Jump to content

geoblue

Members
  • Posts

    10
  • Joined

geoblue's Achievements

Rookie

Rookie (2/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. yes yes yes! that IS KIDNAPPING! It is rubbish that because you know who it is that it isn't kidnapping. My father did it to me... took my brother sister and myself away and YES it is kidnapping... You have to get hold of your wife somehow... you obviously care about your kids and you need to know that they are ok... she has NO RIGHT to just take them away from you like that without letting you know how they are (unless of course there is the case where you pose some danger to them) but even then she should declare to someone where she is... and where they are... Good luck... love, geobluexx
  2. Genesis... what kind of a person would he be if he was happy that she died?? After all he is concerned about her feelings because it is her feelings that are restricting him from freedom from a relationship that is obviously not working out.... grrr... just don't like your question.... but take care... geobluexx
  3. hey jonah, get out of it... if you dont want to be there... and you feel that you have tried all you can, her anguish is emotional blackmail and you shouldn't be forced to live with that. it is your damned life and if she isn't making you happy and causing you to suffer then get out! run free! whatever you do... good luck and take care of yourself first... love, chrystalxx
  4. i did it... i wrote an email to my T... she knows that she needs to act now... i did it... i told her that i need to talk about it... stop those bastards from stealing my sleep... feeling better... much better......
  5. ok... feeling a bit better now... thanks... yes... it does seem bad sometimes... better when I read it and then pretend that it isn't me... in fact I don't need to pretend... I almost automatically separate myself from my memories... I guess it is the only way I can cope... myah..... love, geobluexx
  6. just go for it! it is the only way to learn! ... I mean... you should have seen me... man I almost kissed his ear instead of his mouth! kissing comes with practise... let your inhibitions free and go for it... and good luck... enjoy... geobluexx
  7. well... these last 3 weeks of my life I discovered messageboards... and I have this almost frivolous freedom of speech that I do not posess naturally and verbally. It is like nothing I've experienced before... so yes I can say that I've 'talked' about it... in that I have written in another msgbrd that it as happened... there was something that happened that night that was worse than the rape... and my shrink kind of knows about that.... but... I've never talked to her about the CSA... my uncle SA from 3 yrs... and my father's 'friends' from 3 too... my father didn't care for me... which is how this all happened.... I guess I don't believe in fussing over spilled milk as such... I've had two sexual partners... well... one was more of a drunken thing one night... never again... The other was a wonderful guy who I went out with when I was 17... he was 19 and perfect... I of course broke his heart... because it is in my programming... then I emmigrated to canada when I barely turned 18 and been here for the last two years... I speak to him all the time... I actually believe that perhaps I loved him... I never thought I'd allow myself to. Anyways... he was m first voluntary sexual partner... and so gentle and patient... never forced me to do anything... lay with me and comforted me when I cried after we had sex... he was so kind... I made him cry because he was so upset for what he believed was him hurting me! He wanted to stop because he thought that he was hurting me... but he wasn't... Oh god... I want to tell my shrink about SA... I've been going to her every week during uni term for the last 18months... and she is wonderful... I was turned away by 4 shrinks when I was little and I guess that didn't help... they said they weren't trained enough to help me.... She doesn't know about the rape... I'm afraid to tell her in a way... because although I can speak a little more... and joke a little more about sex than I used to... I sit there in her office and I know that as soon as I think about it... I will be a child again... and I won't know the words... I mean... what do I just say?? Hi, how are you? had a good week? by the way did I mention that before they murdered my friend they raped her repeatedly and raped me too?? ARG.... the frustration just.... grrr.... I always try to be so cheerful about things... you know... after I told her about the beatings and everything I would chuckle so that it didn't seem so bad.... like it wasn't me they hurt... like all the scars on my arms legs and back were not there... like someone put them there as part of a costume... but I know... that telling a real living person about the SA... I know that I would just cry or scream or get upset... for goodness sake I'm sitting here watching the screen becoming blurrier and blurrier... why am I crying???????? I'm so BLOOODY WEEK and pointless.... I hurt the only man that will ever want to love me... the only man other than my grandfather that treated me kindly... that didn't try to hurt me... "play" with me... use me... and now I'm just some fat ugly almost 20 year old.... I don't want to turn 20 next sunday... I want to turn 70 already... and have this lonely life over and done with.... what the hell????.... arg....this posting is starting to go to places that I never planned... I don't know... perhaps I'll see if safeway is open... I've got no more food.... I'm sorry.... I really am... I'm just going to press submit.... love geobluexx
  8. well... i was raped when I was 4... so I think that perhaps I started a little earlier than 'normal' for some reason to do with that... geobluexx
  9. hi... well... i started masturbating when i was 5... at least that is the first time i remember.. anyhoos... that was 15years ago... and well... the thing is that i think that i've alway been close... and i think that just before i'm about to orgasm... i lose it... i just stop... i stop feeling anything... is it normal?? has anyone had the same problem??? thanks.... geoblue
×
×
  • Create New...