gogol

Hello, Throughout my life, I've been saturated with the experience of having the mentally ill play a part in my life. Most relevantly, here, is the fact that my mother has bi-polar disease. First of all, it is true; if someone who suffers from bi-polar disease takes their medication regularly, the can and will lead a normal life. My mom has a rather "strong" case of bi-polar disease, but aside from the few and far between mild bouts of depression she gets every once in a while, you would never guess that she has a mental disease. The most important thing to remember with people that suffer from mental diseases is that they are not strange weirdos that should be avoided. First of all, the vast majority of mental illnesses can be treated so well that the illness is nearly errased from the life of the person who suffers from it (granted they take their medication regularly). The main resides in how the mentally ill are portrayed in society. Normally, this kind of disease is associated with assylums, the mentally retarded, and straight-jackets. However, only the very worst and most rare cases of mental illnesses have anything to do with these associations. Unfortunately, the way society portrays the mentally ill often times makes them feel shameful. This can, and often does lead to their haulting of taking their medication... and you can figure out the rest... Treat this guy just as you would any other guy. Try not to bring it up often, unless he does. Just remember that he's going to be okay, and you should have nothing to be affraid of.

I'll approach this request for advice realistically, not idealistically. In almost every case, you do not want to communicate to a girl that you like her. The goal with a girl is to imply that you like her, but to leave enough room for the unknown. smilelikeyoumeanit gave great examples of doing this sort of thing. In my experience, they work well. However, the point is to make the girl wonder if you like her or not; NOT to let her know that you like her. After doing thise things, and if she is at all interested, she'll do stuff that will indicate that she likes you too. For example, she'll start to take more interest in things you like, your interests, and past. If you do a good job suggesting you're interested, while maintaining a level of mystery, and she really starts to get interested, she may even comeout and tell you that she likes you. I know it sounds "wrong" to do this kinda thing. But, the reason it isn't is because this is how the "dating game" is played. Its a battle between a guy and a girl to hold off explicitly expressing their interest for one another. The two things you need to know are the following: 1. Be yourself. Obviously you've heard this, but that's because its one of the most important pieces of dating advice for anyone. The reason being yourself is important is because nothing, not even an amazing girl is worth changing yourself for. You are who you are, and you should be happy with that. Finding someone who isn't romantically interested in you is a tough fact of life. But, it doesn't mean you should change. It means that you two just wouldn't work for each other. The trick is finding someone who is truly attracted to who you really are. The people who find someone that feels that for them end up the strongest and most fulfilling relationships. 2. Be confident. One of the biggest turnoffs for people, especially girls is a guy who isn't sure of himself. Studdering, not making eyecontact, or fumbling with words all go to show how nervous you are. On the contary, smiling, holding eyecontact, speaking clearly and surely shows that you are strong and sure of yourself. Attraction is subliminal. Its obvious to identify physical attraction, but the other qualities of a person that we find attractive manifest themselves much more subtly. In fact, attraction is usually primal. I'm sure you've heard women talking about guys who they like, and how they feel "safe" when they're around them. Women feel safe because they are attracted to men that would seemingly protect them. I say this because in the time of the caveman, women NEEDED to be attracted to this kind of man in order to survive. That's why people are attracted to people who smell good (a good sent is a sign of of health, and our instincts attract us to the healthiest mates). thereforeeee, the shy, timid, unsure guy will appear weaker and thus less attractive than the more social, prouder guy (unfortunately, this is why a lot of girls like the cocky jerk type of guys).

pianoguy, Firstly, I shoud explain that I wrote my last post at about 3 in the morning. Lol, and my ability to reason (and spell!) was effectively hindered It's pretty embarrassing spelling Testament wrong. Now, I would like to share with you my understanding of the differences between the old and new Testaments. The Old Testament is Old Covenant, and the New Testament is the New Covenant. Before the savior, we were judged according to the Law. This law defined the Old Covenant. To live rightousley before Christ, one had to abide by the rules set forth in the Old Testament. The New Testiment is, obviously, where Jesus' purpose resides. Jesus changed everything in that He redefined what it ment to live rightously. Instead of abiding by a set of laws, one was to embrace a new way of thinking. This new foundation was based solely on love. This is why I spend much more time reading the New Testament. It is my understanding that the Old Testament, for lack of a better word, is obsolete. It is outdated. But to be outdated is not to be wrong. Jesus Himself explains a number of examples of this senario. We find them in the fifth chapter of Matthew. One is found in verses 38-40: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." What was written in the Law is not "wrong" per se, but rather obsolete. The words "but I tell you now" imply change. Rather than saying that what was written before was false, Jesus says that what was written before has been replaced by a new way of life. This is what the New Covenant effectively is; a replacement of the Law. Evidence of this is found all over Romans and Galatians. The end of Romans 3 and beginning of Romans 4 explains this idea clearly: 3 21But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,[link removed] through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. 27Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle? On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. 29Is God the God of Jews only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30since there is only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised through that same faith. 31Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law. 4 1What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather, discovered in this matter? 2If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. 3What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."[link removed] 4Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. 5However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. You mentioned the "do not kill" comandment. This particular element of the Law interested me a few years back. At the time, I was becoming more intuned with my faith, and I began realizing that my politically conservative ideology was, in many cases, contradictory to what I should be standing for in faith. I researched this commandment for a good while, and found that the true Hebrew translation translates to "Do not murder". Now, muder is subject to interpretation, but, generally speaking, there is a difference between killing and murduring. However, if we look at this commandment from the point from this point of view, the law of putting to death children who curse their parents makes more sense. In fact, it somewhat is justified by the "honor thy mother and father" commandment. Does this seem crazy? You betcha. But we cannot compare apples to oranges. Life was different then. Jesus had not existed. The idea that rightousness was based on love was not taught because it was, at that time, not the way to attain rightousness. At the time, rightousness was achieved by observing these seemingly crazy laws. That's why Jesus was so revolutionary. That's why many of the Jews felt threatened by Jesus. He changed everything. I believe that Leviticus 20:13 was a law that defined part of the Old Covenant. I also believe that the law has little relevance today. thereforeeee, I do not believe that homosexual sex is sinful based on this law. I only believe that it is sinful because it is shown to be immoral in the beginning of Romans, as you indicated. I have great respect for Paul. I find him to be a good, honorable, humble Christian (from his general point of view depicted in how he writes). I think he, more than the other deciples, has a clearer, more accurate understanding of Jesus and what is meant by is life and teachings. Lustful and homosexual sex, in the New Testament, is shown to be immoral. But this does not mean that homosexuality is, itself, sinful. This is why I stand where I do. I do not believe that it is wrong to be gay. As you said, it is natural for some people to be attracted to their own sex. But, we find that it is written that this kind of sex is immoral. I justify this through the combination of two closely related elements of Christianity: Sacrifice and Faith. Sacrifice is an important part of Christianity. Jesus' life explains this clearly; so do his teachings. It is easy to love those who love you, but it is a sacrifice to love those who persecute you. Faith is related to sacrifice because sacrifice is, I believe, required to be faithful. If you interpret Jesus' teaching that believing in him will earn you eternal life, than all you have to do is acknowledge that Jesus is who He is, and then you've got a free ticket to do anything without consequence. But, we are taught by Paul that this is not the case. To have faith is to have trust. We must trust Jesus to have faith in Him. We must trust His teachings in order to have faith in him. That's why its hard to remain faithful; because Jesus' teachings call for sacrifice. Its hard to trust that something that requires pain in life will reward you in a place that you do not know of. I currently believe that people who are born with homosexual desires are born also with a responsibility to sacrifice by limiting their homosexual experiences to non-sexual outlets. This satisfies the requirment to remain sexually moral, faithful, and sacrificial. I hope this clarifies to you where I stand and why. I would like to hear what you have to say. Your friend, Christian

pianoguy, Your response to my post did clear up a lot of what I now realized confused me earlier. I must apoligize; now realizing that you are a Christian, I can imigine how insulting my earlier post must have been. I'm sorry. I would consider myself a moderate Christian. However, practically, I would say that I'm more conservatve (religiously). I attribute this to my interpretations of the New Testimate. I take more of the teachings found in this section of the Bible more literally than most Christians (in my experience). However, I am completely open to interpretation. From what I have read, homosexuality is described to be a sin in both Testimates. Am I saying it is a sin? No. I merely believe it to be (based on my reading of the Bible). What I ask of you is this. How do you interpret the New Testimate in a way that does not condem homosexuality? Please do not feel that I am challenging you in any way. I am meerly asking for your interpretation because I fully acknowledge the fact that I could very well be wrong. I'd also like to respond to your responce concerning my "don't toss the 'dont judge others' defence". I'm fully aware of Jesus' teaching of with-holding judgement. I suggested what I did because it is my opinion that the conservative Christians that you speak of pretty much ignore, deny, or are ignorant of this particular element of true Christian living. thereforeeee, I believe that throwing that defence would do little good, if not harm, in any realistic senario with one of these particular "Christians". I'll check back regularly and respond with any updates from you. Your Friend, Chris

I read your post, and took particular offence to this claim you made. Am I a Christian? Yes, I am. Just because I follow something that you do not does not make it "idiotic". While I symphatize your situation, I cannot help but find it hypocritical that you call a conservative Christian idiotic because he does not understand how you feel when all the while you do not understand how he/she feels. You may believe it or you many not believe it, but for many Christians, their faith springs a spiritual feeling within them. Im cannot say wheather or not you understand this, but it is true (I experience it myself). As a result, your feelings are really no different than a spiritual Christian's. Not all Christians believe that homosexuality is a sin. Some will read the Bible more literally than others. Now, to respond to your question... One easy response to someone that says you'll go to hell if you are gey is this: "No one knows the fate of our souls except God Himself". Its easy to remember, simple, and according to Christian doctrine, its true. One suggestion I have is, don't throw out the "don't judge others" defence. In my experience, this does nothing to aid the defendent's argument. In fact, it usually just agrivates the person "judging" you. Also, it's a bad idea to make the "but God will forgive me" claim. This just makes it look like you're taking advantage of His mercy (which is clearly shown as being wrong in the book of Romans). (not saying you've used these defence techniques, just supplying my opinion in cased you did/do)

were you two seeing one another online?

Hey, This may sound a bit extreme but.... Being a Christian, I participate in lent...and for this year, I decided to give up all forms off food and drink except bread, apples, peanut butter, milk, and water. While my intentions were to sacrifice, I ended up loosing a significant amount of weight. Before I started I was 175 lbs (6 feet tall) and about 5 weeks later I am about 162 lbs. What surprises me most is how long I've been at 175 lbs. I am an athletic individual. I run cross country, participate in my NJROTC's Drill and Athletic teams, and I lift weights on a relatively regular basis. Not to boast, but I would say that I am a slim person. For months -possibly a year- I've weighed 175 lbs. However, I've lost this weight after only a few weeks of this new "diet". To tell you the truth, peanut butter, bread, and apples isn't so bad. You might want to consider it. -Gogol

hey, man I live in Maryland... I'm not going to beat anyone up, but I will talk with someone if you need me to. Give me a shout here or e-mail me... email removed glad to help in any way

I'm my expirence, girls will always wait for the guy to contact them. Its really cruel, but that's just what they do, lol. I wouldn't wait too long, because she, just as you are, will soon start to feel that you're blowing her off. If things went well when you two were talking, then there is no reason for her to not want to see you again. Hope this helps.

Sounds like a really bad idea to me... I really drank for the first time late this summer. My first time more than just a couple of sips. I would definitely say it was the worst expirence of my life. Not only did I get I get drunk, I was caught. You never think it'll happen to you, but yea, its easy to get drunk your first time. You feel like you're strong and can take it all: I wasn't any different. I drank enough to just mess with my logic....which lead me to drink more. This lead me to be completely irrational, and I drank even more. I drank more than a full glass (12oz) of Skyy Vodca, a HUGE daquri, and at least 5 double shots of jagar meister (disgusting stuff). That night I threw up 12 times......yes 12! By the time my parents got home, I had soiled a good portion of my family room's carpet. After crying in front of my furious parents for about an hour and a half (from the guilt and irrationality of being drunk) I fell asleep. I awoke to a piercing headache and a overwealming feeling of nausia....leading me to throw up again, this time a green substance (????). Man, that day was really terrible. I'm just glad I had my sister to back me up. She was the one who really got the drinks and offered them to me (I would never had accepted outside the realm of her "protection" if you will). All im saying man is, it can really end up bad. I wish I could gain back the trust I lost from my parents that day. I dont want the same to happen to you....but that's just me. -Chris

Now, I'm going to say this because I want to encourage you to avoid doing something now that you'll regret very much later on in life.... Sex before marriage is a sin and you should never do something while being fully aware that what you're doing is a sin. God must come first in your life. If you put God aside, then you are putting the only thing in real control of your life aside. God is the key to all your happiness. Life is a test... a test that lasts for the time of our lives. Time is something we humans call a little sliver of forever. The only puropse in life is to determine our fate of an eternity of heaven or an eternity of hell. There is nothing you can do in life that makes it worth going to hell forever for. thereforeeee, why not sacrifice for this little sliver of forever to earn an eternity of absolute paradice? No matter what God loves you. Please, find Him and talk with him. Make God your top priority in life. Thankyou

S4il, Before I say what I have to say, I'd like to commend you on holding onto your verginity. While I may not be as young as you, thus making it less of a feet, I am a vergin too... and plan on keeping it until I am with the person who I will spend my life with and have officially married them. Now, I'm going to say this because I want to encourage you to avoid doing something now that you'll regret very much later on in life.... Sex before marriage is a sin and you should never do something while being fully aware that what you're doing is a sin. God must come first in your life. If you put God aside, then you are putting the only thing in real control of your life aside. God is the key to all your happiness. Life is a test... a test that lasts for the time of our lives. Time is something we humans call a little sliver of forever. The only puropse in life is to determine our fate of an eternity of heaven or an eternity of hell. There is nothing you can do in life that makes it worth going to hell forever for. thereforeeee, why not sacrifice for this little sliver of forever to earn an eternity of absolute paradice? No matter what God loves you. Please, find Him and talk with him. Make God your top priority in life. Thankyou

There are many many reasons that hiring an escort is NOT the answer to your problems... First, you said that you were lonly. You longed to be with someone. I know exactly how you feel man. It hurts so badly to have a heart full of love and no one to share it with. When all you want is a head on your chest and a hand in your own. However, these feelings of emptyness will only amplify with an escort. She will not have feelings for you beyond one of a "professional" nature. The possibility that you will be attracted to her is great, and when she will not return your feelings, you will be left in a worse position than you are now. I don't mean to say what you are or how you will take things, but I am saying that from the information you posted, the chance is great that this is true. Next, you are loosing your verginity to a prostitute. I may be part of a shrinking crowd, but I feel that one's verginity is the most important physical aspect to one's body and soul. You will loose such an important quality of your body to someone who holds no love, affection, or attraction towards you. Also, if you're a Christian, you should know that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Our verginity is ment to be shared with the one we spend the rest of our lives with. If you loose yours now, to a person so "unimportant" to you, then you will no doubtly regret your decision once you meet someone special. Now, you may be saying "That someone special isn't coming". Well, I can assure you that she is. But, you can't sit around doing nothning and expect her to come to you. Remember, she is waiting to meet someone special too (you). The only thing is, she's already out looking for you. You need to meet eachother half way. Go out. Visit single bars. Get involved in local programs. Do anything to meet people, and more specifically, women. Believe me, your special woman is waiting just like you are. And she's already out there looking for you. Don't make her wait! I promise you that if you put the effort into it , you WILL meet her. Remember, don't loose hope. There will be women whom you think are the one but turn out not to be. Some of these women can hurt your heart quite badly. Stay alert and don't let yourself fall for a women like this. Now, forget about this silly prostitute idea and find the woman who will love you for who you are. She's waiting....

even though i wanted to kiss my (now ex) long before we were going out, it took me nearly 2 months to build up the courage to kiss her.

I think its great that you want to have a stronger relationship with your girlfriend. That you want to get more intimate and passionate with her. I would say that rubbing her tummy is a great way to start out. From there, you can move to caressing her breasts. From there, the shirt can come off. Ya know? I'm sure you're fine with kissing the neck and everything (you said that you've made out with her). So, you can start to kiss her chest. And kiss downwards. By there, natural instinct should kick in. Now, I'm going to say this because I want to inform you, so that you have a greater chance to avoid doing something now that you'll regret very much later on in life.... Sex before you are married, in ALL cases, is a sin. You should never do something while being fully aware that it is a sin. God must come first in your life. If you put God aside, then you are putting the only thing in real control of your life aside. God is the key to all your happiness. Life is a test... a test that lasts for the time of our lives. This test is something we humans call time, which is a little sliver of forever. The only puropse in life is to determine our fate of an eternity of heaven or an eternity of hell. There is nothing you can do in life that makes it worth going to hell forever for. You could live the most pleasureful, self endulgent life possible, here on earth, but it wouldn't be worth going to hell for. thereforeeee, why not sacrifice for this little sliver of forever to earn an eternity of absolute paradice? No matter what God loves you. Please, find Him and talk with Him. Make God your top priority in life. He will guilde you. Thankyou