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charmed

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  • Birthday 04/30/1977

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  1. Hi Guys, Thanks for your kind words. Lillady - I agree with what you say - and it is true - infact, there is someone in my life that is away from their loved one and I really do feel for them. It doesn't make it any easier for me though - especially when there are forces at work externally that have an effect on our love. usied - true. I'm pretty smart and logical - and while we have our differences, I'm fairly confident that this relationship is going to last a fair distance. I know this is something about me that is a part of me. I'm a deep person, and I don't like hiding feelings. We met tonight, and she feels the same way as I do - exactly the same way. Its not easy on either of us, and there are things happening around us that are making it more and more difficult to be happy as we fall in love. As she said tonight - "how is it that when we feel like we should be so happy, we are feeling so stressed and sad?". What can I say !!??!! In love again - and feeling the rollercoaster of emotions again. Its been a while, and I'm thinking I need to ride the wave and keep a tight grip. She loves my honesty about this sort of thing - it makes us stronger together that we can truly trust each other - and it's good that this little test can bring us closer. Thanks guys. Al.
  2. Hi Everyone ! It's been a while since I've been here, and over this past few weeks I have been hearing my own advice that I gave to so many here in my time. The good news is that I've fallen in love again. It's been 3 years since I shut down and began a life of rational logic and simplicity. I met my girlfriend 2 months ago, and we connected instantly. We both want the same thing from a relationship and have an "all or nothing" policy with us. We both want to spend every moment with each other, and the time we spend is simply magic. She thinks I am a god - and I'm 95% sure that she is one too. Soulemates or whatever you want to call us - we really have something together. The strange bit ( and I don't consider it too strange) is that we are only really together a few weeks. It's been intense, it's moved fast - we are both 100% up for that and it's great. She is 7 years younger than me, and has never been properly in love before - not in a loving relationship I mean - but she thought she loved someone. I'm not bothered by the age gap - however, it does show a little bit at times that she is quite young in her attitudes to some things. Anyway - I'm the happiest guy in the world at the moment thanks to meeting and getting together with her - and if everything worked out, I would happily spend the rest of my life with her. Hang on charmed.......Are you insane? This short a time and you are saying things like that??? Chill out man !! I wish I could, but that is whats in my heart and that is how this really feels. I'm consumed by this love right now. I'm not thinking about anything else really. I'm functional most of the time, but I find myself drifting in and out of dreams about us during the day. I know she does the same thing during her day - and we tell each other about our dreams when we are together. I don't mind feeling consumed. I was in love once before, and it was the same. I was able to get on with my life, and it made life really worth living. What I'm having problems with is a feeling of dependance that is inside me - and at times it can turn into despair if a sequence of events happen. I've spend 3 years alone, and I really was a totally independent person up until 2 months ago when she came into my life. The best example I can give is the following: We won't get to see much of each other this week due to work and life in general. We had planned on getting together on Friday evening, and spending the night together (we've spent a good few together last week). However, something has happened that perhaps we might not be able to spend this night together, and it's the only thing that would get me through the week without her - that reward if you like. It's possible that we may spend it together, but what concerns me is the feeling I get inside of me when that reward is threatened in any way. I feel so upset, so sad and so unable to make it through the days that I then have to spend alone. I'm not depressed (been there before) - but I feel really weak when this happens. Has anyone got any ideas or thoughts on this? How is a person like me meant to get through those days alone when all I can think about is being with the one that I love?? !!! AAAAAAAaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !! So glad to be in love again - so so so so so so glad, but feeling things I've not felt in a while aswell ! Thanks guys, Al.
  3. Well said ReneinDC ! I think that this can also mean relationships in general and not just couple relationships. Conflict based relationships in family's for example can lead to the same need for conflict in another close relationship. ~
  4. ha·rass ( P ) Pronunciation Key (h-rs, hrs) tr.v. ha·rassed, ha·rass·ing, ha·rass·es 1. To irritate or torment persistently. 2. To wear out; exhaust. 3. To impede and exhaust (an enemy) by repeated attacks or raids. *************************************************************** stalk2 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (stôk) v. stalked, stalk·ing, stalks 1. To pursue by tracking stealthily. 2. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement. 3. To go through (an area) in pursuit of prey or quarry.
  5. Hi Sadboy, I agree with SteveNaive on this. You have to a certain extent given her ammo to use against you. She is indeed focusing on the bad in you - and that will a) make it easier for her to get over you b) push you away so she doesn't have to see you. Essentially, she is enforcing a no-contact regime by being completely nasty about it. She has taken the control out of your hands. Get Past This Girl. She Will NOT Be Hanging Around For You. Sad but true my friend. Time to move on. If you need help getting around the concept of moving on - then talk to the forum. There are plenty of people who have gone through the same thing as you are going through right now. You can read their experiences, and you can post your own. That should help you on your way. Hope this helps you some, Good luck, ~
  6. Hi Rich 46, I agree with Fantasia. This girl sounds really confused. In turn, she has you really confused. You initiated no contact, again, and now you are suffering the dreaded "train of thought". You need to make a clear choice here. Are you moving on or not? If you are, then it's time to move on. Don't try to make any sense of her confusion. She probably can't even make sense of it herself - so you don't have a chance and will just think for hours about it and depress yourself. If you want to sort this relationship out - go and do it. Well, at least give that a shot. Either way, sort this out once and for all. Don't let it dwindle for weeks and be in the same situation as you are now. Either sort the relationship out, or move on !! Get some closure. Hope this helps you some, ~
  7. Hi Siliconpimp, This girl is playing with you. You sound like you are looking for a relationship that has meaning and return for what you put in. This girl wants you to get with her friend so that she can feel better about your relationship and so that her getting with other guys (which is what she seems to be into) can go ahead un hindered by your idealistic view of a relationship that I believe she has no interest in. You are looking for the wrong relationship from the wrong girl. Shs sounds like a party girl - and you want something a lot more substantial for your relationship. I would advise you to get away from her as soon as possible. Horiscopes are great and all, but they won't help you see the real situations before you. You don't sound compatible with this girl at the moment - and I think you should get away before she hurts you badly when you least expect it. Hope this helps you some, ~
  8. Hey Samra, OK - If that's the road you choose, then be very careful. You are choosing option 1, and be aware that if or when it does come to a head, it may well get nasty. Once you are prepared to deal with that, then I say brave move for you. He will cling on for dear life, and as soon as he senses you pushing him away just the slightest bit, he will start to get very worried, and will probably cling even harder. Personally, I think you should really get rid of him now. Hang on a second, ....., let me be straight up with you here! This guy wants you, and wants to get back with you at probably any cost. Just being around you and in contact with you offers him a glimmer of hope. That hope, is what he is clinging onto. Even if you only see him once a week, and talk to him twice, he will cling onto those times of contact even more than if he was seeing you 4 times a week, and talking every day. The whole no contact thing can actually work with some couples. But these couples can only be "2" people who are both totally OK with not being together as a couple, and not getting jealous when the other gets with someone else. You however, are not in this situation. You may well be fine about the whole thing, but he couldn't be further from it. He is one of the types of people where No Contact is the only way, otherwise it gets really really messy. The person who has to share the mess is you, and if you are willing to do that, then fire away. I personally couldn't do it. It's too much, and there is absolutely nothing to be gained for you, or him, by prolonging this breakup. He most likely sees this situation as being nearly as good as going out with you, except he doesn't get the physical contact aspect of the relationship. However, the physical contact aspect is not what he is after, it's the emotional contact, and that is exactly what you are offering him - emotional contact. So inside his head, the relationship is still to a certain extent, ON. !!! When you get with someone else, then he knows that aside from the physical contact having moved onto someone else, the emotional contact he has got is moving too, and then it kicks into him, and kicks in hard. I think the hardest thing to do is to stop seeing him altogether, but this is also the best thing. Anything else, and you are just stringing him on, and inviting him to be clingy. Samra, there is a big lesson about guys to be learnt here for you, and you can come out tops if you take the chance while you still have control of the situation. I think you are a bit chicken to do the hard and percieved "mean" thing, when in fact it is the best and kindest thing to do. Men don't allow their emotions to be seen much on this planet, and Dr. Phil doesn't help the situation either !!! (Yes they show that Psycho over here in Ireland too !!). When you come accross a guy like this, Overpossissve, overdependant, clingy, emotionally unstable, a break up is always going to be difficult. This is only because he doesn't understand how to deal with his feelings, and he also has other problems in his own mind concerning his emotions. A sharp kick into dealing with these problems is what he needs, and you can do that for him. Cruel to be kind, but it's better than stringing him along for the foreseeable future, and then him cracking up bigtime whenever that happens, and it will happen I assure you. It's just a question of what the catalyst will be. It could be you getting with someone else, or it could be you going out with your friends on a night out and him getting all overprotective because you have given him the hope that it could work. This is why a guy like him need no contact. The funny thing is that I've been in his shoes, and I tried to get my ex to string me along. You would'nt think it by reading how clear my perspective on the whole thing is now. Howver, we don't talk anymore, infact, not since we broke up nearly 3 years ago. However, I do respect what she had to do, and I know it must have killed her to do it, but it was the only way it could work. Otherwise, I would have been as clingy as your ex is right now. Anyway, I'm babbeling. Samra, do yourself and him a favour. Choose option 2, and give him the space he needs from you, and you the space you need from him. It is best for everyone concerned. There is no known way to aviod the hurt of a breakup - it's just a natural progression. You can postpone it, but not aviod it. Let him get on with his life, and I think it's time for you to get on with yours too, ...., without him. Sorry for insisting, but I truly believe it's the best thing and the bravest thing to do here. It's also the toughest for you, but I assure you, better than dealing with the obeseeive psycho you may possibly create out of the guy by stringing him along and then breaking his broken heart again when this finally comes to a head. ~
  9. Rosa, I think that is the story there. It would be very difficult for you to get back with him if there is another girl on the scene now. The only thing you can offer him is the above situation, and he doesn't seem to be interested in mending the broken relationship. I don't think there is much you could say to change his mind here, and if there is another girl that is in any way serious or semi serious, you won't get the oppertunity to get a word in there to him. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you need to move on from him. You moved out, and you know why. My best mate is going through a break up at the moment, and he's taking it pretty bad too. I've been trying to help him see that the reason his relationship ended was that "the bad outweighed the good". It sounds similar to your relationship. You got on great, and everything was cool, ...except for the fighting. Actually, I had a similar break up a few years ago - and it was all great.....except for the fighting. You have to accept that it is for the better, and cling on to that for dear life. You are over, because it is better for both of you. Don't let your longing to be loved by someone end up falling back on his lap like he is the only one on the planet. He's not, and you know that you've tried with him and it hasn't really worked out too well. Move on, but be happy that you have made the correct decision, and stick by that. Everything else will fall into place for you then. Good luck, and remember the forum is here to help you should you need it. ~
  10. Hi Samra2, As I said, it's not going to be easy !!!! He is not thinking with his head - he's thinking with his heart. He says this is not the case, because if he does admit, then he has to admit he needs to get space, and that is the one thing his heart is fighting against happening. He said if you start seeing someone else, he'll probably not be your friend anymore. Would any of your other friends say that to you? Probably not. So why does he say it? Because he couldn't stand seeing you with someone else because he wants to be with you still, and probably thinks staying in the picture will increase his chances. Once you get with someone else, he would then throw in his hand and admit defeat. There are 2 ways this will play out. Well, 3 actually. The extra one is that you get back with him, but I get the impression that you don't want that, so lets leave it at 2 ! 1) He hangs around until you get with someone else, and then gets really upset and vanishes. Of course, he might not vanish instantly, and you would have to deal with his jealousy and pain at that point - possibly in an aggressive forceful and bitter way. 2) You Quote him on the "Won't be friends if you get with someone else", and use it as a basis of a discussion whereby you say that you simply can't have that looming over you and it's not fair on you. However, an irrational statement by him at that point saying" O I didn't really mean that etc etc.." can't be accepted by you at that point. He would only again be trying to prolong the torture for himself. Personally, I would be picking 2 here. You need to get this sorted for yourself. It's pretty good of you to be considering his feelings at this point and all, but you also have to think of your own feelings too. The sooner you yourself get some closure on this the better for you to get over the relationship too. Have a chat with him, and use the above as the basis for you stating that you want some space form the whole thing. You need time to get over the relationship too, and you feel that the friends thing simply is not working for you. He cannot argue with your wishes and feelings here - and if he does, then you will see his frantic attempt to change your mind, or perhaps calling you cruel and heartless. That one, you will need to take on the chin. It's a conversation that you will need to steer a certain way, and keep it going in that way. Your final goal is that you don't see him for at least a month or two. It's better for you both, and especially for him at this stage. What dya think? ~
  11. Really really drunk girls - messy, and falling all over the place - is not really attractive. Infact, not only does she have no idea what's going on, but guys will generally a)laugh behind her back about how much a state she is in and/or b)try to take advantage of her being so drunk. With me, the phrase "In vino veritas" (In wine we speak the truth), speaks volumes. You can tell an awful lot about someone when they are hammered, because they have a much more loose control on the way they act. Moreso they don't restrict themselves as much as they normally would. I'm always interested in watching girls I know get really hammered, because I can learn a lot about what their really like. For girls, getting hammered may get you laid, or might get you to hospital. Either way, there are not many guys that will be turned on by it - most guys will only use it to take advantage of the guard being down. Girl generally looses, guy wins - girl has certainly not gained any respect from the situation. Not a true turnon, but a turnon in the respect that the girl is more scorable now that she is drunk!!! As me mammy used to say - "girls shouldn't drink from pint glasses, it's unladylike" !!!!!!!!! ~
  12. Hey Samra2, He is right in saying if he has no contact - it will be torture. Unfortunately, I think he is just postponing the inevitable. With a guy like him, he is clinging onto straws and seems to be trying to keep you off the market by trying to be with you every second he possibly can. I don't believe that he could be friends with you and put up with you going out with someone else. I don't know how exactly you can do it, but you need to get him away from you for both your good and for his own good too. Can you imagine what he will be like if you got with someone else? Not a pretty picture. Your big worry should be that he may get obsessive about you - and keeping him in the picture could cause you some problems down the line concerning other relationships. Again, you need to get him away from you so he can deal with the relationship being over. Once he has dealt with it, then perhaps you can both be friends. A guy like this however, needs to get away and cry and go through the torture of the break up before he will really understand his feelings. Right now, it appears to me that he is simply prolonging that stage of the breakup by trying to convince you that he is fine. You will have to take some initiative here to handle this - but no matter what, it will probably get messy - so expect messy, and be prepared to be the responsible one that sees it through. You may have to be cruel to be kind here, but that's unfortunately the only way it can be done. I should know, it was done to me!! However, I see why now, and of course, thats how I understand where this guy is coming from. Hope this helps you some,
  13. Hmmmmm ! The rest of your post suggests that you do girly. You are sounding jealous of this other girl. Why? Because she is getting attention, or because you really do like him? You need to figure out whether you do infact like him or not. Once you have found that answer, then perhaps you can decide whether to chase him, or forget about him. Calm down, and think. What do you want here? Attention, or him ! Hope this helps you some, ~
  14. Hey Megastahr, Glad you are thinking a bit more rationally now. Something = good. Someone = potentially tragic !! Try to be sure that you are able to stand on your own two feet and be happy and proud that you can do that. You need to get to grips with what is going on at the moment and heading straight into another relationship just to fill the hole that she has left in your life may lead to a distorted feeling of recovery. Not trying to ruin your buzz or anything, but just want you to be conscious that this may happen. Remember, there is nothing wrong with being single - in fact, I'm single for the past two years and I'm loving it. Be sure that you are comfortable on your own and happy. Girls will sense that - and thats one of the things that is more attractive than anything else - someone who totally has their stuff together and knows who they are and what they want. Time now for reflection for you. Get past this, and find some way of developing your hobby or dreams. You will have plenty of energy to put into it - so go and do it The first step is the acceptance of the way it is, the second step is taking advantage of that knowledge. Take care megastahr, ~
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