"Darkness" by Disturbed
Don't turn away
I pray you've heard
The words I've spoken
Dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
Carry me away
I need your strength
To get me through this
Dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
you succeeded, very nicely worded. Maybe just needs a little more detail, add some intereseting adjectives to your nouns, it will help create a better picture in the readers head.