Foreigner

Hi, Look, I understand that you feel really scared now, and it all seems like the end of the world (well, almost). But the point is that now your situation is not that awful, and you can get help and solve it and return to normal life. I agree that some things will change, and it'll mostly be you and the way you look on things. Most if aspects of your life won't suffer of it. On the other hand, if you run away, or quit school... Most if not all of those aspects WILL suffer and will suffer a lot. It's much more complex than you think... and finally, if you don't SOLVE the problem it'll go with you all the way wherever you go. What I said so far is that the earlier you do your first step and get help - the earlier you solve the problem! The more you'll wait, the larger the problem will become, especially if you quit school, run away, or do other things that may ruin your life. I know I'm telling you now something you perhaps realize anyway at some level of consciousness, and as "Nifty_Swifty1" has said - you should do that thing that you think is right. And it is get help. You know... sometimes there are situations where you go for the smaller trouble. Well dunno if it's as good as an example... but in the movie "Master and Commander", one of the crew falls into the water during a storm, and if they saved him (waited till he swims to the rescue vessel), the whole ship would sink. So they left him to die in the middle of the sea. If you get help, you WILL feel embarrassed, feel stupid, feel asamed. But with time you will understand that you SHOULDN'T BE. People make mistakes. So what? Can't you?? Aren't you a human too?! If you have caring parents and you know you can trust them, you can try to talk with your mom. You can tell her you've got a problem, and you're afraid that she'll get angry and you can't tell her. That's enough for her to help you tell her, and believe me she won't make you feel worse. If you can't talk with your parents, try to talk with some sort of a psychologist, like a school counsellor, or an older brother/sister/cousin, or an uncle/aunt/grandma, neighbour you trust etc. It's more important to solve it now and not to let the problem grow, and it IS urgent. So muster the courage, and ask for help. From the fact you've asked it here, I see that you have a lot of courage and you do try to solve the problem the best way. So do it! If you have a question, feel free to PM me. Best of luck! Foreigner.

If she tells you she loves you and you don't want to tell her you love her too you can tell "I know... As for how to behave... Don't exude what makes her want space (clingyness, lack of independence, need) but the opposite. Make yourself feel as a complete and happy person even if you're without her (and do whatever you need to FEEL that). This doesn't necessarily mean that you should stop love her or want her to stay with you. It only means that whatever her choice is (and she's free to make it) - you'll remain a happy, complete and balanced person and will find a way out of the sadness. These were my $.02... ~F.

I guess it means that we are social beings and being alone we'll "dry out" - emotionally and consequently physically. However, being in the ocean is OVERintegrated, so I'm not sure. If to look on the metaphor this way, perhaps I'd prefer the rain and not the ocean. Thanks for the food for thought ~F-r.

You can crawl in a hole and die, but I think you would be interested in getting an attractive, intelligent and nice girl to be your girlfriend. If I'm wrong - stop reading now. Otherwise... Read the articles below! They are not ordered in any particular order, but reading them ALL should give you some basic direction to a better love life. It's in your hands whether you do it for yourself, or you do nothing. You don't want to be one of the "guys who sit with a bottle of beer and a cigarette somewhere in a corner and wasting years of their lives... ", so start taking action!!! Articles to read: - link removed - link removed - link removed - link removed - link removed - link removed There much more to learn and to do. It's not an easy road, but it may be a lot of fun, and you can reap great rewards. The decision is yours... If you have any question - PM. Foreigner.

Hi Lady Android, Interesting question... It's yes and no. One can write a lot on this topic, as it's pretty open to various opinions, but here is a brief partition to two (three) cases: If you're talking about feelings during a relationship - then it depends on how the reality fits your expectations. If your expectations were real and you were in love with the actual person that you thought you are in love with - if you nevertheless break up - you can love again, but most probably you'll remember this person for may years if not for all of your life. If you were idealizing that person - your feelings should decrease as a function of time. The better you'll understand the difference between your expectations and reality the faster will be the change in your feelings. If you had no chance to understand this difference, you're in a problem... A soluble problem, but a rather painful one... Best, Foreigner.

Hi pancakes, If Andy behaved this way, he has a problem. He has either found a reason to play games to get you more interested, or he's got issues, or he's simply insecure and was baffled by the situation. In any case - temporarily forget about him (don't contact him). If he contacts you (don't appear too interested if he does, neither be rude of course) and explains his behavior - you may CONSIDER reestablishing contact with him. Otherwise - it's better for you to keep away from him anyway. Someone who appreciates himself and has self worth - others will consider him (her) to be such. If you'll chase him and humiliate yourself after he behaves rudely with you... you won't help the situation and he'll only lose interest and/or continue his game. BTW the post of jtrcka should be deleted!.... Best, Foreigner.

Hi Ashley, Are you sure you want to be with a guy that leaves you from time to time and then comes back?? If he really loved you - he wouldn't be playing all those games. And to me it sounds like he's simply using you and your love. I understand that you love him and how much pain you feel now. But in my opinion you should have some good thoughts about ending this relationship completely. It'll hurt a lot at first, but you'll overcome this, and get a new life and a new love. I know it sounds very far and difficult now, but IMAGINE yourself three years from now in both cases: how would you feel if you stayed with him? How would you feel if you left him now? Which of these two scenarios do you like more?? These were just my 2 cents. You are the one to decide... Good luck! Foreigner.

Atticus02, For a long time haven't felt what your post has made me to... dfcannon has given you a great advice. Also, I thought that maybe it could even be possible for YOU to personally mentor this girl. In my country there is a project of students mentoring children. A significant part of all the students participate in it, and most of them do a one-on-one personal mentoring that includes meeting twice a week with the child for a couple of hours during the school-year. Good luck! Foreigner.

Hey lahso, Foreigner.

Hey, 8) Search a post of mine on this forum (click Profile, and then All Posts By This User) on a thread called something like "Confidence Boosters Anyone?". I've posted a link there to a great article called "Buried Alive". It should give you the motivation to do it... And in general - read my posts on shyness/like-her related threads - you'll find a lot of useful material there. Really. I'm in a hurry now AND I'm tired writing almost the same things every time. So it's your choice. As for me - I highly recommend (especially reading the linked articles - there are some in my previous posts). Good luck! ~Foreigner.

Hey JazzMan, Look, I start to feel stupid posting the same thing over and over again, and not even getting a response in many of the cases, because people don't even put the time to read. They ask for help but they want some magical instant solution. They're too lazy to put the effort... I'll elaborate. I feel a lot of empathy for people in your situation, well - guess why?... Yeah. I've been there too, and nor am I that far away now, but let's say there is a visible progression There is a solution. But heck, as any other good thing you've gotta invest in it. It doesn't cost you any money or something like that. It's time, effort and endless motivation. And you know what? I won't place any links this time. I want to hear first whether you have that motivation to put effort in order to improve your life. If you don't - it's your problem. If you do - PM me, or simply read some stuff in my previous posts. Peace, Foreigner.

Hey, I think that because she's shy you have less to fear of. She is intimidated by you much more than you by her. Tell her after church that you're gonna (for instance) go bowling on Tuesday evening and ask her to join you. It should be less intimidating for her because: you gonna go anyway (it should be so), it's active and not romantic, it's not Saturday night, etc. I think it should work if she likes you. Anyway, you should see how she responds. And if she rejects you - well, what can you do... It's her loss. Good luck! Foreigner.

Hey dextro, Isn't it the fact that you don't crave them what makes them crave you? Think of that for a moment. It seems to me that you are naturally doing what some of us will never learn. You're a lucky guy! As for Mark... well, you can try to explain him that it's basically either his situation of yours. He's the one to choose which reality he prefers for himself... Best, Foreigner.

Hi sxr4h, You should get over her, understand that she is a human, that she is not special more than anybody else, and that EVEN if you could get into a relationship with her - it wouldn't be as great as you would think it to be. Let me know what you think... Good luck! Foreigner.

Hey shizuka, From sabena's answer you can also see what most probably happen to you with your friend. Seeing someone "only as a friend" means not wanting him romantically. Just my two cents. Foreigner.