mijo

Hey, I know you're right. At the time I half thought oh I wish I was at home, but then I sat and thought what would have been better.. a. Being home and letting him come round, enjoying the time with him and it being "like old times" just for a short time. or b. Knowing that he was texting me asking me over and over and over again to see him, to let him come round and then for me to get a taxi back and me being the stronger person and saying no again and again. As much as I'd have loved to see him I know it was best that I didn't. I haven't heard anything from him since so he is probably regretting the contact, who knows. How long have you been NC now? I think it may be best to let him know about the move so that he isnt totally shocked, but make it clear to him that u are just informing him incase u run into him but that u still want to maintain NC? Glad you've found a place, that must be a weight lifted

Hi, How is everything going with you? Have you heard anything more from him, or anything new happened with the move? I am doing ok thanks. I was finding it quite hard, I found out he is going away on holiday with a girl so convinced myself he has a new partner. He then text me a couple of days later really upset asking me if he was an awful person to be with, saying he thought i was lovely and he was so sorry if he'd ever upset me, could we go for a drink in the new year etc and that he wanted to be good friends. I also asked him straight out if he was seeing anyone and he said no. The on Friday at 3am he started texting me asking if I was asleep, saying he was near my house and he wanted to come round and see me, and did I want a cuddle etc etc. Luckily I was staying somewhere else so I had the decision taken out of my hands! Even though I said I was somewhere else he kept asking if he could come there or if I could get a cab home and he'd pay etc. I now haven't heard from him since then! I think he was probably feeling a bit lonely and wanted some reassurance? Oh, I just wish I knew what was going on inside his head! I feel like I have grown a little now and have managed to accept some things, almost that if the opportunity to get back together did arise I don't know that i could really do it???

Oh I am really sorry to hear about that, that's the worst when it hits you afterwards. At least you know you have apologized for the text and now there is nothing more you can say. The best is to stick to no contact and see what happens when you do eventually speak to him. I know exactly what you mean about being reminded of them when doing things like shopping. My ex lived out of the city so we would spend most of our time together at my place so everything reminds me of him, the pub we went to for our first date, the first place we met, cafes, shops etc. It's hard but I guess we have to make new memories in these places. I have even started walking a new way to work as the old way reminds me of when I used to chat to him on the phone on my way home...ridiculous really. As for not wanting to miss him I know exactly how you feel. I had convinced myself in the last week that I was fine with this, that it was for the best we'd never work etc, and that maybe in the new year we could meet up to chat and go for a friendly drink. I convinced myself that when I saw him again I'd remember what had made it fall apart etc, but then when I saw him accross the bar on saturday I felt like i'd been hit by something. I didn't remember all the things that made it fall apart, I remembered all the reasons I wanted to be with him, it was awful not knowing whether to say hi or not. It just made me realise I'm obviously not over him. I SO wish I had gone over and spoken to him but I can't change that now. He had gone for drinks after work and all I kept thinking was if we were still together he'd be coming here to meet me and our friends now, and instead he's just a guy accross the bar that I can't bring myself to talk to because I'll choke. argh.

Hey, How is everything going now? Did you receive a text back from your apology?? That's great that a family member may be moving with you, you must be excited!! I am having a baaad day today. I went out last night with all of my friends and was having a great night until one of my friends said they could see my ex accross the bar. I didn't know what to do, turned round and could see them from the side/back but knew he hadnt seen me. My other friend then said he had just looked round and seen her so may assume I am there too. I panicked and didn't know what to do, I wanted to go over and talk but didn't know how to. I ended up going to the toilet to calm down and then when I came back down he had gone! I was really really gutted because I so wanted to go and talk to him (the last time I saw him everything was fine and he was lying in bed so thought it might help to see him and be normal but not together) plus I was really dressed up and out having fun so thought it would have been a good first meeting. I tried to forget it and then ended up breaking NC! I sent him a text saying "were you just in (name of bar), my friend thought she saw you. Have a good nightx" and he replied "Yeh I was x Come to (name of club) x". I just replied saying everyone wanted to go somewhere else. I tried to forget about it and then only found out a couple of hours later that as he was leaving when I was in the toilet he had had to walk past my group of friends and gone and spoken to 2 of them! He had apparently asked if I was there and how I was doing. My friend told him I was just in the toilets, but yeh I was doing great and we were all having a wicked night. The he asked after my housemate (who he has been friends with for yours, but also not spoken to since we split), and then he said we should all go to the club he was going to. This just made me feel so bad! I just wish he hadn't known we were there. I just keep saying to myself that he obviously doesn't care at all as he knew I was there, he could have waited to see me. I've just been so upset today, I really wish he hadn't been there and I wish I hadn't text him. Even more than that though I just wish I'd been grown up enough to go over there and talk to him, I hate the fact that this has proven to me that despite everything I'm not over him at all!

What happened with your NC? Sorry to hear about that. We went a week of NC before he started contacting me again, we text back and forth and the past week has been odd. I told him on saturday night I found the situation weird and he asked why and I said because we're not together but keep texting. I haven't text him since then, but on Monday he text me 4 times which I ignored and I suppose I did break NC by tagging him in a photo on facebook on Tuesday, and I had photo comments on FB on wednesday and thursday from him, but have had nothing yet today. So I haven't made any real contact with him since the weekend, today is proving really hard though. I want to text him so much but I just know that I shouldn't. I just really hope I manage to make it through the evening without becoming weak! I think it's also a case of if he texts me how do I stop myself replying? Altho since I ignored his texts on Monday he hasn't text me since. argh.

With regard to facebook I am finding it hard as we have a lot of mutual friends and we said when we split we would try and stay friends. Even tho he ended it he has continued to contact me and I have been trying to go NC as I was finding it too hard hearing from him. I ignored 4 text messages from him on Monday then last night I got an IM on facebook saying "hey", I deliberated and ended up writing back "hey how are you?". He went offline straight after and I'm convinced he only sent the message to check up if I was still talking to him...playing ridiculous games. I was so angry and upset, but now I actually think it's helped me a bit. I think I deserve better than his games, and he should respect me enough to not contact me after we broke up. I don't want to delete him off facebook as I fear I'll look petty with us having lots of mutual friends etc. Plus I know it will hit him harder to see photos of me out having fun and enjoying myself without him than having me delete him. Maybe one day we'll be able to be friends again and at least if he is left on my FB then I wont have to explain to him why I deleted him. I know it is different for different people though, and I agree that if you don't have ties to your ex, you don't share the same friendship circle etc then you are indeed best to just delete them and move on.

It must be hard to think that one of the main reasons you broke up will now be resolved but you don't know if it will make any difference. I admire you for being strong and making the move, a lot of people couldn't do that. At least he knows you are going for work and not just for him. I tend to vary day by day really. I had a really good day on Monday, I think maybe because you feel a bit of power when they text you and you don't reply but then it comes to the days where I heard nothing and then I slip back into being upset. I do feel that I have progressed though. It's just going to be hard not to wish him a merry christmas!

I am on my 3rd proper day of NC now after speaking with him at the weekend. I suppose I kind of broke it yesterday as I tagged a picture of him on facebook. I wish I hadn't now. Oh well. He text me 4 times on Monday and I managed to avoid replying which I'm really pleased about, but since then I have heard nothing. Can't help but think as I ignored him and said on saturday that our situation was weird how we broke up but keep texting, that now he will have just thought forget it and moved on to the next girl. I know if he has done that then he isn't worth it, but it's still a horrible thought. I guess I'm just confused still - I want him to text me so I know I am in his thoughts, but I also don't want to be reminded of him. Vicious circle

Hey, Glad you are doing better now, and you are doing well with the NC. I am not doing too bad. We text on Satuirday night and I ended up saying I found the situation weird that we weren't together but we were still texting, then it got brought up that we were having a party and he asked why he hadn't been invited as it was for my housemate's bday who was his friend originally. I had had a bit to drink and I shouldnt have text him. I text him in the morning to apologise and he said it was fine and I had nothing to apologise for. I then decided I need to do NC properly as the way things are is ridiculous, I don't know where I stand as he texts all the time but he seems to be making it clear that he doesn't want more than friendship...I think. I woke up on Monday and for the first time felt really well. I didn't wake up upset and when he text me in the morning I didn't feel like I needed to reply. He then text for 4 times during the day - 2 of them were jokes to which I'd normally reply, then he sent a text about the weekend and asking how I was, and then he sent a bizarre text along the lines of "fill in the missing words and send back to me". That was the one that threw me - why send that to someone unless you're expecting a flirty message back, but I never replied to any of them. I woke up this morning though and felt really down, the same as I had done last week. I immediately wanted to text him, even though I knew I really really shouldn't. I haven't been able to stop myself looking at his facebook etc either. I suppose that is what makes NC quite hard - we have so many mutual friends it is impossible for him to not see what I'm up to, although I guess maybe that's a good thing. Shows I still have a life after him. I just wish I didn't feel so down today - I think it's possibly because he hasn't text me today, so I feel like after me ignoring him yesterday he will give up that easily. Oh well, we'll see....

Hey, How are you? That's really good that the move is taking your mind off things. have you heard from anyone he went out with whether he had a partner with him, or would you rather not know? I am ok thanks, feeling a little down. We hadn't spoken for a week and then yesterday I got a text from him just saying "Hey how are you doing?x", I replied briefly and then later on got a random text saying "Before the end of 2008 me and you should ______? Fill in the blank and forward it on, it might put a smile on your face" I had thought he had sent it to everyone, but nobody else who is friends with him received it. Anyway it turned into a light hearted brief text exchange, but then last night and today I have heard nothing back from him. I know he is at a gig tonight and then back at work after his trip tomorrow, so we'll see. It's 4 weeks this weekend since we last saw each other, I am just convinced he is bound to have met somebody else in that time. I am going to try not to text him and see if I hear from him again. It's just frustrating when all you want to do is hold them. Anyway, I am going out for a meal with friends tonight so hopefully keep my mind off things.

Hey, I think you're really strong to be able to move nearer to him and still maintain NC, but if you manage it you will be so much stronger for it. How are you today? I am having a really bad day today. Everything was seeming much better and last night I felt ok with things, but I know he has this week off work and have found out today from a friend that he is up in Glasgow (we live near London) "visiting a friend" but they didn't know who. I then went and looked on facebook to see who his friends are in Scotland (I couldn't help it), and the only people in Glasgow are both girls. I know he has been on tour with his friends band to scotland a few times so may know others there, but I also know last time they went on tour he got with a girl there, now I feel absolutely awful as I'm so convinced he's gone up there to stay with a girl he knows. Why is that even though I know we have broken up so he can do as he pleases, and what's more this girl is in scotland so he is unlikely to start up a relationship with her, despite all of that it still hurts so much to think of it. I wish my friend had never told me as I wouldn't be wondering so much!

Hey thanks for the reply. I guess with the NC I'd like the outcome to be that he'll realise he wants me to stay in his life in some capacity. I think it will definitely make me stronger too. I know the text yday set me back a little but I feel now that I have made a clear stand to him that I'd like to talk things through and try and work things out, now the ball is truly in his court and I almost dont feel the need to contact him at all now. If he wants to contact me he will try, and if not then I know I'll be absolutely gutted but I'll know it's for the best. Thanks for saying about facebook etc - that is my biggest problem really. It seems so hard not to check it when it is one click away, and so hard not to read too much into status updates. But since we were friends before and said we'd stay friends I don't want to seem petty in deleting him. Tonight was quite hard. I work in a theatre and we had a VIP launch night tonight (I'm in uk), and everyone was with their partners and I just kept thinking how I'd have loved him to be there and we'd have had a laugh. Luckily my friend came with me though, so it made it much easier. Your situation sounds awful with the long distance. How long have u known that you will be moving now? It is really hard one as you don't want him to assume that it's all because of this you are moving. You could maybe just contact him casually and say that you are relocating because of work and wanted to tell him so that you don't end up bumping into each other and him being shocked to see you, and perhaps when you're settled you could go for a drink, but you want to see how you get on. That way you'll be letting him now, but not making into a huge deal that he has to be worried about. If he then wants to contact you when you've moved or see you straight away then he will know you're nearby.

There's a difference between not looking and sitting back and expecting it to happen. Obviously you must still get out there, have fun, meet people and enjoy yourself, but don't go out on the weekend with your sole purpose being to meet the love of your life. Go out and enjoy yourself with friends, get out and about as much as you can and it will happen.

I would totally agree with this. I had been up and down for so many years and on the lookout for someone, then I moved back to my hometown got settled and was having an amazing time. I wasn't even thinking about men because I was so content. Then one random Sunday morning, hungover from the night before I logged on to facebook chat and up pops a message from a guy I had met through my friend that he has liked me since we first met and would I be interested in going for a drink with him. I couldn't believe it as I had liked him for a while too but thought no more of it as I hadn't heard from him. We got together and everything went great (the downside to the story is that we have recently broken up). But I do believe it's true that when you truly stop looking (not purposefully, but just because you're content), thats when it will hit you.