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kdreger

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  1. When we pick friends and mates we should pick people who are uplifting - people who make our lives better. Just because you've been with someone for 3 years doesn't mean he's the right person for you. Add to that the fact that you've had limited contact with very many people and it sounds as if you've stayed with Peter out of a lack of options or guilt. Along comes Rob who opens up your life by showing you what you could have. Ever watch Bridges of Madison County? The parallel here is that your life is very small and within that small world you have accepted someone who isn't necessarily the best choice. Finally, phobia's represent unconscious fears. Are you surprised that your relationship with Rob has given you strength? That you were not agoraphobic before you met Peter? That you became agoraphobic while with Peter? For some reason you became afraid of the world outside your door while you were with Peter and Rob has given you the strength to face this world. This is not a small thing.
  2. Treat it like a lollipop and if you need to practic buy a lollipop and play with it for awhile. That said, part of the skill is the seduction and teasing. Lastly, trying stroking a guy before involving your mouth in the act. Even the stroking is an art on some level.
  3. He's 49 and you're 27? HE'S A LUCKY SOB!!! If you want to know if it'll work just do the math... When he's 60, you'll be 39... he'll be getting close to retirement and you'll be in your prime. Forget it.
  4. Some people feel that we are not meant to mate for life. Affairs happen for many reasons: 1) Loneliness 2) Boredom 3) Selfishness The only way you can prevent it is to never make your mate feel ignored or insignificant. As well, people go back to their mates they left because the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
  5. Meagan, Do yourself a favor and tell someone you can trust. Tell the person your fears and tell them only on the condition that your safety is taken into consideration. If you don't: 1) Chances are he'll do it again 2) You will never be at peace knowing he got away with it 3) There's a chance by telling that you can stop him from doing it to someone else. This is a big deal. I'm sorry it happened.
  6. If you ever get into a relationship with this guy (read: sex) it will never be the same. Your guy friend is right, if you do get into a relationship it will compromise the friendship. Respect his wishes - there are many men out there but very few life long meaningful friends.
  7. You need to dump your boyfriend and stop having sex for awhile. While you're being celibate you need to both start reading about rape and molestation as well as see a therapist. Children or young adults who are raped experience complicated emotions, which have a detrimental effect on their sense of self. Guilt, self-hatred, pleasure and confusion. Now add to that a boyfriend who obviously is (like the prior poster stated) a sicko and it's a self-destructive mix. Without a doubt you are only saying yes to your boyfriend because of your past rape/molestation. If you were in a healthy sexual relationship you wouldn't be doing it. You know what you feel - be true to yourself.
  8. Ok just so I have all the facts here - you are leaving your husband for a lesbian relationship. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, your girlfriend should be ok with it as she can give you "things" that your husband can't. What you're facing is the same thing hundreds of couples face every year. Your new girlfriend is jealous of the close relationship you have with your ex-husband and is insecure in the relationship. Look it from her point of view - you had a husband for 16 YEARS and two kids. That's a whole part of your life she will never be a part of or understand. It's hard. What you can do is be patient with her and try to ensure she doesn't feel she's 2nd best. She is to the kids (it's only natural) but she can't feel that way when it comes to the ex-husband! Next time a holiday is coming up invite the kids separate from the ex-husband to spend time with you and her. Don't talk about your ex-husband around her - make her feel that he (although is still in your life) is not more important than her.
  9. There's an important fact missing here: what is your age and what is hers. Age difference is an issue based on the amount and the ages of the people. For example 18 vs 31 is a bigger deal than 31 vs 43. The reality is in the first case the 18 year old doesn't have close to the same life experiences. In the second case, the 43 year old is... woohoo getting lucky!!! heheheh Seriously, if there is enough in common that you have a good time together, age shouldn't matter. The time when you run into problems is when your lives go in different directions due to the age difference (the issue of kids, meeting inlaws, sex drives, work, income etc).
  10. Is it safe to assume that when you "saw each other" that there was sex involved? I think it's safe to say he was in it for the sex. Honestly though, would you want to be with a man who would have affairs? Once a cheater always a cheater. You should always live your life from the point of view: would you like it done to you? I would go so far as suggest an email to the wife. The guy is a pig.
  11. It's natural to be concerned with death - I mean it's unavoidable. That said, worrying about death is as useful as worrying about anything else in life - worrying doesn't solve the problem. If you're really concerned, start reading about it all - various religions and belief systems until you find one that helps give your life meaning. Live a meaningful life and you will be at peace with death.
  12. Have your male friends sit on their hands until the're numb... it's called THE STRANGER!!! *snort* Seriously though, I wouldn't use anything "homemade". What if it breaks in some fashion while you're using it? What if you "carve" a shape and get a "sliver"... Yikes! Sex toys are cheap, and it's better to buy one tested and safe then try to save money or embarrasment by making one.
  13. If you're not sleeping with them there's no problem. If you were it would still depend on if either was a serious relationship. Do you think they have any right to expect you to not spend time with other men? IMHO, until you're serious it's just friendships and you can have as many male friends as you want.
  14. Rene, you one of many people who are dealing with a broken heart. Of course, it gets better. Chances are you only accepted the "friends with benefits" because you wanted him on whatever terms you could get. I've been there. The person leaving doesn't just disappear, they leave in bits and pieces, over time - tearing you apart slowly. The only way you deal with it is: 1) Make peace with it - accept it's over 2) Don't keep contact - when you can go a week without thinking about him then contact him again - until then, no contact - it only drags the pain on and on 3) Get angry - more below One thing I want you to know. He was playing you. The only person who benefits from "friends with benefits" is the person who comes up with the idea. Chances are he just wanted sex until he could get someone to replace you. Now he's has someone to replace you for sex and is kicking you to the curb. To top it all off he wants to stay friends. I'll let you in on a secret - he's doing that so some day in the future he can ask you for sex again - trust me, I have guy friends - I've seen it all.
  15. Your ex may have been sexually abused, have controlling parents or be the child of an alcoholic. Whatever the reason, she questions her own worth and worries that a sexual relationship is all that you're interested in. She has issues and you can't convince her otherwise. She has to learn these things herself. Don't live in misery out of love for her. You're doing both of you a disservice. She doesn't get a chance to grow and you're miserable. Let her go and let her date other men and discover how men who are truly only interested in sex are like. She sounds miserable and she's making you miserable. Life is too short.
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