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dqueen

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About dqueen

  • Birthday 12/26/1983

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  1. I've had enough of lapsing back and forth....easily being blinded by love and forgetting the horrible things you said and did to me. No, I don't want this anymore. I don't want any of it. I'm done!!!
  2. Day 11: I am proud of myself for getting here. But a bit perplexed that I keep having to go to Page 2 to find this thread...are people not doing NC anymore? Have so many people given up on it? Anyway, yesterday I had a little cry. I needed to let it all out. I have had the crazy urge to break NC though in the last 2 days...I want to send him a message telling him what a cold and heartless monster he is. But I'm sure he already knows that. I shall continue to sit on my hands and stay in NC.
  3. Day 10 Wow, I've hit the double digits. That's progress! However, I found myself getting really angry today. I guess I shouldn't be surprised and should've seen this coming. He is not worth thinking about...he doesn't exist anymore. He is dead to me just like I was dead to him years ago. It's hard now but somewhere down the road, I will be very happy to have closed this very difficult chapter of my life.
  4. Day 9 Why is it that as NC progresses, I find myself thinking of him more and more? He is in my head ALL THE TIME. Isn't NC supposed to help me FORGET him? Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! ](*,)
  5. Fiffy, my ex did something very similar to me...in the end, sometimes I feel like I'm the weak one who could never walk away from his abuse. *sigh* Many hugs to you. Day 8 of NC for me today. He hasn't bothered contacting me which is good...I need all it will take to heal. I really hope I can make to the end of January with complete NC. I must say that I'm surprised though that he has not contacted me...usually he could never go 4 days without emailing or sending a text. I think he is testing me by waiting to see if I will break NC first. Well, he can wait. Forever.
  6. Day 4: Haven't heard a peep from him since he got back home from Xmas with his family. He and I kept touch through texts and email over the Xmas holiday but it seems he has dropped off the face of the earth now. No hello or anything for new years either...just pin drop silence. As much as I'm puzzled with this and want to know what's going on, I'll just stay quiet myself. He hurt me and I'm not going to lower myself anymore by giving him the attention he craves. I shall continue NC. But I won't be surprised if he contacts me today or over the weekend. Knowing me, I'll probably break it or become all moody and instigate an argument.
  7. Hi guys. It's official. I suck at NC. I suck at self-respect. I'm weak and can't do this.
  8. Well, I was strong for a short while until this past Saturday when he IMed me. I was not responding to him so he kept typing in the IM window as if he were entertaining himself. He kept typing for about an hour and a half when I finally responded thus breaking NC. Dammit! I was so mad at myself that I didn't say much and logged off. Anyway, that same night he emailed me and said that he has unconditional love for me. Then he started to become very sexually intimate in his emails...I told him it made me feel very uncomfortable because these were the same things he used to say to his ex who he cheated on me with. Needless to say, he didn't like my reaction and became aggravated...aaaaand I have not heard from him sense. Which tells me all I need to know...and what he was after all along. So it is Day 2 of NC now. I was going to email him today saying that I know why he hasn't responded but at this point I do not care anymore.
  9. I'm here! And I can proudly say that I have not broken NC. I think this is the longest I've stayed in NC since this summer so I am quite proud of myself. I think I'm on Day 6 now. Still thinking of him lots and wondering what he's doing/how his day is going. Oh...he contacted me on Tuesday like I knew he would. It was a late night email from him telling me what he's doing in bed...if you know what I mean. Yeah, very classy. I'm continuing NC. But I can just tell that's he's going to contact me again...given the fact that it's the weekend and he'll have nothing to do but drink and send me stupid texts. I should also mention that my laptop died the day I started NC. How's that for a head start? I can say it's made NC easier for me in that I'm not checking my emails and IMs very often. I am, obviously, typing this entry on my desktop computer from the 14th century just to update you all. Kurt, you can read about my breakup story here if you have the time: 15 months IS a long time but my ex is adamant that he truly is the man for me and I am making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving him. The saddest part is that I still love him despite everything he's done when I shouldn't. Why is it so hard to hate him?!
  10. Guys, no one ever said NC would be easy! My ex and I broke up 15 months ago! Umm...Day 2...
  11. Hey fiffy, just saw your comment a couple pages back asking about me. Well, I'm a huge failure at NC, which explains my absense from this thread. I can only go as far as two days before giving in and responding to him. I haven't responded to his latest email which he sent yesterday and I don't think I am going to. Do you ever feel so confident on the first day of NC and think "I can do this. I will never contact them again!", then as time goes by, you feel like there was just that one last thing you want to say to them? But that one last thing becomes a bunch of things and you can't NOT respond to their emails or texts? Grrrrr. This is what's happening to me right now. My ex cheated on me, and left me for a married woman he met online knowing full well that she would never divorce or leave her husband for him (he's in UK, she in the US). This was just some sick, twisted fantasy he wanted to enjoy and didn't care about the pain and misery I had to live with for YEARS as a result of his actions. Despite all of this, I don't understand why my heart won't let me hate him. I hate him!!!!!!
  12. Day 1 Doing okay today. I don't have much to say but I think this is it this time. Of course I expect him to break NC in a couple days anyway.
  13. Day 3 Yeah, guess who emailed me??? The ex! Again, it was the usual "Are you not talking to me again???" ](*,) I hate this. This is really starting to get to me. He told me this past weekend before I started NC that he had broken up with his girlfriend...but it wouldn't bother him if I wanted to date someone in real life while we are miles apart. However, he still wants to be sexual with me online and over the phone. That really upset me...he should NOT be okay with me seeing other people! That means he wants to date people in real life too and keep me as his sexual crutch from miles away instead of working on improving things between us. Do men just not get it?? I.give.up!
  14. Day 2 It feels so weird that I have not been thinking about him much and lately, I've also been questioning if I'm still in love with him anymore. I love him but am I still IN love with him? I don't know. I think he feels the same way about me too so I will just cut this loss and move towards healing. I'm kind of sad to have lost that special connection with him though...
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