Jump to content

kiama

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    275
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

kiama last won the day on March 21 2007

kiama had the most liked content!

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

kiama's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

16

Reputation

  1. Im still not coping all... having high hopes of getting him back. two weeks have nearly passed. he went to work last tuesday morning and that was it... i left and havent gone back, all my stuff is still there. i was going to get it on monday while he is away. but im thinking stuff it. i still want to go back to his when he gets back and see him. its the only way for him to ever change his mind...he might see me and just want to hold me, and maybe he will feel the love again. hes got it too easy, just dumping me and not seeing me.... like hes getting over it fast. i sent an email to him and he hasnt read it. i want to send a text and say something like have you got my email. but he is going away tomorrow. the email wil get him thinking, however if he reads it now, will he just be too exited about going away and not think about it, or is it better for him to read it when he is back tuesday. im scared him going away, hes just gonna forget us forever. im so lost without him
  2. i know i just dont believe his excuses.... i dont know if i dont believe them cos thats what i want to believe...but in my heart i just KNOW there was definitely not a 'love' problem. he said he wasnt interested. that he didnt love me like i loved him.... but i think is a load of horse sh*t. i really feel he just just chickened out without. lost faith in me, lost trust in me. but like i said that was because of my mental state. i always had to drag stuff out of him, and eventually he would talk... but that was bout other stupid things... not real issues. just let them build up and build up. i wrote an email to him - i know im not suppose to but i just had to. i will post it here if you like...
  3. also hes rather quiet. well not with me anymore but when i met him...pretty shy.i had to initiate the things in the sack more than he... unless we were drunk of course... i really think it was worries in his head about my trust isues with him, that i didnt want him going anywhere without me etc, those constant thoughts are what i think made him unhappy. and so he just got fed up, and so breaking up was the easiest option. i made my problems his, and he hated the fact i couldnt trust him... im just hoping that if i change - im on medication now - he will see that and realise...
  4. well this is the end of a relationship...after 2 years...and no, i dont think hes the sort that goes around huggy huggy. its just that he says he doesnt love me and i dont believe it simple, i think there are other factors that have made him break and that thats why he ended it. i just cant get my head around it im SURE he loves me. hes not the talking type and we had a lot of other issues... i think those are the reasons for the breakup. but i think he is just saying that he doesnt love me because thats easier than explaining other things.
  5. if a guy is lying to himself about loving a girl, could he act like this.... always demanding cuddles, id get texts saying 'come home need a cuddle' as in id be on the comp and hed get home from work, and be lying on the bed with his arms open wide...saying 'pleeeese' can i have a cuddle, until eventually i would jump up and give him one, and wed roll about hugging. or when hes on the computer for the night, randomly he would jump up every 20 minutes and dive on me for a cuddle. always holding my face in his hands and telling me how beautiful i am. mad about our sex life, couldnt keep our hands off eachother, 'hed even send texts saying sorry if i annoy you i just cant keep my hands off your peachy a*ss'. for him to always bring me gifts that he thought id appreciate. hed always run up to me and point to his hip, or stomach for me to kiss it...hed always put photos of me on his desktop. are these not actions of love? can a person act this way if they are lying to themselves about loving someone? yes, you can lie to yourself, but surely that would effect the way they acted there love out regardless of how much they were lying. surely there would be a decreased interest in sex... surely they wouldnt be insistant on cuddles ALL the time. surely they just couldnt act this way.... always kissing my neck.... i just dont get it. if i was lying to myself about loving someone id definitely not be able to act this way all of the time even if i tried... im confused do you really think that someone can act this way? ](*,)
  6. i dreamt last night. my ex and i where at a party. he was acting very friendly with a woman.... but that woman was acting friendly with me.... they didnt seem together. then, my boyfriend confessed. he took off a wig, and suddenly had long hair and looked completely different! it was bazaar. then he told me that hed been lying to me about work and that he really works in a bank - not in the building industry, and he and that woman were seeing eachother all along. really really strange dream.... i had to leave them two together laughing. ive had more too. this is an old post..... not sure whos interested...
  7. any more opinions... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  8. yes, its one of those temper mattress thinks, memory foam etc. it cost 500 pounds. i actually put in 350 pounds (including what my mom gave me) and he put in the rest. i honestly thought it would be a life-long investment with him. he kept saying when i brought it up that that he 'couldnt believe id ask after all the money hes spent on me, and after living at his rent free for 2 years' he also during the mattress conversation (which i just dropped cos i couldnt deal with it) which i thought was a bit of a cheek, 'you do know that its now a second hand mattress', to which i replied, 'ok, in that case i want the mattress, and ill give you a little less of what u put in towards it.' He was like 'HAVE IT, HAVE IT, TAKE IT - ALL very nasty... i cant help thinking he actually resents me for the way i depended on him for so long and the way i treated him - which wasnt my fault - depression changed me so much. he also said 'what you gonna do, burn it' i couldnt believe how nasty he was being, its like hes so so angry. Hes not a talker. and is like that im sure becos of the way he was brought up. him, his mom and his brother DONT TALK they shout. thats when i asked him if everything was ok with us etc, he would say 'YES' in a loud long whiney way. which made me feel worse, id say stop shouting, 'he would then shout 'im not shouting'. i cant help thinking though that it was me who made him so angry. Him and his bro dont have any respect for there mother. well he thinks im wrong. but she cooks for them everynight, they will sit down and NEVER offer to wash the dishes after - which i thought was very rude, id sometimes say 'are you gonna help me wash these dishes for your mom ' and he would then say yes because i was kindof telling him mostly. and thats when hed add to 'i tell him what to do'. yes, i had to ask lots of times to put his stuff away, to wash dishes, and to do household stuff. on MONDAY - the day he was being all weird (day before ending it on TUESDAY - he was asking if id washed his work pants - i hadnt, id done the washing but his work pants were new cords, and black, and i thought theyd run so was leaving them to handwash. he picked them out the wash basket, and said where are my other work pants then ' i said well if they havent been washed they may be in the wash basket too.' he picked them out and huffed, these have been there since last week. like do your own bl**dy washing then! he would think that because i did nothing all day and he worked till three all day, that it was my responsibility ONLY to do everything in the ROOM. but i did do everything in the room, just sometimes id ask him if he was going to help tidy the room with me and change the bedding... it was quite a tight squeeze in the room with just two of us and all our stuff. EVERYTHING of ours was in that room, things that if wed had our own place could of gone in other rooms. so it was an effort to keep the room tidy. he just sounds so fed up with me. hes acting really cool about this all. and this blooming mattress. i just dont want to walk away with nothing - i now have to carry on sitting in this country waiting for paperwork to go through, god knows how long that will take. and i only ever stayed, because he said hed support me all the way. i just cant help that hes right and that i shouldnt even dare think about taking the mattress because he has spent so much money on me. but its not the principle. Krikey, i am at my wits end.
  9. iv been avoiding this topic cos it actually means i have to realise its over and i dont want to. waaaaaaaa what do i do about our bed? Right hes spent a lot of money on me, paying for everything. I spent money on him when i had it - but i had to really scrape it up. i decided we should get a new mattress, and i wanted a really expensive one, life investment.... so i scraped and scraped up money. i put in 200 pounds my my mom put in 150 and he the rest for this mattress. now what do i do. when i brought it up in our single msn chat he got really mad at me. said he couldnt believe id even think to take the bed, i just said one gets the bed and gives the other half the money. he wasnt happy at all and got very snappy. but its my bed too. i keep thinking hes spent so much money on me and i feel guilty like i should leave it with him. but i put so much effort then into the room, painted the walls, re decorated, got new duvet covers put up pictures, i made the room so nice for our new mattress. i feel like its so unfair that ive been tossed out and am left with nothing. that he has got it so light, and is moving on with no inconvenience in his life, when hes really inconvenienced mine. i wasted 3 years all for him. so i feel like i want my mattress. its a really good one. and i want it, cos i know it will cause him inconvenience too. he will have to go out and get another one. but is it wrong to want the mattress all im thinking is if i take it he will hate me more and that will ruin any chance of getting back with him, but at the same time how do i know ill even get him back... im really confused about this issue. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  10. can you believe i actually have resorted to looking for spells! its the saddest thing i think ive ever done, but i actually am doing it, and im suddenly starting to believe in magic! it is quite funny, last week i didnt believe in magic, this week im conjuring a planto put a spell on him. lol
  11. thanks all. youre very kind. picture frame of him - id prob hug it and cry but i am starting to try and forget him. about 'the best revenge is success' i couldnt agree more. im thinking BIG but its all to get him back none the less. i want to make lots of money. become a millionaire. that will surely make him think. i read somewhere here that a broken hearted woman suddenly discovered she was a millionaire. that is so so so lucky. and i will do it. im going to be stinking rich.... any ideas how guys? see i have to do it.... its my only chance. i know money is not everything, but it does make life a lot easier. couldnt get by otherwise. it makes the world go buy. the more money you have the more control you have in general. very random blab after all my other posts... this is how much sht is going through my head though!!!
  12. im still not doing ok, im dying. id NEVER kill myself - so please dont think that. AND DONT FREAK OUT... but I have thought that that would be the only thing that would give me satisfaction. dying and leaving him the note that its BECAUSE OF HIM only him, and that he is responsible for a death. he would NEVER get over that. i dont want anything happy for him and i want to ruin every relationship he may have. IM MAD AND IM SAD AND IM SUFFERING. i did everything for him and was SO SO SO SO kind to him and put him first with EVERYTHING. i saw him in everything. yes, i got very frustrated at times and i did slap him remember... but that was only twice due to drunk fighting. I WAS so so so so so so so nice and loving. we were so loving. hands on all the time cuddling. PLEASE this may sound disturbing - but i swear to god id never take my life - trust me.... its just these thoughts............
  13. urm... i think i hav to agree with above, i was under the impression you had left him, to let him figure things out.......im wrong apparently.... if he dont want you then you have to leave him.... and hope that he finds it in himself that he can ask for you to be there for him.... otherwese, hes said he dont want you.... you may think that he loves you, and fair enough think what you must, only you know what the situation is like.... just know this.... if hes not certain about you.... then that means hes definitely not certain about you.... are you just justifying his depression...... are you manipulating the fact that hes depressed, and is so needy right now, that you INSIST that youre there for him, even though he may not want that..... are you using his depression, as a reason, to justify that you want HIM back????? are you taking advantage of this dudes instability? dont mean to be harsh however.... im not like that, im just thinking.... of u. and how u and him are...
  14. maybe i just want to reject him... i dont know. i sent a good few texts this morning to him - i know i should not have, but you get to a point where you think 'what do i have to loose', no? well i am at that point... so i sent him messages this morn... i had no reply until 'late this evening saying 'i do remember the good times we had, but that is in the past, im sorry kiama, but its over.' you know what.... i didnt burst out crying... i thought *mod edit* him. i felt a lot of anger. - always scared to show too much anger cos that would ruin our chances in the future, but i felt it. i sent a reply saying 'ok then, that means we cant be friends, cos if were friends you risk the chance of changing how you feel with me.... he sent a reply about an hour later saying, 'u never know what wil happen. when you sort out your life and get better........' anyway... i did not and will not respond to this..... ii went out with a friend tonight and she is so lovely, i love her! - she really listened to me and gave her opinion. she is so full of bubbly energy, that i had to smile, and i did have fun with her... (although she is on PROZAK for depression......) shes just so lovely. i really think shes helped me a little to get over it all. im not crying anymore... touchwood..... i may be tomorrow.... but im at a point where i think that ive accepted hes not interested... and im angry about that.... dunnno.....
  15. sorry all for asking so many questions i just need to know. what are the chances of a dumper falling for the dumpee again. if they were definitely still sexually attracted to the person? if they see the dumpee out and she/he is looking fantastic, and has lost lots of weight - and if the dumpee was a girl - was wearing makeup like she never had done before - and sexy dresses which she had never done before.... and for instance if the dumpee was a guy, and had had his hair cut and was looking hotter than ever... could that make the dumper change his mind. if the dumpee was acting like she/he was the happiest person in the world, and getting lots of attention from the opposite sex? if the dumper saw all this could that change things? or would the dumper not be bothered? could the dumper just ignore it?
×
×
  • Create New...