garymax

If you really love your wife and want to try and "hang in there" then that would be a good thing to do. Try and restore the marriage. But marriage does not change people and if she does not want to change and you have exhausted all possible avenues, then I would give her an ultimatum. After all, you already have grounds for divorce: she cheated. And unless you did something to cause her "wandering feet", if she won't change, I would move on and find someone who is faithful.

hmazer311. Pornography is powerful and addictive in nature. Your husband may love you alright, but the "pull" from pornography is a strong force to men in general. Since we men are stimulated at the sight of a women, we are more susceptible to being drawn into pornography--unless a man does not think on those things and makes a quality decision not to. Here is a web site that may help you: link removed It is an amazing story of how a man got deeply involved with pornography and then came out of it by the grace of God. I'll shoot it straight: only God can deliver someone who is caught up in pornography. But He is more than willing if a person wants to be delivered.

Hi Happy, The Truth Will Set You Free. Remember, if you are Born-Again as I think you are, your spirit was recreated and you are spiritually alive. Now, you have to go about the task of renewing your mind to get free from this stuff. I recommend talking with a good, anointed, Bible-based counselor--you have to talk to someone about this. It is something which you need to be delivered from and He is more than able to do it. Continue to stay in the Word but get someone to talk to---it was not your fault. There are plenty of folks who will help you but you need to take that first step and reach out. If no one knows about it, they cannot help you.

I can tell you right now that making movies with him isn't the answer. As long as there is a stronghold in his mind of images and fantasy, you will never be able to compete. You have every right to feel the way you do; after all, it is a form of betrayal. He is looking at other women. And from a Biblical perspective, if one thinks about something long enough, their feet will eventually carry those thoughts and intents to fruition. He has to want to stop and get counseling--preferably from someone who is hooked up with God and walks in the Anointing. You'll get results then.

Yes, I am taking God's viewpoint. Categorization of sin is a man-made idea but it is not that way with God. Being a Catholic, I am sure you know that under the Old Testament Law, if a person was guilty of breaking even the smallest of God's law, they were guilty of ALL of it--not just the part that they broke. With that said, yes, I am against porn because God is against it. You mention that this "goes back to before Christ's time." Oh really? I remember Christ said, "Before Abraham was, I AM." He has existed from time eternal as He is God in Flesh--Immanuel...remember? Stating that something should go on simply because it existed before Christ is folly or at best, ignorance. And it isn't just a "thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife" thing. It is wrong to covet or lust because to do so is selfish, is a step out of love, and remember, under the New Testament, we are not bound by the 10 Commandments because they were made for spiritually dead men. If you have been Born-Again, the only "law" you have to follow is the "Law" of Love. Jesus said "Love is the fullfilling of the Law" If I love someone, I won't steal their wife, their car, lust after them, etc. Christ Himself stated that even to look at someone to lust was the SAME as committing the act because God does not judge you based upon your actions. He looks at the heart. All of our shortcomings begin in the thoughts. I guarantee you that if you nip your thought life in the bud where temptation is concerned, you will never carry through to the outward act. With this said, yes, a woman can look at a man and lust---and you are correct: the medium is different. You have to "manufacture" the thought instead of looking at an image on paper or monitor. But like I said, it's the thought and intents of the heart that matters. The outward act is only the fruit of the root which started in our thoughts. and it is still wrong. And porn fuels this. Those who think that it is "healthy" or "normal" are misguided. And my "argument" is not an argument, per se. I am simply repeating what the Good Book says. You are either free to accept or reject it.

Katerina, Your virginity is a gift to the man you will one day marry. Don't "get it done and over with" because you fell unwanted. If a man does not want you simply because you, as you put it, won't "open your legs" he is not worth your time. To stoop to that level is to denegrate yourself. You are a woman of worth. God did not create junk when he made you. Believe this. You keep that "innocent" quality because once you lose your virginity, you can never, never, get it back. Hey, I'm 40 and still a virgin. Why? Because God said that sex is for marriage only and I'd rather honor the one before whom I'll stand to give an account one day than to go with the crowd and be "cool." Look at what you get by being happy as you are: You get to keep your virginity... You keep your self esteem ( believe me, lose your virginity and you lose your self esteem with it) You get to stay free and clear of STDs (Now that's reason enough!) You can look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning. Katerina, you are a person of worth, even if nobody else tells you this. Believe this. Trust the Good Lord to bring the right guy into your life--a guy that will respect you and not be interested in fulfilling the desires of his loins. If a man cannot respect you for being a virgin, he won't respect you the morning after, either.

Contrary to the opinion that ALL men look at porn, there are some of us who do not. And it's not because there's no temptation. It is because we have made a quality decision before God not to do it. For one, He is against it and two, it reeks havoc on a marriage as these posts spell out all to well. "It makes me feel unattractive..." "It makes me feel unwanted..." "I don't feel like being intimate..." "How do I compare or compete..." This is what porn does to most women when their BF or husband gets caught up in pornography. Yes, men are stimulated by the visual more so than women but that is not an excuse to be unfaithful. God's intent was that you would seek out a mate and have sex within the confines of the marriage relationship. Today, God is outdated, as everybody has an "If it feels good, go for it..." mentality not even considering what God, the author and creator of sex, has to say about it. Gals, we men have absolutely no "rights" to look at any other women except the ones we are with in a committed relationship. To make you feel "ugly", "unwanted" and to inflict low self-esteem is wrong and at the very least inconsiderate. No woman--or at best, very few--will ever measure up to the fantasy that the man has in his mind. To say "Live with it girls, it's a 'guy thing'" is untenable. It takes two to form a relationship and pornography and its attending fantasies are a breach in any relationship. And lest you think that its OK as long as a man doesn't actually "cheat" on you, according to God, to look to lust IS the performing of the act--not as bad as the act. Obviously, His standards are higher than ours. Finally, the Good Book states that "...as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." The more a person indulges in porn, he is feeding his mind with images that do not disappear over night. And even though it make take some time before it happens, a person, as they continue to look at porn, will eventually be driven to action of some type. We can see this when a man tries something "new" in the bedroom after watching a few "skin" movies. Better to do things God's way rather than to suffer the consequences. Cheers!

"...I was thinking that there was something wrong with me but on the other hand it just really hurt me knowing that this has gone on for so long..." If it were just an innocent "guy thing" then this woman would not have feelings of inadequacy. She should not have to compete with any other woman--real or imagined. But then again--being a Chirstian--I would not agree to moving in and living together. But the principle still applies. Porn causes a split loyalty. It makes the woman you're with feel unwanted and betrayed. And she is vastly more valuable than an air-brushed image any day. Even if porn were OK (and it isn't), it would still be wrong due to the negative feelings it instills in most women. (Last time I checked, however, God was against even looking at a woman to lust. The look equals the act in His eyes.)

They don't. Jesus said that I would be the head and not the tail. The first and not the last. I am a nice guy and I am blessed to the limit. In fact, God is just blessing my socks off right now! You need to change your definitions and your viewpoint--climb another mountain! Be yourself and don't worry about what others think.

I do. No woman should have to be in competition with a centerfold or the latest girl your BF happens to see. Men are attracted and stimulated by the visual, so it is easy for them to get caught up into porn. I say "caught up" because it is the devil's snare for many a young man today. And it's pervasive. Besides the fact that a man is lusting when he looks at porn (unless he is just reading the articles....YEAH, RIGHT) those pictures in his mind don't leave when he stops looking at porn. They linger...sometimes for years. And since the women who are used (yes, used) in porn are air-brushed, fictional standards of beauty, how in God's name could you compete with that? You will never compete with the image that your BF has in his mind. That is indeed an ego-crusher and it is not right nor fair that you should be in this position. Being a Christian, I believe that sex is for marriage only but the principles of what I am saying apply to singles as well. You--as a real woman--are worth infinately more than the girls plastered on the pages of a porn magazine. And you should let your BF know this. Believe it or not, there are some men out there who have their passion under control and don't look at porn. Jesus is Lord, Cheers! Remember: No one can be tempted with what they do not think on.

As a one Dr. Edwin Louis Cole pointed out to us men: "Master your passion or it will master you." You make the decision as to what to think on. [Phillipians 4:8] Remember: No one can be tempted with what they do not think on.

First, God said it was. Since He created sex in the first place, I guess He has a right to His opinion. Porn creates a fantasy that is far from harmless. Any man moves in the direction of his most dominate thought so if his mind is pervaded with porn, more than likely, he will eventually begin to imitate it and look for more of it--in stronger doses. Marriages are a lot better when sex is confined to it. And it is best when a man doesn't have to fantasize about the latest woman he has seen to get aroused. His own wife is his pleasure and his joy. And no woman should have to compete with these images which have been shown to cause heartache, guilt and in many cases, a ruined marriage. Porn is bad. If you don't think so just because God said so, then just take a look around at all of the posts decrying it and the trouble it causes. Gals, ask yourself this question: Which would I rather have: a man that lusts at no other woman except me or a man that has to constantly be monitored for his escapades? And if you think that no man like this exists, you haven't looked hard enough. Remember: no one is tempted by what he does not think on.

Every married woman should be the desire and the ONLY desire of her husband. It's not fair for any married woman (or even a single woman who's dating) to have to compete with the latest centerfold or the women on TV. When a man allows pornographic images to invade his thought life, it leads him down a road that seems very titillating (no pun intended) but will eventually lead to heartache and in some cases, a ruined marriage. Every women deserves to be the one and only--after all, that's what the marriage vows said, didn't they? And to say that porn is only a harmless fantasy, is a joke. If it were, we wouldn't be here talking about the heartaches and concerns. God has other ideas. Remember God? The one who created sex? He said that to even look upon a woman to lust is the SAME as committing the act. Obviously, He judges by a different set of standards. And unbeknownst to most folk, if you think about something long enough, you will perpetuate the act. So, your husband's thought life as well as your own is very important. I would talk to him and let him know your feelings. And if that doesn't work and he is not willing to change, I would recommend Christian counseling. Remember: no one can be tempted by what he does not think about.

If your B/F is turned on by porn more than by you, it's best you find someone who will give you their total time and attention. Porn is degrading to women. It portrays an ideal that very few women--if any women at all--can compete with. You deserve better. You should not have to "compete" with the latest centerfold or even the scantily women who appear on TV. And very few people realize that just because "everybody" does this or that, it does not make it right or even "normal". If porn were OK we wouldn't be in this forum having such a discussion. Here's the low down: men are attracted by the visual more so than women. This has been proven time and again. God made the man this way. It's also a fact that you move in the direction of your most dominate thought. So if a man constantly thinks about porn or allows these thoughts to stay in his mind, guess where his feet will take him? Also, God stated that .."as a man thinks in his heart, so is he." It is what you constantly meditate and think on that controls you. Porn has a very controlling power because it fuels these thoughts and it deals with fantasies and hidden desires. If not checked, it will eventually lead to an action. And unless a man stops this cyclical action of viewing porn, it will carry over into marriage...and will, in many cases, cause heartache and misery. God created sex so why not go to His Word and see what he says about the matter. And if He says that sex (including porn) outside of marriage is wrong (He does) it isn't because He doesn't want anyone having fun. It is for your protection and mutual benefit. I say give your BF an ultimatum: it's either you or the porn and make him choose--in both word and deed. If he chooses porn, move on...after all, you are worth it. Also remember: no one can be tempted with something that he does not think about.