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faeriechyld

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  • Birthday 10/26/1983

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  1. I guess I have a hard time believing my father will be happy about a grandchild, regardless of under what circumstances. He has stated before that he is apathetic about the idea, if one of his children has one, ok, and if not, that's fine too. Sometimes I think that since my mom died, my father has become an entirely different person, and our relationship isn't really father/daughter so much as aquaintance. In fact, my relationship with basically my entire family has deteriorated down to that of an acquaintance, and theirs with each other. We just seem to lack the familial bond or something. The sad thing is, someone that is sort of in the family does know. His girlfriend. Since I cannot tell my mother, she died 4 years ago, I went to the next best thing. I went to his girlfriend because her daughter who is a few years younger than me is in a similar situation, only from what my dad's g/f has told me, she's even worse off than me. She has agreed to keep it a secret, and has offered to tell my dad for me because she thinks it might be something they can bond over. However, I know my dad, he doesn't exactly "bond" well over emotional family situations. And I think he would be greatly hurt and angered if he had to find out through a third party who isn't directly involved in our family(though she's been around so long, I consider her family). She has been pressuring me to tell my dad sooner rather than later, and I understand her urgency, but I just don't feel ready to discuss this with him. There is such a vast difference between my boyfriend's family and mine. His family practically did cartwheels when they found out about the baby. They have been extremely supportive. Yes, it can be argued I haven't given my family the chance to be, however, they've had chances in the past and haven't exactly stepped up to the plate. Of course, they also expect that we're going to get married, my boyfriend has repeatedly asked me about it, I'm just not sure I want to risk ending up a statistic. And for the record, I do look pregnant. I didn't have much in the way of a belly to begin with and now that I'm halfway along, it's grown quite substantially. I have been asked about it by strangers. And even if a potential employer did not ask about it, to me it would seem extremely dishonest to not inform them in an interview. They're going to find out fairly quickly after I'm hired anyway, and it seems wrong to go into a job knowing that you're about to have such a life changing event and not inform them. But that's my personal feeling. I think my boyfriend might be able to qualify for unemployment, but I can't. In NC, you have to work for four months in the state so that they have something to judge you on to know what compensation you should get weekly. I have only worked since October. I do have medicaid though and WIC, and will be applying for food stamps soon I'm sure as well. I'm not sure how programs like welfare work if you're only with child and don't actually have any living and breathing outside the womb, but I'll definitely be asking when I go to apply for foodstamps. I think as far as jobs are concerned, I'm going to apply at places like Papa Johns(I delivered pizzas on the side over the summer and actually enjoyed it) and places of that nature that are used to a quick turnover, so that if I do end up leaving the workforce for a while, it won't be that much of a surprise to them. Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for their advice. I plan to tell my father after we hear back about my boyfriend's application for correction officer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him!
  2. I haven't posted here in years, but I figured I could use the help. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, the father of the baby and I had broken up back in May and from May until August, he was begging me to agree to see him at least one more time. I guess he figured maybe he could change my mind. Well, one thing led to another, badda bing, badda boom = baby. I just recently "came out" about the pregnancy to pretty much all of my friends. Some I had talked to before, but this was the first time I had gone public. Of course, in my world, public and family are two very different things. My family doesn't know, which is kind of sad because I just saw them right before Christmas and have a very obvious belly. They just thought I had gained weight. Now, I'm 23 years old, and I live on my own. In fact, I just recently moved states. So, I'm not completely up the creek without a paddle in regards to the baby affecting school or something. I have support from the father, we're trying again to see if we can make it work this time. Surprisingly, the change in location has done us both rather well and since it's so much cheaper where we are currently living compared to where we moved from, things are looking up. My issues are the following... First of all, my father, and my entire family do not like the father of the baby at all. He had a lot of issues when we were originally together with keeping a job and it was one of the reasons we broke up. So, telling my family that not only are we back together, but also expecting is going to be a hard topic to defend, even though he is doing better employment-wise in this new area. Second of all, the job I had is ending because my employer is dying. He's a very old attorney who took a turn for the worst about a month or so ago and we're basically just closing out his business. This means that at about 5 months pregnant, I'm looking for a new job. I know it's against the law to not hire a person based on their pregnancy, however, I can't really blame someone if they don't hire me. The father and I have discussed me staying home with the baby for a little while and him supporting both of us. This would be a greater plan if HIS current job wasn't a contract position, and the contract wasn't ending today. He is looking into becoming a correctional officer which would be a great move for both of us, but we won't hear back from them until sometime after the new year. So, my main question is, how can I tell my family, particularly my father, in a positive way as to alleviate some of the initial worries, concerns, and flat out anger that I expect them to have? My father has very unpredictable reactions to things. When I told him that the father and I were engaged the first time we were together, he had no reaction. However, I lost my job a year ago due to illness, and his reaction to that was to blow up at me. I'd rather not deal with the brunt of his anger in the condition I'm in as I do want to keep the child, but I feel he has a right to know. Advice?
  3. Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of my mom's passing. For most of the week prior, I supressed all emotion because I had important things to take care of, like work, studying for exams and then eventually taking them. I finished all of that on Sunday in order to focus yesterday on me, on allowing myself to grieve after so long of refusing to. Well, that's not entirely true. While I kept myself on autopilot most of last week, I seemed to lose all hope of emotional suppression when my boyfriend would call. Especially since Tuesday he delivered bad news about him not trying for guard anymore, which means that I'm once again faced with an LDR for a good 3 more years. Needless to say, he had some serious bad timing. So, I asked him not to call until yesterday was over. He did as I asked, and I'm assuming I'll be talking to him tonight. Sunday night, I triggered my grief by watching an episode of my favorite show where the main character's mother dies. Needless to say, it came flooding out of me. Then last night I met my sister at a Christmas concert given by a local group and we bonded, and cried together. But I realized something. With the exception of my sister, I cut off basically all communication with my friends this past weekend, and much of last week. I have a journal, and I posted there, but I purposefully posted in a way that no one would really know how to comment. And I guess the question I pose to this forum is...how do you let go? After my mother died, I expected people to come to me, and when they didn't, I stopped trusting everyone. I've pushed many people away this last year, to the point where many of them are no longer friends at all. How do you stop doing that? How do you teach yourself to trust again? I mean, how bad is it that my boyfriend, the one person who is supposed to be closer than anyone to me, is the one I specifically request not to call me until I'm through the darkest day of my life? I know why I did it, we got in a huge fight the last time we spoke and I begged him not to call me because I knew that I was taking out my emotional suppression on him. I could remain on autopilot, but as soon as I heard his voice it was permanently switched off until the call ended. And all hell seemed to break loose. I want to feel like I can trust people again. Like I can trust myself not to hurt people by taking things out on them that have nothing to do with them. I want to stop pushing aside my emotions until it's convenient for me to accept them. I want to stop this unending drive to accomplish everything in the next few years because I have this unnatural fear that I'm not going to live to accomplish everything I want to. I want to go back to the days I felt I could stop and smell the roses, and stop living in fear of following my mother to an early grave. Life won't ever be simple again, I know that. But it could be better. I just think I'm trying to make it better all the wrong ways. I'm successful in my professional life, my schooling is going well, and I've even moved out and am looking into buying my first home. But money, responsibility and education can't heal a hurting human soul. Time can, but time is something I seem unwilling to give myself. Can anyone help me? While at the same time I wonder, do I even deserve it?
  4. I can't be with my boyfriend more than *maybe* every two months if we're lucky. But, that's probably the reason I don't put so much emphasis on romance. The little bit of time we get with each other every couple of months is too important for me to try to force the romance. For us, it just kinda comes naturally. A suggestion for a romantic thing to send is a cd of songs that remind you of him. I've sent my guy two. Also look for small gifts on link removed. Not flowers, but they have things like gameboards and candy that you could send.
  5. To comment on something I don't think many people have mentioned.... I've heard from many women that during breast feeding, your nipples can be very sore and tender, so I would imagine that, aside from the people who commented on men drinking breast milk as sexually erotic being disgusting, I can't see the woman derriving much pleasure from it...
  6. Not to sound cynical, as I'm not meaning it as such, but...romance is overrated. I've found that I spend too much time worrying about how to make my relationship with my boyfriend romantic when, in essense, we're both happier when we're just having fun. For instance, our one year anniversary is the 8th of this month, on Monday. He's coming home for the week on Saturday and I've been racking my brain for something romantic to do. But I realized when we were talking on the phone last night, that the important thing is not that we have an incredible evening of romance and splendor, but that we're together. It doesn't matter what we do or whether it's "perfect" in the eyes of other people, but that we're happy, that we're enjoying our time together. The little things that you do, a phone call, a quick email, what have you...those are the things that really matter. Going all out is nice in theory, but it's really not necessary.
  7. I have a couple of questions for you. Why is your boyfriend gone to war for 4 years? Most people I've heard of that are going to war are gone for about 18 months at a time, and they get to come home for a little while, if not for good. Unless his duty station is overseas...then I could understand. And if his duty station is overseas, would you be willing to marry him and move there(I know you can't move to Iraq, I'm saying if his station is in England or Italy or something, you could marry him and move there)? I know how much it can suck to be dating a military guy. Both first hand and second hand. A dear friend of mine just had her b/f leave for Iraq last month, and my boyfriend is currently stationed up north in the middle of nowhere. Contact is more often than yours, but still fairly scarce and sporadic. You already know it's not easy to have him gone so far away and not know when he's coming home. I couldn't have said it better myself when you mentioned how different a military relationship is from your average LDR. Even the most demanding of civilian jobs can't compare to the 24/7 duty call of military personnel. And you also mentioned the process of "getting used to each other again." I've met many girls online who have mentioned this and know of it myself to a certain extent. Before you make any type of decision, you really need to figure out what it is you want. You said you don't want to do film and you don't want to lose your relationship. You and your boyfriend are talking marriage, even with all the difficulties, when you find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you hold onto them with both hands. If you don't want to do film, and you have suspensions about your parent's intentions in not only this but other things as well, don't do it. Sure it's a great opportunity and yeah maybe your friends will be mad, but so what? It's YOUR life, not theirs. If they want to be in the movie so bad, they can try to do it themselves. How long have you and your boyfriend been together and how long has he been gone so far? Four years is a long time, but if you're already talking about marriage, there is a chance the two of you could be together before the 4 years is up depending on where he is stationed. He gets 21 days, right? I can't believe I'm going to write this(and believe me, I'm laughing right now) but he could *try* to plan for a date to take off for the wedding and it *might* work out. I know how the military can be...you know...not very reliable when it comes to giving their word. But it's worth a shot. And even if you can't plan for a big wedding, you could have a small one at the courthouse and plan for a bigger one later when he's out of the military. That way maybe you wouldn't have to wait the entire 4 years for him to get out. Lastly, I'd like to leave you with a reminder, more than any advice I could offer. As I stated earlier, this is your life. You and you alone decide what direction to go, which course to take. Your parents, your friends, even some of the people on this forum may not agree with what you decide, but only you can decide it. Accept that you might make a mistake, that something you decide may not work out. But realize that life is a learning experience, it's not a well-made plan that works out perfectly ever time. If at first you don't succeed, try try again, and all that. Follow your heart, live your life by your standards and any decision you make can't be a wrong one. It may just be a hard lesson learned, but it's a decision that you made for yourself, and those are the most important. I wish you all the best, from one military girlfriend to another.
  8. Just a thought, why can't you start looking for a job now? It will give you a one up for what's available there. And you could even set up interviews for right after you arrive.
  9. I know what you mean. I mean, my relationship was a bit weird as...when we were still in the "3 month" stage, he left for boot camp and so I was basically 6 weeks without much more than a few letters and a 5 minute phone call maybe once every two weeks. When he got to tech school, it was different. He was always calling me and I even yelled at him a few times because I felt like he was going to spoil me with all this contact and then he'd get busy, or worse yet, he'd eventually be deployed and I wouldn't hear from him for days, weeks, or months(I've heard horror stories from other girls with military b/fs). While he isn't deployed yet(and he's currently trying to get out of active duty and go into the Air National Guard so he can come HOME!!!), the calls from tech school became less and less as he got further into it. One time he didn't call me for a week, which wouldn't have been too bad except it was the week before I was to fly out to see him and I had no idea about a plan to meet up once I got there. Even now at his permanent duty station, he calls sporadically. Sometimes I hear from him every night of a week, other times I hear from him maybe once or twice. I wouldn't worry about it too much, he's busy and you are too. Even when my boyfriend does get time to call me, I may not necessarily be home either. It takes a lot to make a relationship over the distance work, and with school being in session for both of you, I can only imagine how hectic it is to keep up with your studies -and- an LDR. It'll be ok, LDRs take a lot of faith and a lot of trust. You really put your heart on the line for them, but in the end, a lot of times, it's worth it.
  10. I was once at odds with my father as well, but the weird thing was it wasn't a girlfriend that came between us, it was my mother. He was so deeply in love/obessed with her that it seemed like none of the three of us kids mattered near as much as her. That, and he wasn't ever really good at expressing his feeling. I was about your age when I finally heard the words "I love you" from him. It sucked. However, it does get better. 7 years later, and my father called me on me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday since I was too miserable(I have the flu) to come down and visit with him. My parents too separated and things were really hard for a while, but they are getting easier now. What is it about your father's girlfriend that you don't like or what makes you think she doesn't like you? It may just be as simple as a fight for his attention and it could be something the three of you could work out. You should call him and try to see him, explain to him how you feel, but also realize that he has to give a little too. I do believe your father loves you, he may just be dealing with more than he wants you to know. Our parents sometimes like to pretend they are a lot stronger than they are for our sake. From my experience, I do believe it will get easier and that you and your father will form a closer bond as you grow older. It sucks right now, but in the end it will be worth it. But you don't have to wait for him to come to you, you can go to him and show him how much you want to see him. I wish you luck and hope you are able to spend the time you desire with your father. Best wishes.
  11. I think that taking a break from each other is healthy. Perhaps she's been so focused on the distance and making it work that she's drained? I, myself, am in a long distance relationship, and I cannot say there are days I don't doubt whether it's worth it or whether my boyfriend is the one for me. I think it's human nature to fear things, to fear things not working out and a fear of getting hurt. The reason I stay with my boyfriend is hard to explain with words. It's a feeling I have, when I hear his voice when he calls after a few days of silence(he's in the military, so silent days happen), the few times we are able to see each other, the moment I see him all my doubts vanish and it's like I fall in love with him all over again. It's different with my boyfriend than it's been in other LDR's I've attempted. I -want- to make it work. But like you said, it's a feeling that is hard to describe, you just know. It's the easiest thing in the world, but it can be the hardest and scariest thing we go through. I hope that this time apart will bring this girl back to you. I do think giving her the time she requests may be the key. Good luck!
  12. Ok, I'm going to respond to skyteph from a woman's point of view. ~Your but is never a factor in a job interview if you are male I was hired by an HR staff of almost all women. In fact, most offices I know of are mostly women on HR... My job before this was a woman, my job before that was a woman... ~Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind if you are male Depends on where you go. And if you don't want to be "robbed blind" don't have long hair. It takes more hair care products and more time to cut longer hair, so, duh, of course you're going to pay more. Dry cleaners can cost men who work in an office just as much as it costs a woman. If you're really annoyed by it, get the at home dry cleaner kit and save. ~Men never get a Period (this is something that we have to live with) This is true, but there are birth control pills out now that can control that. If I were you, I'd be more worried about menopause when it comes than a period. ~Or PMT, PMS (cramps, mood-swings and other period related sight effects) If your period is that painful, there are many different options available to you to help alleviate the pain. I'm on birth control and it's a rarity that I have cramps. ~Men never experience Child birth (and although this is optional, women are born with a need to reproduce) I don't agree with this at all. I do not feel a need or a desire to reproduce. I'm quite happy not having a child and I doubt I'll ever be inclined to have one. If you really want kids, but don't want to go through the pain of childbirth, adopt. Besides, every woman goes through pregnancy different. I have 3 co-workers who either have kids or are currently pregnant. 2 of them had easy pregnancies, one is currently having awful side effects. Depends on the woman. ~All of a mans orgasms are real If you're faking an orgasm, that's your problem, not his. It does you absolutely no good to fake an orgasm, especially if you're in a long term relationship. It's called communication. ~Men don't have to lug a handbag of useful stuff around everywhere you go and worry about your tampons falling out I know women who don't carry purses of any sort. They have tampons now that can fit in your pocket, no problem. ~Men don't have to worry about tampons at all Yes, they do. If they have a girlfriend, wife or daughter, there will be a point that woman will ask them to pick up her tampons. And that can be embarrassing enough in itself. Believe me, I've heard horror stories from male friends. ~Bathroom lines are always 80% shorter for male restrooms Totally not true. Depends on the event. Sure, after a movie, the lines are going to be longer. But at a sporting event, or as in my experience, a magic event, the men have the longer lines. ~Mens last name stays put That's your choice to give up your name. If you want to keep your name, you can. My best friend has retained her maiden name, it's a possibility. ~Men, the garage is all yours Not true, especially for people who don't have garages... ~Women are expected to clean the house Definitely not true, my dad has been cleaning the house, doing the laundry and cooking the food in his house for the last 10 years or more. ~Women are expected to raise the children (sadly this is true) It depends on the person. Times are changing, women are returning to work more often and putting their children in daycare or with a retired relative. ~Men get treated like royalty when they are sick If they do, that's because we treat them like it. So, in that respect, you really only have yourself to blame if your man is treated like royalty when he's sick. My guy takes amazingly good care of me when I'm sick. Just depends on who you are. ~Men can be showered and ready in 10 minutes I can be showered and ready in 10 minutes too. You make the choice to put on make up or do your hair. ~Men never get a reputation about how many times they have sex Ever heard the term "player" It's not exactly appealing to be called that, and if it is appealing to the person being stereotyped...that person should be avoided anyway. Besides, you have more control over who knows about your sex life than you think. ~Women have to take care of all wedding plans Most women prefer to take care of the wedding plans. ~Underwear for men can be as cheap as $10 for a three pack If you don't shop at Victoria's Secrets or anywhere else with fancy underwear, you can get it for cheap too. Though, as I recall, VS had a sale going on where you could get 5 pairs for $10... ~Men don't have to shave below the neck If they are a swimmer, they do. My ex used to have a roommate who shaved his back. ~If you're female, single and in your 40's everyone notices That just sounds overly paranoid and worried about what other people think. If you're happy with yourself, who cares? ~Alot of countries won't let women be president I haven't known many women who are willing to run for president either. ~Men can wear a white shirt to a water park How is this an awesome thing? I don't understand how this makes your life worse. Wear a different color, or wear something under it, problem solved. It's not a big deal, and it hardly classifies as something that makes our lives "worse" ~Middle aged, big gut? No problem if you are male Only if he's married. ~Car mechanics tell the truth to you if you are male Learn more about cars so you don't get duped. Anyone can dupe you on a subject you know little to nothing about if they want to. ~Hotwax never goes near a mans pubic area Totally your choice. Shaving, trimming, and wearing things that actually cover that area are all options. ~Men never have their virginity 'taken away' So, men were born having already had sex? Right.... You'd have sold this more to me if you had said "Men's first times don't usually hurt." Which depends on the girl, but seeing as that is a problem in my life, you would have won my sympathy. ~Men have the same work with more pay Someone showed me an article about this recently. Basically the only reason people say this is because women make less by going parttime because they have kids. Women who don't have children and stay full time in the work force or women who return to full time work after having kids are bridging the numbers gap. ~Most insults like wh_re (etc) can only be used to offend women Not true, and not all women take that as an insult. You choose to be offended by it. But men can be called such names as well, and be offended. ~Gray hair and wrinkles add character to a man Old age can add character to anyone if they age in a good way. And wrinkles and gray hair are a part of life...what about men who go bald, do you think that's fun? ~If you're a man it's OK to marry a girl much younger than you if they have money That doesn't even make sense to me... ~If you're male people never glance at your chest when you're talking to them No, but they can glance at a guy's butt or worse. And if the guy wasn't wearing a shirt, you can bet a girl would be checking out his chest. ~Men can never be too tall I know guys who hate being tall, who wish they had a taller girl because they feel like they tower over the average girl. Height is not always a blessing. ~Men can fart and not be labelled gross by their friends Would you want to crack fart jokes with your girlfriends? Is that appealing to you? Do you like the idea of being able to fart in front of friends and have not a care in the world? I fail to see how this makes your life worse... ~Men are expected to stink if they work out Everyone is expected to stink after they work out. That's what showers in the gym are for. If you have a problem stinking around the opposite sex, find an all female gym in your area. ~Women's clothes cost more Not true once again. It's called sales, it's called coupons. I can't tell you how often I read about another sale at some department store. And guys clothes can cost more depending on the name brand and the style. If it's a suit, it could cost from $200 to $500! Want cheaper clothes? Stop being a walking advertisement by buying namebrands. ~Men can sit with your knees apart no matter what they are wearing Most men can't cross their legs completely knee over knee without being massively uncomfortable. I'd say we're even. ~Men can eat whatever they feel like and not be considered a pig From many of your answers, I'm already wondering why you care so much about what other people think of you. If you are hungry, eat whatever the heck you want. Who cares what someone else thinks about it? It's your body and your life, not theirs. ~Men on average have less body fat then women (less risk of cellulite) Once again, appearance issues fails to make your life worse. Cellulite is also a product of aging. It happens. I just think too many things that have been listed pro women especially, but some pro men things as well, are just based on things that are choices and things that are natural. We can't control them, but we learn to cope with them. It's part of becoming who you are and learning to deal with what nature has given you. Trying to decide whose life is worse is just petty and negative to me. Especially with, as we have seen here, both sides arguments can be torn apart by the opposite party as well as someone playing for the same "team." While this topic was good in theory, I have yet to see any valid evidence over why either side is worse off than the other.
  13. I would agree with the hotel room idea, but not the bed and breakfast. I went to a bed and breakfast once, and I got too much of a community feeling, not really want I wanted for one on one time with the guy I was seeing. But, it might be something you would like, to each his own. You should look into hotels that are like a half hour to an hour from where you are. It'll feel like you're on a "getaway" even if you don't go that far. I've done that before, and it was really worthwhile.
  14. This is mostly true... If we were to open a draft like we had in Vietnam, then no, most likely women would not be included. However, what is going on currently is what some people are referring to as the "back door" draft. Where former army reserves are being called back to active duty. I just read an article about a woman who is trying to get out of her orders by getting pregnant. So, in this "draft," women -are- being called up. And as far as women and men having a better/harder life, I think it depends on each individual, and not a gender in general. Women may have to deal with childbirth, but that woman also has a -choice- as to whether or not she wants a child. Somethings we can't choose, but the ones we can we cannot claim our lives are "harder" than the opposite sex if we chose to make them that way.
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