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d24

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d24 last won the day on March 9 2011

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About d24

  • Birthday 01/24/1984

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  1. 26 days, when is this supposed to get easier? waking up and getting to sleep are the hardest parts
  2. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking about it all day, and even though I didn't see sony's post, I just couldn't do it. I cancelled. I think it would have been a really bad idea. Especially with a friend. Ugh... I need to figure out what to do, because I have to do something, even if it makes me feel terrible, if it helps me think about you less, I'd do it.
  3. It'll be three weeks tomorrow since the official break-up, but it had been coming for six months... i know you cheated, and i'm not using that as an excuse for what I'm planning on doing tonight (not that it matters given the pending divorce), but i need to get you out of my system. I'm sorry. I have needs. 12th of March was the last time we had sex and I don't want to go there again with you even though you offered. It will be too messy, and will screw mwith my head about us. I've just felt for the past couple of weeks that I need to do this. Sex isn't hard to find really, but then you'd know that wouldn't you. Actually, she's a friend, and she knows the deal. I need just to see if it helps take the memory of you away. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to say sorry for what I'm planning to do tonight... probably because I still love you... but I can never trust you again. It's over and I think I need to do this to give myself closure, to draw a line under this all. Anyway...sorry...
  4. i'm taking this back completely. sorry guys and girls, but my wife used NC to have an affair on me, and I feel like such a fool that while I was healing and trying to be a better man, she was getting closer to another man, and I blame myself for allowing her the time and space to allow this to happen almost as much as I blame her for seeking comfort in another. NC will help you personally, I can attest to that, but there is an insanely huge risk that it will do the opposite for your relationship.
  5. just returning to throw my 2cents in here... NC worked wonders for me, keep it up guys and girls. It's incredibly painful, I cried myself to sleep many a time, but it gets better, I promise. Use the time to work on YOU, do it for YOU, not THEM. Stay strong and don't get tempted to break it until you know you're ready!
  6. I know what you mean and exactly how you feel. I lost a large part of 'me' in 'us', and I've been using NC as a way to getting back in touch with me. Janeiac, you sound like a really strong woman and I know you'll find yourself again - one step at a time My period of self-imposed NC comes to an end in 27 hours and I feel like a different person for it. I might contact her, I might not. Having rational thoughts back and feeling more in touch with myself and my needs is incredibly empowering
  7. day 12 of NC now i think. i'm losing track. i guess that's a good thing. i don't know if i even want her any more. but, i dont know... i feel so lonely. this has been coming for 4 months now
  8. Day 8 Cracked. I had to, it was coming. I can't go away on business leaving it how it is. I won't see her for almost 2 weeks now. I broke my only rule of NC and initiated contact... yep I went to see her. I timed it well. It was between work meetings and only lasted about 3minutes. I told her my news but I was flustered, and she calmed me down a little. After she gave me a hug and we agreed again, leave it till I'm back for major decisions. She was about to go and I pulled her back for a kiss. I really needed it, and she reciprocated. Thankfully. OK, I feel so much better now, I really needed that, and this trip won't be so hard now. I broke my only rule, but I feel a million times better for it.
  9. Day 7 I broke my rule today for good reason - i am going away on a business trip and i needed my good suit which i had left at home - I must have read re-read and re-re-read her replies about 20-30 times. Trying to figure out why she used that punctuation, or that word, or of the x on the end actually meant anything. I'm driving myself crazy and I know it's ridiculous because i'll never know.... UGHH DO NOT break contact, if you're anything like me you will regret it. and to top it off she's dropping the suit off at reception @ work. i haven't seen her in a week, this is crazy. my own wife, i havent seen her in a week and i've done NOTHING wrong!!!!!!!! what the hell is wrong with me i should have never contacted her
  10. even thought it was my birthday today i only thought about her three times. i had actually, on whole, a really good day. i'm so thankful for my friends
  11. Day 5 she sent me a happy birthday message today, quite a long thought out message, but smacking of assumption that things will be better after she's had more time, I sent her a message back of less than 10words. I hope she reads into it. Of the 5 days she's only allowed me to be 'total NC' for 2 of them and that was the weekend. My rules on NC are my not initiating contact, and I've stuck to it so far. It's hard, but I feel I'm getting stronger every day. It may only be 5 days, but it's been 2 weeks since I made the decision to move out. Who knows what I want, cos I honestly don't
  12. Day 1 (yesterday) She text me at 6am saying she was worried I didn't have my glasses and left them outside for me, so I had the horrible task of going back to the house again to colledct them. Thankfully I didn't have to see her though. I then drove a 250 miles round-trip for a work meeting so unfortunately had a lot of time for thinking. After a while my mind turned to mush and I forced myself to play the music as loud as I could and sing along. I actually felt a lot better for it! At night I was weak and called her because I was freaking out. My housemates asked me why I was no longer married on facebook. Turns out when you remove someone from friends and block them, you can't be married to them on facebook and it shows up on the news feed. I quickly called my wife to ask her to delete her 'X is now single' post before anyone noticed. She thanked me, and ended by telling me a story about something we always did, and how she had done it last night and it made her think of me. It was nice, but I couldn't handle it and said something like "that's really sweet but it doesn't mean anything" which I regret... because those are now my last words to her never mind, I need to keep going. Her Mum called me and invited me for dinner on saturday night and I'm really looking forward to it. I just hope she doesn't turn up while I'm there.
  13. I'm taking this challenge for 21 days, my wife says she needs time and space to decide what she wants, and I need to protect myself from being used emotionally while she makes her decision - plus i seriously need to reconsider if I want to be with someone who can break my heart like this when I've done nothing to deserve it. NC decision came about because it went really wrong today. After 9days of my moving out I couldn't take it any more and called and I told her I needed an decision on whether she wanted to try to make this work. 9 days was unreasonable in my mind - you either want to try to make it work or you don't. She got extremely stressed out and started yelling and screaming that I was putting too much pressure on her, she said 9 days wasn't enough time. We fought and she said some angry things and hung up on me. I remember she said in the past she wished I would drive to her when she hungup on me, because she usually needed a hug and needed to know that i care. so this time i went to her and I knocked but there was no answer... so I used my keys to get in because the lights were off and I was worried where she could be. she wasn't very happy i just came in like that. I gave her some space to compose herself then when she came to me I gave her the hug she needed. She thanked me, but told me how angry she was that I just let myself in. I understand why, but it's my house even if it's currently her space. Long story short she asked for more time, and I said I could only do that through do absolute NC and only if she would do the same, and hopefully that would give her the time and space to either grow into herself, realise what she's missing, or move on. It should also give me the same possibility. I asked her to block me on facebook, remove my number from her phone, etc etc... it took a lot of convincing because she feels she needs me to be her friend right now, but i told her i can't offer that to her right now. 21days we decided on, and on the 21st day I's go over and see her, and we'd discuss what we want to do then. so day 0. 504hrs to go
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