MNmike

Day 7 went on a date tonight. Had a good time. A nice distraction

Day 6. I have a cousin that passed away 2 years ago and I got his old motorcycle running today for the first time in 8 years. His dad will be happy. I felt sad a few times. About him and missing my ex.

Starting again. Its now day 5.

Went and broke a month of NC. I texed just because I wanted to chat and see how she is. To call me or text me. She texd back immidiately, Sure. In a bit. Just going to class. Well, she didn't call back. I text to see when she was done with class a few hour later. Her: Sorry, I'm swamped with homework at the moment. No worries! Me: Ok, maybe some other time. No response. I should have known better.

Day 20 Not calling her though. I think shes still seeing someone. Not sure, not going to check her facebook status, which she made sure I'd see before. When i feel better, I'll call her to see how she is. After all she was like a best friend. I really miss that. I need to get to the point that I don't really care if shes available or not. Cause if she was single now, I know we could reconnect. She was calling me, and missing me, and being needy (and she left me) until she met this guy to boost her ego again. It was games for a couple of weeks. And she wanted to still communicate. I said no if shes seeing someone. I'll get better, and maybe we'll be friends, or more. For now still NC. Its hard, but its the only way. Keep on keepin on people.

About 2 weeks since last e-mail. I am not counting the facebook checking as day one again. So I am sticking to the 2 weeks. I don't see the strange coincidence of seeing her in traffic the other day as contact. That was just unbelievable. The look on her face made me feel better though. Shes not over me yet.

I went back to starting over because I looked at her facebook. So I deactivated my account to make it easier. The weird thing happened Thursday. I was thinking how its been 2 months since I saw her. I went to the city where she lives, to see someone. I was on the road right before I was at my destination in traffic. Out of all the thousands of cars on the road I look over and shes stopped in traffic right beside me. She looked over and her eyes were big, she was as surprised as me. She kinda waved and looked straight ahead. So we started moving and I looked back she was looking right at me. I could see on her face that it was not someone so happy and content as she wanted me to think. She tried to smile, but it looked like she was going to cry. I wanted so bad to call or text her. But I kept going. That look told a lot. I know she still cares. But NC it is.

Well I was on day 9 but looked at her facebook and it set me back again. I guess its day one again. I should not have looked, just made me feel bad My sucky story

Its been about 2.5 months, I don't know the days. Had somewhat of a relapse today. I felt really sad and depressed. I mean, its been almost 3 months of NC. I can't believe it feels like yesterday we talked. I almost want to call just to see how she is. I still care about her a lot, and am genuinely concerned about her. Even though she kicked me to the curb. Its actually kind of pathetic. But when you really love someone, it doesn't just go away. I know she would like to here from me, or even see me. She wanted to see me a month after the break up, but I said no because I found out she was already dating someone, then she said next time she was in MN she would call me to see me. (We were long distance for the last year of our relationship) And since our last talk, I don't know when she'll call. I do feel she will at some point. She stated "we spent a large part of our lives together, it would be weird if we never saw each other again" and she cried about it. Thats what bothers me. She was so concerned about never seeing me, yet she dumps me. Wants to hang out, be friends. She even said she missed me, and I'm a sweet, kind, great guy. But still felt the grass is greener somewhere else. But if she is seeing that person still, I feel I cannot contact. It was too soon after our 5 years together, basically immediately after. And that is COMPLETE b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t! Yea, rebound I know. But still hurts. God, I just want to be feeling 100% good again. Part of me really wants to see her, but I'm afraid it'll send me back to square 1. Part of me wants to tell her off, all of the things on my mind. About the other person, how she did it, the cold things she said when I called her. How I really didn't know her as well as I though. How she didn't even try to bring the problems she was having out in the open, and work at making things right with me. Instead BAIL OUT when things get tough. How she made assumptions about my feeling about her. (She was the worst communicator about her feelings I've ever met) How she stuffed it all down and let it build into something too big for her to deal with. Sigh.... Maybe I should take some of what I've written here, and send it to her. Just as a final closing statement. Then again, its probably not worth my time. Sorry that turned into a vent session.

I know how you feel, mine was 5 years, and she immediately started dating a coworker. We were long distance for a year, so I had no idea this dweeb was moving in, and I never thought she'd do that, so I had no reason to think otherwise. I know its a rebound, and won't last. But there has been some damage, and when she does contact me again, I am not sure just what I'll say. But one thing I do know, I have my reasons, she will contact me again. Oh, I'm on day 60 something.

Its been almost 2 months of NC. Not sure of number of days. I was hoping by now to feel a lot better. But I still miss her, I think I miss her more than ever. Really sucks, but I just don't have the feelings of closure I've had with other girls. I realize too, that I have never been with someone so long. 5 years is a lot to get over in 2 months. It literally only feels like a couple of weeks. Days go by, weeks go by, some days ok, some not so ok. I'd do anything just to give her a hug. Although I know she does not even deserve that. But there is nothing I can do. Just hope for better days.

I thinks its day 43 Strangely today I was miserable all day. Nothing triggered it, I was just sad again. Its strange how the emotions sometimes come rushing back without warning. I just feel so disappointed in her. The hurtful things she last told me, the dating a guy immediately after. When I met her, she was the breath of fresh air that helped me realize there are good, sweet, kind people out there. I had just gotten out of a relationship where the girl broke up with me, said many very mean and hurtful things, instantly dated a guy, strung me along, and lied to me. She was NOTHING like the ex before her. She was a shining example of a beautiful person. However, she ended up doing the very same thing :sad: I just don't understand how she became the thing that I knew she was not?

Of course its possible, look at my last post. I was with this girl for 5 years, and I've gone over 40 DAYS! I think you can do a measly 14 days. You have a pair between your legs, don't you? Use em!

Day 42 I still miss her, and think about her a lot. I also was thinking why I think about a person so much when we last spoke she said, "I am seeing someone else and I am happier than when I was with you" thats harsh, and just plain hurtful. Even if this were true for me I would never tell someone that. Especially someone I had been with for five years. Why I ask? She was always so sweet and kind and happy. She never said a hurtful thing to me. We had a couple arguments in our time, but nothing was EVER said that came remotely close to that. From me or her. I feel like the person I was with has been replaced by someone I never met. It really is a sad thing to experience.

day 37 Its one of those days I'd like to tell her and her new Mr. Wonderful to F*** OFF! I never would do such a thing because I am not that type. But I am angry at what she has said and done so soon after the break up. Basically telling me I sucked at being a boyfriend, although I was good enough for 4.5 years. I know she will see that the grass on the other side will not be so green after a while. IF, and thats a big IF, she ever did want to come back, I honestly don't know if I could ever trust her, or even want to be with her again. The bridge is slowly smoldering away to ashes.