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abcd1234

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  1. Thanks chai, Im going to make an appointment to see a doctor this week.
  2. I dont think it is just the fact that she used to cut herself or did it again recently. I was feeling this way before she even told me that she had done it again. I told my mum and she says that everyone feels this way in winter and that i dont need to see a doctor becuase they will only tell me the same thing. I know everyone is down in the winter months, but it seems that everyone copes with it better than i do. I suffer at lot, i feel sad a lot right now, right now i want to cry, i want someone to understand. I want all these feelings to go away. Dont worry in not thinking about suicide or anything, thats just stupid. I want to see a doctor, or a psychiatrist, or someone who can help me deal with all of this, i dont want to do it by myself. I want to tell my mum about my girlfriend, but i would feel like i am breaking her trust.
  3. Hi everyone, i am going to try to explain this as clearly and as logically as i can but it may end up being very long-winded. I posted a while ago about my girlfriend of about 4 months and how about a year to a year 1/2 ago she used to self-harm by cutting herself. The other night when we were having quite a deep conversation about our feelings i asked her to promise me that if she ever felt like doing it again or if she actually ever did it again then i wanted her to let me know. A few minutes later she told me that she had cut herself earlier in the week and that it was the first time she has done it since she originally stopped doing it. Obviously this hit me like a tonne of bricks, it felt like someone had just taken a sledgehammer to my guts. It was such an awful blow to me because i was under the belief that she was past that phase and was now strong enough to avoid going back to it. My first question, naturally, was "what made you feel like doing it?" to which her response was very muddled. All that i could really get out of her about it was that she felt under pressure because of the exams she ahs been having this week. Next, i told her that i am NOT going to ask her to stop doing it, but that it bothers me that she focusses her emotions in that way. I assured her that she has me and if she needs to take out her stress on someone then she can beat on me all she wants. Was this the right thing to do and the right way of approaching the subject? A few weeks ago i posted about how the news of her self-harm had affected me. After a few days the feeling seemed to lift and i was feeling positive again. However, this week the feeling has come back. Specifically it has been back since about wednesday/thursday, with two real low points being friday when i got home and a very rough day today at work (with my girlfriend there giving me lots of support) followed by feeling even worse when i got home. I told my girldfriend last night about these feelings. We were led on her couch and i started feeling very uncomfortable, i started trying to control my breathing. At this point she observed that something was wrong and began to question me about it and what was causing it. I think that the way i explained it to her was quite effective in getting accross what i was feeling, of course i left out a few things that might have involved her because i saw no need to tell her and place a burden on her. The feelings/symptoms i experience and have experienced The feelings come and go. Generally i will wake up feeling average, sometimes with a heaviness in my stomach that almost feels like my body has food left to digest in the gut. Throughout the day i will fluctuate between feeling normal (relatively happy and positive) and sad for no apparent reason, sometimes needing to control my breathing. Feelings of anxiety, characterised by a knot or tightness in my stomach around the solar plexus and just below, which are present throughout most of the day. These frequently come to a climax when i get home from school or work. One time a few weeks ago i think i had a mild panic attack becuase of this. Occasional feelings of extreme sadness, feeling like there is no light left in the world. At these points i can only see darkness and sadness everywhere i look, even in overly happy and positive situations (i will find myself looking and contemplating what could make them sad). The above feelings of sadness are sometimes followed by panic. I feel a very tight knot in my stomach, which is accompanied by a cold wave washing over me making me light headed and feeling like i need to escape from the situation and the emotions i am feeling (this is very similar to claustrophobia) and i also feel like i am going to pass out if i dont sit or lie down. I have little interest in doing stuff that i would usually rush to do when i got home, such as my hobbies. All i feel like doing is reading, studying, sleeping or sitting and watching the television. I also have trouble sleeping, the other night I found myself waking extremely early and being unable to get to sleep. Then I found myself sleeping in the afternoon. My mum thinks that the illness is down to being out of my usual sleep-wake cycle, however I haven’t told her about some of the symptons (sadness, panic, anxiety) **I have been thinking very much about these feeling and when they generally occur. I have gone through this 'phase' before, and if my memory serves me correctly, these feelings are most common to my in winter. I have researched Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and it seems to link with the symptoms of that, i mentioned this to my girlfriend when we were discussing it and she said it was a possibility. It also links with stress, depression and anxiety disorders. I think it is most likely down to an inability to cop with stress as well as others do.** What does everyone think of these symptoms, is there anyone who feels them themselves, or any doctors who could advise me as to what it may be? Causes of the symptoms Right away I must say that I do not know of one single thing that causes these symptoms. Most likely it is a mixture of things at work, home and in my social life that I am unable or unwilling to distance myself from. Most frequently these feelings occur in the evening when i get home from school, work or my girlfriend’s house. Perhaps that can be linked to a fear of being without my peers for social support or simply a fear of being bored at home. I get the feelings when my girlfriend is not feeling well. Her illnesses or any sadness often reflect themselves in me, possibly because I worry about her. I also worry about her cutting herself, although that gets easier with time. I also find myself fearing that she does not feel the same way. This is a recent thing. The other night she didn’t seem very interested in kissing and the night before she failed to respond to my text message. I think this could be a combination of factors including the fact that she had cut herself earlier in the week and was worried about telling me. Also, when we finished work yesterday and I was feeling really light-headed and nauseous, she didn’t want to kiss me goodbye for fear of catching something! Actually, if I am honest I wouldn’t have wanted to kiss me either! I think I am most likely being very paranoid about this however, because she continues to make plans for our future such as weekend trips, valentines day, birthdays, etc. which she even went and told her friends about!! Pressure at work such as the occasional slave-driving boss as well as customer complaints can also set me off. **After telling my girlfriend about these symptoms, feelings and a few of the causes I have become worried that she thinks less of me. She said she was shocked that I had these feelings because she never detected anything wrong before, she also said that she thinks more of me now for being strong enough to tell her about them and “let her in”. I still worry that she no longer sees me as her rock, especially after how bad I was feeling at work yesterday and the fact that I went home early.** I know this is long and that it contains a lot of information. I like to try and say as much as possible because it not only helps me get it all off my chest and into some sort of logical form, it also allows you all to get a more detailed picture so that you are able to help more. Thanks in advance. Any replies, comments, questions or advice will be most appreciated… abc
  4. I have learned very quickly that it is tough, HOWEVER, i am willing to suffer for her because i cant really see another choice, telling her that it bothers me so much would only upset her and make her feel guilty. I have ways of coping with sadness or fear, ive always had an ability to pull through even when i cant see a way out. If it comes to that, i have friends who i can confide in and trust. I go through moments of sadness where the anxious feeling in my stomach just wont let up, but then there are times of the day when i experience relief from it. I just have to learn what triggers the periods of relief and expose myself to more of them. I have been researching it on the internet, i understand that it can bring relief to a person who is experiencing overwhelming feelings and does not know how to cope with them. I understand what that can feel like and it is a very desperate and scary place to be in. Different people deal in different ways, i have encountered the coping mechanisms of my friends, which vary from: working out to the point of physical exhaustion, running to the point of collapse, crying their eyes out, punching walls, bottling it up inside, shouting, running away from the problem, panic-attacks, depression. I think that this is just another, albeit different and frightening, way of dealing with problems and stressors. Shes told me that the last few weeks have been quite stressful for her, one of her friends at work who knows about her past has been worried about her becuase she has been quite quiet and not her usual, bubbly self. Im pretty sure that that is down to the stress of confiding in me, that is why i am going to do my best to make sure that she is comfortable and that she knows i care about her no matter what. Ive been reassuring her and im going to take her out at the weekend and we can do something fun to take her mind of it and give us chance to be together and show that there is nothing to be afraid of. I, on the other hand, am still suffering. Its getting easier but i cant seem to take my mind off it at all. Even when i am concentrating on something with all my might, it is still there in the back of my mind. I think that seeing her att he weekend will put my fears at rest and then i can move past this and start feeling mopre positive energy again. In the mean time i am going to try to study and relax and exercise to take my mind off it. What does everyone think? Are my views on this overly and unnecessarily negative? Im interested to hear what anyone else has to say. Thanks
  5. The view that everyone expresses of Karma in the west is that: 1) Good people who do good deeds, in turn have good things happen to them. 2) If bad people do bad things, then they will suffer bad things themselves. This is a very modern interpretation of Karma, based on the Wiccan law of return (the good and evil one creates will return as happyness or suffering). It can also be interpreted as overly Christian, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". However, you must bear in mind that by accepting this view of Karma, you also have to accept the idea that Karma is nothing more than a natural force. thereforeeee it does not have a consciousness and cannot make judgements about what is good and bad. Instead you could say that if there is a lot of positive enery being put into the world then one would be likely to receive some of that back, albeit in a different way. Some might say that the reason you are not feeling this good energy back is because there is so much negative energy present in the world. Other religions and belief systems theink of Karma in much different ways.
  6. Thanks mate, im happy you were able to move on, its shown me that it is obviously possible. I find that each day it gets a bit easier. But its still a huge shock, i find it very overwhelming. Everytime i think about it the bottom falls out of my stomach and i feel cold all over. Is this something to which a person can relapse? I think that the strength required to overcome such a..... i dont know what to call it, condition?.... would mean that a person is strong enough and in control enough not to. For some reason, i feel under more pressure now, i feel under pressure to not put any pressure on her. Im glad she talked to me about it, i am positive that i would rather know than not know. Im scared now though... Im afraid that she will think she has made a huge mistake by telling me this, even though i know that the simple act of her telling me shows a lot about her feelings for me. It shows she trusts me and is comfortable with talking to me without fear of judgement or repercussion. Im also worried that this will put up a barrier in our sex life, i have asked her repeatedly if she is still comfortable with everything and she insists she is and that she always really really wants to. When she told me about it she said that originally she didnt think it would be a problem but that she had started worrying about recently since weve started getting more intimate. The fact that she was so open about it shows me that she is trying to get passed it and not wanting it to be a problem. I have reassured her that there is no pressure and that i will NEVER judge her. Ive pretty much just answered my two worries but it would be nice to get some more feedback and reassurance from people. Im sure there are others out there who have experienced this, would anyone else feel like sharing how they coped? I just want to get past it and be positive about the world and the people in it again.
  7. Hi everybody, I found out a few weeks back that about 18 months ago my girlfriend (of about 3 1/2 months) used to self harm. She is very conscious of the scars that she has on her arms and legs, making sex a little uncomfortable for her, but i have assured her that i dont and will not look at the scars if she doesnt want me to. I have noticed the scars and she always tries to hide them with clothes, her hands or bed covers. ......The thing is that since she told me i have been feeling a bit depressed. I sleep a lot and cant eat much, i dont even feel like studying. I also feel like i cant talk to anyone about this because it is such a personal thing to her, this just makes me fel even more desperate. She said she used to do it due to pressure at school and home. When she told me, i was obviously shocked but i thought i would be fine with it. But a few days later i became really desperately sad about it, i almost felt panic-stricken when i thought about it. I had to force myself to calm down before i had some sort of panic attack. It made me sad to think how someone so beautiful, intelligent, funny, happy and loving could have been reduced to harming herself because of the pressure placed upon her by others. It also made me angry to think that these people probably dont know what they did, and that she is the one left with the scars (both physical and emotional) whilst they get off relatively free. I told her at the time that she never has to go through that again (im glad that she hasnt done it for 18 months so im guessing she is past that now). I told her i will protect her and help her should she feel that pressure again. I dont know what to to, im not sure if i should tell her that it has bothered me so much, or just leave it be becuase i dont know what good it will do to bring it up again. I feel like i want to get in a time machine and go back 18 months and stop all those people that caused her to do that to herself. I want her to be able to enjoy our sex life even more by not being so conscious of the scars. I want to know 100% that she will never do that again. And i want to know that i cant never cause her pressure like that, due to sex or our lives in general. But i cant do or know all those things... Any advice or guidance on how i can get past this and make myself feel better will me appreciated ever so much. Thanks, abc.
  8. Well the date didnt go exactly to plan, but it was still great!!!!!! It just shows that the unexpected can be far more exciting than any plan you can come up with! Thanks all!
  9. Thanks guys! We are going to go bowling in a nearby city and then go for a bite to eat in a restaurant. She has also suggested that we take a romantic walk up the hill just outside the city, which has a great view of the city lights at night from the top. Sounds good to me!! Thanks for all the help everyone! Much appreaciated. abc
  10. Sorry about my abrupt first post, i was in a real hurry at the time. We are both 17 and it seems that we both like rock music and enjoy hanging out with friends and having fun, so i figure that fun dates will be best! We went to the cinema for our first date and watched a comedy movie, we talked all the way there and we seem to get along really really well, then after leaving the cinema we went for a drink for an hour or so and then went to the firework display. We of course kissed and held hands. There really isn't much to do in my town apart from clubbing, drinking quietly in a bar or going to the cinema. There is of course other stuff, such as lasertag and go-karting but those places close after 5pm, and i think i would need to know her better to find out if she would like that. laboheme, what do you mean by dancing? In my town its really all just clubbing, which i would find hard to call 'dancing'. There arent really any proper dancing venues. Because we both like music i was going to take her to a gig, but there are none on this weekend!! So instead i was thinking of taking her bowling, i dont know if she enjoys it but im sure we can still have a good time even if she doesnt! I cant think of what to do afterwards, we could go for a drink, but to be honest it seems a little cliched. I suppose we could always see a movie afterwards if there is anything on, but i really dont want to get repetetive. They are putting up an ice rink in my town this christmas, just as they did last year, so we can do that when its ready. Im also thinking about taking a little trip to London in the next couple of weeks (when i can get a saturday off work!!) to do a bit of christmas shopping and im going to ask her if she would like to join me. It would be a bit of an adventure and we would get to spend the day together and get to know each other much better! What does everyone think of these ideas? Any more to add? Thanks everyone!! abc
  11. First date was cinema and firework display, anybody got any idea for a second date? I will be about 5pm onwards so no picnics or walks are possible. Thanks! abc
  12. Hi everyone, One of my friends is leaving to go home soon (she is from another country), we were involved for a short while. I didnt get chance to say goodbye to her the other day when myself, her and loads of our friends all went out for a few drinks. I am over her but i would like to say goobye because i will probably never see her again. Her best friend, whom i have been involved with more recently and still have very strong feelings for, may also be leaving too. I dont know for sure if she is leaving because things have been quite awkward for a few weeks now. We were best friends and she told me she wanted to stay, but then we got together for the night and we havent really had the same connection since. She was out with us the other night, made out with some guy for a dare and went on about how she is best friends with someone from college (needless to say, she would have considered me to be that person a few weeks ago, but not anymore). It hurt at the time, but i have come to realise that there are more important thigns in life than gettin hung up over little things like that. These two girls are pretty much inseperable, and i dont want to have to face them both together. So should i ask them individually to meet up, or just completely forget about them and get on with my life without properly saying goodbye? I dont know if they will want to meet up individually... The other thing is, im not too sure if girl #2 will want to meet up, becuase things are still a little awkward and she seems to have ignored the last 2 texts that i sent her a while back. But, i still need to know if she intends to stay or go becuase i dont want her to just disappear. If she is going then i want to get a chance to say goodbye properly. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!
  13. Hey everyone, thanks. My time frame has already been set for me becuase we finish school this wednesday and then she will be going home for 3 or 4 weeks to see her family. So ive decided that ill just ask her if she wants to go to the cinema or something on wednesday evening, like we used to do before. If she agrees then ill see how it goes and get back to you all. If she doesnt want to then i guess ill just have to leave her to make up her mind while she is away. Thanks! Wish me luck... abc
  14. Hi all, I posted a couple of days ago about a girl i got involved with, one of my best friends. The situation has developed so i thought i would come back for a little more advice. Here is the original post: I have 3 areas i want to address: Area no1 Basically, i saw her talking to a mutual friend of ours, Joe. It seems that she must have been confiding in and discussing things with him. I dont know this for sure, but it seems probable. Im happy that she has somebody to talk to, its beautiful that he is there for her. Anyway, the other day i saw them talking and then witnessed Joe approach the guy that she fooled around with on the field trip (see other post). Then Joe and the guy went over to her and they all disappeared. Obviously, she has finally worked up the courage to approach him and discuss what happen between them. This got to me a little, becuase she said that he is a jerk, and i would be inclined to agree. I dont really want to think about what might have been said, but it seemed perfectly clear when we discussed it the other night (when we got involved) that she definitely does not want a relationship with him and regrets what happened. Area no2 Now i am bothered because she has not yet approached me to discuss what happened between US! We exchanged texts the morning-after (saturday morning) in which she said: -she needed "some time to think about lots of things". -I obviously said that was ok and that i expected it (just because i know how complicated stuff can get in her life). -She apologised and said "I just dont know by myself what i think" -Then she said she wouldnt be going out that night to the gig that everyone was going to, she said she had thrown up becuase of too much drink etc. -I said ok, get well soon etc. -She said "thank you for understanding. take care" Basically, i want to know if she has made her mind up yet but im not sure if it is too soon to approach her about it. Also, i dont know how to approach her about it. We have talked 3 or 4 times since that night, but only about regular stuff, about how her friend is annoying and what we've each been up to etc. Its a tiny bit awkward but not nearly as much as i was expecting. Area no3 One other thing is that today, i was with my friends when one of them noticed a hickey on my neck. He began making jokes about who he thought gave it to me. He didnt know it, but he was actually correct! Later that day i was stood talking to her and he came running up jokingly again saying "oooh, thats a nasty bruise on your neck, how did you get it?!" She must have heard, and it probably looked to her like i had told my friend about what happened. I have only told one person that i can trust, because she asked me not to tell anybody. Its a bit late to correct it now, but i feel bad in case she got the idea that i have been going against her wishes by telling people. I realise this is a little long, but i really could do with lots of feedback, thanks everyone who got this far! abc
  15. Hi again. She didnt go last night. She text me beforehand saying that she was going to give it a miss becuase she wasnt well (she had thrown up etc.). I said "thats ok, get well soon" and she replied with "Thanks for understanding. Take care." I really dont know what to do, i havent been like this over a girl for ages. I know she must be thinking the situation over. She has a lot going on in her life right now, more than a person of her age should be expected to have. I feel bad about it. When she isnt talking to her best friend, i would usually be the person she would discuss her feelings with. But i cant be there for her right now, that is wrong. I dont know if she has anyone to talk to about it. Everybody should have someone they can lean on. I know that we would be great together. There were loads of signs that led me to believe that this could be something. My favourite band are releasing a song with her name in the title (and her name isnt exactly common), old songs that i wouldnt expect to hear that have lines which exactly describe to events in her life. I even saw 4 people that have the exact same tattoo as her, ive never noticed anyone with it before. Ill see her at school tomorrow, i dont know what to do. I want to play it cool, but i also want to be there for her, i want to let her know that no matter what she decides that everything will be just fine. I just dont know if i can or should. Nothing is simple. Nothing is clear-cut. Nothing can be certain except the uncertain. abc
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