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TheFoglifter

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TheFoglifter last won the day on July 19 2007

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  1. ... pay more attention to the women and kids that come to Hooters than any man that walks in that door." Stupid move since the man is paying. Then again, you aren't working at hooters for your intellect. Its a very simple service. You are selling fantasy, just like a strip club. Men go there to get served by girls in tight skimpy clothing, and they are happy to pay for it.
  2. ... i shouldnt go to the resturant saturday night with them, i can sit and talk to you on the phone"... " This is where YOU are supposed to say "no, its OK, go ahead" and MEAN IT.
  3. ... would call me and let me know if he was coming over to my place after the party." ... did not call me, so around 11pm I phoned him, he said he was still at the party and would call me when he left, I was a bit disappointed that I had to call him, but it's no big deal, he then did call on his way home around midnight and said he had a busy day the next day," With only the information in the OP to go on, my opinion is that your "friend" got impatient. Personally, I HATE when my girlfriend acts this way. I say I'm going to do something, but she doesn't reveal the arbitrary timetable she has already assigned. So I miss a deadline I didn't know existed, and I'm already in trouble. So she has to call me because I'm unreliable and didn't call (in her eyes, this constitutes a "lie") even though there was no time specified. In my opinion, your friend was acting like a child, and the boyfriend, at 60-something, just doesn't have the patience to deal with child-like tactics. If she doesn't want that to happen again, she needs to set concrete expectations that are not arbitrary. Maybe he fully intended to call as he left the party, but now we'll never know because she pre-empted him and didn't give him a chance. I hate this behavior in my 20s -- if it happens to me in my 60s, I'd react the same way.
  4. I agree with what trash mail said, and add my own personal experience. "Jokes" can be half-serious too, and indeed could be insulting without you realizing it. I wanted to ask how satisfied you both are with your sex lives. When my gf and I have nights the way you described (me festering and angry), a lack of sex is probably the cause of 75% of them.
  5. Initially I was going to ask if the nerve problem would prevent her from feeling the smack in the head she sorely needs. But the problem does go deeper than just an inconsiderate person. In all probability she knows that she is mistreating you, and probably feels like she is watching as someone else controls her body. As an analogy that might clarify this for you, when my Dad was out of work, he was quite crabby. At least he was able to go out, job hunt, and do whatever -- your wife is a prisoner. Its hard to feel useless. Have you already explored things you can get for her to occupy her time? Is there a series of books she likes? Can she play video games? Can she proofread papers? Can she take an online course, or trade stocks, or do some arts and crafts, or anything like that? Could you get a cat or a bird or a fish or something? If all of this fails (or has already failed) then I don't think there is going to be any reaching her, and you might as well at least stand up for yourself. As was said earlier, whats the worst that can happen? - She can't hurt you physically. - I'm sure sex is already out of the question. - She can't support herself, and nobody else would want her. If she could channel that energy into something else, then maybe she'd improve?
  6. its not, nor should it be considered cheating in terms of a divorce. Whats next, if a woman watches "the bachelor" she can be considered cheating?
  7. ... just don't know how he doesn't think his behavior is rude." What makes you think it is unintentional? You said he thinks a lot of what he does is funny. He is a bully and you are his target. Unfortunately, just like when dealing with a rude boss, your only options are to deal or leave. There aren't many actions you can take that wouldn't put your boyfriend between a rock and a hard place. Obviously the grandfather has the influence to get people to side with him, so unless your boyfriend is ready to cut out his family, you are stuck. You said earlier that your bf has an apartment. Why are you hanging out as the house with the grandfather then? If he has his own apartment, wouldn't it be much more fun if the two of you could be alone? Otherwise, all you can really do is completely ignore him. Act like he doesn't exist. Talk around him, through him, whatever it takes to pretend he is not there. No matter WHAT, do not show any visible annoyance, as it will fuel his fire and you'll have to work twice as hard to recover the ground.
  8. I agree that it can also be code for "I want to keep fooling around with you, but I don't want all the crap that comes with being your boyfriend". This is a common phrase used by both genders.
  9. Damn.... you never mentioned WHY he got laid off. Its tough out there, budget cuts and all that crap do not make it easy to keep a job even if you are good. It makes me question whether you work, or whether you want to sit at home. Maybe he has lost respect for you too given how non-supportive you seem. Employers LOVE married family men, because they know that married family men have kids and a wife to support. A single guy with less to lose can walk out at any time, but a married guy who has to pay a mortgage and ballet lessons and whatever is less likely to leave.
  10. But she HAS given him something to worry about. She is being subjected to people who glorify ideals that cause the OP worry. I agree its entirely possible for her never to be persuaded. I agree that many people have friends who have interests that they themselves would NEVER pursue (drugs, crime, cheating...) We also don't know what point we are at here. If the OP's gf came home one day and said something like "yeah, Cindy just cheated on her boyfriend again... he has no idea" and she had a tone of satisfaction in her voice, that might be something to worry about. If she said "I wish Cindy didn't cheat on her boyfriend, he's so nice to her and he has no idea" then that is a different story.
  11. I second the "you don't want a guy who is backed up all the time" comment. Its a downward spiral -- if he masturbates bc he feels he isn't getting enough, he'll demand more from you, you'll give less, he'll get less, he'll demand more, you'll give less... Let him be -- maybe even encourage him to masturbate while you "inspire" him.
  12. Yeah seriously. This issue goes deeper too. Did you ever see the Eddie Murphy skit (I think it was from the 80s, in "raw" or "delirious") when he talks about how he wants to marry that woman from Africa who was riding the back of the Zebra. He was afraid he'd bring her to America, and she'd learn from her American friends about divorce, and taking half his money. One day, she'd walk in and just say: Eddie.... I WANT HALF! As condescending as it sounds, there are plenty of "ideas" that men get nervous of having their girlfriends practice. Its especially dangerous when everyone in the group is doing it and getting away with it and having so much fun, and she is the one who is still working hard and feeling left out. Whether that idea is cheating, or quitting their jobs, or whatever... still causes a lot of trouble.
  13. No it doesn't. What you said is more accurately described as "golddigger". Maybe its better to just agree that "high maintenance" is an umbrella term that covers the whole lot.
  14. ... guess my problem now is that I have it in my head that this is not acceptable in a relationship and I wouldn't be being a decent boyfriend if I was not upset about this." But this isn't a problem. Read through the "should my girlfriend have a male roommate" thread and you'll see the same issue. Its all about boundaries, and you are perfectly valid in feeling boundaries have been crossed. ... quote Dr. Phil: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"" This is interesting advice and I'd love to know the context. The way you have quoted this line seems that you are advocating happiness over being right. I would be happy if a bank error gave me a million dollars, but what if that million was some lonely old lady's retirement nest egg, and she was now doomed to eat cat food and live in a box. It sounds like I could keep the money under the guise of being happy over being right.
  15. HM doesn't always have to mean gold-digger. There are cases where money never enters the picture, and others when it does. High maintenance could mean that you always have to comfort her over something, or she is always demanding you spend time with her. You constantly have to make excuses to your friends and miss going out with your friends, or cut back or even give up activities you enjoy because she "needs" something. Of course high maintenance could also mean that she always wants to go out, and expects lots of gifts and lunches, and presents, and she always needs you to help her out with some unforeseen expense, or she can't treat you to movies because a surprise bill came up. No fun if you don't get something out of it.
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