Zanne

The lovely things about E-mails? The Delete button. It is your friend in this case. Use it! Love it! Make it part of you! We've all gone through periods where we are attracted to guys who are bad for us. You just need to recognize that he's bad for you. All he seems to want is a *** buddy...someone he can use at his convenience. You seem willing to fill the role, so he's trying to keep his options open. Don't be the closet blow up doll he pulls out when his wife's away. It's not a good position to put yourself in. Things will really suck if you fall for this guy. Cut loose while you still can. Just look at it from an outside perspective. Now, for me, it would be enough that he was married for me to keep my hands off because cheating in a personal pet peeve and I think married people who cheat and the people who cheat with them knowing they're married are scum, but that's just me. (Sorry) But if you became his steady mistress, he'd still be "cheating" on you with his wife, and since we know he doesn't hold his marriage with any value, it's most likely he'd be cheating on you with other gullible single gals, as well, since you're just the mistress. Why spend any time with this guy at all? I see no positive in this. He doesn't even seem to value you all that much. If he really cared, he wouldn't even dream of putting you in this position. He wouldn't put off celebrating your birthday for months because it was more convenient for him that way. Don't fool yourself. Do you think you deserve a guy's full attention? Or only what's left over after he's with his wife?

Simple answer....he's married so forget it. He's a loser who wants to cheat on his wife - who has cheated on his wife, with you and who knows who else. Think more of yourself than that. You are worth more than a fling. Did you read what you wrote? He hasn't had time to take you out for a drink for your birthday for months?! This guy wouldn't even make a good friend if he were single. Things are all about him. Seriously, stop E-mailing this guy and don't look back. You're just asking for trouble with this.

A drinking, drug-taking, promiscuous (you did say boyS, as in multiple partners, so I'm just going with what you typed) 14 year old is not ready to get married or have a baby. Neither is a drinking, drug-taking, non-protection using 18 year old boy. Sorry, but that's the truth of it. I'd seriously suggest thinking about adoption if you choose to have this baby. You're in a tough spot, so don't make it worse by multiplying the problems. You've tried the following your own head and heart thing and I think you'd agree that you blew it big-time with the situation you've found yourself in. Listen to your mom. Stay away from the druggie until he cleans up his act because a baby doesn't need a druggie dad. It would be better off without - as would you. Not to be harsh, but you can't even spell "babysit"...do you really think you can handle the responsibility of a child and a husband, especially one who isn't exactly in the best place to be a dad? Have an abortion or give the kid up for adoption and stay in school and make something out of your life. Don't get stuck in the rut you're in now with no future except popping out increasingly crack-addled babies. Look at what's happened and learn from it. Don't keep making the same mistakes.

I would suggest putting off the engagement for a while. At 17, I had shoes I thought I would have for the rest of my life. Wait till you finish college to make such a big decision, but don't trap yourself in something till you're really ready. People change a lot in college and you should give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you will be and not preemptively decide that at 16, your life is already set. If you love each other, you can wait for this. You want your family to take this announcement with as much joy and excitement as you feel, and to take you seriously when you tell them about this big decision you've made about your future. In all likelihood, if you tell them now, they really won't be all that happy and it'll just make you (and him) miserable and you have to live with your parents for at least another couple years so you don't want your homelife to be turned into some kind of Cold War zone. It could turn messy, they could forbid you to see him, and then it'll be a tug-of-war between your family and your boyfriend. You are still very young. Wait for a while to decide to get married. Sixteen is not a time to be thinking about marriage and your boyfriend should really know better than to ask you at this time. Have you even been together for very long? It's possible he asked because he's graduating (I would asume so at eighteen) and thinks that will break you up. Whatever the reason...wait.

Question is, do you want an orgasm or not? It seems you do, so if it reaches the point where you feel like peeing, just pee and maybe you'll orgasm, too. Some woman actually do pee when orgasming...it's called female orgasmic incontinence, and some have female ejaculation which can seem a lot like peeing. Nothing to be ashamed of, maybe that's just how your body works. Put a towel down and don't be afraid to get damp. Sex is messy. Just make it worth the mess!

Try being with each other without having sex. If sex has been reduced to "Put Tab A into Slot B" then you are missing out on A LOT of fun. Just play with each other. Strip down, without sex as the goal, and explore each other's bodies. You say you're shy, but you're willing to have sex with him and touching is a part of that. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let insecurity hold you back. Don't try to arouse him, at first. Just rub your hands along his skin, feel along his ribcage, trace the line of his spine with your fingers, feel the texture of his hair on his body. Then you can start using your mouth rather than your hands when you feel more comfortable. Eventually you'll notice he likes some of of what you do more than the rest and you can learn to incorporate that into your lovemaking and foreplay. Once you've explored his body,make sure he returns the favor and takes some time on yours! This doesn't have to all take place on the same day. Take your time. It'll come naturally.

It's a bad idea to use sex as some sort of reward for him coming back. You should not have sex with him, not to make him miss it, but because having sex is getting both of you absolutely nowhere. It's convenient for him because he has a steady sex buddy, but can still date and try new things with other girls. What are you getting out of it? You're not getting him back because he seems to have made it clear he's not really interested in that right now. You won't get what you want through sex. Try just dating again, minus the sex. When you start spending time together, without the distractions of expected sex, maybe you'll both realize this is worth saving and he'll want to be with you again. You have to work hard to make him trust you again. You cheated on him. That's the reason you broke up. That's a hard blow to take as someone's partner. He's free to see other girls right now, but he shouldn't be holding this "maybe we'll get back together" thing over your head. If he's with another girl, you should know to see how serious he actually is when he's telling you about possibly reuniting. The sex seems to have convinced you he wants things the way they were. Sex is no guarrantee of that. He'll keep taking what you're giving, but that doesn't mean anything. Find out how things stand with him, other women, and this relationship.

I tried writing earlier, but the site switching made it impossible so I finally get my chance! I know you love this woman, and love can seem to forgive a lot of misdeeds, but what if you took love out of the equation? Would you want a friend to treat you this way? To ignore how you feel? Ignore how they are hurting you? My guess is no. You wouldn't put up with this from a friend, and you should definitely not put up with this from someone who is supposed to love you. You deserve a lot better than that. It seems at this point in time, she's wrapped up in her own stuff and is just not ready for a relationship, no matter what she keeps telling you. Her behavior is telling you something different. Her behavior is telling you the truth of the situation. I know it hurts to end something that you feel comfortable in because you're always telling yourself that what if this is it? What if I can't do any better? Maybe I deserve this kind of treatment and should just shut up and deal with it? Trust me, no one deserves this kind of treatment in what is supposed to be a committed relationship. I wish you luck and hope things turn out ok.