autumn

We fell Did you forget that we once fell, Blindsighted, Unprepared? Was it clouds of new love, or of past misery? We fell in love, And to that end, Moments were seized, Memories were etched. If I forget now, Then you, My love, and yours, was worth nothing. Can I blame loving you, For how much it hurts? And if this dies, What is forever?

Tell the doctor about your pain. This is serious. Don't hold back, and make sure your doctor explains to your satisfaction what this pain is. If necessary, at 26 weeks there are enough tests they can perform to ensure everything is ok. Ask for these tests if you need peace of mind. (i.e. more than the doctor just feeling up your stomach with his/her hand.) Best of luck with this.

Have you ever sent a guy flowers? To his workplace even? etc? This is a real stunner. Believe me, men like that too. Especially because it's so rare from a woman. I think you made a good point about IM and the phone - you're talking about all the ways you stay connected. What you might want to think about are the "unconnected" things. For example, writing a poem to him when you are not talking to him, or doing other things while you are not actually communicating. This shows your preoccupation with your partner when they are not around.

When you try to move on, he will begin to reevaluate what you mean to him, because only when he begins to lose you will he think about the value of what he needs. Then you will know where you stand.

reminds me of a song by the "New Radicals" - called, "I hope I didn't just give away the ending." The song talks about just being with someone for not wanting to be along - kinda like when you say "A technique to get by." Anyways, here's the lyrics if you're interested. I love the song by the way. She wanted to be a nun Until that fateful day we met I beat the crucifix in a game of Russian roulette I burned my Beatles records because she hated number nine She licked rock cocaine sucker Laughed, said her mom's doing mine Well, are you an illusion, or am I just getting stoned? Because I can't take it alone I can't take it alone I hope I didn't just give away the ending We started limping, caught the handicap shuttle to town and yelled "God's healed us" As we ran off the bus the driver just frowned By the way this girl was sexy and she wouldn't touch you This may not be true but I said it so you'd feel involved with this song Are you an illusion or am I just getting stoned Because I can't take it alone I can't take it alone I hope I didn't just give away the ending We caught a fey taxi driver I smiled the ride was free I felt like Amsterdam She wanted more drugs and maybe me I told her dealer I was broke He hired a camera man We did a porno film for coke I hear I'm big in Japan Are you an illusion Or am I just getting stoned Because I can't take it alone I can't take it alone I hope I didn't just give away the ending we went back to her kitchen Put the coke all in a can Tied up a T.V minister In walked her dad He started drinking coffee Too much sugar on the go He fell dead on the floor He thought the coke was sweet'n'low Well are you an illusion or am I just getting stoned Because I can't take it alone I can't take it alone I hope I didn't just give away the ending Boy was she upset but then she stole her dad's wallet and I drove him to the hospital To sell all of his donatable body parts And this is where she dies They brought the depressed junkie in She shot his Cyanide up I guess she thought it was errol flynn I'm blamed in the confusion The police being phoned I don't even love you We weren't even friends It's just that I can't take it alone Uh, huh I can't take it alone I hope I didn't just give away the ending (repeat 6 times) Aw Jesus, Ah s*** I think I just gave away the ending

a beautiful poem. keep writing PLEASE.!!

The first good thing is that you realize your problem. By seeing this about yourself, you are actually saying to yourself, "Hey, I gotta live more. I need to live a more fulfilling life. I need to overcome my fears and LIVE." That is a great first step. I can say that if you keep this focus, and desire, you will eventually overcome your fear, because that desire to LIVE is so strong. If I can be of some advice, - I've heard over and over again that if you are not willing to take a risk, you got nothing worth fighting/living for. Hey, if you fail, you tried right? So you learned something, and you at least find out where you stand. That is something gained, in my opinion. Most guys have a problem just knowing what to say, let alone saying it. If you have ideas about what you could interject, well try one line. Or start with a smile, and see if there's a response to that. You wanna talk? Well open the doors - don't be a stuck up. Be nice, smile, and if that doesn't work, then you probably don't want to deal with people that are stuck up anyways.

The russian culture is one of kissing on the lips. It's not as common these days anymore, but 20 yrs ago this was the norm. If you were around then, you will remember seeing russian presidents on the news kissing their political colleagues. And I've seen this first hand. Although this may be beautiful to some, I think this is not sanitary - talk about instant infection if one has a virus!!

What a wonderful poem! Thanks so much for sharing it. I'm sure everyone that reads it can benefit.

When I separated from my ex 3 yrs ago, I sent her a separation agreement without delay. I wanted to make sure she had no time to think things through, so that my needs and wants would be protected. She was foolish enough to sign it immediately. I may sound evil, but the reality is that she was not a very nice person, and she would play all kinds of games had I not moved quickly on this. Have you looked over the agreement? Does it protect your interests? Could you say that you co-authored it? Why don't YOU write up your own separation agreement, and ask him to sign that instead? OK, I know that you're more interested in getting the relationship on track. But he's probably more concerned about getting burned. He's trying to control this relationship and keep you where he wants you. Eventually that could mean just pushing you right out once he got what he needed. I know this sounds very harsh, but that is a possibility you should consider. What I'm scared of is that although he agrees to counselling, it may just be a front to get you on his side. He may have another agenda. I'm saying this, because he does not sound sincere. I may be wrong, but why can't things go on YOUR terms? Think about it.

First of all, don't wait for HIM to ask you to meet. YOU should set up a meeting for your own "sanity." You should definitely meet before you leave. This way, you will not be left wondering where the relationship stands. If it's over, you can better find closure on this matter if you see him once to confirm that. I was in a relationship once that ended tumultuously. But I had my lingering doubts, and I remembered good times we shared. Finally, the day came when I met up with her again. At that moment, I realized why I had left her, she had changed as a person and was not that same beautiful person to me any more. It helped me find closure. Good luck to you.

Why are you taking this crap? This guy is an extreme asshole and loser. He will never be in a truly happy relationship unless he goes through much pain himself. He will have to learn the hard way. You, on the other hand, lost a baby - that is very painful. And for anyone to go around and make a joke out of it, or even take it lightly in the slightest way, shows extreme disrespect for life. If anyone is laughing with him, shame on them. No one would want that to happen to them. You have also learned a hard lesson, and be grateful that things are not worse. You could have ended up with a child for the wrong man. But instead of dwelling on your losses, think about how much you've gained. Think about how lucky you are not to be with such a loser. Think about the experience you've gained. For a while, it will cause you pain and sadness, but down the road, you will be wiser, and happier because of your ability to spot losers like this. If he EVER makes a remark that offends the death in your family, you have every right to complain to your Human Resources Dept, or your Manager. That is an insult to the highest degree. THINK ABOUT IT! If your mother died, would you let anyone go around mocking that?? What about your baby? Have respect for yourself girl! You deserve better.

These men are lucky to have women like you. There are plenty of men who have to beg their wives to give them some satisfaction, let alone a massage. If the guy feels you are his support, then he should be happy to come home to you for some stress relief. OK, some stress can get the better of you, but 3 weeks? c'MON! If he cared, he would realize that you have needs too! Maybe you could try giving him something to be jealous about. When you are ignored, let him feel the same. I suggest you dress up sexy, forget about him for a while. Don't let him see the needy side of you - it will not turn him on. Instead, let him see the assertive, confident side - a woman that is independent and does not depend on any man to meet her requirements. You might get addicted to this behaviour seeing what it will bring you!

Gamblers are tough to deal with. JLo and Ben Affleck are a good example. A good movie to explore some of gambling's effects is "Rounders." (Matt Damon loses his woman over gambling in this movie.) If you're dealing with a heavy gambler, they are usually preoccupied with the game all the time. It's all they think about. I used to participate in poker tournaments myself and know quite a few gamblers. Fortunately, I discovered through tough love that other things are more important in life, such as people. The other side of this coin is that his addictive personality can also be turned to become dependant on you. He will probably treat his relationships similarily to how he treats his gambling. When things are not going well, he may become very depressed and take extreme and unusual steps to correct problems. Gamblers are very difficult to live with because it sometimes is or often leads to obsessive compulsive behaviours. (Look it up) Those are very difficult to break. He needs to care about you tremendously to break that. It's a good thing that he can be open with you about gambling - most heavy gamblers hide the extent of their problems from others. However, you do need to find out what is more important. As he has already told you about this weekend, I would suggest that you be supportive of him in this tournament. However, when a night comes up that he is planning to play in a less important event, ask him to drop it and see you instead. Have him prove to you that you are more important. "Good luck."

sometimes all you need is for someone to listen. This forum is a great place for that! Don't be afraid to go back to your counsellor when you feel down.