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fiffy

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fiffy last won the day on January 30 2009

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About fiffy

  • Birthday 07/24/1983

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  1. Day 30! Can't believe I made it. Feels a bit bitter sweet. Wish it didn'y have to be this way, but it has to. My next goal- 60days!
  2. Well done!!!!!!!!!! I am day 25, not far behind you! Its funny, I have been missing my ex today. Have no idea why. It seems I have forgot all the bad and just wish we were friends again. I just remember all the fun times and the great friendship. I can't help but wonder how he could throw all that away and not want anything to do with me. I guess its natural after some time has passed to forget the bad and remember the good. I wonder if they think this way too? Maybe they will. Maybe our exs will have regrets? Its funny today I had an e-mail from an ex flatmate. He had treated his ex terribly (she was also a flatmate) and was asking for her e-mail to contact her to say sorry. This is four years on so it just shows people do have regrets. Wish my ex did
  3. I would say No Contact is broken if you answer the call. If it is answered and you didn't know it was your ex then its just bad luck. What happened?
  4. Day 25- beat my record! Nearly at 30 wahooooooooo
  5. Haven't posted in ages so thought I would- day 22 About 100th attempt at NC! Still miss my ex, wish I didn't. Still can't get over he is with someone else. Good luck to everyone xx
  6. Hey can anyone help me I am in a really low place. My ex e-mailed me apologising for all his abuse and seemed very sincere. It was long and apologetic. He asked to hear from me again and said he wanted to be friends always and forever. On a very weak moment on day 24 NC (we have been broken up 6 months) I gave in and contacted him. It had been one week after his e-mail. I was very upbeat and happy because I am enjoying life at the moment. He was depressed and sad because his life is in a mess then he just turned on me. Nasty as always. He asked me why I called because he never wants to hear from me again. I responded with because he asked me to. He threw abuse at me and went on and on and on about how great his new girlfriend is and how much he loves her. He put loads of pics on facebook of her the next morning and wrote all over it how in love he was (hes still posting ads on gumtree and internet dating sites though). He is a very screwed up individual and I know I no longer love him or like him. He said I was stalking him and harassing him but I just responded to his request. He is very angry with me and I never know what I have done wrong. He just hates me. I have removed him and his family from my facebook and have had his e-mail blocked I also have a new phone. I just feel so low for being so bad at NC its six months on and I am still a mess. I feel humiliated because when I called he had his mum there and he said to her 'shes harassing me'. I responded to his e-mail! She was in the background saying lets get the police and her parents. I feel like he abused me he was the bad one yet I come out looking like the bad person and the insane one. I just want to be happy and healthy again. I feel like I am a weak pathetic mess. I feel so low and ugly. All the time I have his words in my head. He sent me pictures of his new girlfriend to show me how much thinner she was than me and how beautiful she is. I can never imagine another man saying you are stunning or asking me out. I don't ever get attention from men and his words just highlight what they see. I just feel at an all time low and like just when I get stronger I fall for his stupid lies and tumble down. I think he was angry I did not call over christmas or new year when he expected me to break. I think he is also angry I am ok and moving on in life travelling and booking holidays. In reality I am a mess but I never want him to know that. Will I ever get over this relationship and the abuse? I hate him for what he has done to me and how he just gets away with it and I am the stupid crazy one. I know I nbever have to call him again- I just slipped up. He has no way of contacting me now and I am so glad for that.
  7. Congrats Crab62! What an inspiring story! As with everyone you fell off the bandwagon but you got back on that horse and got to day 30! Well done you. Hopefully this will show those just starting how much can be achieved with the support off this board. I have only been visiting ena 2 months. I could not go 2 days NC when I came here. I am now on day 20 and he is e-mailing me. I am 6 months post break up and never thought I would have any strength. I am still in a bit of pain but I am moving forward and getting stronger each day xx
  8. DQueen I know how hard it is for you. I struggle just as much. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you slip up just go straight back to NC. Just kep getting back on the horse. I rarely post on this thread now but I am on day 17 of NC. It is killing me My ex has a new girl- and my heart has broken so bad. I am determined to get back on track. Sparkie reccomended some books to help me, I think they might help you. They are journey from abandonment and reinventing your life. I would also suggest you see a therapist to help you with your self esteem. I know how bad you are feeling because I have had no self respect when it comes to my ex. I have just embarrassed myself to the point he thinks I am a joke. I just tell myself everyday that I am beautiful inside and out no matter what he says. I am going to beat these terrible feelings and one day I will be his biggest regret. If you ever need to talk just PM me and I will add you to my messenger. Hope your ok xx
  9. Day 2 feel as alone as ever Just wonder how all this is so easy for him yet I struggle to make it through each day
  10. Day 1 Back to day one after a few days of contact finally getting all my stuff back (only 6 months late!) Just feel terrible most of the time. Wondering if I am ever going to get better? Have seen people come and go on this challenge and wonder if I will ever leave it or if I will stay perpetuating my same little circles? Dqueen your doing really well- so proud and can't believe how long you have gone! well done!
  11. hey digital diva your doing so well on day 11! Well done you! I have something very bad to tell you- he didn't call me! He abstained the whole time of my NC. I called him first. He subsequently text and called once I had but he never made the first move. I am back to day 1! Feel ok. I am just in an acceptance phase where I am ok with what has happened but just miss him so much. I once read that if you live in the present, the right now- not in the past and not in the future- you will be happy. So I am going to try this. Starlight I feel so guilty after you helped me through hours of support only for the next day to call him. I really appreciate you being there I couldn't have coped through that last day without you. Crab well done for your mental turn around. I could definitely do to start that way of thinking. I think if we all believed that the break-up and failed relationship was only half our fault and all of us tried so hard to make it work- in the end it was the other partner who couldn't try and deserted the relationship. If we all thought that way then maybe we could see that it was the other person mainly at fault and they finished it because they were incapable of holding a relationship. It says more about them than it does about us! Cas- I am so glad you are well and keeping strong! You seem to really be moving forward! DQueen- glad your back! Maybe we should try and support each other and beat this NC thing! This time I am really going to try! I made 2 weeks, my goal now is to get to the 30 days, then reasses the situation. I am only ever going to allow myself contact if I have truly moved on and am over him. I need to stop all the feelings of panic love and missing him before I can ever speak to him again- otherwise it just all comes out on him and I look like I am not over him!
  12. Hey guys Broke no contact on day 13 and have been hiding away in shame. But seeing other people struggle has made me think I am not the only one who is trying and sometimes slips up. The conversation was not bad. My ex admitted to mentally abusing me and trying to make me think I was crazy. He has also admitted that as forms of mental tourture he would say stuff like I am repulsive and too disgusting to sleep with as a way to hurt me. He also admitted his 'girlfriend that he put on the phone was in fact his land ladies daughter........ classy lady..........I hope no one ever laughs at her after she endures what I have!!!!...............what goes around............. Anyway I have managed to finally get my things sorted and sent back to me and I just kept very calm cool and mature even though my head was screaming with rage I wanted to say to him........" I want to rip off your fuc**ing head and kick it till there is nothing left...........I want to fu*k your land ladies boyfriend and send her the pics for christmas then laugh right back at her!..........and as for her daughter I wish the same that has happened to me right back at her!" So day 1 again tomorrow...........ughhhhhhhhhh
  13. thanks starlight don't know how PM works yet though
  14. Hey starlight I recognise a lot of the things you have experienced. From day one he called me overweight, this increased in intensity and included his parents telling me that if I loved him enough I would have lost weight for him, and him telling me he looked over in the supermarket and thought I was so repulsive and fat he couldn't be with me anymore. That is the reason he gave me for ending it. (see my pic I'm hardly obese!) He was rarely intimate and sex was as quick as possible. He always lay on his back and he would never vary sex. Foreplay was a no no. On very lucky occasions I was aloud to give him a blow job. This was from the start. I dismissed it at first then when I brought it up he said I was so repulsive he could not sleep with me. He said he found it vile and disgusting. He never gave me attention never gave me a compliment never bothered on birthdays, valentines.........I got a christmas present but only because I bought it. He would make me shower before and after sex, even before I got into bed with him at night when we weren't having sex. I have since learned this is a common technique of abuse because it embarrasses the woman so greatly. It is also the sign of a gay man who finds sex dirty with women- another suspicion of mine. I was also made to shower as soon as he woke. He never took me out for a meal or a drink or to do anything fun. He went on holiday surfing with his friends and never took me away. I was always wrong all my opinions were wrong I was deluded for studying arts and pathetic and sad for my approach in life. I was ugly and nothing special The list goes on but basically very similar to yours
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