Kissebelle

this is the first time i am actually facing this problem and talking about it.. i need help.. i have to stop this.. my body is not in good shape... please help! anyway, it started a little after the start of the new year, i got really sick with some awful stomach infection (to where i couldn't keep anything heavier then some fruit or soup down without getting sick and throwing up) and i was also diagnosed with really bad IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) (fyi: stomach problems, etc. run in the family). anyway, i lost about 15 pounds pretty quickly.. and then the rumors started. people were making all kinds of judgements and talking about my "eating disorder," etc. and i got really upset about it.. this was also around the most stressful time of senior year of high school - everything ending and college preperations, etc. needless to say, i was not happy.. eventually i got over the stomach bug but i suddenly didnt want to gain weight. i liked the new thin me.. and i started making myself throw up after i ate. it scared me so much the first time i did it that i cried but then i realized how wonderful it could be - i could eat anything i wanted and then just get rid of it... the best of both worlds..i began getting so smart about it- new exactly which bathrooms i could go to and no one would hear, how long i could wait after starting to binge and still get EVERYTHING out.. i know it sounds sick but it's like i became numb to it.. and i used to be the girl who would throw up if i even smelled or saw someone else do it in like elementary school.. and here i was planning when i could go and raid the kitchen and make sure to allow time to throw up afterwards... it was awful. this went on til the end of the semester and i was now 20 pounds smaller than i had started at the beginning of the year.. then i had a "month off" when my family went to europe for a month and i decided it would be way to hard to keep up these habits and i completely stopped and ate what i wanted when i wanted and had an amazing time.. it was so wonderful and i was so happy with my family and in these amazing countries with all this food and such but then suddenly i was home again in the states- and 6 pounds heavier.. i was so disgusted and fell right back into my old habits.. which is where ive been since.. there was even a point when i felt it was ok to have this problem: the day i found out one of my very best friends had the same problem.. we formed some unspoken, twisted understanding of each other and actually helped each other out at times - using each others bathrooms, etc. it was as if i started justifying my puking because i knew she was doing it too and so i wasn't alone.. now im my first semester of college and it's worse than it's ever been - ive even recently accidently cut the back of my throat with my fingernails bc i was so desperately trying to get rid of the food and thereforeeee small amounts of blood sometimes come out.. ive been getting some nosebleeds recently too and the worst thing is i cant stop.. i plan my meals around when my roommate wont be home afterwards so i can use our bathroom and she wont hear.. it's so awful i am so disgusted with myself. i want to stop so bad! ive tried.. i'll tell myself that ok i'm not going to do it at all today! and then ill successfully go one day w/o it and eating small normal food throughout the day but then the next day i try to go "another day" but by about midday i start feeling so guilty and fat and disgusting that ill go have myself another binge.. then ill sit on the bathroom floor crying because im such a failure.. another really bad thing about it is that it's not even worth it anymore because it's not even working anymore because ive actually gained a couple pounds - how can that be? i know it must be that my body thinks its in "starvation" and holding on to every bit of food like crazy so that even when i have my "healthy" days, it absorbs everything and blows me up really quick.. so but why i am still doing it?! i just dont know what to do.. i want to stop so bad i miss the days when i was healthy, i was always happy, ive been a dancer since i was 7 and i always prided myself that i was one of the girls who would eat normally and just exercise and would never fall into an eating disorder.. i never even understood how girls could do that to themselves.. but now here i am- drowning in the exact problem i said i would never fall into.. i completely understand how it completely controls you - i am so ashamed and really cant stop.. i dont know what to do.. has anyone delt with this first hand? how did you recover? i know that it is so bad for my body and i am so scared that i already have/ am going to cause serious damage to my body and have a heart attack and die or something.. ANY help would be amazing.. just steps or tips or what to tell myself to talk myself out of binging, or just how to stop the crazy cravings for all the "bad foods"... just please help.. please..

i prefer working out in the mornings but i often get lightheaded or dizzy and i know its not because i dont drink enough water - im a freak about water and drink so much all day long.. but i think i may not be eating the right or enough before i go run or whatever.. what is best to eat before working out that's filling and will give me energy but won't fill me up so much that ill feel sick once i start running??

just a random question: you know when people quit smoking and they say the "3-day hump" is the hardest and if you can get over the first three days its downhill from there? Is that true for quitting smoking? Is it also true for quitting anything (ex. I have a resolution to give up my soda habit.) I know it's not the same, but I was just checking because I LOVE my sodas but know it's not healthy and was just curious about the "3 day hump" which would be an easier goal to achieve and to inspire me to get healthy!

im a virgin and about to go off to college and have a problem... see im not currently in a relationship w/ anyone who i want to be having sex with and i am leaving in the fall.. my problem is that i do not want to go to college still a virgin - i feel im ready for my first time.. and i definitely dont want it to be with some random frat guy at a party somewhere.. however i also do NOT want my first time to be forced just because im going off to college and as if i just want to get it over with... a potential solution to my problem is perhaps doing it with a very close friend who i care very much about and actually dated a very very long time ago... hes a virgin too and we can talk about anything and everything and hes great.. how does everyone feel about friends being each other firsts? shouldnt it be with someone you care about and will still want to be around afterwards? ahh i just dont know! please help!

Does anyone have any information about Hydroxy Cut and other diet pills? I'm trying to find information about them (benefits, how they work, if they work, dangers, etc..) but anytime I search online I get attacked with ADs to buy things etc. I'm needing to lose serious weight and dieting and exercising isn't working so I'm looking into Hydroxy Cut which worked really well for a friend of mine but I'm concerned about my health... is anyone out there using diet drugs or have you? Anyone had any bad experiences or anything? Just any and all information and feed back about Hydroxy Cut and other diet pills would be great...

does anyone have ANY tips or remedies to help w/ the painful redness and bumpiness of razor burn you get from shaving down south?? i like to shave every few days but it just hurts and now ive got bumps and redness and its just not a fun situation... anyone have any suggestions or quick fixes??

the guy i am dating right now is pretty shy... now hes slowly started opening up to me emotionally but how can i get him to be more comfortable physically? i really like him and want to take our relationship to the next level but i dont want to look too pushy... at our age, we should be able to do more than kiss... does anyone know how i can help my shy guy desire me in that way?

ok soo here's the deal...i've been hanging out with this guy who really cool and tons of fun and recently we turned into make-out buddies...but nothing more...and im really starting to like him. and then i realized i better make sure he likes me to because otherwise he could just be using me.. right? soo i asked really casually "ur not just using me are u?" and he was like "no!" n i was like "good, because i think i kinda like u..." and he was like "ahh but i dont really want a relationship...right now.." and i was like thats ok i just wanna have fun with you bc i think ur a really cool kid...and he was like "thanx"... so..my question is does this mean this isnt going to turn into something ever? guys: what does it mean when u say that? i mean i just wanna have fun and be ya know...friends who like each other n have amazing like physical chemistry and hope that it turns into something more when were both ready...BUT i cant figure out a way to let him know this w/o him thinking that he can just go do w/e he wants with whoever he wants n that ill be ok with it...because i wont...i just dont want to be the pressuring and annoying girl but i do want him to care about me...someone PLEASE help....

is it weird to date a younger guy? im 16 and he just turned 15; hes a year and a half younger than me...and i know that a lot of people say (and i agree) that later in life its no big deal...and i dont want to be the kind of person who worries about what other people think but i still do...being that were in high school and even simple things like the fact that i can drive and he cant yet...set up certain obstacles...hes a freshman and im a jr...i REALLY care about him and i wish i could stop worrying about what other people might think...but i still do..does anyone have any thoughts on dating a younger guy??

i dont know if im completely alone in this but it seems to have happened to me a couple times now...i find myself fooling around w/ a great guy (may it be a friend or whatever) and then having to remember that im on my period...now i know this is the "OMG! GASP!" topic for guys...but i mean i have to let him know, right? but heres my question...how can u let the guy know...without making the situation awkward and embarrassing and without just completely killing the mood that u really want to do those certain things that are impossible at that time of the month....and that u are really into him...but you just cant... guys...any advice? personal experiences? so far ive just sort of avoided the news until the last possible second and then just said it and it sort of kills the mood .... soo c'mon..im know im not the only girl out there!! what do you guys do??

i didnt ask when to give a hand job i asked how...thanx for the advice tho

ok this is really embarrassing...but ok... 1) first of all...you know those really gross stains you get (even when u wear massive amounts of deodorant and anti-perspirant) under your arms....especially on you white t-shirts when you sweat?? does anyone know how to get rid of those in the wash or whatever??? its just soo gross and i dont know what to do about it... 2) i think i sweat...more than other girls...which is strange because im actually really tiny and petite...and i wear a lot of my deodorant/anti-perspirant product....but i still sweat a lot n always get sweat spots on my shirts during the day...which of course eventually leads to the ^^ above problem...does anyone know of any special products that work really well at keeping you totally dry?? any suggestions would help...i just feel soo gross and like nasty all sweaty like that..

ive had many moments of huge pleasure where my whole body is tingling ...but it still has never felt as "amazing" as orgasms are made out to be. can any of the girls out there tell me what it feels like or how i can tell if im having one or have had one? this would help a lot because i feel like im not doing the right things and im missing out on a lot.... just any orgasm advice/knowledge would be great! thanx sooo much!

ever since i was a little girl ive wanted my ears pierced but ive always been too chicken to get it done ...i guess ive just heard too many horror stories about it! anyways...now i think i finally wanna go do it...but does anyone have any special suggestions or like does it hurt alot??

quick question: since i know u can get all kinds of STDs and such even in ur mouth when giving a guy oral sex...do u use a condom?? im soo clueless! ive never given head before....please lemmie know tho! i wanna be safe!