sabena

Hmmm...the answer to that last posting would be a definite NO...why should I leave my boyfriend..I am a firm believer that I am here on this earth for me and not my job...my job does come second all the time to anything..

hey SwinFox...thanks for your reply... I hear what you are saying but I probably will go without working in the UK first...only because its unlikely that my bf will get this specific job opportunity again (he is 29 and you have to be under 30 to get into Australia with his qualifications and job description)... Lifetime or not, I have always wanted to travel but I know for a fact I would never do it on my own and this just seems the right opportunity as I will have nothing here to hold me back...If I just started in a job I would feel unable to leave it suddenly...but as the course is about to end I feel that I can give myself a year or so out and just take this opportunity..If I don't like it I come back its as simple as that...(that bit we have discussed!).. Thanks again and boy have I missed this place!!!!

Hello...This is actually quite a good thing but I need help deciding what to do! I am about to finish my three year course training to be a nurse, and I love my job. My partner has been offered a job in Australia and wants me to go with him..."great!!! I love him and we are doing fabulously...". However, getting a nursing job in Australia requires that I need at least one year's experience post graduation and that's were the problem is. The job that has been offered to my partner means that I can go there on his visa and live in Syndey..we can surf and do all the sports we love together. However, I worry that I won't be able to get a job as a nurse out there and will have to get a job as a Health Care Assistant, which is ok but its not what I am trained for. I am not an impulsive person but my gut instinct is saying "go for it" but my head is saying that I should be loyal to my college and work a year here but then this job that has been offered to my bf is unlikely to come up again (its a british company) and I think I just wanted someone to tell me what they would do. I think I am just frightened of leaving the UK,my family and friends and moving somewhere completely new...I am frightened of making new friends or people not liking me, I am scared of change generally and this would be a whopper...but at the same time I know that if I didn't do it with my bf I would never go alone...and if I waited a year here to get experienced I may enjoy it here in a new job so much that I wouldn't want to move... Any advice would be greatly received!!

Hello...I am sure that we are all very saddened to hear about your loss right now and the break up of your relationship. I think your boyfriend was very brave in what he did, because a lot of people might have strung you along for quite a while in view of your recent loss. I think you need to pull away from focussing on this relationship because you are still in mourning and you need to realise that maybe if your friend had not passed away that you would have ended it with this guy anyway. Something was obviously not there for him just as sometimes it is not there for any of us...its just that we are incompatible. I don't think that you should contact him now, but gather your friends about you and support eachother. In a few weeks when things have calmed about you will probably find that you will see things in a different light. Take care

Hello, and I am very sorry to hear about your situation at the moment. I have two points of thought that I want to tell you. The first refers to your the quote you make about your son Ok, this first quote is very very important and the answer is obviously no. A lot of people worry about their children having divorced parents but I think that if you both sit down with your son, tell him you love him and be perfectly honest with him about how you and your wife feel about eachother you will be shocked to find how much he will understand. Far better for him to have two divorced but happier parents who love him than two parents who argue and are miserable. You have to think of the role model that you are showing for his future relationships, because how you behave now will mould him. Secondly, have you ever thought of counselling? I know a lot of people talk about it and it can seem very daunting, but if you really have not decided to leave your wife, and you haven't from your post, then I think you should consider this. Counselling would enable you both to bring to a third party the disagreements that you are both having and the reasons why you fight. Even though counselling may not bring you back together (because sometimes it doesn't) it may steer you both on the right course for your future partners. As with your son, you could both be in a pattern with your relationships and I am sure that you both would not want to repeat what has happened this time. Take care and good luck

ok...If you are really that worried about it then you need to tell her, but do this very tactfully. Just say something like "you know when you asked that question a couple of days ago? Did something happen?". If she says no, then you have to learn to trust what she is telling you. Sometimes we are all a little bit curious about what would happen if certain things occurred and maybe she is just telling you about these curiousosities...

You have to think of it this way, she has finished with you twice and you will have unfinished business with her that is clouding your judgement right now. 5 years is an awfully long time to have someone in your life and especially if that other person is messing you around. I am in the position where my boyfriend has been dumped twice but stills keeps in contact with the same ex which riles me beyond belief, because I know that for some strange reason she has this halo around her and just like yourself, until she really hurts you or him you will both never be able to tear yourself away and begin a new life.

Hello...For those that do not know me, a while back I had major problems with jealousy and my boyfriend's "friendship" with his ex. We got through these problems, split up and got back and for the last three months everything has been fine. Now I find out that he has been contacting this ex again and I am basically really trying to fight the feelings of jealousy that are overpowering me right now. He does not know that I have found out he has contacted her and I haven't mentioned it to him and nor will I because he will not like how I found out, but the point is he went with her for over a period of three years and in that time she dumped him twice. I know she was the one he wanted to marry and when we first met he told me all about her and how fabulous she is. Me and my bf are about to move in with eachother in a couple of weeks, I am just about to get a new job and I am just so stressed and worried over this. He tells me he is "deeply in love with me" and I believe him but I just cannot get out of my head that he will eventually, at some point go running to her the moment she clicks her fingers... Any words of advice or comfort will be greatly appreciated....

Hello...Firstly, you say that your boyfriend is insecure? No he isn't the person in this relationship who is insecure is you, and I can fully understand why. Men are naturally turned on by visual means, and unfortunately your boyfriend just does this in front of you rather than behind your back. If you feel so very strongly about this you need to tell your boyfriend about it because otherwise it will build up and you will really start to resent him looking at othe women. You also need to look at yourself and realise that you are a fabulous person in your own right. I mean, if you didn't have a fabulous figure he would not want you to show it off would he? He just needs to tell you in a different way that you are with him and you need to realise that just because he looks doesn't means he wants or thinks of being with other women. Right now your jealously is focusing all of your attention on him, so you are noticing more and more that he looks at other women when really he is probably doing what he has been doing all through your relationship. You need to start to refocusing your attention on other things apart from your boyfriend, but definitely have a talk with him about it, otherwise he will never know how you really feel

When we break up with someone and change it is very difficult to convey this to your partner. Your ex has moved on and has a boyfriend. You have tried to contact her and to no avail. I think you have to realise that she may not want to come back and that she may have moved on so much that she is in a happy place where she is now. If you love her so much you have to let her go and lead her own life. You can as a last resort write one more hand written letter to her explaining about the mistakes that you did, the therapy that you have had, how you have changed, what plans you have for the future and wait for her reply. If she does not reply you have to let her go because for your own progression through this relationship and into the next you have to let go. Take all of the good things that you have learnt from this and give it to your next girlfriend, because there will be one...you are just not quite ready yet. Take care

Hello. I agree with charmed. The deed is done now, and you realise how bad it feels. The worse thing that you could do now would be to continue this again but I think that you feel so much remorse that you have learnt this valuable lesson in life. Sometimes we have to do things in order for us to learnt grow and move on, and in a strange way it may have made you a better stronger person for the future. Forget it and move on, you are not a horrible person, you were just vulnerable, like we all are sometimes.

Some people, for whatever reason, just don't or can't handle committment but want all the other bits of the relationship that you can offer. Your ex is no exception. He doesn't want the ties and the problems that come with being in a relationship, he just wants the good stuff. He is not thinking of you at all in this relationship. You have to think of yourself here, and decide if you can handle just having a sexual relationship without the emotional ties. But let me advise you that this is extremely hard and I know of no one that has been able to work this type of relationship out. Gather up your self respect and tell him what you want out of the relationship, put all your cards on the table, and if he does not agree then walk away. It is better to walk away now with your dignity than later...

And what about the medical reasons????? There are a huge number of reasons as to why boys are circumcised and you make it sound like such a big deal. Because I work in a hospital I know that a lot of baby boys are born with the foreskin a little too tight and due to this a lot of children are cirmcumcised. Simple. And to my mind if you are sleeping with someone and showing them your body, don't be shy ask him why, I do.

I too watched a programme in the UK a couple of weeks ago regarding this subject. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in any country and in a lot of developing countries it is banned. It is this attitude that it must be acceptable because they still carry it out that allows this barbaric act to still continue this day. Buffalosolider, your summary of the procedure is correct but what I will add is that this procedure is done under extremely poor sanitary conditions leading to a lot of girls suffering from horrendous urinary tract problems. Also, because the age of marriage tends to be very young in developing countries where this act is carried out, once the man has forced his way through this tiny hole, the girl is often left heavily scarred. When or if she has children, they have to open her up wider to accommodate the child and because of the nature of the circumcision they are often left with horrid bladder problems leading to a lot of girls having to have their ureters coming out upon their abdomen. And YES, there is something you can do about it. You can get off your chair and protest against this and help re-educate these women. I am a member of Amensty who protest and are setting up re-education programmes in the Gambia and Senegal for these women. Within your own country there are anti-female circumcision groups and if you feel strongly about this you should join. Also, In case you think this only happens in developing countries, think again, it happens in the UK where approximately 3,000 british girls are subjected to this disgusting act every year. You can do something about it!

Well right now since the break up between her and her bf maybe all she needs is a friend, maybe she is not ready to go into a relationship again and wants a break. What you can do is suggest going to the movies together or for a drink or a lazy night in and just chill and enjoy her company. I am sure that if she likes you you will both start flirting once more. Also, just because she may have stopped flirting this does not stop you from complimenting her when you think she looks nice...keeping this nice attentive manner will make her feel wanted and she may respond well.