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sameasalways

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  1. yeah it suxs when you feel that way. It does help if you can get over it though (yeah I know duh) but like I posted somewhere else here, I do think its easier to forget aboutthe other person if you are busy w/other people, whether or not that involves the horizontal is not necessary but certainly helpful. I know it helped me get over guyz a lot better anyway that tried pulling crap on me. I'm not saying it was the best thing to do or the best way to handle it but hey I'm alive today. And it did work for me.
  2. maybe its a guy thing? I never though of it before, unless I was actually seeing a guy, and the tart showed up to see him!!!!!!!!! ughghg. Guyz told me its harder for them to meet women than it is for women to meet men though. I don't know if its true. But those are the only times I wanted to puke.....when the little tarts actually thought they were getting away with something that I didn't know about. crappolas.
  3. I'm wondering what most guyz do consider skinny though? I do not like or find myself attracted in general, to skinny men. I don't want to feel like I'm tougher than the guy, you know what I mean? So I admit I am naturally attracted to taller guyz who have some lean muscle and are healthy looking , not skinny and not overweight. I guess that would be like a 6'3 guy weight 190 lbs?
  4. Personally I don't think most girls at that age are ready for a serious relationship, hence the scaredy cat act when it comes to actually finding a "nice" guy. Just my own opinion on it. Not that all girls don't want one, I'm just saying a lot find it appealing initially but then they get side tracked. Same with males too. There are the ones who want to have a real relationshp at that age though, it just takes time. Its not you.
  5. hmmm. So, you have to know you are really too young to get in a serious relationship, but what is wrong with dating/going out? Is it that you have been "just friends" until now? And you would like more? If so, first off, you have to be honest with yourself and realize that she may not be interested in a more intense relationshiop with you. If you are willing to accept that gratiously if she opts than I don't see a problem with pursuing the relationship further. However, to tell her you love her is a bet far fetched. (I think). I would just start in on a closer relationship first, and such. And instead of worrying about telling her you love her, have fun and enjoy the time you have with her. This is your first love it sounds like and there will be many more. Your parents are probably concerned about you going bonkers over the first girl you meet and possibly for good reason. Try to remain objective and rational for right now, and if things last (and they will if you really are in love with her and her in love with you) then you can contemplate love and marriage at that point . Take care!
  6. Oh i'm sorry I didn't see the part about your parents being gone all the time and not cooking for you. Didn't you say you are 18? Maybe I'm wrong, but you probably know how to read. I say this is in all honesty, if you can read then you can cook. I also know that despite this, most men being men, just don't want to go through the trouble. Also, when you are only cooking for yourself, lets face it and I did it too, you really don't feel its worth the effort. However, there are "snack" things that really don't require cooking that are ways to get protein. You may have to start going to the store by yourself to buy specific things that you want. When I was 17 I rented my parents basement, and I bought a little fridge, the dorm size ones. I used to buy stuff like Yogurt (which maybe you think is yuck but try Yoplait its really really good) Its high in protein and good for you too. Also, I would have a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches when I was single. The suggestion about tuna is good. This is sick but this tells you how bad I was before I had a family......I used to eat the tuna right out of the can after draining it, sometimes squire lemon juice over it. You just need to start being a little more independent is all.
  7. Well it can't hurt. That is for sure.
  8. I thoroughly agree and of course, especially in the past, this was a source of a lot of discord between us, and me holding bitterness toward him. I don't know why, but I guess I just don't think about it too much anymore. Well I am sure it bothers me but I just don't get upset and start crying or fighting with him about it anymore. I would love to see that too (the life w/outcomputer for a month). IN all likely hood that is not going to happen though. Its unfortunate he might be missing out on actual life because of it. He has curbed it compared to the first 3 years we were married thank god! He is a good guy and he does try and I'm not trying to make excuses for him. I do think everyone has their issues. We are going out around the 4th and I hope we have a lot of fun. Last year we did.
  9. I didn't say there was something right about making him take all the responsibility. Actually for the longest time I didn't even know that women initiated sex. Or that men wanted them to. But honestly there is osmething that turns me off about the thought of coming up to him when he's on the computer to try to steal him away from it just so I can have time with him and have sex. He understands that. I am sure being an adult, if he was wanting to have sex, he would pull out from the computer and come to bed when he has the chance. I have initiated sex in some minor ways before, such as cuddling with him, stroking him, or waking him in the middle of the night with a surprise. I am just not blatant about it and find it virtually impossible to do so.
  10. When I use "me" language, I am trying to express how I feel about the situation and take responsibility for that. I honestly don't think it would be fair of me to try to explain how he feels unless he has expressly told me. The only thing he has expressly told me is that he wishes I would initiate sex more.
  11. hmm what is stopping me from jumping all over him? Usually when I am really really horny, it is impossible to have sex for one thing. Also there is the thought in my head of being stupid, ridiculous, an embarrassment to my self, and sluttiness. Also, I don't like to feel that I have to seduce someone to get them into bed with me (alas, I am sure he feels the same way!). Unfortunately it is always my fantasy that someone will seduce ME! You know, being swept away, all that. I am sure that must be his deal too....wanting to feel that way.
  12. I agree with everyone here. Try not take it personally. And a first real love is always really hard to get over. But most people do move on and actually you learn a lot from it. Also, you have to know, sometimes if you can think selfish thoughts, it helps you get through situations like this a little easier. I know I sound evil in all these primitive defense mechanisms but there might be some reason that they have survived so long (because often they work). And whoever said that having a bad thought after being burned was really so evil after all? Think of it this way......You are smart, hardworking, awsome with a bright future and a lot to offer the right woman in the future. Obviously this girl has no interest in any of that. Are you sure you would really want to even entertain the thoughts of having an ever after relationship with someone that doesn't share the same priorities and goals as you? She is only 20, and I do think most 20 year olds are not interested in settling down for a future with anyone yet anyway. You are going to meet some awsome women in the future who care a lot more for you and have a lot more to offer you than this young female who isn't ready for what you have to offer yet. There is nothing wrong with her decision at all and for her age, as long as she doesn't get too serious with anyone, she is probably doing the best thing right now for her. I think it would be best if you took the same lead and focused on yourself and what you deserve in your next relationship and what you want from someone in your next relationship. Maybe you just don't realize how fine of a catch you are going to be yet?
  13. I am female so I shoudln't be answering your question to begin with. I can't help it though. I used to feel that way too (the stuff you are saying) but the more men I talked to, the more I realized by far that it wasnt' actually true. Most men I have talked to do not like anorexic looking girls. Most men do not like obese women either. All men unless they are looking for a prostitute like a female with a good personality and atleast half a brain. I used to be very self conscious because I have small breasts. Then the more men I saw and talked to, they were astonished at me feeling this way, and told me that they do not particularly like women with huge breasts. They said it was more important to be in proportion, and also the shape of the breasts/firmness. When I was really young I was embarrassed by my small chest, but now I really like it. I can wear all the cute bras and cute tight tshirts that I want and still not look like a walking sex ad. Anyway that is beside the point. I am just saying that most men I have talked to do not date women seriously just because of how they look. NOw don't get me wrong, its been said, by men to me , "hey you can't spot brains from accross the room". And that is so true. So of course, initially, they are looking for the hotties. But it goes beyond that too......just as women i think. I can say as a woman, its not just a man's looks......but his personality. I love it when a man is down to earth, smart, and can lauph at himself. That alone, supercedes my initial impression of how attractive they are or not. I did date super hot guyz once and they were horrible for the most part. I can say that when someone screws you over bad enough, you don't even see them for what they look like, even if they are super attractive. All I see at that point is disgust and I can't hardly handle them even touching me at that point in time. I do know men enjoy and are interested in looking at certain types of women, and if you look at porn you will see most of them are not anorexic looking at all. The women men enjoy looking at for the most part, are not waif thin like models on the catwalk. No they are very sexual though, and yes their sexual attributes are highlighted by their poses or shaving or implants, but waif thin they definitly are not. A guy told me that they just think its fun to look at the difference in women, how they are shaped, ect (of course I"m sure its "fun" when it happens to turn them on as well). But I think this aspect is totally different from what a man looks for when looking for a serious relationship. They have to click and get along and enjoy being around eachother in the end.
  14. Personally I don't think being a soulmate has anything to do with sex. I am not saying its right or wrong, its just what I believe. I can go out and have sex with anyone I want if I really wanted to, but because I don't know that person, the sex is no good. By having sex with someone, you are not a soulmate. I also don't feel I am being selfish. Whenever my husband wants sex, he gets it. I never ever turn him down. And what makes you think that the porn started after the drop in sex? This has been an issue since the day I lived with him, not just recently. I was a very giving person but I don't have energy to do it anymore. Also, my husband knows he has it good with me, if he wants to leave just because of the sex, there is nothing stopping him. I know that and he knows that. I fully admit I am at the very root, an attention whore. I do know I loved and married my husband not because of sexual attention, but the attention he showed to my spirit when I met him. This is what truly allowed us to have the best sex life. He was the first man who nurtured the spiritual side of me, and that I could trust fully. Without that, a man is just a man is just a man. (for me). I have had online relationships with a man before just for the attention aspect alone......I don't anymore, and my husband caught me and we were in a big fight. But it wasnt' about sex, (we never had sex, just online stuff), it was for the sheer conversation and joy, and attention and passion it sparked in me. I suppose after 6 years maybe that just isn't possbile anymore, I don't know. The other thing is, we have plenty of opportunities to have actual sex, but instead of him coming to bed, he will stay up on his computer. By the way, how does a woman iniitiate sex anyway? I think I have done it before. But no I'm not going to get up and do a strip tease for him. Like I said I am shy already, self conscious, and I know we could go to strip bar and watch professionals do it if he wants to that bad (I fully told him I wanted to go to the strip bar here because I"d never been to one). I just don't know what is normal in an actual long term marriage (not one lasting just one year). I don't know maybe I'm making it sound like we have a horrible relationship or something, but we don't. Things are just weird sexually right now, I don't know if they are weird for him, but they are for me. I don't think I would ever leave my husband because our life together is too good. But I have had a fantasy or two about other men, as far as wondering what they are like, ect. I have heard that is normal but it sure puts the guilt trip on you and makes you wonder why you would think about it to begin with. Maybe its just the feeling that its okay for men to do that but not women. I'm not sure. Maybe its also that I just naturally like it when the male is more aggressive than the female.....it turns me on then a lot more. I don't like to feel like I have to beg someone to have sex with me but then that goes both ways....maybe that is the real issue. Also, I show my feelings and affections often times by doing things for him, little things that add up. I am not sure how he shows his affection for me. I wish he would do more little things as I love them. I don't think he is as creative as me as far as, I can go out with him somewhere alone, and want to go for a "walk" and he will get all frustrated with me wanting to do something out of the ordinary, when really I thought it would be cool to find some hidden spot and have sex. But because of his negativity, it gets shot down and I just forget about it. He never ever comes up with ideas like that and I do miss that. I feel like I'm just being a total bitch in these posts but I just wanted to know how married people keep things balanced in their lives and alive.
  15. okay this sounds cheap and it is, and maybe or probably not the best way to deal with feelings, but for me it always worked. That was, to have sex with someone else, or date someone else, and meet other people I was attracted to. However that was when i was only dating people. I've been married 6 years now and I think if something happenned to my relationshiop, well, I understand the different stages of feelings I go through after a loss now, and I know what does work and doesn't work with the other person when a breakup occurs. certainly being bitter or angry doesn't work and gets you nowhere. To some extent it just takes time. I know it depends on why you break up too. Also, try journaling whenever you are feeling things are out of control, emotion wise. you can through it away when you are done if you want and are worried about other people reading it. It does help I just don't know why. Also, I think its important to know its normal to feel a loss, and that it is indeed a loss, and when any loss occurs there is bound to be sadness over that loss. So not to let yourself get even more down because you are feeling that loss, but to know that its normal and it does pass eventually. You can also try to stay really busy so you don't have time to think of that person much, and maybe you'll even meet someone else that you never would have it weren't for that. Sorry this isn't a huge help, its just things I've done in the past, and in the end, I suppose we all do what we have to do to get by another day when we are at that point. So don't feel guilty about it.
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