Vinny

Here we leave our bitter blood Our parts and limbs lay strewn in mud With scents of hope and thoughts of you We frivolously lay the glue To mend back all the shattered bones And flatten all the sharpened tones In dark and rain our servants labor To ask you for this only favor To welcome back our wayward ghost And join us now to raise a toast A toast to us, to what has been A toast to memories within With stagnant hearts and broken dreams We peel slowly at the seams As love seeps out the narrow crack We whisper softly, please come back With passing days, endure the test Til' one day beaten, laid to rest And fall on one familiar bed One draped in sadness, painted red We fly our flag below half mast And reminisce the lovely past One solemn tear, for those left dead One each, for all the things you said We fight and scream to save our souls And hover over endless holes Still yet the sickle pulls us down In blackness, to forever drown The train approaches, crushing hope As we strain to tear through the rope And as we lay upon the track We whisper softly, please come back With fleeting day, engulfed by night Not one soul lives to see our plight We watch the stars return to cold And quietly do what we're told Beneath the earth, the restless dead Reciting every time you said That love would last throughout the storm That long our hearts would yet be warm But terrible truths rage on tonight A terror with no end in sight Another day, another scar We sink into the blackest tar So here we lay our bitter bones Our sour tears, our silent moans Our memories, now cloaked in black We whisper softly, please come back We whisper softly Please come back

Don't tell her not to go. You should never demand anything of her, especially when the situation is delicate. Do you trust her? It sounds like you do, even though she has a history of infidelity. If you honestly trust her, tell her this. Tell her that you're nervous about her going to a dance with this guy because of the way he feels about her, but also tell her that it's ok if she goes, because you trust her to be in control. Let her have fun, in fact, hope she has fun and tell her this, as long as it's true. Don't lie to her or make up excuses. If it makes you feel better, I do not believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater". People can and do certainly change for the better. If you are in love with her, let her be her own person and do what she needs to do. If she did not get out of the situation of the dance on her own (this alone should give you hope that she's not going to do something stupid), don't try to force her out of it. Just let it be. Chances are, she'll go with him, maybe he'll try flirting with her or something more, but she'll reject it. You may be extremely sad or nervous while you know she's out with him. Try to suck it up, I know it's hard, I've been in a similar situation. Just let her have her night out. Don't call her a million times. She will probably tell you everything about it if you two are as close as you say. So wait until it's over, and let her talk about it. I guess what I'm getting at in all of this is.. 1. Don't try to be controlling or demanding of her in this situation. It may make her have second thoughts. 2. Trust her. I hope you do, and make it clear to her that you trust her. 3. Be supportive. Let her go, let her have fun (or not), and talk to her about it afterwards, but do not be overly inquisitive, and whatever you do, don't interrogate her. I think that everything is going to be just fine, and if you can get through the feelings that you will probably have while she's actually at the dance, everything will turn out fine. Good luck

It's not what's in the dream that matters, it's how you react to it. When you wake up after having one of these dreams, how do you feel? Do you wish you were still sleeping and dreaming about being with her? Or do you feel sick that you were dreaming about a person you no longer care for? Your reaction is how you can judge what kind of effect the dream is having on you. If these dreams make you realize that maybe you're missing her, then perhaps you need to rethink things, as your head and your heart might not be in the same place. If they don't really make you miss her, and you are just feeling weird about having them, then let it go. It's just a dream.

If you say so. I have to disagree, though. Sure, I'm a social animal. I like to meet people and make new friends, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with every girl I meet while I'm drunk at a bar. Maybe it's for you, and a lot of others, but there are several personal reasons why I do not want to be involved in that type of thing. If you think I'm socially inept because of this, then I'm sorry, and I apologize if this comes off as an attack, but hooking up is just really not my cup of tea.

Hmmmmm... I go to movies and coffee with my female friends all the time, and I don't consider them dates. I don't know if this is just me or if it's a bad stereotype. To the original question, however, I think you just need to tell him the truth. Just because he asked you to the movies does not necessarily mean that it's a date. It could be, but who knows. I've asked girls to go to movies with no romantic intentions whatsoever. In fact, that's the only way I CAN do it, because I have trouble approaching women and asking them out on actual dates. I guess what my rambling is coming to is this: You should tell him the truth. Would you like to go to a movie with him as a friend? Ask yourself this honestly. If you do, then go. Don't flirt with him, don't act nervous like it's a date, just be friends. If he tries to make a move and you're not interested, let him know, as honestly as you can when it's all over, that you would love to be friends but you are just not interested him that way. He's probably not going to ask why, and he doesn't need to know. Honesty IS the best policy though. Telling him you have a boyfriend or some other lie is probably not a good idea, unless you just want to be rid of him completely, then what can I say, do whatever you please. Just my 2 cents.

Well, "wow" is about all I can say. You seem to genuinely understand where I'm coming from, and I appreciate this advice. I'm actually going to give that thought of yours a shot, and see if it exudes confidence. I realize without a doubt that I have to get beyond the fear of rejection in some cases, and I have definitely considered the fact that it keeps me a bit safer in certain respects. It's one of the reasons I don't "hook up" with people, along with the fact that I just don't think it's for me, but that's beside the point. I really appreciate this outlook on my situation. Thank you

You're not boring. I don't even know you, but I say that with confidence. I used to be a shy guy too, and I've gotten over that, I'm more friendly now. I'm still not good at approaching women, but I've improved a bit. I know how it feels. Just because you're quiet or shy does not make you an uninteresting person. I don't think that this is a good perception to have. Being shy is not such a bad thing. I think that, when you meet someone, it's going to be someone that is genuinely interested in you and hopefully it turns out well. While it would be great if you could improve your shyness as I did, not everyone can, and you don't have to, if it's who you are. Just because you can't play the guitar and you don't party five nights a week doesn't make you boring, it just makes you different, and I think different is good. I guess I see in you the opposite of what I see in myself. I feel like I have a great personality and no physical attractiveness. Now, I don't know if either of those are true, but I just noticed that you seem to be in an opposing situation, and I can feel your pain. Go on what you've got, and try to improve your self image just as I am trying to improve mine. I think you're going to end up happy.

I definitely have the "friend zone" problem. I can almost laugh about it.. it's not such a bad thing, I've made a lot of close friends, but I'm glad you pointed that out. I do have trouble making that leap. I am a 50/50 person when it comes to confidence. I know that I have a clever and unique sense of humor, and I know that I'm attractive from a personality standpoint. I'm happy, at least, that I can say this about myself. My problem, though is, physical. I don't think I'm ugly, nor do I think I'm attractive. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone sees things differently, but since physical attraction is a part of starting off a possible relationship (Regardless of what some may say), I like to know where I stand. I've really never had anyone tell me what they think of me in that regard. I've heard, "you're a sweetheart", "you're so funny" and every manner of other thing that just makes me feel more in that "friend zone" you mention. Am I unattractive? link removed Anyone! Men, women, be completely honest. You're not hurting my feelings if you say I am, because, like I said, I haven't been able to sway my mind to think either way.

I suppose the title sums it up. I'm a 23 year old male. I have had two, and only two relationships in my life, and both have been serious. Both ended due to the girls wanting to be single in college. I've dealt with that. However, I still have a problem meeting new women! It doesn't have to do with criteria. I've met plenty of girls that have become good friends. I have no trouble talking to new people, and becoming friendly with them. I started a new job in August of '06 which actually gave me a whole new pool of people to meet, and I've made tons of friends, both male and female. I'm a very open and talkative person, and am well liked by just about everyone. These are the good things that I recognize about myself. If it sounds arrogant, I'm sorry, I just feel like I should acknowledge my strong points. I suppose I should give a little background as I feel this has a lot to do with my current attitude. I never had a girlfriend, or any semblance of one, until after I had graduated high school. In high school, I was extremely introverted and shy, barely talked to anyone, and had few good friends. I did not even go to my proms because I was too nervous to ask anyone. So, you can see how my innate personality was in the past. I finally met someone who was interested in me, and she changed me. After that, I was much more open, not just to women, but to everyone. I feel like I am me now, rather than the scared child I was in high school. Unfortunately, I recognize that some of this trait is still left in me, and I cannot overcome it. Sure, I've had two girlfriends, but both have expressed visible interest in me, and I didn't have the guts to say or do anything until I realized this for sure. I will admit I have a fear of rejection. This is the problem I cannot get over. I've been interested in other women, but if I don't see an obvious reciprocation, I'm afraid to do anything about it. Sometimes I feel like just waiting around forever until someone comes to me, until I realize how stupid that is. I have a good friend at work that is very interested in me as of right now. She's gorgeous, and I love being with her, but unfortunately, I could not bear to actually *date* her because of her personality and troubles with ex-boyfriends. I guess that's beside the point. What this made me realize, though, is that I am not unattractive to women. I'm no perfect specimen, physically or personality wise, but I know I have at least something to offer a person. Even though I realize all of this, I am still deathly afraid to pursue anything with a girl unless I absolutely know she is going to approve. It's causing me huge problems, because, while being single is fine, I would love to have a special person in my life. It's my fault and no one else's, but I do NOT know how to get over this problem. I've been trying for a long time now, and even though I can clearly see what is wrong, I don't have the willpower to overcome it. I guess what I would like to know is, has anyone else been in this situation, and what did you do? Even if you haven't, some friendly advice is always appreciated. I'm sorry for my long-winded post, I just needed to get a lot of this out to unbiased individuals. My friends just keep trying to hook me up with people, which does not solve the innate problem. Thanks

I don't really know where to start with this. I'm not sure what you're looking for in a "nice" guy and a lot has been said by others. I guess I consider myself to be this type of "nice guy". No, I'm not a pushover, no, I don't bow before a girl's every wish just for the hell of it, and no, I am not shy and timid. I'm actually fairly opposite of that. Then again, I don't hook up with people, never have, I don't want to have sex with every girl I meet, and I don't cheat on my girlfriends or treat them poorly. Unfortunately, I can't meet anybody. Why? Honestly, I just have a fear of rejection. Since I'm not the badass, flirt with everyone I meet, make girls a notch on my belt type, I just have trouble starting things with women. I've only had two girlfriends (I'm 23). Both lasted quite some time, and both relationships ended due to college issues . Anyways, I'm not saying that everyone is like me, but if there do happen to be others in my situation, then you're not finding them because you don't know they're there. They may be your friends, your coworkers, they could be anywhere, and just not express interest because maybe they just don't think they have a chance. I do know a lot of others like me, most of my close friends at least. I'm no love genius, nor am I perfect, and I expect at least some flak for what I've said here, but what I'm getting at is, there are plenty of "nice" guys out there that will treat you well and give you what you want. Maybe you are just looking in the wrong places. For instance, when I go to a bar, I don't expect to find a drunk girl that wants a serious relationship. It's just not the right type of environment, I suppose. Keep searching, and don't sweat the details too much. Eventually, you'll meet someone that will bring you happiness in all aspects of your life. Good luck