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tushboy

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tushboy last won the day on October 28 2007

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  1. I am Healed. Reading my posts from 2008 and can tell you guys that it gets better. Trust me. 

  2. i still think of you...i still miss you... i still think of the could have beens..it's been 4 frikkin years..but you are all that i can think of. am sorry i screwed up...am sorry i pushed you so hard..but am a different person now...
  3. You keep coming in my dreams. I am struggling to make that stop. I am struggling hard to think about you the most on my journey back home from work, when I go to bed at night, or when I see two lovers snuggle up in a park. Its been over a year since we split, and now you are with someone else. You look angry when I dont talk to you at parties, but then what do I say ? I am glad you have moved on so fast and seem to be happy with your new lover. He doesn't hold a candle to me says everyone, but I don't want to bask in the glory of those words. The truth is we had a break up, a bad one, I pushed you away after that with my stalkerish behaviour, but it was only to drive home the point how much I truly loved you. I realised it was immature and selfish. I have let you go in so many ways, yet you keep visiting me in my dreams. I hope it stop soon. I dont want you invading my subconscious.
  4. It's been over a year now. But the pain still remains. Sometimes it just springs up on from the dark, untold, and I put on my bravest front to fight it. Not always do I win in taming the past, there are times like now where I am drowned under the misery of 'what we had'. I know you moved on seconds after you said it's over, or perhaps before, so it doesn' come as a shock that you are with someone else. I wish you the best. You were my all, you treated me bad and I yet stuck by you. Don't know why...but yes I do miss our good times. I still love u deep down despite how much I lie to myself..but that won't stop me from finding someone else, ever day I take one step towards being the person I was before I met you.
  5. DAY1 A new day, A new beginning......have resolved for a STRICT 30 day NC from today. Will stick to it no matter what!
  6. Day 7 Broke NC last night accidentally when I bumped into him at a party....Tried to resist hard not talking to him but ended up doing it eventually! I don't regret what happened, cause I've got used to the NC now...so going back into my shell won't be a problem....I ll be meeting him in a week's time for my birthday party.
  7. Day 6 It's my holiday today...It's the day we would catch up for lunches and movies. But that has changed now for the moment. So I have decided to keep myself busy. I miss him a lot today, but I know that he's safe and he's happy and he's carrying on with his life. I am at peace today, there's an urge to connect. I switch my phone off whenever I get tempted to text/dial him. Even if I do call, what will I say ? Silence is much better an option when two individuals are not wanting the same thing. Something tells me he will be back in my life, and it will be for good. We will make it work this time around. Something tells me that I will have to wait for it to happen. But happen it will.
  8. Day 5 Just woke up. Wanted to hit the gym but it's raining and me feeling a bit low. I hate it when my day begins with his thoughts. I will finish a week of NC in 2 days. It will be a week, it feels like years! I don't know how these days will pass...isn't my first time with NC..it's my second attempt...but this one seems much tougher...wonder what he's upto....wonder if he's still wearing the watch I bought him when we got together....wonder if he's eating on time and taking care of his health...miss him. . . . a lot.
  9. Day 4 Missed him like CRAZY today....was almost tempted to call but didn't give in. It rained a lot, with thunder and clouds..this weather is the worst for a breeak up....so gloomy and grey and cloudy....wondered what he was doing....did he get wet ? Cried a lot....today hasn't been a great day.
  10. Day 2 Can't believe I was successful in staying away from him for one day. AM on day 2 now...and have set myself a 90 day NC period to heal completely. I saw him on my messenger yesterday, but neither of us reacted and messeged each other. Today woke up with dreams of him ....after our first break up also I had dreams of him, now they have started again.
  11. Day 1 wass a success....Day 2 is a mess...just woke up with his memories filing my head...today is Saturday the day we would go out for lunch.....now all I have is NOTHING to do...its tough, but I shall persist. Listening to Daughtry and tryin to ease the pain.
  12. day 1 - this is the second NC attempt in my second break up with the same guy who left me for the same reason. It's more difficult this time around as I took him back thinking he had changed....I was moving on in life and he returned. It hurts like crazy. I've begun my healing. I may bump into him tomroow night at a party, but I will be coordial, no hugs, just a smile, maybe, or not even that.
  13. Starting day 1 from tomorrow...I texted him today askin him to call me sometimes as I wanted to make sure he's doin ok....he called and spoke but it made me feel worse...goin back to NC from tomorrow.
  14. I did NC the first time my ex dumped me ..but that was because he had got back to his Ex....but this time around he's dumped me again but doing NC is tougher as I know he's just going to start dating some one new....sigh...but I do need strict NC.
  15. You need to breathe easy, go grab yourself a cookie or something, sit down relax and watch some TV......
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