Blue_Soul

I am a 26-year-old single male with a history of depression. My first encounter with it was during college and I have been dealing with reoccurrences of it every once in a while since then. I have sought therepy when I feel like I'm going back into a slump. My birthday was recently and for some reason, this one has been a lot harder to deal with than any of my last few. I've been looking long and hard at who I am and what I've become in life and I am extremely unhappy with both. I've had trouble finding a job I like and it looks like the one I'm in now, after a year of going fine, is coming apart. Aside from one minor relationship in college, I've never had a g/f and am still a virgin. I'm nice, fairly attractive, but have become very jaded and hard on myself. Right now, I'm flat broke, living with family and generally feeling like trying to forge my own path in this world is more of a chore than it's worth. For the first time in my life, I've been having suicidal thoughts. Probably would never act on them, but it's crossing my mind on a daily basis and it worries me, Can anyone relate to anything I've said or give me some advice? Thanks

Well, first things first. Distinguish the difference between somone who kids and someone who insults. Jokingly calling someone a name or putting them down can just be guys being guys. I do it with people at work all the time. They know I'm kidding and I know they're kidding. When someone dishes it out, I can give it right back to them and we all know it's just good fun. However, people your age sometimes razz their peers a little more seriously, basially because they're insecure and it helps them feel a little better about themselves. 16 is a tough age and kids can do pretty stupid, hurtful things becuase they are unsure of themselves and they don't know how to handle it. As for being inexperienced with girls, it doesn't happen for a lot of us until college or, sometimes, even after so don't let that get to you. Believe me, when you get involved with girls, there are many times you're going to wonder why you didn't just stay single and hang out with your guy friends instead. Second, you said yourself you know you're good at things. Focus on these skills and hone them. Are you a musician? Find other kids your age who like to play music and start a band. That's what I did in high school and my self confidence soared to heights I never even dreamed of. Are you a good athlete? Try out for school sports or get a group of friends who like to play sports and start your own team or club where you can practice together. Once you focus your time and energy on something you know you're relatively good at, all of you're other problems become obscured by the exhilaration you feel doing something you enjoy. 16 is a tough age for everybody. You just have to find it within yourself to do things that will have a postitive impact on your self -esteem. Best of luck man!

Isn't that annoying? I dated a girl once that couldn't go one day without mentioning her ex-boyfriend and I eventually dumped her because of it. First, you shouldn't worry about whether she is going to be offended because what she is doing is completely obnoxious and unfair to you. I would start by asking her to explain why the hell she thinks you want to hear about her waking up to oral sex from her ex-boyfriend. Believe me, if you don't make it perfectly clear that you just don't want to hear about it, she'll keep doing it and it will get VERY annoying.

In my opnion, that's irrelavant. Maybe it's terrible, but she can at least do the right thing and dump him first before she starts to see other people. I dont feel guilty for taking her away from her bf.. she asked to meet me! You'll make a good CEO someday. "I don't feel guilty for spending my employees' retirement funds on a new yacht. It's a beautiful yacht!" All joking aside, consider this: what if the guy doesn't know? What if she told him she's going out to spend a night with the girls and she's actually meeting you. Doesn't that make you feel like you're contributing to something bad? Obviously, I don't know what her motives are. Maybe she lied about having a boyfriend and everything will end up rosey. Just watch out. I want a full report on Monday, my friend!

Listen, girls can suck too! What about the ex-girlfriend? Is she exempt from sucking because she's a girl? It takes two to cheat and she is just as guilty as your ex. I feel for you, but you're shouldn't be turning this into a 'men are pigs' scenario.

You're leaving out a very important piece of information. What did she or you suggest for Saturday? This is pretty vital as far as giving you good advice. Did she tell you she thinks your nice, wants to meet you and thinks you should meet up with her and her friends for a party? Or did she tell you she thinks your nice, wants to meet you and thinks the two of you should have a nice quiet dinner together? This is just plain NOT COOL if she is in a committed relationship. Of course it's alright for girls to have other guy friends when they are in a relationship. It's just not alright to date them! Someone had a good point yesterday and said that she knows you're attracted to her. Your original intentions went beyond pursuing a platonic relationship. She knows your interested in her and I think it's entirely possible that she's stringing you along even though she has a boyfriend somewhere. I would be absolutely irate with my girlfriend if I found out she was doing this. But then again, you're not being entirely clear on what circumstances she suggested you meet. Why don't you fill us in so we can better advise you.

Make sure you have something in mind when you ask her out. The something/sometime approach is the kiss of death with girls because you're giving them the opportunity to say yes when they really mean no. Usually when I ask someone out, I say something like 'I'm heading to (favorite spot here) for a drink later. Would you like to join me?' Then you're putting her in a position where she has to say yes or no.

"My question is, why would she meet some guy,who shes hasnt seen before,who said she's attractive when she has a BF?" Precisely. I'm just saying look out. The thing that bothers me the most about this scenario is that she essentially asked you out after she just told you she had a boyfriend. It would be one thing if she proposed a group activity, like a party or a concert. Did she so that? That's different. If she suggested a one on one meeting while she's in a commited relationship, that's not kosher, imo. I wouldn't do it to a girl I was dating.

Poor guy. Basically, this girl wants to have her cake and eat it too. She will victimize you by making you the 'nice guy' that she can unload her problems on while depriving you of anything else. Think about the following: 1) Do you really want to be put in this position? She will use you becuase you're nice and not a threat to her. 2) Put your self in her boyfriend's shoes. What if you were dating this girl and she's making dates with other guys for Saturday night? Wouldn't you find that a little infuriating? Girls do this because they think they can. Don't stand for it! You don't have to change and not be nice but you absolutely can not let yourself be used like that. Save your time and effort for a girl that actually deserves it!

This may sound a tad harsh but it's for your own good... The first thing you need to consider is that guys aren't like girls in that they say what they actually mean. There's no need to wonder what he's really thinking. He told you! If he said you're not what he wants anymore, that's exactly what he means. And the fact that he's going out all the time and hanging out with other girls probably means he's relishing his new freedom and really enjoying himself. You're not doing yourself any favors trying to convince you or anyone else that he still loves you and things will go back to how they were. They might not. That being said, you're in a very good position right now. You're 2000 miles away with a chance to start fresh and forget about what just happened. Easier said than done, I know, but it's possible. Physical space has a lot to do with how you can cope emotionally with a situation like this. I'm assuming you're in new a place where you can't be reminded of your ex. This will make the healing process infinitely easier. You will be able to enjoy new things, meet new people and not be somewhere that reminds you of him. Don't call, don't write, don't email. If he still loves you and finds himself missing you, wait for him to tell you, not vice versa. In the meantime, take advantage of the opportunity to discover new things and people. Best of luck!

Wow...you're boyfriend sounds just like me! I can venture a guess and tell you that you're boufriend is struggling to initiate any kind of physical activity because it's completely foreign to him. It's hard for us (especially if we're late bloomers) to take charge when we don't know what we're doing. Culture makes us feel like we have to sweep the girl off her feet and not vice versa. He probably dosn't even know it's ok to want to be intimate after 2 weeks. I really think if you just talk to him, you can break through the wall.

Yeah, it definitely hurts my feelings a lot less to be lead on for weeks and weeks. I've never asked a girl out and had her just say yes and have a nice time...and I'm 26!!!!! "You're too desparate...not aggressive enough...too nice...don't talk enough...talk too much..."

Guys feel free to toss in your opinions too but I'd really like a woman's $.02 on this. Go to lunch everyday at a deli down the street from where I work. There is a cute girl there that I manage to strike up a conversation with. She always smiled at me in a way that made my think she liked what she saw when I came into the store. A few weels went by and I got my courage up and asked her if she'd join me for a drink after work and she said yes but was too busy that week to do anything. Fair enough. I asked her again the next week and she said the same thing but assured me that she'll go out with me when she has the time. I continue to go there for my lunch (I like the food!) and she doesn't really seem interested in talking to me at all. She's not at all unpleasant, just different. I'm not asking her again. I've been strung along many times before and refuse to let it happen again. I'm just wondering if she'll take me up on her offer when she has time or did she change her mind and doesn't want to deal with me.

Bob Dylan's 'Blood On The Tracks' album is consoling when going through a breakup. He wrote it when he was splitting up with his wife in 1974/75.

I have to chuckle when I read posts like this. I don't know you so I'm not going to ream you but I'd just like to go on the record and say that many women (my age, anyhow - I'm 25) push 'nice guys' away and go for the jerk types you mention. I'm a nice guy and I've been single practically all of my life becuase of it. I lose girls I care for very much to the type of guy you described all the time. And yet, here I am reading your plea for guys to be sweet and romantic. You all frustrate the hell out of us just like we all frustrate the hell out of you.