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bear12

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bear12 last won the day on February 22 2008

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About bear12

  • Birthday 07/10/1982

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  1. M- I'm getting married next month. He's a really great guy and I love him very much. He's caring, goofy, considerate, a good communicator, and never makes me doubt how much he cares for me- he's truly everything you were not. I know I'll be a hundred times happier in a life with him than I ever could have been with you. But, even though I know all that to be true, I'm still thinking about you. I'm so frustrated with myself. It's been 3 1/2 years for god sakes. I certainly don't want you back. I'm happy without you. I just wish- I guess I just wish I could totally forget about you- all the times you made me feel bad about myself, all the times you made me feel undeserving, unlovable, not good enough.... I wish I could forget about the person I became in our relationship- the person who became clingy, co-dependent and who totally lost herself. I know some of our demise my fault too. I couldn't see that before, but now I can. And for that I'm sorry. When you broke up with me you told me that someday I'd thank you. I'm sure you thought it would be at a time like this, but I just don't feel that way. I'm very happy to be where I am now- with my fiance. I just wish I didn't have to get there by going through total hell first. And now I just wish the last bit of hurt and guilt would go away and that I'd never think about you again... But I don't know how to do that...
  2. day... uhm... 8... was actually okay... i don't know what i think anymore... some days i'm in love with him, some days i'm moving on... you never know what you'll get when you wake up...
  3. oh wow, that's crazy.. i'm very sorry... if that's your pattern, though, this probably is for the best in the long run even if it hurts like he** right now... ugh.
  4. wait, are you saying you've had three break ups in the past three years all around the same time? that really sucks.. i'm sorry to hear that... but if nothing else, at least it shows you that you can move on and find love again... this is relaly my first real heartbreak (my other two serious relationships ended with me as the dumper or somewhat mutually) so i don't really have that "i've been here before and survived" mentality to help me... it's nice to know that others have, though!
  5. thanks, demond... i just have seem so many other people come and go during my time here and it's frustrating that i'm still struggling with the NC and all that, but i'm trying my best... the "i don't want her back" thoughts are good.. i used to have those but somehow they've all been replaced by the "i want him back" thoughts. i think the more new people i meet, the more i realize what i lost... oh well...
  6. day 6... is horrible.. i do'nt know why it's so much harder this time around... you'd think after 6 months and attempt 3 at NC (my record was 5 weeks...), this would be a breeze but i feel like i'm dying.... literally dying... what's my problem?
  7. no, mine hasn't b/c it was a mutual agreement- he thought i needed to take some time until i am "over [him]" nice... so, yeah... the most annoying thing, though is that he won't say he's over me.. he just says, "it's not like that." so it makes things really hard. i'm trying to accept that we will never again be together and that kills me. i miss him so much and appreicate him all the more now that he's gone. i feel like i'll never find anyone who treats me so well again. i wish you lived around the block too!
  8. dunzo.... i'm in the exact same boat.. excpet my case is even more ridiculous b/c we've been broken up for six months and i'm starting NC for like the third time... but it's day five for me, and i've cried for a solid two hours today. i don't know what my problem is.. i just miss him so much and feel like i'll never be that happy again. he moved on so fast and is happy and it just doesn't seem fair. i don't know how he could just lose his feelings for me so quickly... ugh. hopefully tomorrow will be better.
  9. day 4 was horrible.... not only did i get stood up by my "date" last night, but my only "cool single" friend just told me that she and the guy she was dating had a talk and are now an official couple. great, just what i needed. i mean, i'm happy for her, obviously, but i feel really isolated and don't even have anyone to "enjoy" my singledom with... ugh.
  10. so day two.. it's not like i'm new to this. it's been six months post break up, and we've done NC before, but it still hurts.. and hurts more b/c i know he'd be mssing me just as much as i'm missing him if he didn't have a new gf... i know maybe it's more healthy for me to be single and greive than it was for him to jump into something else, but it doesn't seem fair. i want to be distracted from him too. life without him is lonely.
  11. i don't know... i had ups and downs.. like the first week was really hard, the second week was easier, then it got harder again.. i don't think there's any good way to predict it. i think the best thing you can do is find a lot of things to distract yourself with that don't remind you of your ex at all. start listening to a new genre of music, pick up a book on a topic you've always been curious about, try to spend a lot of time w/ friends and NOT talk about the break up... and don't taunt yourself with old emails/pictures/online sites that they're on etc. i think it's best when you just think of it as something you have to do for your own well being... you don't want to feel this crappy forever, right? and NC is the best way you're going to get over it. or at least i keep telling myself that!
  12. it gets easier.. i've done it for two months before.. it's hard, there's no denying that, but after a while you get used to not having them in your life...i think if you ever do have a "slip up" you'll also see how it hurts so much and that's good reinforcement to keep it going.... one diff, between me and a lot of other people though is i tell my ex if i'm doing it... that way, i don't have to deal with avoiding his emails/calls, and i feel better about being upfront and honest with him. of course, it's diff. for everyone depending on their circumstances, what if anything they hope for in the future with the ex, etc....
  13. okay, here's my compromise... i'm going to send him a bday card next week b/c i'll feel bad if i won't (and previously said i would) but other than that, starting today, i'm not contacting him until at least sept. 12 (when i'll have finished taking my exam and returned from a five week trip) let's hope i can stick to it. maybe by posting here i'll feel more obligated!!!!! augh.. i need to stop caring about this guy!!
  14. well, i think not being over you and having a chance at getting back (which is what i think you're implicitly asking) are very different things. my ex is with someone new and refuses to give me the closure i've asked for by saying he's over me, but at the same time he says we're never getting back together. so take that for what you will.
  15. here's the thing. NC is scary. you're used to having that person constantly in your life. but the truth is that that other person no longer wants to be in yours in the same way that you want them. and to settle for less than you really want is really really hard. doing NC doesn't mean you'll lose them forever... but think of it as taking time away to function on your own so that when you do resume communications with them it won't be hurtful if they're with someone else or if they don't call you back for a few days (like normal friends do sometimes!) or whatever else. what you feel right now hurts like crazy but it's normal to feel that way in the beginning. just get over the hump and it gets easier w/ time. i promise.
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