Jump to content

Tolly

Members
  • Posts

    74
  • Joined

Tolly's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. shes been on my mind every day for 3 years...that cant be normal
  2. You see my head fills with thoughts constantly..and not just one or two..its like hundreds going on all day...some good..some bad...some happy ..some sad. Its so tiring. I remember it was like this during the dark period...its like I enjoy making myself morose. I dont have much more fight left in me, when they started again, I felt the energy drain out of me. Why should I be bothered by this...she doesnt spend a single minuite thinking about me (more so now than before I guess!), and thats really annoying!! Now shes going to have a special moment with this other guy, and no matter how much she regrets it now, it will be the best thing that ever happens to her, and she will always have a link with this guy. I dont let her have contact with me, and I dont act as a crutch. You understand that its my interpretation that she has 'played' me in the past. I might have completely mis-read it, but I dont think so. It was a case of me trying to face mt demons by being in the same space as her and being polite...maybe saying hello, and thats it. But after a few weeks of this she got her confidence up and started talking about the letters I had written her after the split and how she had kept them...I call that a play, and when it started I left. Now I let her say hello or whatever, and thats the beginning and end of any conversation we have. I should point out that the 'play' happened in 2004. We have bearly said a word since...because I ignore her. She has made a little effort...asking me how the dog is etc...I reply and make no further effort. I hate that it bothers me. I want to not think about it, not turn and see whos coming into a room in case its them, not look into every car window as I drive to work...etc I would like to be friendly with her...wish her well on her happy accident and get on with my life, but she still has control over me, even though she doesnt know it.
  3. Its been three years since my ex and myself split. She went off with another man and I went through depression. With the help of Prozac I was able to come out the other side...but I never want to go back to that place again. I have had very occasional contact with her, we live in the same town. Initially I would do anything to get in touch, but towards the end of my dark period I learned it was best to have no contact at all. When she has initiated contact I feel as though she plays me if shes feeling a bit down. She knows what buttons to press and I guess its nice to know that someone might care if your current relationship is having a rocky spell...I dont know. Anyway, now I mearly respond to her questions if she asks anything and leave it at that, I never initiate any contact and I never continue the conversation. I had reach a sort of stable place where I was just angry and only thought about it/her once a day..I sort of became stable and was able to have another relationship which is ongoing and has lasted 2 years. However, recently I have heard that the ex is pregnant and this has raised alot of the demons I had buried and now Im back to dwelling on it 24/7. Come on..snap out of it, but my head just fills with thoughts without me even noticing, then its too late...im thinking about it. Three years seems an awful long time to still not be over it...dont you think?
  4. Im dealing with exactly the same thing myself now and I have no idea what to do about it other than show her she isnt important to me anymore. She has to initiate conversation and I just reply to her questions. I dont ask about her and let her do the work. She knows, or knew, that I needed her more than she needed me and she milked it in the past. It was friendship on her terms (and still is in her mind). I ignored her for a long time, but recently she has come over to me and initiated chat. The first few time it was just 'hello' and i'd reply 'hi'. that was the sort of thing. But I think she has got her confidence back now and the last time she come over she wanted to talk loads, even mentioning the love letters I had written her a year ago. It was almost like she wanted me to show her that I was keen whilst not wanting me back. Very annoying I can tell you
  5. I'v never heard that about prozac. Are you sure that they weren't in fact talking about the contraceptive pill. It is true that the massive use of the pill has increased hormone levels in river (and thereforeeee tap) water and that it is changing the sex of fish in these rivers. It is also true that sewage treatment works dont screen for it but will be soon.
  6. Oh...theres something else that annoys the hell out of me. I have been so clearly lied to by her. For a long time I would text her and keep in contact and she would reply. But she would never initiate contact. I would always have to text her first. The reason, she told me, was that her phone isnt working properly, she's unable to send me a text, when she trys, it fails. Fortunatly she is able to reply to a text I send her...phew, how fortunate. I bought that line for months and I feel so stupid. What shes actually saying is 'I no longer have your number on my phone'. So she lies to me, I dont believe a word she says to me now and thats really starnge bearing in mind how much I trusted her once. This is why I feel as though this 'surprise' attempt at being friendly make me feel like Im being played again.
  7. Thanks. Will try all that again. unfortunately it has now started to affect my current relationship.
  8. Annoyingly I know this. I just can't seem to find away to move on completely and leave it anger behind. It's so infuriating.
  9. Basically I feel as if I wast her to come unstuck in some way. I need her to fail, her new relationship to fail, loose her job, die in a car crash. Anything. Its like an itch I cant scratch and it wastes far too much of my time. This is another reason why I resent her. I'm wasting my life away on it. If I had a pound for every moment I thought about it...Id hire an assassin. Its almost like I cant remember a time before, the anger and bitterness is now a part of my life.
  10. Iv already done the ignoring etc thing. The whole point of this was to face the demons and move on. I could deal with 'hello' and 'morning' etc, but patronising converstaions about my personal sh*t...well that undid a load of good work on my part. Another reason to appear again was to show her I dont care any more and have moved on. If I go back to ignoring, then all I do is show her I DO still care and she does still affect me. She wins again! It has been suggested that they have been together for over a year now, perhaps some of that magic has died in their relationship and she actually quite enjoyed having me doting after her and might be trying to play me again. I dont know what to do. Just have to play the next few weeks by ear.
  11. What she means is she'd like it if we were friendly. But thats very different to being friends. I do hate her for what she did, it still eats me up 18 months down the line. As for the letters. Well, something that I did during a period of immence pain (which she must know) 'makes her smile'!! SL*G!! Thats such a patronising thing to say. She could just have said 'can we be friends' without bring those into it. As for keeping them...the rest of my stuff appeared on ebay quick enough. How kind of her to keep them. Im so lucky. Lastly, its a small town, I already know all about their new life. Thats just something I have to live with.
  12. So why bring up the love letters. And its friendship offered on a limited basis i.e. only when she feels like it. I cant see much of an incentive for me.
  13. You have to be careful of that bitterness. If you dont REALLY fight it, it will take over and ruin our life. I'm stuck in a similar cycle and I'm bitter after 18 months. Its got to the point where I cant remember life without anger and bitterness. Dont focus on him at all. Focus on you and forget him and his new fancy woman. Keep on going out with your friends, do the things you always wanted to do, spoil yourself for a while. All these things help, as does going away somewhere different for a week, esp with your mates.
  14. I'll try to keep this brief coz I know long stories are hard work. My ex and I split up about a year and a half ago and she went off with someone else in town. I was very distressed about it all (Prozac, councelling etc..). I was played as a reserve for a while until she was sure it was going to work with the new guy. Have spent the last 6 months ignoring each other. i.e. pass in the street and not look at each other etc. My choice as I was unable to let go. A couple of weeks ago decided that I needed to really try and put this behind me and that I would face my demons by attending dog training with my new dog. I know she still goes with our old dog and I stopped a year ago as seeing her was doing my head in. 1st visit as I left she arrived. She said 'Hello, alright?' and I said 'alright' back and it felt good, it didnt bother me. It was strange tho as we havent spoken up to that point. 2nd time she asked how my dog was getting along and I said fine and that was that. Last time. She comes over and sits down next to me and askes about work and asks about the dog etc. Then say 'I was reading the letters you sent me the other day, and they made me smile'. (These are the love letters I wrote her afters we broke up and she was with new guy). 'I would really like to be friends..etc'. 'I know last year was horrible for BOTH of us...etc'. We whats going on here? No need to mention those painful letters was there? No need to be talking at all really as she clearly only wants to be friends on her terms...not in public, but when he's around, not when his mates are about... Is she just missing having the extra attention?
  15. Well its been a year for me! I still feel bitter and angry at my ex and Im seeing someone else now as well! Like you it varies freom anger to sadness. Its easier now than it was and can only hope that it continues to get better. I still see her about town, and the guy she left me for. I just try to ignore her and pretend shes dead.
×
×
  • Create New...