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gingerbeer

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  1. My [long] story is in another thread somewhere or another. In a four year relationship - we've had two long breaks. Both time I did NC (without knowing about NC) for two months - just getting on with my life and accepting his decision and not getting in touch. Both times he got in touch with me. Now here's my twist. Both times he got back with me begging for another chance, I was the only one for him, blah blah blah - within a month of coming back, he'd back off again, not make much effort - I'd get frustrated, we'd start fighting ... the end would draw nigh again. Now I feel like ok there were a lot of things wrong in our r/ship - as replies to my long thread have stated. But I also can't shake the feeling that I love the guy so much and will sadly for a long time. I feel like both times he came back, I made things way way too easy for him to come back - threw open my arms and laid back saying "come back baby" - and I think he just lost respect for me to be honest. Now the final time we broke up - back in June - it was because again I'd felt he was making no effort to work on our r/ship. The day after I broke things off, I discovered he'd been internet dating since Jan of this year. I contacted him in a hissy fit - he said it meant nothing had just been when he'd been bored blah blah blah - but then said "at least you get the clean break you need" and "I could never make you happy". To add to this, I'm pretty certain he suffers from depression, has a lot of work pressures and also a lot of issues in himself that he needs to deal with. So I did NC again for about two months - but then I broke it - I sent him an email saying I missed him, that I couldn't start to pretend to understand what had happened but I missed him in my life. He texted me straight back saying I was in his thoughts most days and that things had got out of hand and that we should meet up soon. We had email/text correspondence for a few weeks. Then finally I asked if he'd met someone else - he said he had "fairly recent, nothing serious though - after you'd gone I've decided nothing left for me in this country and thinking of leaving next year". We then had a dodgy flirting text session a few days after that - which I instantly regretted and I guess he did too as he was incredibly cold by email the next day. Since then we've had LC. Very LC. Always me initiating the communication and always him replying quite quickly and politely and friendly and always him suggesting we should meet up soon (when work calms down - he works in a bank caught up in this whole credit crunch thing) but never actually sorting anything out. So I last contacted him 3 weeks ago - I sent a text saying "miss you" - got an instant response (it had been a month of NC I think beforehand) saying "Hey trouble ... glad to see you're still alive ...! Work still crazy but aware we're overdue a catch up". Emails the next day - all friendly - my last one saying "hey would be good to do this catch up and become friends again". No reply to that. So now I'm in 3 weeks of NC. I think this time for good. I definitely have no intention of contacting him again. I think he's probably got more involved with the girl he was seeing and is just replying to me to feel less guilty and not be nasty etc. I think that is literally all it is. My points here I think are: - If you do NC and your Ex comes back ... don't just jump up and switch straight back into the r/ship if at all possible. Try and be calm about it, don't make things incredibly easy for them (don't play games here but ensure they see you as the person they've been missing. - Do stick to NC and everything that's been said above here - if only for your own self-respect. - So the golden rule is DO NOTHING. I can't deny that I don't hope that he'll come back some time. My concerns are: (a) he will forget me (as well all say) as I'll be replaced by this new person - but hey if he does - then it wasn't the love I thought it was (b) we'll never cross paths - we both live in London and it's a big place and there's no way we'll just bump into each other - we have no connecting friends - so he will just be out of my life unless he contacts me again. © he'll leave next year and go to the other side of the world and I'll never see him again in my life - that one rips my heart out. (d) I shouldn't even be wanting him back after everything that's happened but in so many ways I feel he's the man for me. Warts n all. IF he does come back .... but let's face it, he's come back twice now and I'm sure he wouldn't want to mess me around again - I most certainly won't be jumping back into the relationship. But I do miss him so very much from my life - although have to admit I'd find it hard to see him in reality right now if he were to tell me things are going great guns with this new woman. But I guess if it's meant to be .... it will be. I just know he's very proud, he'll feel very bad about what he did - but I guess I have left the door open by my friendly contact but now it really is time to give him (and more importantly, me) SPACE.
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