My stance on getting back together:
It CAN happen. In ANY situation. You just never know. The important thing is to not hold out for a reconciliation, but rather, to take things easy and see where life goes.
Some stories I know of:
- J & B dated while J was in high school (B was in university). J decided she wasn't interested after maybe 5mos or so and ended it. B was heartbroken... but he never showed it to her. They both dated other people. J went out and lived her life after graduation. B was in a long-term relationship. All the while, however, B would talk endlessly about J. He decided when she returned from Australia that he was going to win her back. He did. They're now happily together 4yrs since reconciling, and they are engaged (live together and have a puppy too).
- L & R have dated for 4 years now. R has always been a little bit neglectful - he'd take her for granted and party too late, he'd vanish for a day or two at a time, whatever. They had a few mini-breakups that lasted a couple days, and then finally she had enough with it all and said "see ya" forever. They were broken up about 4mos and R realized his mistakes. They're now happily together and live together (though they did prior to the main breakup - he has a job where he's out of town 3 weeks out of 4).
- D & G broke up because D was so focused on the future of their relationship. They had been dating for a year and a half. She always wanted to know - will we get married? My crowd is in their mid 20's and G is really not at a point in his life where marriage is on the table, but he loves D dearly (indeed - I would say those two are true soulmates, their courtship is very long-drawn-out and romantic). G was done with it and ended it. D was heartbroken. She would see him regularly and tried to be his friend, but every time she saw him she'd end up crying. When she was not around him she had such bad anxiety that she had to start taking medication to deal with it. Eventually (after a month) they both realized that while neither of them knows what the future holds one thing is certain: right now, they love eachother, and they want to be together. They've been reconciled for about 6mos now and sound great together.
- Ma & Mi Ma and Mi went out for a little while but were never official. Mi essentially used Ma as a * * * * buddy. Mi disappeared eventually only to be seen dating a new girl and Ma was devastated. This was in college. Ma eventually moved on and dated another guy for about 3 years. It was a terrible relationship and between her relationship with Mi and with the other guy, she was shattered. She went into therapy and began working on herself. At some point while Ma was dating the ex that destroyed her, Mi realized how much he missed Ma. He called her non-stop while Ma was with the other guy, but she didn't care. He had treated her like * * * * . Eventually, after Ma had broken up with the other guy, and had begun to feel successful in her therapy, her and Mi got together. Its been 9months now.
- C and D dated for two years until C had to move away. They tried long distance, but C was not feeling it. She dumped D. D was devastated but tried her best to move on. Still, D would come and visit C whenever it was convenient. It became a bit of a ... we're not dating but we're not not dating kind of thing. C got a job in Norway (they were at this point on opposite sides of Canada) and had to eventually decide: what does D mean to me? Initially C had no interest in keeping things going. D backed off. Eventually C realized how much she loved C, and admitted to herself that she was ready to have a serious and long-term relationship with D, and so - they went out and got a marriage license so that D could move to Norway with her.
- I know two couples that both broke up to LDR (amicable breakups). In both cases, the men in the relationships were very sad about the break ups, but accepted them as necessary and moved on. In both cases, when the women came home - the men asked the ladies back out - and the couples got back together. Both are now married.
All of these stories show that a broad spectrum of breakups can lead to reconciliation. You could have been in love prior to the break up, but you may not have been. You could have had a short-term relationship, or a long-term one. You may be broken up for a couple months, or a couple years. The break up may have been mutual, it may not have been. The dumper may have been the one to re-establish ties, or it may have been the dumpee.
There are no fixed rules.
The only real trend I can see is that while some of these stories contain one person in the relationship being either a) really clingy or b) really avoidant, none of these stories include cheating or abuse. I guess you never know though.
That's just my two cents!