Sholder

Thanks for your advice. I think, right now, I'm gonna talk with her and smooth things out, and then spend a good chunk of time away from her and figure out what's real and what I want. Thanks for the help!

I've been apart from my ex for 2 months now. We had a very weird relationship (in college), where we were together by definition for only 1 month, but spent 6 months doing an on-and-off relationship. We spent the last 3 months in love, but she refused to be in a steady relationship with me because her friends would not talk to her any more if she started to date me again after breaking things off. The biggest problem was her best friend, who was also her ex-boyfriend from the previous year. He would threaten to cut ties with her if she spent time with me and barge into her room if we were ever together. The point is, I believed that she wanted to be together the whole time, she just couldn't let go of her emotionally abusive ex, no matter how hard I tried to get her to realize what he was doing to her. During those last 3 months, we spent time hiding from her ex, avoiding him, simply trying to get away from him. I took this as a sign that she truly cared for me, and wanted to get back together (which is even what she told me - she talked of living with me someday soon). Then, suddenly, she confesses that she's been having sex with him whenever we were on bad terms for the past 4 months, whether we were in love or not. I had absolutely no idea this was happening (I'd asked before, she'd lied and told me nothing was going on - she got offended I didn't trust her). I was devastated. I still am. I feel that it was cheating, whether we were really together or not. In fact, she even told me that she considered 'us' together for the full 7 months. But then, she even jumped into a committed relationship with a guy she had just gotten to know within 3 days of telling me, which she is still in. I want to be on good terms with her, and I don't want to hate her...But I can't get through one day without feeling an enormous pain from what happened. I still can't get over her. I talk with her on a very rare basis, and when I do, I always end up saying something to cause her a load of guilt and frustration. This gets us nowhere, I realize. She has apologized many times, but it's still not enough. I guess what I want to know about this is how do I cope with everything?? This is still tearing me up every day. And I know she can say sorry forever, but it still won't make it better...Should I forgive her at some point or just forget her? I still care immensely, I can't help it. It just hurts so much to keep caring. All this, and keeping in mind that she is living with one of my best friends next year, so I will be running into her on a regular basis.

I haven't screwed up the first date, but immediately following, my date told me she thought we should just be friends. I got sort of upset and said "Fine, you're not my dream girl anyhow." We ended up dating later. She never really got over the fact that I said that. That proved to be a real stupid line on my part.

Music! Yes, that's my thing. I can relate, I get the same effect from listening to it as you. I've been putting together some songs for myself to get over my ex. I'll leave you a quick list of what's been the best for me. Jeff Buckley 'Last Goodbye' Ben Harper 'Another Lonely Day' Blues Traveler 'Alone' Elliot Smith 'Needle in the Hay' or 'Southern Belle' or 'Everything Reminds me of Her' Beck 'Guess I'm Doin Fine' Led Zeppelin 'Goin to California' Pete Yorn 'Easy' Ben Folds 'Gone' Bob Dylan 'Most of the Time' Travis 'Why Does it Always Rain on Me' John Wesley Harding 'I'm Wrong About Everything' Hope that helps. I've got more too, if you're interested.

I can relate to kdreger. I went on a 'break' with my now ex-girlfriend, and we stayed that way for about 4 months. We did the whole '3 days good, 3 days bad' sort of a thing. There was a lot of fighting, but we always sort of got back together. At the end of the 4 months, she told me that I had been the good guy, and she had been having sex with her best friend/ex-boyfriend quite frequently, but she made sure to say it was whenever we were on a bad time. It sure as hell felt like cheating to me. I was destroyed by this, told her that I wanted to be apart from her to see if she was really who I thought she was. I wanted to decide if I felt strong enough for her to ever get over what she had done. I wanted to see if she would do anything to show me she really cared. I wanted to believe she could change and be faithful to me. Of course, within 12 hours, she was already jumping into a serious relationship with a new guy. I was wrong about her, but I still believe that people have the power to change themselves and learn from past experiences. I think you can change, if you really and truly want to. And I hope that your girlfriend finds that she cares enough about you to accept a mistake. We're all human, right?

Yeah, I've been dealin with this for a while. We've been really broken up for 2 months now, and I talked to her as friends for a while, but I couldn't handle it. Each time we talked, she had to bring up problems with this ex-boyfriend/best friend guy (who she cheated with on me), so I told her I just didn't want to deal with it. I stopped talking to her, she came crawling back. I refused to give in, and she says that I'm hurting her now. I just want my space. And on top of it, I can't stop thinking of her, even though I know I would never get back together with her, knowing what I know now. It's tough, but it's getting better. I mean, this is the hard part, right? Good luck to you, thanks for your comments.

I went through something similar. Each time I got close to my girlfriend, she moved away from me. When I walked away, she came after me. Looking back on it, I should've been smarter and walked away in the first place, but I had to find out for sure. My advice is that there's something better out there, you deserve better treatment. But you have to figure out if he means enough to you for you to put up with this. In my situation, I only ended up getting hurt worse. Just be careful.

I've noticed this too. I can't say it's true all the time, but I hear where you're coming from. My ex-girlfriend always needed to have someone close to her in her life. If she was single, she instantly went back to any one of her ex-boyfriends, or else quickly latched on to a new guy. She led on the guys so that someone would always be crawling after her. I'd like to think all girls aren't like this.

Couldn't sleep, so I sat down and typed this out. Lemme know what you think. You're drooping with sadness and I don't know why Looking back, you're the one who made me cry. You said it was love and you said that it mattered But the things you did left me alone and shattered. I torture myself with thoughts of you I can't sleep at night, don't know what to do I filled you with love and poured my heart in You returned the favor with ultimate sin I thought of a future, I hoped for a life One where I'd end up with you at my side I gave you my faith and all of my trust You pulled out the rug, I fell to the dust I see your face still, I remember your touch I can hear your voice, it's all too much And while I miss the time we spent together I know we're not right, and we're done forever I'm left full of questions, I just don't know After all that you hurt me, why did you go? I guess I misjudged her, I was wrong the whole time I thought she was wonderful, just a fantasy in my mind Looking outside now, clouds sit with pouring rain The world's crying for me, I can't, nothing inside remains I'll move on in time, I'll find another dream I just hope I'm smarter now, nothing's as it seems Thanks.