Karhu

Day 16. First contact. She knows my routine too well! She just happened to turn up at the salsa club that she knows I always go to every single Monday night, and then said “oh, what a pleasant surprise to bump into you” Actually I knew she was there when I walked into the place and ran into her brother in the rest room. I saw considering slipping out the back without meting her, but then knew that her brother would tell her that I was there, and it’d be strange if i vanished. So I was civilized and made an appearance. She nodded when I came in, but was in the middle of a dance with a guy, so I waited for them to finish their dance to greet properly, but she just went on to chat up the guy for an hour or so. It was a bit strange, but didn’t really bother me as I went on to do my usual dancing as if she wasn’t there. Later we got to dancing together, there was the usual chemistry when we danced, we always get wild together, and do a lot of crazy dance movies. Then the guy from before interrupted (don’t you know it’s polite to wait for people to finish the song) as he was leaving and wanted to give her his phone number. I could see the intentions, with clear body language, flirtatious looks and smiles from both sides. Then she came back, and said that she wanted to learn Spanish, and he was willing to teach her. Sure, I believe your motives… NOT! Well that doesn’t matter if she does it in front of me, as she’s my ex. Although she is a very flirtatious person, which bothered me a bit before, and if she wasn’t interested in me then why was she still flirting with me last night? Anyway, she gave me a lift home (in the spirit of NC I probably should have refused her offer and taken the bus). When we got to my street, we ended out sitting in the cat chatting for an hour, not talking about relationships, or any of the issues, just light hearted joking etc. I know in an unrelated conversation (can’t remember exactly what it was about, but a different context) she said “I couldn’t hurt anyone”, which I replied “at least not intentionally”. I didn’t elaborate on it, but could see in her eyes that she was affected, maybe she’ll go home and have a think about what she’s been doing. Anyway, we mainly had light hearted fun conversation, it was a lot of fun! But that doesn’t change things, if she’s going to not respect me and my beliefs, and also be flirtations with everyone then I don’t want to get involved and would prefer to move on with my life. I only want something that is real and serious. So I’ll be friendly, but I guess I should still be moving on. I am wondering about all this no contact stuff that is so popular in the forums. I think that a lot of our problems came from misunderstandings, so communication through friendship could be beneficial.

I don't know if 30 is a super special magic number. hmm, maybe 365 would be good. She was a nice person, you never know, she could potentially be a good plutonic friend later in life, only after life has totally moved on. But it's best to look forward and not back. What new opportunities are waiting around the corner? Time will tell....

This is my first post in this thread. Hmm, I’m not actively counting days, I guess I’d better check the calendar…. Ok, day 15. I was active in the attraction and flirting forum, then the dating forum, then the relationship forum, then the love forum, then the breaking up forum. So I guess it’s about time to shift into the getting back together forum. I wonder if then the cycle will repeat and I’ll have to move into discussing dating again soon. Such as life, it sometimes moves in circles. Well i didn’t expect I’d ever be joining the NC challenge, but why not, everyone is doing it, it could be fun. I had a great relationship, which ended about a month ago. Quite a story behind it this is my first post here, I don’t know if it’s cheating the challenge, but I’m already half way through it, being the 29th of April the last time of contact, That being the 2 days before we were going to go on a holiday together when she rang me up and said that she was changing the name on my ticket so she could go with a friend instead (we had booked the holidays before the breakup which had happened 2 weeks earlier). So anyway, now I’m 2 weeks into no contact. At first I was eager to try to get her back. Now I’m realizing that she is a bit narrow minded not accepting me and my beliefs (as in the linked thread) so I have decided that I am not interested in having her back unless she respects me and my beliefs. During the time I was seeing her I was thinking about her 24-7, during the breakup period I was also thinking about it a lot, analyzing everything. Now there are days that I don’t even think of her. I’ve been fairly busy with all sorts of things in life, working, doing 8hrs/week dance class, rollerblading, hiking in the woods, BBQ with friends, movie nights with friends etc. my busy lifestyle is more conducive to moving on then to clinging on to the past. And I went on a date last Friday, I’m not interested in perusing this one further, but it’s good to start getting back into dating. I am not going to count days thinking about her and writing all my thoughts about her in the no contact thread. I’m just going to move on with my life, see the truth that I deserve someone that respects me, and she’ll inevitable drift out of my mind over time. I will not occupy my thoughts with someone that is narrow minded. If she changes in the future, becomes less narrow minded and comes back to me then I might possibly consider IF i'm still single. But there is no point in waiting for it. Life moves on.

Mountains flow with living waters bursting to awaken colors. Springtime enshrined with sweet savors of eternal blessings wafted over all things. Remembrance brings back essenses of cherished times; Crystal vision directs the future, embrace it with outstretched arms Spirits are set free to embrace the world, channeling celestial powers of unity.

Thanks janet yes, i can imagine they are the only two real questions. as personality wise and maturity wise we seem to match fairly well. and we can deal with those questions when they come. i know i'd probably ultimatly be ok with going down that path at some stage in life if/when i'm in a suitable steady healthy relationship with the right person, the relationship has stood the test of time, life, finances, personal maturity and all other factors are suitable. i know these are very big things and should be done properly. if you're going to do it you should do it properly. i guess timing is a large issue in these decisions, both people may not be at the same stage at the same time.

PDA can be a sign of ownership. sometimes beautiful girls like to show that they are taken when in public so that they don't get strangers grabbing their butt etc. walking while holding hands is nice. normally the strides match, do people generally prefer to walk in phase(both people step right foot at the same time) or out of phase, (one steps with left while the other steps with the right). I find out of phase is good so that both people swing the arm at the same time. when walking in phase it seems like my x was stronger with her arm swinging as she would end out swinging her arm normally while i would swing mine with her which is opposite to how people normally swing their arm. as a result i learnt to do a little double step to get the feet out of phase so that we can both swing our arms in a natural way.

Water vapor gently drifts, caressed by the crisp evening light Ice is daring you, take the plunge Hart thumping with full strength of the sauna One step after the next, mind preparing Icy water on the toe, cold burning sensations Don't wait. Splash! This came to my mind while walking from the 120deg sauna to a small hole in a frozen lake, water temperature 0.3deg. wow, what an adrenalin rush! my body still doesn't know if it's hot or cold.

- Be careful of where you have sex, and what forms of PDA you show. Children copy EVERYTHING!

silence is sometimes good if followed by a spark in the eyes, then you know a kiss is coming. don't fear the silence, embrace the silence, embrace her!.

It depends on a lot of factors, like if you were the dumper or one being dumped. And also realizing it’s for the best helps a lot. As spunkmaster said, they’ll always be deer to your heart, it’ll just change, become less painful, then you need to stop thinking about them, when you’re totally over someone then it makes it easier to get into the next relationship For me it took about 2 years to fully get over a 4.5 year relationship and to stop thinking about her. Finding someone much better does also help stop yourself from glorifying the past and accept it was for the best. i'd second that comment about stirring up the pot with the ex, any further interaction however temporarily comforting it may be will inevitably slow the healing process.

he obviously needs a lot of space in his life, he's made a decision, you don't know if it's permanent or if he'll change his mind, hasteling him will only make things worse, and reduce the chances he'll change his mind. you've already shown him you're needy with the couple of months of messaging. the best thing you can do is move on with your life, get into some fun hobbies, take care of yourself, do some exercise, see friends etc. this will make you feel a lot better, start the painfull process of moving on, increase chances of meeting someone new, and if your life is in order you'll also seem a lot less needy and more attractive, and so could possibly also increase his chances of changing his mind, but don't rely on it.

How can I subtly find out if this is on her secret agenda? maybe she doesn't want kids at all, maybe she doesn't mind waiting, but how can a guy know? I don’t want to bring it up directly in a conversation, it'd be inappropriate after only a month of dating. If anything that would make it look like I was thinking along those lines. But I want to be aware of what she’s thinking, and if she has some hidden expectations, and if she’ll suddenly start putting on some pressure in a year or two, and what her expected time frame would be. I don’t like surprises, so I like to know exactly what I’m getting into when starting to date a woman, but that’s just a topic you don’t talk about at this stage.

social interactions is a important aspect in chosing where you work, you spend half your waking time at work, so you might aswell enjoy it, do something you enjoy and enjoy the company of your colleagues. you getting allong with the colleagues is also a big pluss in the bosses eyes as you'll be seen as a real team player etc. when getting a job it's not just them interviewing you, but also you evaluating them. internships privide a great insight into their work ethics and environment so you know what you're getitng into.

yep, sorry to say, but he probably doesn't have that strong feelings for you. i'd move on and find another guy that is mature enough to communicate about relationship problems.

How many people spend a couple of weeks of sleeping in the same bed without sex, just cuddling and kissing and talking? how long did this period last for(naturally depends on the speed of progression of physical aspect of relationships)?