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JoeIII

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  1. hello again friend! well i would say that someone is a little upset cause you have and they dont!lol! dont let that get to you- cause if you are not a then you are not a !! dont worry bout dummys! youre you and s are people that give too much body ect- sound like these people are of the mouth (that is a copywritten statement- so dont steal "sluts of the mouth-TM!!!LOL) TA joe
  2. hello hello! well look at that quote at the bottom of your message (above this) youve gotta just kiss- anyway you like to- you are you and a kiss is a kiss. each one is slightly different- and i would say that if yer boyfriend keeps kissing back- hes happy (proble nervous too) and your doing nothing wrong- it just happens! let it- -when you are comfortable- youll be kissing right- its along the following of that quote- just kiss like you know what youre doing (doesnt sound as good aas the rest- but you get the point) so good luck- and kiss him aa few extra for me!!!lol!! Joe
  3. i am so lost now i cannot believe it. i am sitting here right now thinking to myself that i have to go to pwork tomorrow- which means that i have to get up at five- im tired but i cannot sleep- and i really mean that i cannot sleep- i try and try so hard to fall asleep. you see the problem i have right now is the world. i am so unhappy with my life in general that it is making me miss the beauty that i know is in this world- in fact it is like the concept of this world being beautiful is as odd as the concept of me walking on the moon tomorrow! i just graduated from highschool- got set with art school- so i should be happy- i mean- i live alone and i work- so i have money- i should be partying- but i cannot for some reason. everything looks dirty and messed up- i cannot be around people for too long and everything makes me so angry. i have this vision in my head of a nice appartment with a kitty and laying back relaxed with the thought going through my head that i am happy. i should have someone that i can love who loves me too- but no luck- every - although beautiful has crushed me with- "lets have fun- no romance!" whats that about???- i thought guys were usually like that???!!! im not being mean but every i have dated or wanted to grow in love with says they just wanna have fun- am i a bit nuts???? but thats not all. everytime i work i think that this will be it- ill finally have it good now. i mean i worked so hard to graduate- but it got me no where. every job i get isnt enough. my parents help me with little more than nothing - i mean i was in a foster home for years cause they were nuts (i love em' even so) and as soon as i ask them for a bit of help- they freak out and tell me im an and throw nothing but a few bucks! i mean i a 18- i understand that i am an now- but you think they could help a bit- maybe just to make up for all the missed years of having to deal with me or my brothers and sisters. i work hard- i get nothing. my friends are a small amount- mainly cause i cannot connect with most people cause most people i meet are nuts (not in a good way)- and have some strange ideas about and - and i cannot relax with that. so anyway- my friends are all i have- that and art- and yet i get the idea that they would disappear in a moment if something nice came their way. i would never move away form my best friend- at least not at a moment when we have so much to build- i dunno- maybe i have a weird idea of what friendship is. now i decided to not go to art school- at least for now- and work- take a few classes- then try to get some of my work in a gallery. but it is so hard to paint when you are exhausted after working all day and wait an hour for the bus- go home to a little bit of food- all i wanna do id sleep- but ill drop anything for my friends- which drives me nuts- i mean if we go out we go to the mall- THE MALL! i mean i like the mall- not every other day though. i would like to go to a gallery or a book shop- out for tea at a cafe- which we rarly do- and those ideas get a look sometimes- but i have no guts to say- "whats the point???!!!" i wasting my time but i cannot think of anyway to spend it. i have a sense of andventure- somewhat of a transcendalist- and i wan t to believe that there is something more meaning full to life than this- or that this life now i live is the icing to somnething with more meaning than can be imagined. but i find a sick feeling. i wanted to go to NYC and try it there- so when the chance came up- i jumped at it- a guy i meant and grew to trust said hed take me up there and id love it- this a long story in itself- but to keep it short- he took advantage of me- and i feel so dirty for letting this guy trick me into stuff for the idea of a better life. it seems that i am stuck in a situation- im starting to lose my ground- i want something that is worth living for- a person- friend- whatever. there is nothing- art even- as passionate as i was- seems worthless at times. the only thing i can hold onto with art is the idea that the moment spend creating a painting will last forever. but i am starting to think that there are not enough of those moments, nobody wants to talk about purpose- they shove it to the side and talk about something stupid in my opinion- like the guitarists in rancid or something goofy. music is music- clothes are clothes- there is too much image- just another thing that i cannot stand. even now- just to talk i have turned to the computer- and i have to realize that every connection i mke on the computer will always beon the computer- just like in life- when people are only friends at certain times. i am getting depressed. i need something soon. i dont want to fall into a hole. i dont think there is much advice to give that i have not thought of in a manner- i just wanna talk about whats me inside- and maybe some of you will understand me. thanks for listening and excuse the type-os!!! Joe
  4. its always 50/50 with this stuff! you know you may tell her she is the world and then she might melt into your arms- or she might seriously back off. im sure you wish like i do that it were possible to see into a 's mind. sometimes i think if i just give stuff time a certain will start to get the same feling for me as i have for her- but you have little time- so even though it may be a long shot- it may be good to tell her everything- and make it the most real thing that you have ever said to anyone- because if this is worth as much to you as a certain is worth to me then dont do like i did and lag round waiting- cause once you lose her you kick yourself over and % !! talk to her! Joe
  5. thanks for reading my cheesy long story! as much as i to admit it, there love is probly stronger than mine! and even though it will take alot of time- youre right- i need to move on! hope i can remember that next time i see her!lol Thanks so much!
  6. listen- im new here- so i dont know how real you are or alot of people on this site. listen man- you need to realize that this life can be beautiful if you realize the point to living depends on how much you wanna live. if you look out there youll find life. dont count on friends and always having to talk to someone. you have to realize how valuable you are as human being- what talents you have- what you can do- what things you wanna see. life is short enough without help- so dont waste it. you have a passion to find out why life is worth living- and that is reason enough to go on living. think of all the beauty this world holds- all the variations of color in this world. all the sights sounds smells and feelings. life is wonderful even with all the garbage going on. you have to utilitize your passion. i love every person in this world because people are my passion. you have to focus on life as a beautiful. life or no life after this one- hold tight to the little bit that you have so you can say why someone asks you why you are alive you can say, "because you are living". goodluck- and im here too Joe love is the grounds in which all paths in this life are walked
  7. Hey Well my prob. is like mostly like everyone's! it started with a and turned my whole life upside-down! im 18, just graduated from highschool and find myself going nuts all the time! basically im nuts for this named vanessa i met at work a little over a year ago. at first i really didnt like her- i mean she was beautiul- but i never thought much of her besides that she was new at weis (the market we worked at)- and that would mean that more customers would go over to me cause she was slow and make my work day more crazy! but then one day we started talking and it was like it happens to everyone- at the first word of actual conversation i was totally taken with her! i wanted to talk with her for hours and hours and was a little upset when i had to go home. later she was the only person there that i wanted to talk to at all and everyday when i went to work- i looked forward to meeting her there and talking! then i met her boyfriend when he came in one day- more like saw him. that didnt mean much to me cause everyone dates so i thought that if i ever felt strongly enough to tell her i was crazy over her- id tell her and let the normal cycle go through. now at the time i had no idea how much this would take over me for the next year! then one day while we were talking she said something about her and her boyfriend getting into fighting all the time and she said he and her would most likly break up after the last fight they were having. the big prob with him was he was afraid some guy would take her away from him- which was a reasonable fear since i would have it too! (but i think i would trust her) vanessa said they'd been going out for a year- but still i gave that little consideration. now one day she told me she'd have to go and have her wisdom teeth out and she'd be out of work for a few days. well- when she was gone work was real hell! i couldnt go a sec without thinking of her- and that is whe i decided to tell her that i was going insane over her. so it took a few days for me to work up the courage to say anything- but i told her when i brought some stuff (after going through the line three times until i was the only one in line- ya know for privacy-lol!) i told her i was nuts over her- and i said that i knew she had a boyfriend- so was wasnt imposing anything other than getting to know her better- so she laughed and said she thought i was cool and "told mama bout how funny this guy was at work" and i thought "cool". so we gave each other our phone numbers and that night i called her- and we talked for hours and hours- bout everything - and before we left each other she said being friends was cool- but she made it clear that she had a boyfriend and didnt want me to try to break them up or anything- which was okay by me. so we talked again and again and all those infacuated feelings got stronger and stronger. i wrote her a poem and told her over the phone and she cried and said nobody had really done that for her- which made me happy that she was clear on how deeply nuts over her i was. it was really after that i couldnt hold in how i felt. i could not go a night without thinking bout her. she has type one diabetes and i was alway scared bout that alot- so much that i learned all i could to know how to help her if something happened at work. i was so scared bout that. and i still am. then when i started learning about all this stuff that i really felt a desire be with her. i know rough times are coming and i want someone to be there that will understand pain and be willing to give up everything to spent time with her at those moments when she was sick. i asked her to tell her mom my number to let me know if anything ever happened. and it grew to a certain point where i couldnt go with just being a friend and calling every now and then. i realized that i have grown to love her in the actual sense- giving myself for her sake in a way that caused me to grow. but there was so little i had done- even still- and there is so much i want to do. i quit my job when i realized that at this moment it wouldnt work. and i even got into 2 relationships to see if i could lose those feeling. but i couldnt. i tried so hard- but it always came back to her. i stopped talking to her for awhile- but after a few months- i recontacted her cause i still felt the same. we talk every now and then. also i email her every now and then. now i am crazy about her- i know that if in time i cannot move on- ill be able to love someone else- but now this prevents me form doing that. she is still with this guy. really i know i have to deal but i wanna know what you guys would do in he same position. cause to be honest- i want to worry about me- and maybe if i dated again- find a who liked the idea of growing with me like that. i know vanessa loves her boyfriend- but i dont know how to let go. i think i want something serious in my life worth living for- and shes it. i mean i work all the time- live alone- and i am a painter- which is what i want to do for the rest of my life. so there isnt much in this world that makes me feel alive and valuable as much as her- i think i want a purpose- and i see that possibility in her. i dunno- but it is really hurting my life in that i cannot feel alive without someone there that amkes life worth living. if its just me i guess that life is boring- and it makes me feel worthless. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Joe
  8. Well to answer your question- look around at this site- there are so many people that have felt this way over a guy or over a gal. i know i have- but the worst part is when i realized i had these feeling more than once. As i realized that one wasnt for me- another seemed to jump right into my head and take first crush's place. that led me to think that maybe i want in love with any one - but really wanted to be love the way it was possible for me to love a person. of course it isnt possible for you to love EVERYBODY! but special people come alone and get to us for one reason or another and make us feel nuts! but the important thing to remember is that there will be another and another and another if this dosnt work out for you- and then one day- it will. i know it sounds like garbage and its tough- ive had a crush on a for over a year and i just graduated and i see less and less of her. so my feelings remained- but they altered. there really is nothing to do that will make the crush go away- youll just have to deal with it until something happens or it goes away or away enough for another crush to devolop in which case youll have problems all over again! thats life! the only advice to really give about this is to think of yourself as worthy of this guy-cause you are. lots of times nerves come over me and i forget that im a great person and i shrink back and make myself look like a nutjob! remember that if this guy doesnt write back he may not be intrested- but that doesnt mean that youre not cool and that the next guy who you go nuts for wont be just as nuts for you! dont call it love- you dont fall in love you grow in love- cause this is a feeling and love is not an emotion- just like is not an emotion. a crush is a feeling! its rough- but things will work out- oddly enough- even if they dont! goodluck- be yourself- and learn from this experience!!!! tata Joe
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