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kitty_kat

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  1. hi bunnyelmer... suicide is definitely NOT AN OPTION!! You are 16. I'm 34 now, but know exactly how you feel. i didn't think i was attractive when i was your age either. Your body is going through all of these changes now. You are like the catapillar, ready to turn into a butterfly!!! As far as being shy goes, I can't really give you advice, because I am pretty much the opposite. I'll talk to anyone. I think because you put yourself down, you can't see the beauty in yourself. Just because you haven't had a girlfriend yet, doesn't mean it won't happen. As I've learned, as long as you are looking for it, it won't happen. That's when it will find you. Just be optomistic in life (i know that's hard), being loving, friendly, and yourself, and someone will like that. They will like you for you. Don't give up hope....and definitely don't consider suicide. There are THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of people in your shoes. Not just 16 year olds either, people of every age go through the same feelings that you do. The most important piece of advice I can give you though, is that you must learn to love yourself, before other people can love you. Try to hear what I am saying... Good Luck, and Hang in there! ( by the way...i think you're a cutie!!) Kitty Kat
  2. Hi Kelsey... I agree that you should find someone that you can talk to about the way you feel. I would think that anyone around your age, going through what you are, would feel the same way you do right now. It's normal. And your parents divorce is not something that you can stop. If it's going to happen, then it's important for you to get some help to deal with your feelings. Do you talk to your siblings about it? How do they feel? Is there one that you are close with that you can talk about this to? If you are scared of your father like you say, then not being there is probably a good thing for now. Please take care of yourself. It's probably hard to understand why your parents are doing this. But they aren't doing it just TO YOU. Everyone reacts differently in similar situations, but your feelings of being alone, and scared are normal. Unfortunately, these things happen all the time. Maybe your school counselor can suggest a support group. Or maybe there is already one in your school that you aren't aware of. If you are nervous about talking to someone in your school, then take advantage of the internet. I'm sure there is help out there for you, but you need to look for it, if it's not there in your face. Stay strong, and try to learn from the experiences you go through. Kitty_Kat
  3. hi.. i would definitely tell him to stop too. but don't let it lie, if he doesn't stop. he's a teacher! and an adult. you are neither. do NOT let him threaten you. make sure if he doesn't stop, that you tell your parents. or another adult that you can trust. this is not your fault. you do not have to stand for it. be firm!!! good luck
  4. hi John... I think the only thing that will resolve your guilt is time. In your heart, you feel like you made the right decision for you, but it hurts your wife. I think that is completely normal. The most important thing is to have a good relationship with your kids. As long as you are still good to them, I think in time, your wife's anger will disapate. And as far as your in-laws are concerned, too bad for them (i know, that's real mature of me...but hopefully, you know where I'm coming from). You've hurt their daughter, but they'll get over it, if she can. I'm not talking from experience here, just my opinion on the matter. If your heart tells you that you've done the right thing for YOU, and you and your ex can be civil, then your guilt will lessen. As far as your loneliness, give it time. I'm sure that you have a least one friend who is a woman. Ask her to spend time, or ask if she has a friend that you could meet. Tell her that it is only for conversation, that you aren't looking for a one night stand, just a good friend to confide in. If you don't have a good girl friend, then ask one of your guy friends. Or, maybe you could visit a chat room. There are always people looking for someone to talk to there! hope this helps, and keep on being strong for yourself. no-one can do that for you good luck, Kitty Kat
  5. hi Scorpio... All I can say is kiss her already!! Or at least ask her point blank how she feels about you and be honest about your feelings. You've certainly put a lot of effort into analyzing the entire relationship, but here's my take on it... Did you ever consider that maybe Rose feels rejected by you?Since you obviously both flirt with each other, maybe she's old fashioned, and wants you to make the first move. When in all this time you haven't, maybe she distances herself from you (by blocking your emails) because she doesn't want to be hurt by you. If she likes you, and you don't like her (this might be her thinking...) then she would rather not talk to you than feel the rejection. Know what I mean?? At least I think that's the attitude you should take. I know it's hard to do something when you don't have confidence in yourself. Trust me...I found this site today for my own problem. lol But, in this situation, I would carpe diem...sieze the day. Go for it... Yes, you might be rejected. Yes, it might be uncomfortable for a while (maybe a few weeks) to see her around. But at least you went for it. I'd rather take the chance on love... best of luck for you...whatever happens, Kitty_Kat
  6. Hi Sister... thanks so much for the fast reply...i mean really fast! lol I'd just like to say that I love my children more than anything. I am thinking of them. In fact, that's pretty much the only reason that I'm trying to save my marriage. I've read a zillion articles already, and they all say the same things. "Divorce will make your children depressed", "Your children will hate you", "You'll ruin everyone's lives" etc. but then they finish by saying "Children can recover if the parents interests still lie with the kids", or "Children of divorce are better off (when the parents can be amicable) than children in homes with unhappy parents" etc. I am not dropping my family because of some drunken kiss in vegas. I think that was the result of a deep rooted unhappiness that I was feeling for a long time before I even went to vegas. I would say that our intimacy faded about 5 or 6 years ago, but I have been verbalizing to my girlfriends that I've thought about seperation for about 2 years. So, now I've added fuel to the fire by kissing some guy, and then staying in touch with him (phone and email...but barely...) for about 2 weeks after I got home. I don't talk to him now...but definitely wish that I could. What happened with him has made both my husband and I stop and re-evaluate our relationship, and where it is going... I know no one can answer my questions because there are no crystal balls, but, just like the rest of us here, I'm just looking to see if anyone else has been in this type of situation, and how they handled it. thanks again for reading...
  7. hi all... i just happened into this site today, and boy am i happy about it. I've had some heavy issues to deal with here at home, and hope someone could give me some advice. I've been married for six years, but we've been together for 14. When we first started dating, I was head over heels for him, but little by little, my feelings have changed. I couldn't have enough sex with him at first, but that too, has diminished. I'd say that for the last 6 years or so (he says more), I haven't had any interest in sex (and certainly never initiated). We've gone through a lot together (new business, new home, 2 children), and all of these things have made finances worse, and worse. I try to be as encouraging as possible about him being successful in his own business, but i'm losing patience (it's been about 5 years that he's on his own, had a good year about 2 years ago, but things have not gotten better since then). Luckily for us (i guess...depending on how you look at it..) our families have been able to help us out financially. Now that we are both in our mid 30's though, I want to be more stable on our own. Before we had kids, we decided that he would work, and I would stay home with them. I know I should have abandoned that deal sooner, but I've finally woken up from the fantasy that everything will be ok. All along, I also have not been very honest with him about my true feelings. Actually, I'm not even sure what my feelings are about him, and I guess that's why I'm posting. A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I took a few days and escaped to Vegas. We weren't looking for any "trouble", but I found it. I had a few drinks, met a guy, and ended up kissing him. Wow...I definitely didn't think I'd feel the way it made me feel. Pure bliss...fresh, new, exciting. I thought it was just a kiss, and although I felt guilt about it, never thought it would conjour up these intense feelings. (did i metion that the guy was 21?-oh...and he knew I am married). Also, I really feel like I would love to have sex with this guy...I know it would be great, but I know I can't. That's part of my confusion. All along, I thought the lack of sex drive was because of my issues...now I'm not so sure. Meanwhile, I got home, and was completely out of control. All I could do, was think about him. I'd call, email etc. when my husband wasn't around. But, either because I'm a horrible liar, or I wanted him to find out, I made it very easy for him to do so. He went through my emails, and found one that I had sent to a friend. It said that I felt that it never would have happened if I was completely satisfied with my marriage. My husband was completely freaked out (as I would be). That was over a month and a half ago. Now we are both in therapy (alone and together), and trying to put our lives together. I'm still not sure if I want to be with him anymore though. He's smart and funny, but I feel like I just haven't been attracted to him in a very long time. I told him that I feel like I love him like a brother or best friend, but of course, that's not good enough for him or me. He needs more emotionally than I can give him. Here are my issues... 1. Am i just a nasty selfish bitch? 2. Have I fallen out of love with him? 3. Have I lost respect for him, and that's why I can't be intimate? 4. Did an early childhood sexual issue scar me? (there was no molestation or anything, just some weird "doctor" playing with my next door neighbor") 5. All of the above What do I do?? I know I have to give the marriage another chance, but I still don't want to be with him. Finacially, we can't even afford to separate. He tells me that he knows he still loves me, and it's all my issue. I also know that I can't go anywhere until I have a job secured. I guess my question is, has anyone reading this ever go through anything like this? I read a lot about different situations, but nothing along these lines. I also know that I should have gone to him sooner with my feelings, but I didn't. How long do I need to give this relationship a chance before I end it? I know that's an illogical question, but I still wonder. I guess it's just good to get this all out . Although, it doesn't make me feel any better! lol thanks in advance for reading, and any comments would be awesome...
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