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orchidrose

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orchidrose last won the day on November 2 2009

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About orchidrose

  • Birthday 08/26/1986

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  1. Katherine Mansfield's The Garden Party and Other Stories, and just started Faulkner's Light in August. I love me some Faulkner. Anyone here on Goodreads?
  2. When my ex & I first started dating, we texted each other constantly throughout the day.. always very warm & fuzzy, thinking of you type stuff. It eventually tapered off, but I saved 10 or so of the really good ones on my phone and looked at them everytime I was having a bad day. That is, until we broke up.. then those suckers got deleted.
  3. Today was day 30. I unblocked him from AIM last night for the first time in that month. When I got home from the bar, I had a message from him, and we've been talking politely this afternoon. It's funny -- this is actually making me feel better. He's a total sad sack. Not that he's missing me, but that he's still in the same rut that he was in the whole time we were together of a crappy job and working himself ragged. I don't need or want that. He's being very polite, asking lots of questions, but part of me just wants to say "Listen, it's very nice that you're prying into my life but.. I don't think I want you to." I'm debating starting NC again tomorrow. We will see.
  4. Day 26. I just looked at his MySpace profile for the first time since I went into NC. I feel awful.
  5. Day 25. Had a bad day - my sister was attacked a month ago and today was supposed to be the first hearing about it, but it was postponed. She was very upset; it's not been delayed to a few days before she's supposed to go back to school several hundred miles away, so she's worried about how things are going to turn out. I came close to crying on the way to work today, and thought a lot about the ex. Still upset about the birthday thing, and thinking about him way too much.
  6. bubblyblonde - I never realized how truly similar our situations are. Today is day 24 of NC for me, too! I have come such a long way. NC for this long seemed impossible immediately after the break-up; now, it's just a way of life. I have no urge to contact him. If he wants anything, it's all up to him now. I had a very good appointment with my therapist today where she pointed out to me that I keep wanting someone to take care of me, keep giving all this love, and no one ever does. He certainly never did. Everyday seems to be getting easier and easier, and I couldn't be happier! I literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me when I left therapy today. My biggest concern right now is that he will show up. My birthday is 2 weeks from Sunday, and I'm afraid that if I don't hear from him then, I will soon. I don't know what I'd do, but the therapist & I are going to talk through it next week.
  7. Today is day 22. I had a minor breakdown on Saturday at my mom's house, but it felt good to get that all out. I was starting to get back into the mindset of a possible reconciliation, which just isn't going to happen (God, I don't even want it to). I've been talking to a guy online in the last few days that will probably not go anywhere, but it's good to know I could get excited about someone again. The whole month of August is going to be very tough; we started talking about a year ago today, went on our first date a few days later, and got together officially on my birthday, the 26th. Just trying to get through this month and I think I'll feel a lot better come September.
  8. 20 days today. It's been a very, very tough week. I had a dream about him last week that set off a lot of old emotions and "what ifs." He's been looking at the one profile he can look at (blocked the rest) almost everyday. I broke down and looked at his last night, and he's still listed as single. Really wondering where this is going to go..
  9. Just wanted to post and say that I've been doing NC. Been broken up for 2 months on August 8, but only in NC for a little over 3 weeks. He had wanted to be friends, I agreed, then realized there was no way that would work. I blocked him from AIM that night and haven't spoke to him over AIM/e-mail/phone/text, and (this has been the hardest) haven't looked at any of his online profiles or his away message. I've also blocked him on all of my profiles, except one, which is impossible to block him from -- he's looked at that profile several times since we went NC, but no other contact. Though I still think of him often, I feel infinitely better than I did when I was talking to him.
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