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Abbygail

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  1. Abbygail
    Day 2 Up and down today. Currently depressed. I'm going through a lot that has nothing to do with the ex though.
  2. Abbygail
    So... I'm going to consider today the official NC day 1. I haven't spoken to my ex in a week, but today he finally deleted me off MSN and it felt "final." I also found out from a mutual friend that he's doing okay. (I was worried about him dying due to his illness.) I'm guessing that's why ex decided to check to see if I still had him added... since obviously if he was on my MSN list I'd know if he was doing okay or not. So he deleted me since I hadn't. Anyway... Soyeah, Day 1. I guess technically Day 1 should be tomorrow. But I have no more excuses, no more worrying, and he's deleted me so no more wondering if he'll contact me. It's been five months since the break up and I feel as if I'm only slighty past Square 1. Hopefully it'll get better, and I know I'll stick to NC this time since I faced the consequences of not sticking to it before. I wasn't counting the days because I thought of it as a bad thing... but I think I'll start now. I realize that if I could say it's been, say, three weeks since I last spoke to him, I'd feel as if I was doing a lot better rather not really knowing the last time I talked to him.
  3. Abbygail
    Day 2, I believe. He still hasn't deleted me off MSN, and I wish he would. I'm thinking he blocked me or switched e-mail addies. I'm thinking I'll switch e-mails so I don't keep checking to see if he still has me added. I checked his MySpace briefly. Other than that I've been doing okay. I had a pang of pain from hearing one of his favorite songs which is why I checked his 'space.
  4. Abbygail
    Finally managed to delete him from my Facebook. I'm just doing horribly these past few days. It's hard as hell. I've been dreaming about him and constantly checking his stuff. Ugh.
  5. Abbygail
    Decided to try NC again. I'm doing okay, not in nearly as much pain as I was, but I still care too much about how he feels about me. Over analyzing conversation, etc. I'm going to make a specialized NC plan that involves getting my own life back on track so that I can stop thinking about him so much. I haven't spoken to him in a few days, but I'm making today (Sunday) Day 1. I put him into his own little group in Messenger so I don't have to see him online unless I click on it, and I also made a non-descript nickname for him so I don't bother with whatever name he has up. Haven't brought myself to delete him from my facebook friends request though.
  6. Abbygail
    I'm on LC at the moment, but my ex just IMed me and it scared the crap out of me. He never, ever initiates contact so I'm sitting here thinking it was something serious. And I've actually gotten to the point where I go hours without thinking of him, so I was very surprised when he IMed me. He just wanted to inform me of some eBay fee though. Stopped responing after I said they deducted it automatically from my account. I'm still shaking because having him contact was such a jolt of surprise it was like, "Wow, what?!" ETA: It's interesting because when he messaged me he asked if there was a fee associated with eBay. I said yes, and then he told me how much my fee was. I told him it's automatically deducted, he said okay and that was it. Now at first I thought... why ask me if there's a fee if you already knew there was one? Then I logged onto the eBay account a few hours later and noticed that eBay had sent him a message saying it would be auto-deducted from Paypal. So all this basically makes me think he was looking for an excuse to contact me. It makes me feel kind of bad to be honest, and wonder if I should talk to him more often, but I probably won't. I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position.
  7. Abbygail
    Feeling the urge to ask him advice on a serious problem in my life, because I know he'd be the perfect person to ask. But I feel like he'd just ridicule me if I asked.
  8. Abbygail
    Well I broke NC because I had a dream about him. I actually didn't have much of an urge to contact him before then, despite leaving him on my MSN, I felt annoyed whenever I saw his name because it was so long. Well I realized that after a dream was probably the worse time to contact him because I'm still vulnerable from it. Granted nothing horrible happened other than me feeling bad that he was feeling "pretty excellent" even though he hadn't spoken to me in days.
  9. Abbygail
    Day 3 or 4... Getting harder. I don't have an urge to speak to him but I'm having urges to check up on him... like checking to see if he updated his blog or deleted me from MSN.
  10. Abbygail
    Day 2 for me. Almost, almost talked to my ex because he's studying to be an accountant and I needed financial advice. Then I thought... Do I really want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm in trouble, knowing he'll most likely look down on and/or make a jab at me? So I didn't contact him and did the research myself.
  11. Abbygail
    Day 2 of N.C for me. Ups and downs here and there. I left communication open if he decides he wants to talk to me... so maybe it's NC. I'm just not interested in talking to him due to the way he's been treating me. But I still want to be friends. I have a party to go to tonight and I'm very nervous. I mention this because I have little friends, which is what makes letting go of my ex so hard for me. So I'm trying to get out more but I'm scared it'll just be me standing in a corner not talking to anyone. Hopefully I can get past that tonight.
  12. Abbygail
    Honestly I've never even noticed the taste. That thought never crossed my mind, lol. Maybe if he was eating or drinking something beforehand.
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