I see this as a good thing. You see her for who she really is and she is not the girl you want in your life. Hopefully this will be the final push and you have lost what little respect you had for her. Eventually you’ll stop caring and will forgive her, hell you may even thank her because this gave you the opportunity to meet someone better. You haven’t heard the last of her I’m sure but next time the tables will be turned in your favor and you’ll be the one rejecting her.

It seems to take at least 4-6 weeks for the dumper to get past all the negative thoughts of the relationship (when they first leave, all they think about is the bad times) so contact before that would not go over well in most cases. I found the magic number to be around 3 months. Then LC but in a cold manner (not mean, just disinterested). Worked for me.

Yea it happened to me. It's ALWAYS a surprise when they leave. I'm married btw. She left me for another guy (moved in with him) and came back after 3 months. She left AGAIN 6 months later since she never got over that guy (still in honeymoon stage) and came back AGAIN 5 weeks after that. She stayed about a month before leaving a 3rd time and was gone for 4 months (living with him again). Today she hates the other guy and has moved back in our house that I was selling (I'm staying at my brothers) and desperately wants our marriage to work. I made every mistake in the book but I also read many books and took many people's advice. At the end of the day, it was me giving up on her that brought her back. I finally stood up and stopped being so nice and pushed for the divorce which caused her to panic. My history of being nice to her helped no doubt but if I had to do it all over again, the first thing I would have done is filed for the divorce to get her attention and appear strong then gone NC, only responding to emails at my leisure and never anything personal. That's what help get her back this last time. She's pretty much mine now and promises me she'll stay forever and that she made many mistakes and all of this mess is her fault. I'm trying to reconnect with her but it's hard because of all the damage she's done. Still, I'm going to try anyway since she does seem remorseful this time. I'll probably move back in this weekend.

Notice how it's mainly women that want divorces? Men tend to be more content in marriages than women. 80% of divorces are from women, including my own. The problem is expectations. Women still want to be treated like they were before they got married and men see marriage as a reason to stop courting. Courting is alot of work for men and we (wrongly) believe once we give the woman what we think she wants (marriage) then that should be enough to make them happy. Men need to understand that women still need attention and to be "entertained", if you will, even after marriage and women need to find better ways to communicate with men their unhappiness. Women are so concerned with hurting feelings that us men have a hard time taking their problems seriously until it's too late. My wife was like the women here and I just thought the problems would take care of itself. I never thought in a million years should would leave me, much less have an affair. Today I understand what happened but it took alot of reading to see it and my part in all of it. It's a problem of communications and expectations and it's a trend that is destroying modern day marriages. To me, I don't see many good reasons for women to be married nowadays. They always end up disappointed. That's my perspective anyway, feel free to corrected me if I'm wrong.

3 months is one of the first turning points. I got back with my wife after she was gone for 3 months but I wasn't completely NC (it wasn't practical at the time), I did a lot of divorce busting stuff listed in my thread. 6 months is a better turn around point, they need distance and believe it or not, 3 months is not that long. After 3 months you might try temperature taking with a contact that is business like such as asking for something back, giving something back, or asking a non-personal question and see if they follow up with something more. If they don't then wait until the 6 month mark and try again. I say this because that happen to me. I was in a 4 year relationship and she dumped me so after the first month of trying to talk her out of it I went NC. I did it not to get her back (didn't think it was an option), it was just to cut her from my life so I can find someone else and I did (my soon to be ex-wife). At about 6 months of NC I found some stuff of my ex's so I put it in a box and dropped it off at her door with no note or anything. She emailed me thanking me and started talking to me. She ended up asking me out but I declined. She did not take that well. In hindsight, I wonder now if I should have dumped my "wife" and went back to my ex seeing how things turned out.

While we are going NC, it's important to try not to think of them but to work on yourself and find things that make you happy w/o them. Try to hang with friends and find a hobby. Also I want to add that NC means DO NOT respond to their txt/emails or answer their phone calls. Let it go to voice mail and if you have to respond for some reason (like them asking for something) wait at least 24-48 hours before responding. NEVER respond immediately to them. It's hard but you have to do it. Your emotions will always lead you to do the wrong thing so you have to fight them. Giving in to feelings will only make things worse, take control back by taking it away from them and not be available. You can not be their friends so don't try to be and don't ask them to be yours. Being their friend only enables them to leave you that much easier.

DO NOT respond to his texts anymore and if he calls let it go to voice mail. Don't be available to him and make him be afraid of you dating. Also stop all relationship talks and stop asking him questions (stop talking period). Those are big no noes. Ignore him and block him if you can. Looking at what you wrote, all you did was boost his ego and assured him you weren't going anywhere. It easy to date if there's someone waiting to catch you if it fails. He's keeping you as a safety net which is enabling him to pursue other women. The balls in his court. He has to come to you and he wont do that until you start running away and rejecting him. Ignore him for a couple of weeks and he'll come banging down your door.