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Minky

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  1. Ethical and right by who? The child? Not necessarily if the biological father doesn't want to know. As for the medical issue - the odds, if he's come along 8 years without any problems, are small that an emergency will arise. this isn't an episode of ER, i fail to see that particular aspect as 'urgent'.
  2. I think Eire's suggestion only complicates matters. It has been 8 years and presumably there has been no contact between mother and the biological father. Why drag another man into this who will have his own agenda and needs? Can noregret really continue to provide emotional support, act as a 'dad' to this child on the one hand, whilst saying with the other that he's not paying one red nickel for son's maintenance? I don't think that will wash. ANd if the biological dad did pay maintenance, he would presumably go for contact. Or he may say he wants nothing to do with the boy(he may be married himself?: Have a family of his own right now?) So a double rejection for the kid? Is this right stage in this young boy's life to add even more complications? I don't think so. Perhaps in a few years but right now, it seems that there is going to be enough turmoil without bringing another man into this. The victim in this is both the father who feels, rightly, cuckolded, and this young boy. And without wanting to exonerate the wife, I can't imagine how stressful it must have been throughout this time to live a lie to both her son who she must love wtihout question, and her husband who presumably, she did love (if not, still does). Was it a one night stand? was it a full blown affair? I feel for all three of you. Azurepheonix, your reply bought tears to my eyes. I have not met you but i feel proud of you!! I hope, noregrets, that as time passes and your anger starts to abate, you can be the man you no doubt are capable of being ,and remain as a dad to a son who loves you.
  3. I also think that it is better you get out now than wait for months or years or, heaven forbid, you get her pregnant, she REALLY gains weight that's even harder to come off, and you leave her THEN. Also, if you can bite the bullet and end this (I think someone said quite succinctly, if it isn't good just two months into marriage, it isn't ever going to be that good), do it gently and don't, please don't, say that you are divorcing her because of her weight. The last thing she needs is to develop an eating disorder. I don't think you're a bad person, just your expectations and understanding or marriage are a little unrealistic and that perhaps your love for her isn't quite as deep as you think it is. Count yourself lucky if you can realise this and act on it sooner rather than later and by setting her free to find someone who loves her regardless, you'll be doing her a big favour as well. good luck.
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