I have to agree with Ash on this one. YOU are the most important thing in your life, and that is that. My ex had me constantly second-guessing myself, every time I thought I had it straight in my head as to what I wanted, one conversation with him and I'd be a pool of spineless goo on the floor, bowing to whatever he said was the "right" thing to do. It was only after months of NC that I was able to see straight and give myself the validation that what I was thinking and feeling was not wrong in any way, shape or form.
It is very hard, but you really need to focus on yourself and not live the what-ifs, shoulda / coulda / woulda, wonder if he's feeling as bad as me life. The day you wake up and know that you will be ok and you can be happy will be the best day of your life! I greet every day with a smile now and am saddened only by the fact I wasted 10 years trying to save something I really should have let go.
You can do it! Not to mention you will be better for it in the end.... we promise!!